Chapter 9
Thorn
“You’re a fucking moron and you deserve this,” my dragon said in my mind for the hundredth time as I stared at the ceiling of my hotel room.
I handled it badly, but I’m not wrong.
“You are. You’re letting your pride blind you. Your rage at the past and—we should be better than a title and not hurt our mate over—”
She’s not our mate.
“She should be!”
I growled and shot to my feet. It was beyond ridiculous that my dragon already wanted Sagan as our mate. He wasn’t listening to me that no sane man would want to share their mate, but in a shocking turn of events, he didn’t care.
I didn’t believe him though and he would in the end. Then I’d have my heart invested and it would be a disaster because he wouldn’t accept the relationship I wanted as a man.
“You’re stupid. It’s better to not be with her and let many men near her to hurt her? Have her? Have them in her bed that should be our place and—”
Just thinking of it made me chuff and grab my wallet to leave the hotel room and do…
Anything else until I could get back into the castle and have a chance to talk to Sagan.
I wouldn’t ever want to be a prince, but I couldn’t stand I’d hurt her.
I was stupid and my head had hurt from after the potion.
I’d been all over after waking with her in my arms and how much I’d loved it—how right it had felt and how much that had scared me.
I’d fucked up.
I’d more than fucked up and I hated what I’d done.
That broken, distant look in her eyes would haunt me, and then when she snapped out of it and the coldness she showed everyone else—the emotional armor she wore for everyone else came back into place and I lost getting to see the real Sagan…
It was like losing warmth I didn’t know was possible.
But no matter how harsh it came out, it was what I felt. I didn’t want to be one of her mates when I was meant to be Alpha. It would be different if things were different and… If things were different. If my uncle wasn’t horrible for the area I loved so much. If he wasn’t a blight on Starhaven.
If I would be her only mate and I knew someone else would take care of Starhaven instead. That would be different.
“You’re selfish and don’t deserve her if you feel that way when she never asked for any of this and don’t care about what she suffers,” my dragon reamed me.
And he probably wasn’t wrong.
I just didn’t think I was either for feeling the way I did.
I almost ignored the email that came through, but when I saw it was from Sagan’s new royal account, I was stupidly filled with hope.
thank you for helping with the situation with the Alpha Heir and going on the record with Alpha Vex. It was appreciated. We will speak soon.
-Queen Sagan
I frowned and read it three times. Sagan was impeccable. Always.
She would never have started a correspondence with a lowercase letter. Never.
And there was a weird space before it. Almost like something was missing?
I didn’t even start to think about what the message contained.
It wasn’t true and I hadn’t spoken to Vex.
I didn’t care that she put that in writing.
It was probably cover for why I’d come to the castle early or maybe a paper trail in case someone asked?
Whatever. It was fine.
But something was clearly off. I was about to respond and ask to talk to her when a call came in.
I ground my teeth when I saw it was my uncle. “Yes, Alpha.”
“How are things at the castle?” he asked, the smugness in his voice always there when I referred to him that way.
Which he fucking required.
“I’m not there,” I answered honestly. There was no point to hide it, and if he learned later that I had, it would be a serious problem.
“What? Why? Did you mess up your interview or—”
“My interview isn’t for two weeks,” I reminded him.
“First, I’ve warned you about interrupting me,” he bit out. “And yes, of course. I forgot you were called there for something you couldn’t tell me about.” He snorted softly… But he wasn’t annoyed. More amused.
We’re missing something. He knows something. What?
“Why aren’t you at the castle? There’s no reason you shouldn’t be there until your interview when you helped the prince—queen.”
I sighed. There was no world where I was going to tell him the truth and I hated to play games but knew it was needed.
“And how well does that go over? I can more than afford to stay in a hotel until my interview and look better to her and those around her closing ranks after too many have taken advantage of her and the royal family.”
He was quiet a few moments. “You’re smarter than I give you credit for.”
It was my turn to snort. I knew it wasn’t a compliment and he enjoyed mocking me that I couldn’t take my rightful place back from him like he’d won some big fight over me.
