41. Sam
41
Sam
M y hands were over my eyes, the flash having whited out my vision for a moment. Before they had a chance to clear, I was being pulled out of Nate’s arms, and swept off my feet.
“Thank fuck,” Zeke was murmuring, kissing whatever part of me he could reach. “Thank fuck you’re okay. I never want you that close to her again. Never ever.”
I blinked my eyes open. Huh, that was strange. Why did the house look so small?
My brain caught up and I shrieked, practically climbing Zeke. “Oh shit!”
“What? What’s wrong?”
“We’re in the air,” I yelled, clinging to his body like a koala bear. “Fucking hell, Zeke.”
“Whoops.” He chuckled, his massive wings beating as he changed course to lower us. “You were out of it the other times I’ve taken you up. I’m guessing you’re not good with heights?”
“No,” I said, burying my face in his neck as he took us down. “Please don’t drop me.”
“Never,” he vowed, touching down safely. “I’d never let you get hurt.”
“I know.” I looked at him. Traces of his rage still lingered in the bond. “You would’ve fought for me.”
“Yes.”
“I’m glad you didn’t,” I whispered, leaning my head against his. “I’m so fucking relieved it didn’t come to that. See? Words are better than violence.”
“Actually, I think it’s the amount of violence that put Gloria off.” I was getting better at distinguishing between the twins already. The slightly gleeful voice from behind me was definitely Theo. “Shame we didn’t get to show her what we’re made of, but there’s always next time.”
“Thank you,” Zeke said over my head. “Both of you. You really went above and beyond for Sam.”
“You’re welcome,” Theo said, ruffling my hair. “We’ve got Sam’s back any time.”
Before I could give my thanks too, Zeke was flicking Theo’s nose. Hard. “Hands off. Just because you took care of him doesn’t mean you can touch him.”
“Spoilsport,” Theo muttered, but he dropped his hand. “Seriously though, you’re one of us now, Sam.”
Nate came up beside his twin, flinging his arm over his shoulders. “And you’re too good at Lego for us to let you die. None of us are going to be able to finish that Rivendell set if you pop your clogs.”
I laughed drily. “Always good to know where your priorities are.”
Zeke set me on my feet but didn’t let me go far, tucking me under his arm. I had a feeling it’d be a while before he’d let me out of his reach.
After today, that suited me perfectly. My brain had been behaving remarkably well, but that was often the case in an actual life-threatening situation. My OCD thrived in times when nothing was actually wrong.
Ironic, really.
The overwhelm was coming though. I could feel it fraying at my edges. With the adrenaline wearing off, everything was a little brighter. A little louder.
With Zeke’s comforting presence at my side and his bond in my chest, it was easier to weather. So long as he kept holding me, I’d be okay.
The soldiers who’d accompanied Gloria had vanished now. Thank fuck. I gave a small shiver as I thought about what could’ve happened. The Seraphim might’ve been confident that they’d win any battle, but I didn’t want them to have to fight. Especially not for me.
The angels were grouped in pairs and threes, talking in quiet and fervent whispers. Nox had both his arms draped around Micah’s neck while they spoke to Dahlia. This must’ve been hard for them. From what I’d learned, the last time they’d seen Gloria they’d almost died.
Being confronted by her once again couldn’t have been easy.
Noah broke away from the conversation he’d been having with Benji, his long purple hair flowing like a cape as he turned. He froze mid-step, all his focus on one of the demons.
Jeremiah.
I hadn’t fully understood why Nox had believed Jeremiah might have a mate within the Seraphim, but seeing how they were staring at each other…
Yeah. I wasn’t going to question it. Even as a human, I could see their connection.
I couldn’t look away as Noah took a step towards Jeremiah. I knew I should have. This was far too intimate for me to be witnessing. But I couldn’t stop myself. It was like watching a car crash unfold. You knew disaster was coming, but were powerless to stop it.
I saw the exact moment Jeremiah stepped backwards, shaking his head. The silent sorry he mouthed at Noah.
