Chapter 49
49
AGE 21
M id-March heralds the start of a four-month promotional onslaught to build hype for the band and our first release. Which everyone has agreed should be “Terrify Me.” I wonder what Vivien would think if she knew how entwined she still is with the band. I’d love to be a fly on the wall when our song is released and she realizes it’s the song I wrote for her. I wonder if she’s told him who we are. Probably not, considering we didn’t seem to mean that much to her after all if she could ghost us like this.
It helps that we’re crazy busy during this time because there’s little time to contemplate my heartache. It’s a whirlwind of activity. Posing for photos for the album cover and magazine articles. Attending PR training and being coached on what to say and what not to say. Being interviewed by various reporters, including key players at Rolling Stone and NME . Appearing on radio and TV. Meeting with stylists to discuss and agree on our look. Filming the music video. Back in the studio, tweaking a few things. Working with marketing and PR on merchandise, video content for socials, and doing a few TikTok lives with key bloggers and influencers.
In the month before release, to further build buzz, we perform at ten small iconic venues in key states around the US, traveling on the label’s private jet. It’s definitely another pinch-me moment.
The marketing and PR teams have been working overtime organizing ongoing promotion and our calendar is full to the end of the year. An official band bio and press release goes out. Music journalists and influencers are loving our Irish roots and the story of how the band came together. Official social media accounts have been set up for the band, and we’re gaining thousands and thousands of new followers every day, boosted by teaser clips of the song and background videos introducing us collectively and individually.
By the time “Terrify Me” officially releases, the anticipation is high, and the buzz is explosive. Radio airplay is insane from the second the song is published because the label has paid big bucks to have it played at the top of every hour to ensure our debut has strong mainstream coverage. Reaping the rewards of all our online marketing efforts, we instantly shoot to the top of all the digital streaming sites. Not long after, the Billboard Hot 100 reveals we’re the number one bestselling song, and that day is the best day of my life.
Until it becomes the worst.
When Dave calls to break the good news, my immediate thought is I need to tell Viv. She helped to set us on this path, and not getting to share this journey with her guts me. Especially today of all days. Sadness threatens to suffocate me as my finger hovers over her number on my phone, but I put it away and force the melancholy aside. She made her choice. I don’t get to share the highs and lows with her because she’s no longer mine. The usual pain slams into me, but I work hard to stamp it out. I won’t let today be overshadowed by my grief. It’s been eleven months since I’ve seen her. It’s high time I started letting go.
We spend the day doing interviews, and it’s our first time properly understanding the enormity of our achievement as we are mobbed by screaming fans everywhere we go. Frankie swings into action, liaising with the label to provide a security detail, which is sorely needed after we get physically mauled leaving the Universal Studios lot where we were the top guests on a popular daytime show.
We performed live in front of a small studio audience before being grilled by the tenacious host who tried her best to pry into our love lives. Jamie refuses to hide his relationship status though they’re not confirming he’s practically married to Ash because he wants to protect her identity, to shield her from becoming a target. None of us have forgotten the things Vivien endured when Reeve’s star ascended. The PR people only conceded because the rest of us are unattached.
Having to confirm my single status over and over is like repeatedly stabbing myself in the heart. But I play my part with gusto in case she’s watching. I won’t give either of them the satisfaction of knowing how wrecked I really am. Today is the culmination of a shit ton of hard work and determination and nothing is ruining it.
We’re celebrating at a small party the label throws for us that same night when the news breaks. A few TVs are mounted on walls around the room, so there’s no escaping it. All the blood drains from my face when the picture loads on the screen. A hush descends as everyone’s gaze is riveted to the E-News report.
“Hearts are breaking across the world today as representatives for Hollywood actor Reeve Lancaster confirmed he is no longer a single man after marrying Vivien Mills two days ago in a hush-hush ceremony at one of L.A.’s most prestigious hotels. Vivien is the only daughter of actress Lauren Mills and her director-husband Jonathon. Both were in attendance at the wedding as well as Studio 27 CEO, Simon Lancaster, father of the groom, and a slew of other celebrities. Vogue won the exclusive rights to the wedding and a special edition hits newsstands tonight, but they have shared a few pictures as part of the official press release.”
