Chapter Fourteen
The doctor in the fancy white coat had come out of surgery to stare at me a little too hard for my liking. His dark face had screwed up in concern, as though I hadn’t been listening to a word he said and honestly, I hadn’t. I didn’t give a fuck about anything he said beyond a single sentence.
He had come out to the private room I waited in, with far too many people around me in various states of shock, confusion, and distress.
“Mr Montana?” He had said, with his fancy English accent as he’d pushed his big black-framed glasses up his nose a bit.
My voice had been rough as I’d replied, “Yeah?”
“Your daughter flatlined on the table and we couldn’t get a pulse. CPR was administered, but she didn’t respond to it, and she was declared legally dead.”
The world had turned even darker than it had been before and there was a single moment of sheer terror and silence – not even breathing – from everything single bastard present.
I’d felt Ruby grab my hand, squeezing it hard enough to break. I hadn’t given a shit that a woman was touching me. Not in the slightest.
I’d felt Aiden put his hand on my shoulder, trying to offer me comfort I would never truly feel.
I’d felt my heart break, life end, and everything else in the world become entirely pointless.
Then the prick doctor had carried on speaking with the words I wished he had started with. The ones where he explained they had stopped using their hands and had tried the defibrillator. The very machine that had brought my girl back – the one that had made her come back to us from death like the fighter I had always known she was.
Sapphire was going to be fine, but she had been declared dead for two and a half minutes. Her heart had stopped beating and for the rest of my life, regardless of how many decades it might have been, nothing in the universe would ever feel as long as that two and a half minutes. Nothing in the world would make me ever take for granted another beat of her heart.
Even now, a couple of days later, as I waited for her to come around from her injuries – the plethora of them she had received in her captivity that I hadn’t fucking rescued her from – time didn’t feel half as long. So what if I had to sit around for hours doing nothing but watching the way she breathed? I would take that over the two and a half minutes I’d lost her any day.
Around dawn, not long after I had ordered Sapphire’s men home for a shower, food and nap when the doctors had removed her catheter and stitched her up, the stark white suite room door creaked open. I barely restrained a yawn as I glanced up at it, hand on my gun just in case it was an undesirable looking to take a pop shot whilst my girl was resting.
If it was anyone but a doctor or those I had granted permission to, I would shoot them in the head. Who fucking cared if I was in a hospital with witnesses? I had no fucks left to give and Raya owned the place – she would fix it. The same way she has fixed every other person’s injury, the mansion, and all other aspects of the Red Diamonds and our businesses during Sapphire’s absence and my inability to care about anything but her rescue.
Raya wasn’t too bad for a Gomez woman. I’d have almost said I liked her had I not been too stubborn to admit I liked a woman other than… other than nobody else.
Speaking of women, one disturbed my silent stewing for the billionth time that day, but lucky for her, she was allowed to do such a thing and I lowered my gun instead of using it on her.
“Why, Mr Montana, fancy seein’ you here.” Ruby shimmied into the room, her short pleated green dress damn near blowing off her in the slight breeze from the open door.
“I told you to go and get some sleep.” Aiden and Ruby had left barely three hours prior, and I had ordered them not to return until they were fully rested. But it seemed, once again, those around me were not respecting my authority or fearing disobeying me. They were openly doing it.
I weirdly liked it, even if it was annoying.
“I slept. Repeatedly. With Aiden and without.” She winked at me as she dropped a duffle bag onto the nearby armchair, careful not to spill the tray of hot drinks in her other hand or drop the box of a dozen donuts either.
“Ruby, I thought you’d been warned about the consequences of being a brat?” With a snort, I sat up in my chair, taking my legs off the footrest and stretching out my aching bones.
I needed a massage or something to get rid of the knots in all my joints, but it could wait. I’d get one when Sapphire could come with me, and we could find a few talented strangers to make us relax for an hour or two. It seemed a nice way for me to kick off my I’m sorry I didn’t rescue you apology tour.
“I thought you’d learned that I don’t think consequences are a real thing.” Ruby handed me a piping hot coffee, and a little brown brag too, before taking a seat on the chair next to me, whining about how I was doing something called manspreading. Which I doubted was even a real thing. It was something she made up like half the shit that babbled out of her mouth that I couldn’t stop listening to like a fucking idiot.