The heartbreak on Noah’s face as Jeremiah took to the skies, not looking back even a single time.
How Noah tracked him until he was no more than a speck on the horizon, his hands bunched into fists at his sides.
Rami moved before I could, pulling Noah into a tight hug. Nox came to join them, scowling in the direction Jeremiah had gone. The other demons exchanged dark looks, clearly full of opinions about the behaviour of their friend.
Zeke led us over to them and cleared his throat. “I’m sorry.”
“Why are you apologising?” Noah’s voice shook a little as he pulled out of Rami’s hug and faced us. “You’re not the one who looked at me and thought nah .”
“It’s not like that,” Nox said quickly. “It’s not personal, anyway. Jeremiah…he’s fucked up. Just like the rest of us. If you gave him a chance?—”
“No.” Noah cut him off coldly. “I’ve spent far too long chasing after one man who didn’t want me. There’s no fucking way I’m doing it again.”
With that, he spun on his heel and stormed off towards the house. After giving Nox a quick kiss, Micah jogged after him.
“Micah was right,” Nox said with a sigh. “Fucking spanner in the works.”
“Sorry,” Dahlia said. “We didn’t know his mate was here.”
“It’s okay. I’m glad you came,” Nox said, gripping her shoulder tightly.
“We all are,” Zeke added. He extended the arm not wrapped around me to the demon. “Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I’ll never forget what you did here today.”
Dahlia eyed Zeke’s hand in disbelief for a long moment before finally shaking it. My mate didn’t stop there, insisting on shaking the hands of each of the demons individually.
‘ Don’t let him touch you now. Think of the germs on his hands. ’
Ah, there it was.
Zeke tensed, no doubt feeling my anxiety pitch up. “Excuse us.”
He led me away, far enough so that even supe ears wouldn’t be able to hear. “How are you doing?”
“Okay,” I said, tapping my fingers together. “Not brilliant, but that’s to be expected.”
“It is. It’s okay to find some moments harder than others. I’m here for all of them, regardless of what’s going on.”
“I know. ” I kissed him. The urge to ask him to wash his hands was clawing at me, but I refused to give into it. Zeke had been so strong today. He’d pulled back his temper at the hardest possible moment and kept control of it, for me.
Maybe I could do something for me too. Something that was long overdue.
“I might look into therapy,” I said suddenly, surprising even myself. “I think it’s time to give it another go.”
If Zeke was shocked, there was no sign of it. “I’m a huge fan of you doing anything that’ll make you happier and healthier. Do you know what kind of therapy would be best?”
“ERP,” I said slowly. “It stands for exposure and response prevention. It’s not available to me on the NHS, but if I saw someone privately…”
“We can do that.” Zeke’s chest rumbled. “You don’t need to worry about money anymore, Sam. I have so much I could hire someone to live in.”
“Let’s not go that far,” I said in alarm. “And I don’t need you to pay for me. I have some savings.”
“I know I don’t, but I want to.” Zeke rolled his eyes. “What’s mine is yours now, Sam. Do you want me to help you research therapists?”
‘ What’s the point? If you talk to a therapist about all this supe stuff, you’ll be institutionalised. ’
I groaned, dropping my head against Zeke’s chest. “Fuck. It’s not going to work.”
“Why not?”
I gestured back at the angels and demons gathered on the lawn. White wings mingled with black, countless weapons on display. “How on earth would I be able to open up about all of this without a doctor thinking I’m hallucinating?”
Zeke winced. “That’s a good point. Don’t worry though, I’m sure supe therapists exist. Benji would probably know who we can speak to to find out.”
Benji. That reminded me that I hadn’t spoken to him since the day he’d compelled me, not properly at least. “I’ll ask him. Think you can let go of me for a few minutes?”
“I suppose.” Zeke sighed dramatically as he removed his arm. “I’ll go and wash my hands while you’re doing it, because I know it’s killing you.”
I sagged in relief. “Thank you.”
