Chapter 25
25
AGE 20
V ivien tells the story of her childhood accident and explains a little more, looking embarrassed and contrite as she speaks.
“Oh, honey. No.” Ma gets up and hugs her. “There’s no need to apologize. I just wish I’d known Lauren Mills’s daughter was coming for dinner. I’d have taken out the fancy china.”
We all crack up laughing because it’s such a Ma thing to say, but it helps to break the tension and put a smile back on Vivien’s face.
Ash takes Vivien outside to the orchard, and Ma goes with Fiona and Susie to bring Chloe out to the swings while the men finish clearing up the kitchen. After we’re done, the others disperse while Ciarán and I head over to the play barn to talk in private.
“God, I have fond memories of this place,” my brother says, grinning mischievously when we enter the barn. It still looks the same even though no one really uses the space anymore. A cover protects the snooker table in one corner while over the other side are the sofas, chairs, beanbags, and music system we scored from secondhand stores when we were teenagers. The long table propped under the wall, where we used to store booze and cups for sneaky parties, is chipped and in desperate need of a fresh coat of paint, but it still looks sturdy.
“Fun times for sure.” I smirk as I walk towards the snooker table.
“How we managed to get away with so much shite under Ma and Da’s noses I’ll never know,” my brother says, handing me a snooker cue.
“I think they knew, but they preferred we were safe on their property. They turned a blind eye on purpose.”
Ciarán shrugs. “I can’t see Ma condoning underage drinking.”
We lift the cover off the table together, and I fold it up and set it down against the wall. “She’s a stickler for rules but also pragmatic. Better we got locked here than at the GAA pitch or wandering around town with cans in our hands.”
“True.” My brother fixes me with a strange expression while he chalks his stick.
“What?”
“You’re growing up.”
“That’s generally what happens when you get older,” I deadpan as I position the balls correctly in the frame and line it up on the table.
“Still a fucking smart-arse.” Ciarán leans back against the wall, watching as I lift the frame carefully and set it aside. “You break.”
I line up the cue ball and take my shot, breaking the triangle formation and pocketing two red balls in different corners. “Shit talk me all you like, bro. I’m still gonna win.”
Ciarán crosses one ankle, and we continue playing as we talk. “I guess it was too much to hope your arrogance might have dialed down a notch.”
“You do know I’m in a band, right?” I lean down and line up a new shot. “Ego and musician tend to go hand in hand.” Oh, the irony of missing my shot after that statement.
“Except you were always humble about your talent.”
I shrug, watching him pocket a red in the top corner as I pluck up the nerve to ask him what I came here to ask him. “So, ah, I wanted to ask your advice.” I rub the back of my neck.
My brother looks over at me. “Would this have anything to do with Ash’s pretty American friend?”
“You caught that, huh?”
“Your eyes were like heat-seeking missiles following her every move, Dil. You’re as subtle as a brick.”
“Well, shit.”
“Ro likes her too.”
“Yeah. I hope it doesn’t get messy.” I pot another few balls.
“See that it doesn’t.” He sends me a warning look as I miss my next shot. “Family first, Dil. Make things right with Ronan before you do anything with Vivien.”
He sinks the last of the reds, lining up to tap the yellow in the bottom corner.
“Make things right with Ro but not Ash?” I fight a smirk as he misses.
“Don’t look so smug, dickhead. You haven’t won yet.” He stands back while I effortlessly pocket the yellow and set my sights on the green. “And we both know you don’t have to square anything with Ash. She’s always Team Dillon. I bet she’s hoping for this.”
“I have fuck all experience dating.” I sink the green. “I don’t even know where to start with Vivien. Women usually pursue me; it’s never the other way around.”
“Yep, there’s that ego.”
“I might be cocky, but it’s the truth. I haven’t a clue what I’m supposed to be doing.”
“It’s not rocket science, Dil. Just be yourself. Don’t overthink it. Trust your gut and go with the flow.”
