Chapter 10 Break A Leg #2
“I did not,” he corrected me. “I simply requested them from the store, I’m still promoting for North Face, remember?”
“I don’t keep track of all your brand deals Mr Social Media Influencer,” I teased him and I could tell that comment irked him a bit.
“I don’t even have anything like that on my phone, it’s all managed by my manager,” he said. “I just think of it as an honour if any brands I like want to work with me.”
“You and your blasted honour.” I knew how adamant he was on it. “How do you know if you got my shoe size right anyway?”
“I asked your brother,” he informed me again. “UK size 7.5.”
“Oh,” I said “Thanks then.”
“It was nothing at all, truly.” He shook his head as drove down the open road.
He was wrong. Because this was everything. But he didn’t have to know that, not just yet.
The autumn season was in full blossom, bursting forth with various arrays of orange, red, and yellow.
And as we drove down the road, the wind blew the leaves up and they entranced the car in a technicolor whirlpool.
It was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen, there was nothing quite like New York in autumn.
Soon enough, we parked in the lot beside other cars as I laced up my boots, trying my best not to put myself down before I even tried.
I was a lot of things, but I was no quitter.
Wynter went inside the little cabin to pay the fee to hike on the private trail, he came out already changed into a matching white workout set for the hike.
“Go easy on me, Kwon,” I asked of him, glancing up from my place on the bench.
His eyes lit up and he pressed his tongue to his cheek rather sinisterly as he turned away, then glanced back at me. “You know I would never do that,” he informed me and my stomach dropped. “Mediocrity isn’t for girls like you.”
Oh and he wasn’t joking, because we were only halfway up the trail and he was training me like I was preparing to become a Marine.
My legs were incredibly sore and my back was starting to hurt.
I was out of breath but I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of knowing that. I bent over, trying to catch my breath.
“Yesoh,” he called back from further up, “faster.”
“Faster?” I huffed, dusting sand off my leggings.
“Don’t trail behind me, keep up,” he insisted, turning away as he began to go ahead, and I rolled my eyes, following him, trying my best to match his pace.
I realized then that my legs were made for doing pirouettes, not climbing mountains and getting caught in muddy terrain.
But when I glanced at Wynter, this was a walk in the park for him—he always made everything look so easy.
I got distracted and bruised my knee against the bark of a tree.
There was a hole in my leggings, my boots were dusty and I was beyond exhausted.
You’re walking too slow, he said, pick up your feet, he insisted, this is what you wanted isn’t it? he questioned again and again, and I realized that he was being a total dick for no apparent reason.
Once we reached the peak, my body had worked itself to oblivion, and I took deep breaths with my hands on my knees.
“Tired yet?” he asked without breaking a sweat. Effortlessly gorgeous in the warm blue sunrise.
“I can’t stand you,” I breathed, nearly losing my balance as he reached out, but I brushed away his hand. “I know what you’re doing and you’re awful for that, screw you.”
We then trekked our way back down the trail in complete silence, which was well deserved for the little game he was playing with me.
Once we arrived back at the car, I took a seat on the little wooden bench, the birds chirping away as more families pulled up to the trail for a hike.
I couldn’t believe Wynter had just left me and disappeared, the jerk.
Whatever lesson he was trying to teach me wasn’t working at all. I was muddy, tired, and irritable.
“Stupid Wynter and his stupid hikes and stupid expensive car and stupid—” I grumbled to myself just as he returned with a Stanley flask and first aid kit. “Oh.”
“Drink this.” He handed me the mug that crinkled with ice.
“So first you try to break my legs, and now you want to poison me, how terribly cruel can you be?” I accused, turning away from him.
“It’s only ice water, I don’t want you getting dehydrated.” He took a deep breath, his tone far more gentle than it was during the hike. It was like I went from dealing with the devil himself to one of God’s favourite angels. “Now drink.”
“Where’s the straw?” I asked, trying to be just as difficult as he was with me. He rolled his eyes and flipped the button so the straw lifted up. I reached out my hands and drank it like it was the elixir to life itself.
“Hey hey, slowly,” he encouraged in a soft tone then crouched down to take a look at my knee. “Why didn’t you tell me you got hurt?”
“It’s just a little scrape, and I wasn’t going to stop and give up so easily.” I shrugged, but his gaze remained stern.
“Admitting when you’ve reached your limit does not make you a coward, Yesoh…” he sighed, applying ointment on my rouged knee.