He called Benji over, waiting until he was on his way before leaving me to return to the house.
“I don’t know what he thinks will happen if I’m not within six feet of one of you for thirty seconds,” I muttered as Benji joined me.
“It’ll probably be a while before he stops worrying.”
“That’s okay.” I watched Zeke look back over his shoulder, smiling reassuringly at him before he disappeared indoors. “I don’t mind.”
“You truly like it? That level of protectiveness?”
I turned to see Benji eyeing me intensely.
“I do. It shows he loves and cares about me. To be honest, I haven’t seen much love in my life, so I’ll take everything Zeke can throw at me.”
Benji’s brow furrowed as he stared into the trees, his mind somewhere else.
“Why?” I couldn’t stop myself asking.
Benji cleared his throat, shifting on his feet. “Because Zeke’s obsession is a fraction of what I’m capable of. I don’t know if I’d be able to hold myself back with my mate.”
I touched his arm lightly. “Then don’t.”
“What if I suffocate them?” Benji didn’t attempt to hide his fear. “What if my kind of love is too much?”
My chest ached. I understood exactly where he was coming from. “If he’s your fated mate, isn’t he supposed to be your other half? Aren’t you meant to be designed for each other?”
Benji nodded slowly.
“Then I don’t think you need to worry,” I said simply. “Maybe your mate needs your kind of love, just as I need Zeke’s. Just…be upfront with him. Don’t try to hide or change yourself, Benji. You deserve to be loved, exactly as you are.”
Benji’s eyes were bright as they met mine. “Thank you. That means a lot.”
“Don’t thank me.” My gaze snapped to my mate, who was striding back towards us. “Zeke’s the one who taught me that about myself. Figured the least I can do is make sure you know it too.”
As important as this conversation was, it wasn’t why I’d wanted to speak to Benji. Wanting to do this before Zeke got back had me speaking fast. “Benji, I truly don’t blame you for compelling me. In fact, I want to thank you.”
Benji’s eyes went wide. “What?”
“Thank you,” I said. “None of them fully understand what it’s like to have a brain that works differently, but you do. You knew it was easier to compel me than to let me fight that battle alone. I know it didn’t work how you wanted it to, but I’m glad you tried. I don’t blame you, Benji, so please stop blaming yourself.”
Benji exhaled, his spine straightening like a weight had been lifted. “Thanks, Sam. I think we’re going to be good friends.”
I grinned at him. “I’d like that.”
S omething I hadn’t considered when agreeing to move in with Zeke was how to transport my Lego.
“I might have to break them down,” I said mournfully. I was sat on the floor of my former living room, staring at the many sets around the room. “They took me ages to build.”
“It does suck, but it’s not like you’re on a time limit,” Zeke said, taping up another box. “You’re going to live for many more millennia if I get my way. Plenty of time for Lego building.”
Two weeks had passed since that day with Gloria. A fortnight full of sex, peace, and laughter. Living with the Seraphim was so far removed from what I’d experienced with previous housemates. They took my needs into consideration before I’d even realised what was happening.
The harsh lighting in the kitchen had been switched out for lower wattage bulbs. Antibacterial soap had appeared at every sink. The push lid bin had been replaced with a foot pedal one.
Zeke especially was taking care of me. Everything from making sure my meds were stocked, carrying a set of Loops, to being ready with a duvet, Zeke was there.
They were little things, but they meant the fucking world to me. I didn’t expect anyone to live according to the rules that my OCD arbitrarily laid out, but the idea that they were going out of their way to make me feel comfortable? To try and minimise my triggers so it was one less thing to deal with?
That was everything.
I grumbled, getting to my feet. Zeke was right, but I’d built most of them during a period of hyperfixation. Who knew when that would come around again?
Dr. Tyler’s kind but firm words floated through my mind.
“ Remember, nothing is set or finite, regardless of what your brain tells you. OCD thrives on ‘ what ifs. ’ You need to starve it by embracing uncertainty. ”
I’d had four Zoom appointments with my new therapist. As Zeke had suspected, Benji had known exactly who to put me in touch with. Dr Tyler was based in Southampton. Even better, one of his specialisms was ERP.
