Chapter Eight
Reed
“I don’t fucking know, man. I’m just out here screwing everything up.” I slide the half drank beer bottle back and forth between my hands as I talk to Clint on speakerphone.
“You’re not screwing anything up by finally being honest with yourself.” Clint and I have known each other for the better part of thirty years, and though I know he means well, our situations are very different.
I laugh under my breath and shake my head as though he can see me. “Yeah, well… it worked out for y’all, but I’m not sure I’m going to have the same luck. You and Bella met under different circumstances. I’m supposed to be caring for Nikki, not acting like a perverted old fuck.”
Clint sighs low as though he gets what I’m saying. “She has feelings for you too, right?”
I shake my head and spin the beer cap against the wooden table.
“Think so. Not sure anymore. Maybe she felt obligated because I hold a position of power in her life. Who the hell knows? The whole night is a fucking blur. I thought I was bringing her back here to take care of her. Next thing I know, I’ve got my fuckin’ hands all over her.
” I scrub my hand down over my face with enough pressure that I feel the ache behind my eyes, then let out a groan.
“I don’t know, man. I think I’m going to get going, though.
I need to sleep for ten years. Hopefully, then I’ll be thinking straight again. ”
“Or,” his voice rises, “you could come out to the lumberjack games with Bella and I tonight. Rhett and Pepper are stopping by too. We’re going to watch that log spinning event everyone’s talking about.”
“It’s after eight,” I snarl like the old man I am. “I’m good. It takes thirty minutes to get down there, and by the time I find parking, and… nah, man. Just the thought of it sounds awful.”
“Seriously? It’s a moonlit spin, and it doesn’t start until ten. You have plenty of time to drive down and find parking. Come on. Getting out of the house will feel good. I know you too well for this shit. You’re gonna drive yourself crazy if you sit there stewing on this all night.”
“And yet crazy still sounds better than trying to find parking at the same time everyone else on the mountain is.”
“Come for me. I need a distraction from all the lake house sale stuff. I’m shitting myself, waiting for all this to go through. Plus, you used to love these games. Aren’t you the least bit curious how everything turned out? You used to be one of Rugged Mountain’s best back in the day.”
“And now I’m an old man who wants to be left the hell alone,” I groan, taking another swig of my beer. “Y’all have fun. I’m okay, really. Probably gonna eat this pizza, watch an old football game, and hit the sack.”
There’s silence on the other end of the line for a long moment until I hear his girl whispering in the background. Life has certainly changed since she’s been around. In the past, Clint and I respected each other’s boundaries.
“Hey, Bella, I can hear you.”
“Oh,” she clears her throat, “sorry, Reed. We’re just worried about you. I mean, everyone knows how much a confused heart hurts. I don’t think it’s good for you to be alone right now.”
“I appreciate it, but I’ll figure things out. Just going to take some time.”
“Right,” she says, sounding disappointed.
“Well, you know you’re welcome here anytime.
I’ve got more peppers than I know what to do with.
I was making up kabobs yesterday, and I think today I’m going to make some salsa.
You love salsa, right? In case you forgot, they have great salsa at the lumberjack games too.
Mrs. Robinson makes it from the community garden’s supply and it’s fantastic! ”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” I say, standing from the table. “You guys have fun tonight. I appreciate the offer.”
“If you change your mind,” Clint groans, “let me know.”
“I won’t change my mind,” I say, grabbing the phone up from the table before I walk away. “You guys have fun.”
“Stubborn,” he groans. “Take it easy.”
“You too,” I offer before finally hanging up the line. I’m not sure what I expected by calling him. Maybe I just needed to get the truth off my chest. Maybe I needed what happened tonight to be real, and it wasn’t until I told someone else.
I know I wasn’t expecting an invite out to the games. I should be thankful I have people in my life that give a shit, most people would be, but there’s no way in hell I’m leaving this house tonight.
I grab a slice of cold pizza off the oven top and carry it to the reclining chair on the other side of the room, letting my weight sink into the plush fabric.
This is the second night I’ve spent up here in the finished cabin.
The first, I was just too tired to make the drive back into town after working all day and the floors weren’t in yet.
Tonight, the real first night, would’ve been poetic if Nikki had stayed.
Right now, I’d be holding her prisoner in bed while I kissed every inch of her.
Pushing that fantasy thought away, I bite into the pizza, crumbs falling onto my lap. Usually, I’ll eat anything, but this shit is terrible. I don’t know if it got freezer-burnt or what, but it doesn’t taste anything like it did the last time I had it.
I toss the rest onto the table beside the chair and reach for my beer, but I left it on the kitchen counter. A fresh bottle of whiskey is there, too. I should make the trip back to the kitchen for that. I need something to get my head out of my ass, and hard liquor usually does the trick.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
Why can’t I stop thinking about the way she tasted? The way she smelled? The way her thighs squeezed my face and shook?
Why can’t I stop thinking about the sounds she made, or the way my tongue felt against her swollen clit?
The way it felt when she called out for Daddy?
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I drag in a deep breath and force myself to think of anything but her.
I need to paint the boathouse. I need to fix the fucking hole I just cracked in the wall here.
I need to work on the back fence before winter.
I need to build out the shed to make sure it’s big enough for my snowplow.
There are a million things I need to get done, but every task brings me back to my kitten.
What is she doing right now? Is she reading a book? Baking? She always bakes when she’s stressed. Or is she tucked in bed, touching herself to the memory of what happened tonight?
Fuck! My cock rises at the thought. I brush my hand over my stiffness and shift in the chair, willing the pressure to go away, but that only forces more engorgement, and soon my hand is wrapped around my dick, pumping wildly as I think about my little kitten.
Her big, round tits. The way her nipples poked into my chest.
Her thick, lush thighs. The way they squeezed the sides of my face.
Her soft, aching voice. The way it cried out for me.
Fuck!
I jerk harder and faster, pumping as I imagine pinning her down on the bed and sinking into her tight, little virgin hole. God, I bet she’s tight. Tight, soft, and so fucking wet.
Jesus Christ.
My fucking head goes light at the thought of it.
The way she’d scream, squirm, moan. The way I’d take her perfect little body and make it mine.
How soft she’d feel. How wide I’d stretch her. How perfectly I’d shape her. How deep I’d fill her up.
I jerk faster, then slower for a moment to let tension build before I speed up again, thoughts of Nikki’s full tits bouncing as she rides my cock filling my brain. The way she’d bounce. The way her long hair would hang down and thread over her shoulders. The way I’d make her look me in the eye.
Fuck.
A moment later, ribbons of hot come spill onto my hand, and the guilt sinks in.
I’m a pathetic fuck.
The exact type of asshole she should stay away from.
A forty-five-year-old man lusting after a twenty-two-year-old woman.
I’m disgusting.
I drag in a deep breath and let it out slowly as I try to scrub the thoughts from my head, but it’s pointless.
This is who I am now. An asshole who can’t stop thinking about the one woman on Earth he shouldn’t be thinking about.
An asshole who really should get up and find something better to do with his time than lament on a relationship he can’t have, on a body he can’t touch.
Maybe I will go to those games tonight. There will be so much shit going on that there won’t be room to think about Nikki. I’ll be so pissed about the parking, and the people, and the fucking noise, that my kitten will be the furthest thing from my mind.