17. Aspyn #2
“Well, great. That’s what you deserve. You were a great girlfriend to my brother, and he should have treated you like the goddamn queen you are—” she glances over to see a young girl and her mom glare her way for the foul language and lowers her voice.
“The lovely queen you are. And I think you know who’s going to treat you better.
Who’s going to give you the world. Even a boat, it seems.”
Tara reaches across the table and takes my hands. “Girl, just let things work out, will you? How can I convince you to look at Deacon and see him for the love of your life he’s going to be?”
I press my lips together into a thin line, my heart beating faster as I remember the morning I awoke pressed against him, and all the flutters and feelings that had overtaken me that day.
He was like a cupcake I couldn’t wait to dig into, but I’d been trying not to eat it for so long, I don’t know where to begin.
Okay, that’s a terrible analogy. But he is.
“Don’t tell him I know,” I beg Tara, my hands held together as if I’m praying. “Please, please don’t. Let me take a little more time to get my head screwed on right.”
Tara grumbles and calls me a pussy under her breath, and the mom and tot nearby move to another table.
“Congrats, you drove them away with your filthy language,” I tease her.
“Good, because I don’t need that kind of negativity.
You need to nut up and just kiss the man, will you?
Tell him you heard what he had to say and that you’re intrigued.
He’s waited so long for you. God forbid you wait too long only to find he’s moved on.
” She bites her lip as she shrugs. “Hey, it could happen. He’s dated a bit in the last decade.
Pining has to have an expiration date—don’t wait until it’s the day after. ”
My heart twists painfully, and I press my forehead against the table, wanting to bang my head on it but not wanting to cause a scene.
“What if I suck at being his girlfriend? What if I disappoint him?” I worry aloud, my temples aching.
“Think about how well you treated my shitbag brother and ask yourself how much more you’d spoil the actual love of your life.”
I bang my head lightly. “I just keep worrying I’m going to fuck everything up and ruin our friendship for nothing. What if we only work as friends?”
“Girl, if you don’t try, how are you ever going to know?
You’re talking crazy, like you’re trying to convince yourself not to go after the man of your dreams. Why are you cock-blocking yourself?
Do you not think you deserve to be loved?
” Her voice conveys a gentle empathy, and she covers my hand with hers as I struggle against tears again.
“Oh, Tara. I'm fucked up in all the same ways most people are. Not thinking I’m good enough, though knowing I’m way too good for Sean, for the record.” I harumph as Tara’s cell phone rings, and she holds up her finger to tell me she has to take this one.
She steps away and says, “Hey, boss,” while I glance at my notifications.
Deacon had just hearted the recent photo of me that I uploaded to my social media.
My first solo photo in ten years. Comments on the photo are about my beauty, how happy they are for me to have gotten away from Sean, and how shitty he was.
I’m grateful for my friends who cheerlead for me when I’m at my lowest point, and some of them have given Sean creative, endearing nicknames.
“Dr. Dickweed” makes me giggle into my matcha, and I don’t mind the flaming pile of dog poop GIF a college friend says reminds her of Sean.
Tara sits back down with a glum look. “I have to get to work. A situation exploded, and they need me back today instead of tomorrow. Total day-ruiner. It was great to see you. Listen, give Deacon a chance. You’ve spent nearly ten years with Sean’s fake version of love, when the real thing is waiting. You know I’m right.”
Her words ring true as we hug and say goodbye.
The day is sun-drenched and a comfortable sixty-five degrees.
I drive to a park near my favorite lake, kicking aside crunchy leaves to spread a comforter out beneath the shade of a giant maple, its leaves rustling in the breeze.
The vast park is silent and peaceful, with only the distant lapping of waves in the lake audible.
I settle in with my dog-eared dystopian romance, eager to immerse myself in a world of adventure the author has created.
I lose track of time reading and don’t make my way back to Deacon’s until six. When I walk in, I’m greeted by the sight of several different white Chinese food containers on the kitchen table and Deacon wolfing down his favorite Kung Pao Chicken.
“Hey!” He grins and beckons me to the table.
I flop down in the seat beside him and dig in.
I plan to act more normally around him from now on.
Without meaning to, I’d been avoiding him, and he’d done nothing to deserve that.
Not when he’s been so good to me for so long, even opening his home to me instead of sending me back to my parents’ giant mountain home. He deserves more than my distance.
It’s just my overwhelming fear making me act strangely, and I’m going to get a handle on that.
“How was your day?” I ask him with a bright smile.