The great news was that, as a vampire, there was nothing about my life that threw him for a loop. I could be open with him about everything.
The bad news was that I’d forgotten how damned hard it was to deal with my OCD, rather than giving in to it all the time. The things the angels had been doing for me to avoid my triggers were fine for now, but Dr. Tyler had already warned me that it wouldn’t help in the long run.
What was most important though was that I wouldn’t be going through it alone. With his help, I’d be able to tackle my triggers one by one, learning new tools to manage my brain. Zeke and the others were fully on board, my mate going so far as to sit in on my last session so he could ask questions.
It would take time, but there was hope. My OCD would never go away, but I could make it more manageable.
And time was the one thing I wasn’t short on. Not anymore.
“We’re here,” Theo announced, kicking open my front door. Nate was right behind him, both their arms loaded high with boxes.
I approached them, peering curiously at their load. Through the clear plastic, I could see they were filled with foam cutouts.
“It’s for your Lego,” Nate explained, putting his tower on the sofa. “We snuck over here last week and took photos and measurements of all your sets.”
“Once we had those, Nate got to work on his 3D printer,” Theo added, putting his on the floor. “Now we can move all your sets without worrying about them getting damaged.”
My throat was so tight I couldn’t speak. Zeke wrapped an arm around me, reading the emotion that was surely flooding the bond. “Thank you. He appreciates it.”
I nodded rapidly, a tear falling as I did so.
“Don’t cry,” Theo said, his eyes shooting wide in alarm. “I don’t know what to do with tears!”
“These are happy tears,” I croaked. “I can’t believe you did this for me.”
Nate rolled his eyes as Theo beamed. “Course we did. You’re ours now, Sam.”
“No,” Zeke corrected them grumpily. “He’s mine.”
Theo opened his mouth to argue, but we were saved by the front door opening. The rest of the Seraphim poured in, arms laden with packing supplies. Each of them greeted me as they passed, going straight to work.
I’d tried to insist this morning that we didn’t need this much help, but they’d laughed at me. That answered that.
I wasn’t going to complain. For the first time in my life, I was happy. I was surrounded by people who accepted me for exactly who I was. I didn’t need to mask. I didn’t need to worry that I was being too much.
It was everything I’d never dared wish for for myself.
Most of all, I was loved by Zeke. My Zeke, who’d opened up a chat box and changed my entire world. Every morning I woke up in his arms, and every evening I silently thanked God, or fate—whoever it was—for blessing me with him.
“What are you thinking about?” Zeke asked, an amused tilt to his lips.
I turned to him, cupping his face in my hands. “I’m thinking that I’m a lucky fucking guy.”
“Nah. Think you’ll find that’s me.”
Rami shouted from the kitchen, “Stop being so disgusting, it’s not fair on the rest of us.”
Theo was quick to retort. “Nah, take it further! Get your clothes off.”
Zeke closed his eyes with a groan. “Any chance I can work this one out with fists instead of words?”
“No,” I laughed. “Nice try though.”
There’d been a few hiccups over the past two weeks, but I’d accepted that that was going to happen. Supes with big powers and even bigger egos had their own ways of resolving things. Things involving blood and often temporary death.
That didn’t stop me from dragging the perpetrators out for laps around the grounds. I could be spotted on many an afternoon, walking briskly with an angel or Nox trailing behind me.
It was doing wonders for my cardio, making it easier to keep up with Zeke in bed. All in all, it was a win-win.
“I’m just so happy,” I said quietly, looking around the small living room I’d once called home. “I thought I was relatively happy before I met you, but I was just surviving.”
“And now?”
“Now I’m living.” I beamed at him, so fucking thankful for everything. “I’m living, and excited for what tomorrow brings. For all the tomorrows.”
“Me too,” he whispered. “All the tomorrows. Together.”