64. CHAPTER 59
SAYLOR
Reese doesn’t try to talk at first. She sits in the chair beside my bed with her legs tucked under, tapping her fingers on her knee. I don’t know her well, other than in passing at Raven events, but I’ve always liked her.
“You don’t have to stay,” I tell her. “I know your family needs you right now.”
“My family is fine.” She looks at me. “My husband needs to clear his head and get some fucking sleep. I’ll let him take it out on his brother. Given what I know about Axl, I’m guessing you understand.”
I laugh, and it pulls at my stitches, but I don’t care. “Axl just about snapped the neck of my nurse over a bandage change. So yeah, I get it.”
“You don’t even want to know Tate’s body count.” She shakes her head, but there’s a tenderness when she talks about her husband. “These men are something else, but they love hard too.”
I stare at her, and she gives me a sympathetic smile. It confirms what I suspected—she knows something about what happened to me. I refuse to be ashamed about what my asshole brother did, but I don’t want the entirety of the Ravens to know either.
“Does everyone know?” I ask. Axl told me that he’d spoken to Dane about it.
He felt bad that he’d told anyone without talking to me.
But given the nature of their work, it makes sense that they needed to know.
I spoke to Kynlee about it last night when Kase brought her to visit me.
She and I cried together. She wants to get drunk and burn things when I’m out of here. I can’t fucking wait.
“No. Just the Sinclairs, and no one will ever tell another soul.” She picks at a thread on the arm of the chair. “When you’re ready and away from all of this, I’m available to talk if you need someone who . . . understands.”
My eyes burn and I nod. I can only assume that she has her own experiences. “Thank you, Reese. I’d really like that.”
She gives me a small smile and opens her mouth to say something else, but the door swings open and whatever she was going to say dies.
My mother stands in the doorway.
Her blonde hair is perfectly styled and pinned back.
She’s decked out in expensive jewelry, but I notice her wedding ring isn’t on.
Her makeup is flawless, and she’s wearing a tight red dress with cap sleeves.
Her husband and son are dead. Her daughter has been raped, lost a baby, and almost died.
But she looks like she’s about to walk a fucking runway.
She didn’t even have the decency to wear fucking black.
Fuck her.
She scans the room, notices Reese in the chair, and her eyes settle on me.
“Saylor.” She sets her purse on the counter by the door. “I should have brought my stylist with me. You look terrible, dear.”
“Nice to see you too, Mom.” I don’t sit up for her. “Sorry I didn’t have time to get my hair done between being stitched up and finding out my father and brother are dead.”
I’m not going to tell her anything about what I’ve been through or my role in Justin’s death. It’s not like she gives a shit anyway.
My mom doesn’t flinch. She pulls her purse off the counter and turns to Reese like she just noticed her. “I’m sorry, I don’t think we’ve formally met, but I knew your father well. Reese Donaldson, right?”
“Reese Sinclair.” Reese corrects her and holds up her hand, showing the huge rock of a wedding ring.
Jessica’s smile doesn’t waver. “Of course. I forgot how quickly you girls snatched up those Sinclair men.” She looks at the ring with an expression that’s more appraisal than admiration.
“Your father would have been proud. He always did appreciate the finer things. It’s such a tragedy he went missing.
He would have been a wonderful buyer for a wife at auction. ”
Reese’s hand drops to her lap, and her expression goes flat. I watch her draw a deep breath, her knuckles turning white where she’s gripping the arm of the chair. I have to imagine that has something to do with things from Reese’s past.
“Mom.” I snap at her. “Did you come here for a reason?”
Jessica turns back to me and smooths her dress. “I came to check on my daughter. Is that a crime?”
That can’t be true. If she gave a shit, she would have been here before now.
Reese goes to stand, but I motion for her to stay. “Please. I enjoy your company.”
“Of course. I promised Axl I’d sit with you until he returns.” She settles back into the chair.
Jessica glances at Reese and then back at me. Her smile thins. “Well, isn’t that sweet.”
Her heels click on the floor as she moves to stand at the end of my bed.
“I suppose we should discuss your situation.” She looks at me the way she always has—like I’m a problem she’s been waiting to solve.