I’d been a fucking child—a child of his brother that he’d fucked over.
He should be ashamed, never conceited.
“Keep being smart, Thorn,” he warned. “I don’t need to tell you how important this is to our family.”
I lost my temper then, chuffing and barely keeping myself from crushing my phone.
“What family, Alpha? We haven’t been family in a long time, and don’t even try to play it off asking why or that I’m the reason.
You know what you’ve done and how wrong it is.
You know that Father will peel your skin off of you when you see him again and—”
“Shut your fucking mouth and do as you’re told, boy,” he snarled.
“I did what was needed and you should thank me. You weren’t ready and you’re still not.
Throwing fits like a toddler always and bitching what’s owed you.
Nothing is owed us in life. I never bitched I was second born or missed out. It was what happened.
“This is what happened to you. Now I’m allowing you to become prince and serve our queen instead of being kicked out like my Betas want because you’re a threat.
So seduce the damn queen and make her your mate to benefit our family and Starhaven or I’ll listen to them and toss you out of my area.
Then you’re really fucked, you whiny little shit. Do you understand?”
“Yeah, I understand,” I bit out, glad I had started the recording like always. I did for my own sanity even if it never went anywhere and the king had never listened to me, but… Maybe now there was hope?
“Oh yeah, she’s going to help you with anything after how you treated her, moron,” my dragon drawled.
Fine, he was right, but I could fix it. She seemed to truly care, and if nothing else, she seemed to be willing to get to the truth of what happened with King Rhys.
That was something at least.
My uncle gave me some “advice” about how to get Sagan into bed and what to do to pressure a woman. Not seduce them, but pressure them.
And I was very, very glad I had it recorded that most of the tricks worked well for him… Including using the illegal drug I had last night so our pheromones influenced a single dragon.
Which meant I needed to warn Benson and others around Sagan that others might have the same plan.
After I threw up my guts for doing the same thing my uncle had. I was trash. I was absolute trash.
“It’s not the same. You were justified—it’s understandable after she was drugged being with you,” my dragon comforted. “She even thanked you for giving her the answers. It was everything else you did, you idiot. You’re not your uncle. Do better and be better for her.”
She’s not our mate. I don’t want to be with her and that life.
“Only part of that is true and you know it,” he snapped and demanded we go fly.
I was a jackass and didn’t go fly like he wanted. I was annoyed he wasn’t more understanding of what I was going through. He should always be on my side. I agreed that I was an asshole to Sagan and should have handled it all better.
But we should always be on the same page on who we wanted to mate and was best for our life, not just who he wanted on instinct. Or something so fucking stupid as scent. We were better than that.
Fool.
That was how fools ended up in matings they were miserable in years later and then took more mates and their lives were horrid. This one had lovers and—that wouldn’t be my life. Ever.
However, I did want to fix how things went with Sagan. She didn’t deserve how I treated her. She’d done nothing wrong and… She was drowning and I knew that feeling too well. I saw her as a woman and hadn’t behaved how I should.
Multiple times even.
I internally winced realizing that.
There’s no reason we can’t have a sexual relationship we both enjoy while I’m at the castle for this competition. I can help her keep the assholes—I can be of use even if I can’t be her mate. She’s smart enough to understand that and clearly we have a connection.
I shivered thinking about how amazing the sex had been. Then I snorted because she was right and I did want to experience it when neither of us was drugged.
How many people could say that?
I was out of my room before I realized it and was glad when the concierge was a woman. I asked her what the best lingerie store was in the capital and tried not to roll my eyes when she took it as my hitting on her.
I slapped on my best smile. “Sorry, I wasn’t clear, but I want to pick up some items for my lover while I’m at the capital. I owe her some replacements, and I thought a woman as put together as you are would know the perfect place.”
I was glad the compliment took the sting out of my rejection and she named two places for me.
She even confirmed they were the right places when I pulled them up on my phone.
I slipped her a twenty and decided to walk even if it was a bit hot.
I never really got a chance to enjoy the capital with… Everything.
Life?