“What’s this?” I inhaled the coffee, more desperate for it than I had known I could be. The hospital had coffee machines, but I’d rather have put a bullet in my head than take a single sip of their watered down bullshit.
Ruby sipped her hot chocolate with a contented sigh, eyes on the mountain of whipped cream filled with a little too much love for something inanimate.
“A paper bag.” She said.
My lips pulled into a scowl. “I meant what’s inside it?”
“I don’t know. Maybe you could use those pretty blue eyes of yours to check it out.” Her eyes rolled, and she sipped again, deliberately doing it as loud and exaggerated as she could.
Biting my tongue, I did as she asked, finding a huge freshly baked croissant and a brownie inside. I liked brownies. Loved them even. And though I was surprised Ruby had remembered a random fact about me, I was more concerned with eating than questioning her ability to listen in between her talking.
“You bought me breakfast?” I drawled, oddly touched by the gesture even if I couldn’t work out why something so small was making me feel weird inside. “Thanks.”
“It ain’t nothin’” She waved me off before pointing to the duffle bag. “I got all the stuff for Sapphire that you asked for as well as extra. I let Price choose her clothes because he knows what she likes to wear more than I do, but I supervised him, so he didn’t just chuck in a thong and call it a day.”
It wasn’t like the guys couldn’t have packed clothes for Sapphire, but I didn’t trust them to do it. Like Ruby, I had presumed they would mess about and pick something inappropriate or lack the brain cells to remember a bra or whatever else it was she needed to actually get dressed and make herself feel normal again.
Not that clothes and shampoo would do anything for the scars on her skin, the darkness of her hair, and the hopelessness I had seen in her eyes when I’d spotted her on the other side of the patio.
They would take a whole lot more than a pretty dress and smelling like herself.
“What kind of extra? I hope you gave her sensible footwear and not heels.” I devoured the croissant like a savage, barely taking two bites before I was done with it and wishing for more.
“You like my heels, and they are sensible to me.” To enunciate her point, Ruby poked the toe of her latest pair of heels – black thigh-high boots that laced up with ribbon – into my thigh.
It wouldn’t have shocked anyone to know I didn’t give a fuck what women wore. It was even less surprising that I usually didn’t notice the difference between naked women or fully clothed ones. But for some utterly ridiculous reason, I kinda liked stripper shoes now.
I couldn’t figure out why, but they were almost kind of…
“They’re hot, right?” She interrupted my thoughts as she poked me again, a little higher up. “They were a great present and make a wonderful recent addition to my collection.”
“Aiden?” I gulped more coffee before starting on the brownie; it was delicious, and with a slight streak of salted caramel through it, which made it even better.
“Nope.” She sipped her drink, big green eyes burning with amusement. “These are the ones you got me as a sorry for yellin’ at you present.”
My cheeks burned as I recalled the handful of nights earlier and our nonsensical argument. I’d handed Aiden my debit card after it with explicit instructions to buy something nice for Ruby. And sure, presents didn’t make up for being a dick, but it was better than nothing and I didn’t like feeling guilt. It was unfamiliar territory for me to experience that emotion and for as far back as I could remember; it had only happened a handful of times. With Ford, Lucia, Sapphire and others I had loved and lost.
With Aiden.
“I’m glad you like them.” With a sigh, I leaned back into the chair a little more, barely able to keep my eyes open.
I couldn’t remember the last time I slept, but I didn’t need to sleep. I could catch up on as much sleep as I wanted when my Diamond woke up and let me see her smile once more and promised me she was truly okay. Who fucking cared if my eyelids felt like sandpaper right now? I didn’t. It was fine.
“I love them.” Ruby yawned, too. “And don’t get me wrong, I like presents. Presents are fun. But you don’t need to buy me things when you get mad or whatever. Especially when you get mad over somethin’ entirely reasonable.”
My legs stretched out further, almost reaching the side of the bed Sapphire slept on, bundled in white blankets and attached to far too many machines. Though I supposed she had less than she had earlier on. The doctors had taken everything but the IV from her skin and the heart rate monitors that were stuck to her chest. They reckoned she would wake up soon, but I didn’t believe them.
I wouldn’t believe anyone until my girl opened up her eyes and promised me she was here with her own words.
My jaw clenched, and I rubbed my eyes again. “I still shouldn’t have yelled at you, Ruby.”
She rolled her eyes at me again. I liked it and hated it equally. A part of me wanted to punish her for it, the rest wanted to laugh. It was infuriating, and I did not have the mental energy to figure it out yet.
