13. Nyah
NYAH
Dear Diary,
Breakfast today included eggs, fruit, and sexual assault.
Iwent downstairs for breakfast the next morning and found Virginia slaving away over a hot stove, multiple pans sizzling with an array of food, a blender making fresh juice, and the smell of toast curling in the air.
“Can I help?” I asked.
She jumped a mile and spun around, her eyes wide, hand clutching her heart. “Oh, child. You scared the living daylights out of me. Don’t sneak up on an old woman like that.”
I smiled at her apologetically, a fondness for her already deep-rooted in my heart because of who she was.
Dax’s mom.
I swallowed thickly. He looked like her. They had the same kind eyes, the kind you couldn’t help but fall in love with.
I’d fallen in love with Dax’s almost the moment I’d met him.
Now they were reflected back at me once more, it was impossible to ignore the warmth in my chest that kindled for this woman who’d raised him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. Put me to work. What can I help with?”
She tried to wave me off, but I wouldn’t be swayed. I didn’t want to go sit in the formal dining room alone, or worse, with one of the Guerras or their goon squad.
If there was anywhere I wanted to be in this house, it was right here in this warm kitchen, with her.
My baby’s grandmother.
That choked me up, and Virginia noticed, even though she misunderstood why. “Hey now. None of that. If you really want to help that badly, you can. I imagine it gets a little boring for you, up there in your rooms with nothing much to do.”
I nodded, wiping my eyes. “It does. I’d really like to help.”
“You can take over the eggs then. Everyone will need a good breakfast.”
I took over and worked side by side with her. I wasn’t sure if I should bring it up or not because I wasn’t sure how much she knew. In the end, I couldn’t take it a moment longer. “Virginia? Did you know I know your son?”
She froze and then glanced at me. Her eyes told me everything I needed to know.
We couldn’t talk about Dax here.
My heart sank.
I just wanted to talk about him to someone. The way he’d looked at me yesterday was burned into my brain.
But Virginia had been right to warn me. There were footsteps just outside the kitchen, and people started up a conversation in the dining room. More and more voices joined, until Virginia took the spatula from my hand and shooed me in their direction.
“Go on. They’ll be expecting you to eat with them.”
I smiled at her grimly. “I’d rather eat here in the kitchen with you.”
She’d set aside a mug of coffee and some plain toast for herself.
But she shook her head. “Only the staff eat in here. You’re about to be the lady of the house. Mr. Guerra would never have it.”
I sighed, knowing she was right, but not wanting to walk out into that dining room where I’d be leered at by a group of men I didn’t know, nor had any desire to make small talk with.
She grabbed my hand and squeezed it, and I fought the urge to throw my arms around her. She wasn’t Dax. But she was the closest thing I had to him.
I pulled my hand away and forced my feet to walk into the dining room.
And instantly wanted to turn around and walk right back out of it.
Men lined both sides of the table, Carlos Guerra at the head of it, the seat to his left empty, presumably for me.
Luca sitting in the seat to his right.
He smirked at me in that infuriating way he had that was also irritatingly attractive.
Lynx sat farther down the table, presumably amongst the other grunts without as much authority as those who sat closer to Carlos.
That thought was almost laughable. I was right next to him but I had no authority at all.
I was just for show.
Just like the day before, Carlos seemed to like one. “Nyah! Come eat. Try this peanut butter. It’s my favorite. The staff has made a feast.”
I wanted to remind him “the staff” had names. But I had a feeling Virginia wouldn’t have liked me standing up for her like that, making a fuss. Luca’s warnings from the day before still rang in my head.
Namely, to keep quiet.
So I just took the seat next to Carlos, declined his offer of peanut butter, and watched him put food on my plate. A small scoop of eggs and some fruit.
He winked at me. “I assume you’re watching your figure before the big day? Trying to drop a few pounds?”
I had to forcibly keep my jaw from dropping open. I was maybe two months pregnant and not showing at all, other than the fact my boobs were bigger than they normally were. Not that Carlos Guerra would know what size they normally were anyway. I wasn’t rake thin. I liked carbs. So fucking sue me.
“Her figure looks just fine to me,” Luca said sharply. “Let her eat. She doesn’t need to lose any weight.”
Both Carlos and I looked at him sharply.
So did most of the men to my left, at least the ones in hearing distance.
Anger glimmered in Carlos’s dark eyes, and I knew there would be repercussions for Luca, for speaking out of turn.
Unless maybe I could smooth it over. Hell, I owed the guy a favor, since he’d just stood up for me.
I put my hand on Carlos’s arm and stroked my fingers over the back of his hand gently.
But my words and disapproving tone were aimed at Luca.
“Your father is right. I won’t fit into my wedding dress if I put on any weight.
What he’s provided for me is more than adequate, and I’m sure it’s delicious.
” I smiled up at the older man, hoping it came across as sincere. “You know best.”
Carlos dragged my chair around so I was sitting right beside him, but though the scrape across the tiles was grating, it wasn’t enough to distract me from the expression on Luca’s face. The way his jaw tensed and the slight shake of his head.
