25. Nyah
NYAH
Dear Diary,
I’m standing in the exact footsteps of a dead woman. And they fit perfectly.
Istared down at the ultrasound image of my tiny baby for about the hundredth time since the night Lynx had taken me to the hospital.
I couldn’t believe that even though I only had the tiniest of bumps, small enough that if you didn’t know my body well, you probably wouldn’t have even noticed the slight swell, there was a fully formed baby in there.
Tiny, but with hands and feet, a spine, a head…
all the little parts perfect, according to the ultrasound report I’d been given to take home.
Of course now, I had to hide the images away, buried deep in my drawers beneath my clothes.
Because someone finding them would be a disaster.
If I’d been smart, I would have taken a lighter to both.
I clearly wasn’t though, because I just couldn’t, no matter how many times I willed myself to do it.
But it had been a reminder that I was running out of time. That I needed to break Carlos Guerra, because waiting even a few more weeks until the wedding was going to set off alarm bells when this baby came before Christmas.
The thought of Carlos touching me sent me into a tailspin though, and I choked on a sob, right as the door opened and Virginia walked in.
I had to make a split-second decision. Hide my tears. Or hide the ultrasound photos.
The choice was a no-brainer. I shoved the images beneath the rumpled comforter on my bed and tried to smile at the older woman.
She froze at the sight of me. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t even knock. I thought you were out, since there was no brooding bodyguard standing at your door.”
I forced a smile. “Lynx has the day off. Not sure where the other guy is. Maybe Mr. Guerra decided I didn’t need a babysitter today.”
She put a load of fresh laundry in a basket on the bed beside me. “He’s only protective of you because of what happened to his last wife.”
I peered up at her. “What did happen to her exactly?”
She made the sign of the cross over her forehead and heart. “I shouldn’t say, as I don’t have all the facts. It would be merely gossip.”
I grinned at her through my tears and patted the bed beside me. “I love gossip. Please. Sit. Tell me.’
She looked uncertain, but she leaned in, lowering her voice like someone might hear, even though there was no one in the room but the two of us. “I heard she was running around with another man behind Mr. Guerra’s back, the two of them plotting to kill him and take over his empire themselves.”
My mouth dropped open. “No! That’s…”
“Awful!” Virginia said, wringing her fingers.
“Yes, awful,” I agreed quickly, though that definitely hadn’t been my first impulse.
My first impulse had been to say, “Impressive.”
“Apparently, she wanted to have a Guerra heir but hadn’t been able to get pregnant.
She blamed it on Carlos and started sleeping around behind his back, trying to get pregnant so she could claim the baby was his.
This was back when Luca and Isabella were missing, and so if Mr. Guerra had died or been murdered, everything would have gone to the new baby. Or at least that’s what she thought.”
A sinking feeling settled low in my stomach. “And Carlos’s wife and her lover could have taken ownership for the next eighteen or so years. However long it took for that baby to grow up and take control of everything Carlos has built.”
Virginia nodded. “Yes. Exactly that.”
I hadn’t even considered that passing this baby off as a Guerra would mean it would be entitled to the Guerra fortune. That he or she would become a Mafia prince or princess, in line for the throne that Carlos currently sat on.
I hadn’t thought anything past keeping my baby with me and not having them sold off or stolen from my arms.
But I was suddenly realizing I had not thought any of this through.
I stared at Virginia, horror washing over me. “What happened to her? To Carlos’s wife and her lover?”
Virginia’s mouth formed a straight line. “It was very sad. She was found dead in a hotel room, her body riddled with bullets, blood everywhere.”
I widened my eyes. “Carlos…he killed her?”
Virginia lifted a shoulder. “We have no proof, of course, but we believe so.”
I covered my mouth with my hand. “Oh my God.”
She nodded. “And the boyfriend…well, I do know about him for sure. He was kept down in the dungeon—”
My mouth dropped open. “Excuse me, what? The dungeon?”
She smiled a little. “They don’t call it that. But I don’t know what other name to give it. There are cages down there. Ones barely big enough for animals, but they keep people down there. Men. Women.”
My stomach churned. I was sure I was going to be sick. “They kept her lover down there?”
She nodded. “I took him food sometimes. Vile man. I could see the evil in his eyes. I didn’t linger. But then one day, when I went to deliver his meal, he was just gone. Mr. Guerra said I no longer needed to worry about him.”