“I just wanted to do the brave thing…” I said, my voice merely a faint whisper.
“Sometimes knowing when to stop is the bravest thing,” he told me as he taped a bandaid over it, gently placing his hand on my knee and stroking it slowly with his thumb.
“Oh.”
“I thought you’d understand.” He shook his head. “I should’ve known.”
“Known what?”
“That you’d never give up, you never have.” He seemed to realize that slowly.
Something was different in the way he looked at me that crisp autumn morning when the sun was hidden behind the clouds and the gulls soared across the deep blue sky.
I was different. He saw it. But he was not afraid, not like I expected.
Most people didn’t like change, couldn’t handle it, but Wynter Kwon welcomed it like the shift of the seasons.
He accepted it. Accepted me. And that was terrifying within itself, the idea alone of being accepted as I was. Thorns and all.
“Can you…” I hesitated to ask, but desperately wanted to get out of there. “Get me cinnamon rolls, I’m hungry?”
His upper lip curved into a smile, his American-Girl-Doll-perfect smile.
Pageant queens have nothing on him. “Whatever you want, Soh.” He shook his head, standing up and reaching his hand out to me.
I swallowed hard at the gesture, my palm sweaty, nervous at the contact, but I accepted it and let him pull me up.
“Dangerous thing to say to a girl like me who wants so much,” I warned.
“Dangerous challenge for a man like me who has everything to give.”
“Is that so?” I contemplated. “I’m insatiable in all the most damning and unpleasant ways.”
His gaze locked on mine, unwavering. “So be it.”
And then we were driving to the cafe down the street.
We were fall leaves and sweet pastries, cinnamon, bitter coffee, lattes, and sunshine.
We were no longer children, we were all grown up.
But just between us, in this space our youth was infinite.
Only beside him I was timeless. He was my secret garden, everything in me blossomed only when he was near.
Flashback Summer 13
It wasn’t quite the end of summer, but rising fall.
Jiwon and I sat by the bay window flipping through magazines amid the overwhelming summer heat.
My white cotton dress was doing its very best not to stick to my skin, like my curls glued to my forehead.
Bae wore a penny tee and denim shorts as she lay upside down on the beanbag chair in the corner of my bedroom.
“It’s so humid today,” I complained, getting up and opening the bay window to allow a cool breeze in.
“Insufferably so,” Jiwon agreed, flipping through the pages. Then she glanced up at me. “Who’s your celebrity crush?”
“My what?” I repeated, completely dumbfounded.
“You heard me. Your celebrity crush. Like—who do you find attractive?” She lifted an eyebrow, and I swallowed hard.
If I was being entirely honest, I had never really thought about something as trivial as that, especially since we’d moved to the US.
My life consisted of constantly trying to be the best at ballet, outshine my peers, and even more so myself.
I hadn’t had any crushes in school, let alone friends at the time.
I was far too self-absorbed to look outside the window and admire the greenery of other people’s lawns.
I simply didn’t have time for myself, let alone boys.
“I don’t have any,” I answered her plainly, and she damn near flipped over.
“Wow, I see how it is,” she gasped, folding her arms and sitting upright.
“How what is?” I wondered, slightly confused.
“You don’t trust me enough to tell me.” She protested, and I rolled my eyes. “Wow, aren’t friends supposed to tell each other everything?”
“I barely tell people my name,” I replied in all honesty.
“Oh, but I’m different. So you have to tell me these kinds of things. My sisters and I spend hours talking about this!” She insisted. “Beck’s celebrity crush is Justin Timberlake, and mine is Kento Yamazaki.”
“I genuinely don’t think I have one. I’ve never… I’ve never really thought about boys much,” I explained, and it came out far more distant than intended.
Jiwon paused and analyzed my expression, almost as if she was slowly realizing I was being entirely honest and that this was my own kind of vulnerability. Her eyes softened, and she smiled, getting up and sitting down next to me on my bed.
“Who needs a celebrity crush anyway when you can find a real-life boy to fawn over this summer?” she mused, placing her hand over mine.
“I don’t know. Maybe.” I shrugged, appreciating the gesture nevertheless.
“There are lots of cute summer boys for you to have all your first crushes on—especially on the other side of the bay.” She pointed out, trying to make me feel better.
“Have you had your first crush already?” I asked, trying to compare and find out if I was really that behind.