Chapter 4
CHAPTER FOUR
GRAMERCY
When we finally got his profile up and running, he immediately got hits and waves.
Why is it I’m the only one who gets one odd ball?
Grandpa got fifteen women asking him all kinds of questions.
One even wanted to take him ballroom dancing.
I hope he remembers no outings but, knowing Grandpa, he will find a way around it.
I pull up my own profile and, sadly, it’s still just the one wave, except now there is also a nudge from the guy.
Something about him draws me in. I decide to respond.
My fingers hover over the keys, shaking.
I’m all set to answer, but then my anxiety kicks in and I pull back.
Now I’m acting like my clients. With my luck, the only hit I get is probably Mr. Con Job.
I shelve it for now and work on my blog.
Every Wednesday is what I call “Ask Me Anything Wednesday.” This is where people that follow my blog can submit questions and I will try to give them the best answers.
I’m like the Dear Abby of dating on the internet.
Now, you must be asking yourself, how the hell can this woman give anyone advice?
Trust me when I say, I ask myself that every day.
I’m a widow who hardly goes out on dates.
With every reinvention of myself comes knowledge.
Add to that my wicked people watching skills, and I have an entire database to pull from.
An Ex is an Ex for a Reason
Dear Gramercy,
My ex-boyfriend wants to move back in with me, but only as friends.
He thinks we could save a lot of money. He also wants boyfriend benefits without the commitment.
I never wanted him to be my ex. Do you think if I let him move in that it could bring us back together again or do I have pie in the sky hopes?
Lonely in New York
Dear Lonely in New York,
No woman should ever feel that desperate. If you take him back, you will never be able to move forward. Trying to go backwards doesn’t give you a do over. Ten years from now, you will wake up alone all over again. Kick his ass to the curb and never look back.
Gramercy
When a Picture is Not Worth a Thousand Words
Dear Gramercy,
Let me preface this by saying I always shave a few years off my age.
I don’t look forty-five, so I stick with thirty-nine.
I never thought it was a big deal. I have been chatting with someone on a dating site.
We exchanged pictures, and I liked what I saw.
He said he was in his late thirties, as did I.
We decided to finally meet for drinks. When I got to the bar, I was early, so I decided to have a dirty martini to settle my nerves.
Two drinks in, and my date finally showed up.
He looked a lot younger than the photo, but I thought maybe it was the martinis.
He sat down and ordered a drink. His exact words were, “I’ll have what she’s having, and put it on her tab.
” After my initial shock, the bartender carded him.
Yes, that’s how young he looked. When he pulled out his ID, it was a fake—a really bad fake.
The bartender walked away shaking his head.
At that point, I asked him how old he really was.
His response was, “I’m seventeen, but I learned how to age a photograph. You showed up, so it worked out well.”
My question is: I really enjoyed his company; do you think it’s wrong to want to see him again? I mean, eventually, he’ll be eighteen.
Dear When a Picture is Not Worth a Thousand Words,
Eww disgusting! Get your head out of your ass and act your real age.
Mama Can’t Live Forever.
Dear Gramercy,
I’ve been talking to Bob for weeks online.
We really seem to mesh. We like all the same things.
He is a foodie and I’m a food stylist. We are both in our mid-thirties and never married.
It doesn’t seem like he has much baggage.
He likes to shop thrift stores and I like to go to antique stores.
It all seemed too perfect, so here is where the other shoe drops.
We decided to finally meet. I went all out: got my hair done, had a mani/pedi, and found the perfect little black dress.
Imagine my surprise when he showed up with his mother!
He said he doesn’t like to leave her home alone.
I cut the date short and headed home, but now he wants to go out on a second date.
He’s a nice guy and his mother can’t live forever, what should I do?
Dear Mama Can’t Live Forever,
Guess again; Bob has more baggage than a 747 jetliner. Unless you plan on becoming besties with Mama, it’s time to give Bob the boot.
Today’s questions were crazy, but at least I didn’t need Calliope to help me with them. Now I need to address the elephant that has been lingering in the room all afternoon. The guy. The only guy that gave me a wave and a nudge. When I log in, there’s a message from him.
“What’s it going to take to get you to say hello?”
Are you frigging kidding me? Now he’s getting all snarky with me! No more trembling fingers or doubts. “What’s it going to take for you to show your face?” I type.
I hit enter and in the blink of an eye, he’s gone.
Rather than wait for someone to make contact, I’m going to take my own advice and see if there is anyone that interests me.
First thing is the age. I’m in my forties.
I know I don’t want to be a cougar, so I change it to late thirties, but under sixty, otherwise, it will be too close to Grandpa Jerry’s age, and that is just creepy.
In less than a minute the results begin to load.
..and load...and load. This is crazy! No wonder my clients get overwhelmed when they are on here.
Each hit shows a thumbnail size photo and a hook line.
You know, that one line that makes you pause before hitting delete.
Some are cheesy but funny. Sadly, lonely people are vulnerable.
They want to believe that true love does exist. I agree that everyone should have that happily ever after type of romance.
Like Frank Reagan said, “The world is not fair and doesn’t owe you strings of happiness. ” Grandpa is clearly wearing off on me.