That man was dead. I was as sure of it as the look in Virginia’s eyes that confirmed she believed it as well.
She patted me on the leg, and her smile turned bright.
“But this is not a pleasant topic of conversation. Mr. Guerra isn’t a bad man.
She betrayed him. He is loyal to those who are loyal to him.
” She squeezed my leg. “I’ve worked here for a long time and have been very loyal.
I don’t speak of him outside this house, not even to my own family, and he has rewarded that loyalty with a steady income, much more than I would earn doing this sort of work for any other household.
I know you’re nervous, but he will be a good husband to you. ”
Yeah, a great one. Until he found out I was exactly the same as his last wife, sleeping around with men behind his back, trying to pass off a baby that wasn’t his as an heir to the Guerra throne.
My chest tightened, the walls suddenly feeling like they were caving in.
If I didn’t get Carlos Guerra to sleep with me, to make him believe this baby was his so wholeheartedly that he didn’t for a second question its paternity, then both me, Dax, and this baby would be dead.
Carlos had proved he was capable of it.
I hated this. Hated all of it. Hated my father for what he’d do to Dax if I didn’t go along with all this. Hated Carlos for being the sort of man who would accept a bride sold to him. Hated everything about this entire world.
I just wanted to go back to Dax’s house, to his bed, where it was safe and it had felt like my family couldn’t touch us.
A tear rolled down my face, and Virginia put an arm around my shoulders, squeezing me tightly. “Oh, sweetheart. None of that.” She started humming something, a tune that sounded intentional. It was gentle and melodic and comforting.
“I used to sing that to my boys when they were small,” Virginia said wistfully.
My heart clenched, thinking about her holding a younger version of Dax the way she held me now.
She laughed and let go of me. “They’re much too big for it now though.”
I smiled at her wistfully. “I don’t know. If you have a good mom, I’m not sure you ever outgrow her arms.”
My mother clearly had never loved me the way Virginia loved Dax and his brothers.
But I would love this baby like that. I knew that I already did. I would lay my life down for it, before I’d send it off to be a fucking pawn in a messed-up power game two middle-aged men played to feel important.
“Would you teach me that song?” I asked Virginia, without really thinking about it, other than the fact I couldn’t remember any lullabies because I was pretty sure my mother, nor any of the straight-faced nannies we’d grown up with, had sung one.
Virginia glanced at me. “Sure. But why?”
I froze. I had no good answer for that. “I, uh, I just like it.”
Her expression was curious.
But it only reminded me that, at some point, I was going to slip up and someone was going to realize what I was hiding. Hell, maybe I already had by telling Lynx. My gut had said I could trust him, and I needed someone to know. Someone to be on my side.
But I couldn’t hide it forever.
I’d thought Carlos’s ex-wife ballsy. Sure, it hadn’t worked out well for her, but it wasn’t going to work out well for me either if I kept hiding in this room, not doing the thing that needed doing.
I opened my mouth to ask Virginia if she knew where my husband-to-be was, but she squeezed my hand.
“Sweetheart, if you were wanting to learn that song to sing to your children one day…”
My blood ran cold.
She knew. She had to know. Had she gone through my drawers? Found the images?
I didn’t know what to say. Couldn’t make my mouth work. Fear wrapped around me too thick and fast, and my brain whirred a million miles a minute, trying to come up with an explanation or a bribe that would stop her telling Carlos about the baby in my belly.
If I told her it was her grandchild, would that be better or worse?
I didn’t even know; my brain couldn’t think that through fast enough.
She looked at me so seriously, her mouth pulled into a straight line. “Did they tell you Mr. Guerra has had a vasectomy?”
I blinked, because that was about the last thing I’d expected her to say.
But slowly, second by second, that trickled through my brain.
His ex-wife hadn’t been able to get pregnant.
Because Carlos had made sure she couldn’t.
Which meant I couldn’t either.
Virginia squeezed my fingers. “I just…I just thought you should know, because they didn’t tell Audrina, and it got her killed.
I don’t think it’s fair that they clearly didn’t tell you either.
You’re a young woman. You might want children.
That choice should be yours, and marrying Carlos will mean you never have children of your own. ”
Oh, I was screwed.
So royally and utterly screwed.