It didn’t take a mind reader to know what he was thinking.
That I could go to hell.
Carlos’s hand landed on my thigh and made short work of gathering up my long skirt so he could return the stroking gesture I’d made on his arm.
Only he was making it on my bare leg, fingers inching higher with every pass. The tablecloth did nothing to cover it.
Luca’s gaze caught the movement. He pushed his chair back abruptly. “I’m not hungry.”
Carlos stopped him with a glare. “Sit.”
For a long moment, I thought he was going to argue. But then he sat back down, like an obedient dog, and picked up his fork again.
It was surprising it didn’t warp with how hard he strangled it.
Carlos’s finger rimmed the elastic of my underwear, and I fought the urge to slap his hand away.
Clearly the man was attracted to me, even if he was determined to keep me a virgin for our wedding night.
But waiting wasn’t an option. I’d be showing by then, and there’d be no way of convincing Carlos this baby was his.
I had to make him want me. Had to make him lose control enough to take me.
I leaned in, pressing my tits against Carlos’s arm as all the other men went back to eating. All except Luca, who was too close to not hear every word and see every movement of his father’s hand, when I whispered, “I like when you touch me like that.”
Carlos glanced at me; his eyes half lidded with desire. His fingers slipped beneath my panties and stroked over my pussy lips.
Luca turned away and shoveled food into his mouth.
Carlos barked out his name, the demand obvious in his tone.
And then he pushed a finger inside me, making sure Luca was watching when he did it.
I gasped at the intrusion.
Luca looked like he wanted to launch out of his seat and wrap his fingers around his father’s throat. The anger in his eyes ignited when Carlos pulled his finger from inside me and then put it to his lips, sucking me off him.
It was a clear power play. A show purely to remind Luca of the rules. To let him know that standing up for me was not his place when I was Carlos’s property.
And Luca knew it too.
He lowered his head and ate his food.
Carlos leaned into my side and brushed my hair off my neck. “You taste like sugar. I can’t wait to eat you for breakfast the morning after we’re married.”
No, no, no. I needed this to happen now. But it clearly wasn’t going to. Carlos had already lost interest now that Luca had been put back in his place. Carlos ate his eggs, in between barking out orders for the rest of his crew.
I tuned him out, hating I could still feel his thick finger inside me, even long after it had gone.
I chased the feel away with the memory of the pure jealousy on Luca’s face when his father had his finger inside me.
And despite myself, a little heat prickled across my skin.
“What are your plans for today, Nyah?” Carlos asked, startling me out of my Luca trance.
I jerked my head in his direction. “Uh, I thought I would go searching for the perfect wedding cake. With your permission, of course.’
Luca rolled his eyes.
I couldn’t blame him. I would have too. I hadn’t asked someone for permission to go somewhere or do something since I was a teenager.
It felt utterly ridiculous to do so now, but all I could think about was someone hurting Dax, or this baby, if I didn’t do what needed to be done.
So I forced a smile for my ancient fiancé.
“Would you like to come with me? We could have lunch…”
And maybe some unprotected sex if I could get him drunk enough to touch me…
God, I hated myself. I was going to have to put a bag over this man’s head in order to have sex with him.
Carlos picked up my hand and kissed the back of my knuckles. “No, my dear. I have business to take care of. Luca will go with you.”
“Luca has business things of his own that need taking care of,” he spat back, venom in his tone, even if he had been reminded of the hierarchy around here.
“It can wait. You’ll attend this cake tasting in my place, son. Maybe you could get the same kind Lorenzo and Isabella had at their wedding. That was delicious.”
His tone left no space for argument. Neither did the look that passed between them. Unspoken words hung in the air, sharp as a knife, ready to plunge down at any minute.
Luca dropped his gaze back to his plate. “Of course.”
Carlos’s smile at his son’s obedience wasn’t missed by anyone.
Sympathy for Luca rose inside me. His father had something on him. A way of controlling his actions, just like mine did. I knew exactly what it felt like to be in his shoes. To be forced and blackmailed into doing what a parent demanded of you.
He and I weren’t so different. Even if he was so busy glowering at me that he couldn’t see it.
Nobody moved from the table until Carlos had finished eating. Him putting down his fork and standing was apparently the signal the rest of us could too.
Luca stood and waited for his father to leave the room.
Only then did he grab my hand, hauling me along with him at a pace that had me jogging to keep up with him. “Where are we going?”
He glanced back at me. “To eat cake, of course. Well, at least I am, since you apparently need to watch your figure.”
I instantly felt bad. He’d tried to stand up for me and he thought I’d thrown it back in his face. “I only said what I did because—”
His glare told me he didn’t want to hear why I’d sided with his father over him.
Fine. Whatever. If he couldn’t see I’d done that to get the heat off him, then he could piss off. I snatched my hand back.
Lynx trailed behind both of us with a huff of amusement. “Well, today is going to be fun, isn’t it?”
So fun.