Chapter 12 Growing Up
Growing Up
Drifting is the natural way of life, unavoidable. Things draw close and then things fall away, I knew that.
I just didn’t think it happened with humans too, I didn’t think it could happen with my sisters.
Beck had been acting strange, differently this summer.
She took longer in the bathroom and held the other girls up, took more time with her hair and dyed it all a ivory cauliflower shade of blonde.
Dad was furious when he found out, spoke of how she was damaging her hair too young.
But Beck was Beck and he knew that once she’d set her mind on something, God help whoever attempted to intervene with her will.
So if Beck wanted to be blonde now, it was simply just who she was.
She changed her perfume from a sweet lavender scent to a subtle vanilla. She changed her clothes too. Jiwon thought it was because she wanted to appear older. She’d also been going on a lot of long walks lately, insisting on going all by herself.
I never intended to be overbearing towards any of my sisters, I wanted not to halt their journey but to make sure the path was paved and free of spikes and stones.
I never wanted to be that kind of person, but Dad had made my role very clear since I was younger—that I was to protect my sisters at all costs. And I would do just that.
Families eating sticky cotton candy and children running between stalls made the pier busier than normal.
The distant rumbling of waves crashing against the rocks below blended with the fragrance of caramel and salt water.
Usually, I would allow myself to lose myself in the cacophony, but that night, my thoughts were elsewhere.
Feeling like a phantom, I had drifted in Beck's wake and followed her here. She’d been slipping away with hardly a word.
A part of me hurt, and another part was anxious.
She seemed to have drawn an impenetrable boundary between us, and I was confined to the outside.
Usually, we were co-pilots but lately we’d been flying our own planes.
I followed her because I felt compelled to know where she went and who she was with, even though I did not want to be seen.
She was leaning against the railing near the end of the pier, her shoulders relaxed as if she belonged there, and I saw her just when I thought I had lost her.
She was not alone, though. Beside her, a man I did not recognize stood with an arm draped casually over her shoulder.
He was older than her. They appeared at ease, as though they had done this a hundred times before.
She was giggling, the soft, low-pitched laugh she never showed anyone.
I felt a knot tighten and twist in my chest. Everything had always been shared between Beck and me, or so I believed. However, as I saw her with him, I came to the realization that I would never know some aspects of her. She did not trust me with certain parts.
A gentle laugh wafted over from the carousel as I stood there, feeling as though I was gradually becoming invisible.
As I turned, I noticed Cahya’s little sister, Yesoh, standing on the platform's edge, observing their younger brother, Soleh, as he danced on one of the painted horses.
She had a smile that she reserved only for him.
Her hair caught the sunlight, softening the edges of everything around her and giving her a haloed appearance.
She raised her head to look at me from the other side of the pier. Her eyes were serene but curious, and her expression changed when she noticed me. Almost as if she saw right through me. She approached slowly, as if she had seen something she wanted to learn more about.
As she drew nearer, her eyes flicked to Beck and the man next to her, then back to me. "Is everything all right?" she said in a quiet voice that could hardly be heard over the noise.
“Ah, Yesoh, hello. What brings you here?” I questioned.
“It’s almost like this is a public place, and there’s a fair happening around us,” she replied with her usual hint of sarcasm that eased me.
Lots could change, but Yesoh Yeo would always be so unapologetically herself. It was refreshing.
“Ah, yes.” I chuckled but evidently my smile did not meet my eyes because she still appeared confused.
“Are you spying on Beck right now?” she folded her arms, “because if you are, that’s weird, let a girl have fun.”
“I’m not spying. I’m—well,” I muttered, at a loss for words. “I just needed answers.”
“To what?”
“It’s nothing, truly. You should keep an eye on Soleh,” I deflected not wanting to get into it.
“Soleh’s fine; he’s being watched by the lady with six kids who gave him a candy apple because she’s exhausted and thinks he’s one of hers,” she reassured me, and I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Right.” I kept watching him from my peripheral vision.
“Look, I know you don’t think I’m cool or whatever like Cahya and you’d much rather talk to him but—” she rambled but I had to intervene.
“Do you truly think that I don’t think you’re cool enough to speak to?” I asked, and she glanced down. “That’s bollocks and you know it.”
“How British of you,” she mused, “you never cuss; you should cuss more often.”
“I need to be a good influence,” I reminded her.
“Or you could just be yourself,” Yesoh stated plainly, and I was taken aback.
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me, you could just be yourself and stop censoring what you do and say all the time. You’re sixteen.”
“I envy you as I envy Beck,” I let slip.
“Why?”
“The way you can be so at ease. I envy it. I, however, have to be responsible, and that often means forsaking my own selfish interests for the better of those I care about.”
“Hm, I see.” She attempted to comprehend. “So what’s going on with Beck though?”
Feeling the weight of her inquiry, I hesitated for a moment before shrugging and speaking in a quieter voice than I had meant to.
"Beck has been acting strange. I’m guessing from what I’m seeing right now that it’s been because of a boy.
” I had no idea why I was saying that, but it came out of me like Yesoh conjured it out.
Yesoh gave a slow nod, her expression contemplative. She seemed to be seeing something that only she could comprehend as she gazed out toward the ocean. “She didn’t tell you about that guy?”
“No,” I told her. “And obviously I don’t expect her to speak to her little brother about boys. I don’t—I don’t know anything about relationships and matters of the heart and all that. But I hoped that if there was someone special in her life she’d want me to at least meet him.”
“Who does Beck speak to about these things then?”
“She used to speak to our mother, but she’s not around right now,” I told her. “She hasn’t been in a while. And since then she’s been closed off.”
“I see.” Yesoh paused as if to think. With a voice that was nearly whispery, she added, “My mom is not around either.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah, she’s working at a firm back in Indonesia. She can’t abandon her job, it’s everything to her,” Yesoh explained, “so it’s just me and the boys.”
“And it’s just me and the girls.” I sighed in parallel.
“At least we’re not alone.” She smiled just as Soleh ran up to us with two more candy apples in his hands. “Oh!”
“Why hello, you’ve got quite the collection there,” I commented, and he laughed.
“The nice lady gave me as many as I wanted, it was fun playing!” he huffed, handing them both to us as we thanked him. “Here, have some!”
“Thank you.” I laughed.
“Well, it’s getting late now, so we’re gonna head home. See you around, Wynter, and remember, just because the tide changes doesn’t mean you’re drowning,” she said softly, then grabbed ahold of her brother.
And then she was gone, disappearing down the crowded pier.
I glanced back, watching the sunset as my sister and her mystery lover made their way down to the beach.
He carried her into the ocean, threatening to dip down, and she laughed louder than I’d ever heard, louder than she had in a long time.
I hoped that someday she’d have the courage to come to me.
Until then, I’d be omnipresent. I’d watch over her and make sure she didn’t walk too far.
I may not have known what had gotten into her, but she was happy, and that’s all that mattered.