19. Nyah
NYAH
Dear Diary,
The apron was innocent. I was not.
When Virginia walked back into the kitchen with her arms laden with shopping bags, I was surprised she wasn’t instantly incinerated by the searing heat that still lingered in the kitchen, even though Luca had slipped away a moment before she’d come in.
She put the bags down on the countertop and handed me the sugar we’d been missing for the recipe.
The package slipped right through my weak fingers and hit the floor.
Virginia squinted at me as I scrambled to pick it up, apologizing to the older woman for being so clumsy.
“What happened while I was gone? You’re all hot and flushed in the face, and your fingers are shaking like you saw a ghost.”
“No ghost,” I mumbled, turning my back and busying myself by pouring the sugar into a measuring cup.
Just my future stepson, one of the most attractive men I’d ever seen in my life, cornering me in a kitchen and promising he was going to fuck me in an apron and nothing but the apron.
What Lynx had said earlier about my panties getting wet whenever Luca was around was so true it was embarrassing.
I was drenched, my pussy throbbing with a need so bad I was sure I was going to have to go upstairs and take care of myself.
I couldn’t see how I would even be able to think for the rest of the day if I didn’t.
God. He’d called me good girl, and I’d disintegrated into a shaking, needy mess.
It pissed me off.
And yet it was all I could think about, his lips close to mine, demanding I breathe, and my body instantly giving him what he wanted.
And wanting more.
I squeezed my eyes shut tight, trying to rid myself of the image of Luca all over me. But it only made it worse. Goddamn my overactive imagination.
I forced myself to think about Carlos instead.
Carlos fucking Guerra and his silver hair and sharp eyes.
Tanned skin that verged on leather. Too much Botox that only made him look like he was trying to steal from the fountain of youth.
His suits that were clearly expensive but didn’t fit even half as good on him as they did on his son.
Carlos was who I was marrying. Carlos was the man I needed to fuck me wearing nothing but an apron. And soon, before I was too far along in this pregnancy to fake who this baby’s father was.
“Nyah? Did you hear what I said?” Virginia asked.
I blinked and shook my head. “No. Sorry, I was concentrating on not spilling the sugar. What’s wrong?”
“I’ll need to finish the cake without you. Mr. Guerra is taking you all to the fights tonight. So you’ll want to go get ready. Bruno told me as I came in.”
Bruno was the guard who was stationed on the front door, beside his brother, Viktor. Goon One and Two, I’d named them on my first day here. I still thought that suited them better than their given names.
I wiped my hands off on the apron Luca had been so interested in and went to take it off. But something stopped me, and instead I walked out of the kitchen still wearing it, hoping Virginia wouldn’t notice.
If she did, she didn’t say anything.
I ran past Bruno and Viktor and then up the stairs.
Lynx was just coming out of the bathroom down the hallway, and he smiled at me.
I smiled at him too, resting my hand on my door. The door I knew didn’t have a lock. “Lynx? You’re going to be standing right here, yes?”
He nodded. “I only just came back on shift, but yeah. If you’re in your room, I’ll be right here outside it.”
“Good. Good. Can you make sure no one comes in?”
He raised an eyebrow, probably at the desperation in my tone. “Of course.” Then he frowned. “Unless Carlos…”
I knew what he was saying. If Carlos wanted to walk into my bedroom, then there was nothing any of us could do about it. I wasn’t sure he could say no to Luca either. I bit my lip. “Or just stand right there and knock three times if someone comes, okay? Give me some warning.”
He was starting to look concerned. “Sure, but if you’re planning to tie your bedsheets together and use them as a ladder to climb out your window, it might just be easier if I come in there and help you.”
Oh God. If he only knew what I was actually planning to do.
I flushed hot at the idea of Lynx helping relieve the ache inside me Luca had lit with his dirty promises.
But Lynx was the one person who seemed to genuinely be on my side here.
And right now, I needed a friend more than anything else.
I had a feeling he actually would have held a makeshift sheet ladder for me if I’d asked him to.
I barely knew the man, and yet it felt like he had my back.
“No, not trying to escape. Just need some time to myself before we go.”
He flashed me a grin that made his eyes crinkle at the corners. “You got it.”
I hurried inside, closing the door after me, and then leaned back against it and closed my eyes.