“You found out your daughter was back, then dead, then alive, and you were tired as hell. It’s understandable why you got pissed off over nothin’, and we both know you didn’t mean it. You don’t need to get worked up over it.” Ruby stuck her tongue out at me as I brought my cup to my lips again.
“Still.” My coffee was almost gone already, and I was a little sad. It was decent and I would have loved a jug full of it.
“Still nothin’ – you can treat me like a normal human. Like one of your little soldiers. I’m not gonna go cryin’ over it.” She narrowed her eyes at me, but the effect was lessened when she yawned again and how she had the slightest issue of being unable to look scary for a single day in her life.
“You’re not a soldier. I’d never be that mean to you.” I replied. “I don’t do normal either; I just do what I want. So…”
She put her drink down on the little plastic side table, grabbing one of the dozen donuts she’d brought between her wickedly sharp pink nails. “What do you do, sugar?”
Leaning forward, I pulled her chair closer, using the momentum to snatch the donut out of her hand, taking a large bite before returning it to her.
Only to prove my point about doing what I wanted, of course. That was all.
“I don’t do emotional shit like most people. I’m over the top.” Ruby watched me as I sighed and tried not to sound like too much of a fool. “Basically, if someone is mine, be it family, friend or more, there is nothing I wouldn’t do for them. Sometimes it’s murder, other times it’s presents. You might as well get used to it, seeing as you’re dating my boyfriend, and won’t be going anywhere for a while.”
Why didn’t I want her to go? I ought to have wanted her far away from me. Not in the hospital offering me kindness in one of the worst times of my life. It made no sense, and I wasn’t sure whether it was stress or stupidity, but something was off with my brain, and I wished it would hurry and fix itself.
She cocked her head as she continued to eat my stolen donut. No care for the fact I’d touched it too.
“You’d kill for those you love. I know that, and it’s easier to handle than gifts and any sort of money comin’ my way. So if you wanna go ahead and murder people for me, then feel free. I’ll make you a list.”
“I wouldn’t just kill for them. Their enemies are my enemies, their loved ones will come under my protection, and if they asked me to light the world on fire, I would pull out my lighter.” I paused a moment, swallowing hard as the sudden onslaught of emotion in my voice. “But sometimes violence doesn’t work. Or at least there is nobody to be violent too. In those cases, I throw money at the problem. Like when I make you mad.”
Sure, was it refreshing to not meet someone who wanted my money or power? Yes. But it was a weird feeling to me, and I couldn’t understand what was wrong. Ruby let Aiden buy her presents. She had spoken again and again about all the times she wasted her extra tips on new heels or things she couldn’t quite afford, and I knew she was broke. Or had been broke before I’d met her. It was hard for me to work out why she was so averse to being spoiled and why even the slightest bit of money coming from me made her feel so weird.
“Okay, but can you also try to see why I would have an issue with it?” She pushed. “Why, even though I love me some presents, I would rather have them just because. Not as a way to…” She trailed off and her sudden silence and the odd look in her eyes instantly clued me in.
My stomach dropped, throat got tight, and once again I found myself feeling a gross sort of emotion called guilt that I was not experienced with feeling. I was a fucking idiot and the fact I hadn’t been able to piece together the issue only showed just how off my game I had been for the last few months and how much of a douche I could be, even without meaning to.
“You think I do it to pay you into being nice to me again?” I said slowly. “Fuck. I wasn’t buying you, Ruby. I didn’t mean it like that; I would never mean it that way.”
She forced a fake grin onto her face. “I know you didn’t mean it like that.”
“Doesn’t mean you like it, though.” I replied. “Yeah, shit. I get it. No more pity presents – I’ll only get you nice ones from now on. Presents just because.”
Why the fuck I was still going to buy her gifts was beyond me. Surely if I didn’t need to bribe her into not being a bitch about me and my asshole tendencies, then I would never need to spoil her again?
Surely I wouldn’t give a fuck about buying her more of those stupid shoes I couldn’t keep my eyes off of?
“But when you annoy me, how will you apologize?” She smirked, all the trauma in her gaze vanishing as though we had never even come close to venturing into dark and dangerous territory.
“You can have whatever you want that’s free.” Nothing came to mind, but I offered her the choice to pick – to decide what she wanted from me that cost nothing but effort or time.