“I’m not exactly the easiest person to get along with.” I pocket the brown, and Ciarán rests his cue against the wall. “I figure I need to tone things down, but I’m not sure I can pull that off.”
“I concede,” he says, lifting a shoulder. “C’mon. Let’s sit and talk.”
I rest my cue on the table and follow him to the sofa area, flopping down beside him.
“Don’t change your personality, Dil. If she doesn’t want you, flaws and all, she’s not the one for you.”
“I don’t think Vivien would expect that, but the shit that comes out of my mouth sometimes is all wrong, and I have a habit of making her mad.”
My brother grins. “Passion is not necessarily a bad thing. Just try to use it for good things instead of pissing her off.”
I shift around, raising one knee up onto the sofa. “Like what?”
“Be passionate about the things she likes. Listen to her when she needs to talk. Support her when she needs a helping hand or a soundboard.”
“But how do I even get to that place? Right now, we have a tentative truce, but she’s still wary of me. How do I get her to like me so when I ask her out she won’t just laugh in my face.”
“Treat her with respect, Dil, and be committed. If you say you’re going to call her, call her. If you arrange a time to meet, show up on time. A romantic relationship is essentially a best friend with intimacy. You’re incredibly loyal and supportive to your friends, Dil. Start there. Be her friend. Be there for her when she needs it and build on it.”
My brother is not bad at this shit. “I can do that,” I say, bobbing my head, already feeling more confident.
“Go slow, Dillon, and let Vivien set the pace. Most girls don’t put out the instant you meet them. You can’t go into this expecting her to be the same as your little groupies.” His mouth contorts into a grimace for a couple seconds. “Watch Vivien for cues. Make sure she’s comfortable and she knows it’s all about her and your needs take second place.”
“I’m not an idiot, bro. Vivien is special. I know she’s not like the typical girls we hang around with. It’s one of the things I like about her.” Not being disrespectful to the girls we fuck around with. Just stating the facts. I can’t compare the casual sex I’m used to with the potential relationship I’ll have with Vivien because they are completely different.
“Just be considerate of her needs. Find ways to show her you care that are genuine. Take the time to get to know her, and then ask her out. If she says no, wait and then ask again. Show her you mean what you say and you’re going to fight for her. If you really like this girl, don’t give up. Relationships are hard, and they take work, but the rewards are worth it.”
“You really love Susie, huh?”
“With my whole heart. She is it for me. I’ve known it from the minute I met her. I was inexplicably drawn to her in a way I’d never been drawn to anyone else, and when I touch her, it’s the most amazing feeling. But it’s more than that. She’s my best friend, and I know she’s got my back like I’ve always got hers. Making her happy is my number one priority, and my happiness is that for her. We’re a team, and we don’t plan anything without considering the other person. She’s my world. I love her more than I can say.”
Right now, I am so in awe of my brother and the confidence that radiates from him in spades. It can be easy to overlook Ciarán because he doesn’t have a big mouth like Shane and me, and he’s not excitable yet chill like Ro. He’s comfortable in his own skin, and he doesn’t need to be the center of attention to be happy. He’s quietly content and proud. A lot of guys wouldn’t dare make themselves vulnerable in front of others, but Ciarán has no hesitation.
“That’s pretty profound.”
“Yup. That’s me. Profound,” he jokes.
In an uncharacteristic move, I yank him into a hug. “You are profound, and Susie is lucky to have you.”
“I’m the lucky one.” He hugs me tight before we break our embrace.
“Should we be expecting another engagement soon?”
“Susie knows I want to marry her, but I want to get a promotion first. I’m hoping this trip to L.A. will push me up the career ladder. We want to buy a house, and right now, that’s more of a priority than a wedding, but it’ll happen. We’re both on the same page.”
“I’m happy for you.” I squeeze his shoulder.
“Thanks, Dillon.” His lips twitch. “And who knows? Maybe the next wedding will be yours.”