“With your father and brother both gone, you don’t have a male family head, Saylor.
I think some cousin of your father’s is the heir now. Do you understand what that means?”
“I know how the fucking Ravens work, Mom.”
“Do you?” She raises an eyebrow. “Because from where I’m sitting, you’ve gotten comfortable playing the part of a whore, and I thought I raised you to know what was expected so you could do better.”
Reese is still in the chair beside me, watching us.
My hands curl into the blanket over my legs. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me.” My mother waves her manicured hand. “You could be married to a high-ranking Raven right now, but you’re still hung up on sex with some boy.”
“That boy, as you call him, and his friends are the reason I’m fucking alive, Mother.”
“And I’m grateful for that.” She doesn’t sound fucking grateful.
“But would that have been necessary if you had listened to your mother? Would your father and brother still be alive if you hadn’t thought it would be cute and fun to fuck one of these Talons?
Do you know the level of husband I could have gotten to bid on you at auction? ”
“Fuck you, Mom.” My voice is low, and my hands shake under the blanket.
“I can see you’re a lost cause.” She sighs as she pretends to examine her nails.
“As it stands, I’m now a widow. Which means I’ll be going to auction myself.
” The corner of her mouth tips up. “I always knew I could have done better than David if my father knew how to work the auction. This is my opportunity to elevate this family, and Mommy is about to show you how it’s done. ”
She says it like my father’s death just opened her up for a fucking promotion.
“Get out.” I’m sitting up now, and I don’t care that my side is screaming at me. “Get the fuck out of my room.”
“Don’t be dramatic, Saylor.” She drops her hand and looks at me like I’m throwing a tantrum. “I’m trying to help you understand—”
“Understand what?” My voice is rising, and I can’t stop it. “That my father is dead and you’re already planning whose life you’re going to make miserable next? Have fun with that, Mom. I don’t give a shit.”
Jessica’s jaw tightens. “I had to plan. I had to look perfect and flirt with men and make sure that if we found ourselves in this situation, I could pull an even higher-ranking husband. Everything I’ve ever done has been for this family—”
“You haven’t done a goddamn thing for this family! You’ve done things for yourself, and the rest of us have always just been in your way!”
She brings her hand to her chest as if she has the audacity to be offended. “Saylor—”
“Get OUT! Get the fuck out!”
The door opens behind her, and Axl fills the doorframe. His eyes move from me to my mother, his eyebrows pinched together.
“What the fuck is going on here?” His voice is calm, but his eyes aren’t. He crosses the room to me and positions himself between me and my mother.
“Axl, this is a family matter—”
“I’m her fucking family, and she just told you to leave.” He points to the door. “So you’d better leave on your own. Or I’ll make you do it.”
My mother stares at him. For the first time since she walked into this room, she doesn’t seem to know what to say.
“Fine.” She picks up her purse and straightens her dress like none of this bothers her. “When you’re ready to play the game and need your mother, you know where to find me.”
She walks out without looking back. Her heels click down the hallway, and I release a relieved sigh as the sound fades.
Axl turns to me. His hands are fists at his sides. “What the fuck did she say to you?”
“Nothing that matters.” My hands are still shaking from how I wanted to slap the shit out of her. “She’s nothing, Axl.”
He sits on the edge of the bed and pulls me against his chest. I press my face into his shirt, and his arms close around me as I breathe him in. I don’t cry. I’d have to give enough of a shit about her to cry.
Reese stands quietly and squeezes my shoulder. “I’d better go find my husband. I’ll make sure you get my number so we can talk some more.”
The door clicks shut behind Reese. Axl’s hand moves to the back of my head, and he holds me against his chest. I can feel his heart racing from how pissed he is at my mother.
My mother is wrong about me. She’s wrong about Axl. She’s wrong about everything she thinks she knows about me—what I’m worth and what I should want.
And she’s fucking wrong about this being my fault. I didn’t ask to be born into this secret society or for my father to traffic women or for my brother to rape me. She has no fucking idea the shit I’ve been through, and I know I’m much fucking stronger than her.
Axl’s arms tighten around me. “Whatever she said, it’s bullshit.”
I press closer to him and close my eyes. “I love you.”
And loving this man makes me even fucking stronger.