“I want a secret.” It was an odd choice, but one I hurried to agree to before she continued speaking. “What happens when I piss you off for real, though? What do you want from me? I would offer to buy you a present, but I don’t think you’d like anythin’ worth five dollars and an old McDonald’s coupon I don’t even think is in date anymore.”
“Give me a secret of yours.” I blurted out before I could think too hard about the fact I wanted to say that I wanted a lot from her. “That should put us back on equal footing without requiring my debit card. We can trade secrets instead of gifts.”
“A secret of mine?” She frowned a bit but bobbed her head, seemingly agreeable to our deal.
“Yeah. We can try it out now if you want an example of how secrets work.” I was only joking, but she ran with it anyway and I wasn’t going to stop her.
Secrets were things I traded like gold, and I would never turn any down. Sure, normally it was about gang things or information I could use as blackmail in the future. But this wasn’t like that. I wanted to… to learn things about her. I wanted to see what was going through her mind and what sort of monstrous thoughts she had roaming around her head.
Ruby thought long and hard, using the time to finish her drink and another donut. Eventually, she sighed, giving in with a slight curl to her lip and a mildly dark look back in her eyes.
“My birth name was Hannah Moore.” She whispered, before she tried to tease me again to change the sudden odd vibe in the air. “Now why don’t you tell me somethin’ juicy? I like gossip, especially about billionaire gangsters – seems like it could come in handy one day when I decide to blackmail you for all your money.”
I knew what her name was. I knew her name, her hometown, and her entire life before her capture. I knew her mom had died in childbirth, then her hardworking single dad had died of cancer when she was fifteen. That had broken her heart – she’d been a daddy’s girl through and through… After that she’d fallen into foster care, then a bad crowd that eventually led to her getting a shitty gangster boyfriend who was a decade older than her when she was seventeen.
I knew said boyfriend had done unspeakable things to her before offering her to a rival gangster as payment for something he couldn’t afford.
I knew she had spent another three years, six months, and two days in a house just like the one we had found Diamond and Yeva in.
I knew who had walked inside that house every fucking day she had been there until the FBI raided it and arrested half the monsters inside and freed the women they found.
I also knew they were dead. The customers, the owners, the staff that even did nothing more than clean the building. The ones who made it to jail had also been visited by friends of mine who sent them on a nice little break from life.
I was even aware that her ex had been easy to break. Too easy. He’d folded like a bitch barely twenty minutes after Aiden and I had started playing with him… he had lasted less time than it took for Miguel to burn his useless, mutilated corpse.
And finally, I knew there was only one name left. One piece of shit remained on the list I made the moment I realized Ruby wasn’t the worst human in the world, even if she was a woman. The list I started after the first time I dropped her home and needed an outlet for my rage and continued when I realized my boyfriend was fucking obsessed with her and that for some God forsaken reason, I couldn’t get her out of my head either.
That man on my list was the last one standing – the only name I hadn’t crossed off myself. Aiden was keeping him somewhere nice for me. Or not for me, I supposed. For Ruby. I liked the idea of one day offering her penance in the form of her biggest monster’s mutilated flesh and screams.
He deserved worse than she would ever manage to dish out and if she decided she never wanted to see him again, then I would play the devil for her.
I would make him suffer for longer and far worse than she ever had, and I would ensure that even in death he felt the echoes of the pain I dished out.
The pain he deserved for touching someone who was mine.
Not that Ruby was mine. She was… she was just… fuck.
“It’s nice to meet you, Hannah.” I grinned, knowing full well I would never admit the truth about the stupid thoughts bouncing through my brain. I’d have taken a bullet first. “It’s a pretty name and all, but I prefer Ruby. You look like a Ruby.” Clicking my tongue, I tried to think of an easy secret of mine to start with and came up short. I would have to find something to share with her later on, when I wasn’t messed up in the head and being distracted by the sights of Sapphire breathing.
Ruby snorted. “That’s because you’re gem obsessed. It’s a whole thing for you – you’re like a horse girl but with shiny stones.”
My brows pulled. “What the fuck is a horse girl?”
And so began a three hour long conversation about horse girls, over doing hobbies and the most random of bullshit that meant nothing at all of importance except for one teeny tiny detail.
I’d had been one hell of a distraction – the best sort of thing to pull a man out of his head and the darkness that consumed it.
The kind of thing I really needed but would never have asked for.
Especially from a woman.