All I could see was Luca, towering over me in the kitchen, his hard body pressed against mine, his warm breath coasting over my lips, promising to do things to me he had no right saying when I was engaged to his father.
I knew it was a test of my loyalty. Knew he didn’t really have any intentions of touching me. That would be insane. His father would kill both of us.
And yet, in my fantasies, he’d meant every word.
I wanted them to be true.
The ache inside me deepened until it was almost a physical pain. It shortened my breaths until I was panting, my head full of dark-brown eyes I hated but also so desperately wanted staring at me.
I pulled off my T-shirt and pinched my nipple through the sheer fabric of my bra.
Hard, because I was sure that’s exactly how Luca would have touched me.
There was nothing soft or gentle about him.
He was mean. Cruel even, though I hadn’t seen that side of him.
But I’d heard the rumors. Knew enough to know what he was capable of.
A man who could smuggle drugs and women and blackmail and threaten and kill wasn’t going to be gentle in bed.
I didn’t want him to be. I dragged off the bra, dropping it on the floor, working both nipples between my fingers until they were taut. I cupped my breasts, squeezing them roughly, pretending in my head my hands were his.
I wanted to moan, but I stifled it, knowing Lynx was right on the other side of the door and I couldn’t do this standing here. I moved away, into the bathroom, and stared at myself in the full-length mirror.
Tits out.
Apron covering my shorts.
I wanted the fantasy Luca had put in my head.
I reached beneath the apron and undid my shorts. They fell to the tiled floor, and I trailed my fingers down my still mostly flat stomach, pushing my hand beneath the apron to rub my clit through my panties.
There was no muffling the groan. It shot from my lips like a cannon, the relief instant, but then also not enough. I moved my fingers frantically, tugging at my nipple with one, using the other to drive me wild by rubbing my clit against the fabric of my underwear.
They hit the floor a second later.
I needed to be filled. I fingered myself, one, then two, then three in quick succession, but it felt too much like my own fingers and nowhere near enough like Luca’s cock.
I fumbled in the bathroom drawer, pulling out the vibrator I’d snuck into my bags, knowing it was probably the only way I’d get an orgasm ever again, once my last name was Guerra.
I doubted Carlos cared much about a woman’s pleasure.
But in my head, Luca did.
The vibrator in my hand became his cock, and I closed my eyes, coating it in lube and propping one foot up on the step that led up to the shower.
The vibrator found its way beneath the apron, and I stroked it between my folds, letting it linger on my clit because the vibrations were too good not to.
But Luca’s promises of fucking me whispered deliciously in my ears.
I pushed the vibrator between my legs, hard and fast, my pussy taking it easily, right to the wide base.
I gasped with the pleasure it provided. Withdrew it and pushed it in again.
On the third thrust, my hips went with it, each push of the toy inside me driving me closer and closer to the orgasm I’d needed since Luca had walked into that kitchen.
Hell, earlier even. Since Dax had walked into that bathroom and kissed me like he had so many times before.
In my head, the fantasy changed, and it was both of them working my body, me sandwiched between the two of them, taking Dax in front and letting Luca fuck me in places nobody else had.
But he’d put the idea of taking my ass in my head, and now I couldn’t let it go.
I pumped the vibrator harder, faster, my fingers joining in on my clit, my body needing all of it to get me over the line.
I turned up the vibrations until I was rocking my hips, moaning every time the toy filled me, gasping every time my imagination showed me Dax or Luca touching me.
I came hard, an earth-shattering orgasm I couldn’t have held in even if I’d wanted to. I gave a shout, an indistinguishable noise rather than actual words, and was thankful for it because I knew, without a doubt, Lynx and anyone else within a hearing distance had to have heard me.
But I couldn’t stop. Couldn’t care. I rode the vibrator, fucked myself with it, shook and pulsed and trembled around it, like it was the cock I so desperately wanted it to be.
And when I finally came down from my orgasm high, I looked at myself in the mirror and wished I had a phone so I could take a photo for Luca. So I could show him what his dirty words had done to me.
I gave a sharp shake of my head; suddenly really glad my phone had been confiscated by my father before I’d even walked out the door. Because in that hazy, sexed-up state, I might have been stupid enough to do it.
And then I would have given Luca Guerra everything he needed to prove I wasn’t the loyal fiancée I was claiming to be.
No. Making myself come with a vibrator was as close to having sex with Luca Guerra as I was ever going to get.