My heart ruptures in my chest as I spot Ash and Jamie dashing across the room to be with me. On the screen, Vivien is stunningly beautiful in a gorgeous white lace wedding gown. Her dark hair is up in some kind of elegant bun, showcasing her exquisite face. Sporting a glorious smile, she looks adoringly at her husband as they cling to one another with mere millimeters separating their faces. Bile churns in my gut as everything I’ve consumed today threatens to come back up.
“Dillon.” Ash tugs on my arm. “Come with me.”
“No.” I can’t tear my eyes from the screen even as the image slices strips off my already shredded heart.
“Please, Dil. I have something to tell you.”
“No. No!” My voice cracks as the image changes on the screen, this time showing a picture of Vivien cradling a little baby boy in her arms while Reeve has his arms wrapped around them, smiling like his face might split in two he’s so happy.
“The newlyweds also confirmed they welcomed their first child together, six weeks ago. They kept that a secret from all of us!” Her grating laugh barely registers as shock lays siege to every part of me. “Easton Elon Lancaster was born on June twelfth to the happy couple and…”
I tune the rest of what she’s saying out, stumbling backwards as my legs buckle, attempting to go out from under me. Jamie grabs me before I fall on my arse, but it’s not enough to protect the table behind me as I knock against it. Glass shattering, mixed with shocked cries, follows me out of the room as Jamie and my sister drag me away from prying eyes.
Another vital part of me dies in that moment, shriveling inside as the void grows larger, sucking all the light from my world.
Jay leads me into a smaller side room, where I fall to my knees and heave my guts up.
“Shite.” Ash barks instructions to someone while I come undone on the floor.
When I’ve finished expelling my stomach contents, Jay and Ro lift me over to a sofa. Ash plies me with water while a staff member cleans up the mess I made on the floor. My sister helps to strip my soiled T-shirt off my body while I stare into space, rocking back and forth as my brain struggles to process the news I’ve just learned.
Someone puts a fresh-smelling shirt on over my head while someone else cleans my jeans and my boots.
“I need an explanation right now,” Ava says in a firm voice.
Lifting my eyes, I stare absently at her. Our new publicist is glaring at Ash, her stern expression demanding answers.
“I will explain it but not now, Ava. I’ll call you later. We need to get Dillon out of here.” She leans in, whispering something in her ear. “For now, can you get a car to the back entrance and ensure no one is outside to see us leave.”
She married him.
She married my twin.
She married Reeve.
He won.
He fucking came out on top again.
He took her from me forever.
She will never be mine ever again.
I have lost her completely, and I want to curl into a ball and die.
These thoughts play on a loop in my head as the others get me safely out of the building and into the car.
Feeling eyes on me, I turn to look at my brother. A confusing mix of emotions is splayed across Ro’s face. “I’m sorry, Dil,” he whispers, grabbing my frozen form into a hug. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
I don’t know what he’s got to feel sorry about, and I’ve already forgotten it by the time we get to the house.
Jay forces me into the shower, and when I return downstairs, Con and Ro have made themselves scarce. Ash and Jay quit talking the second I appear in the kitchen. “Don’t stop on my account,” I drawl, heading straight for the half-empty bottle of JD sitting on the island counter.
“That’s not going to help, Dillon,” Ash softly says.
“Trust me, it’ll help,” I snarl, unscrewing the cap and swigging straight from the bottle. I slam it down when I see the expression on her face. “Stop looking at me like that! Keep your fucking pity. I don’t want it.”
“Dillon.” Jay snakes a protective arm around his girlfriend’s shoulders. “I know you’re hurting, but you can fuck off if you think I’m letting you take this out on Ash.” He points behind me. “Sit your arse down. Ash made you a sandwich. Eat it.”
I do as I’m told, slumping in the chair as the enormity of everything slaps me around the face again. My brain goes into overdrive as I eat on autopilot. “Could that baby be mine?” I ask before taking another bite of the sawdust sandwich. “The timing seems suspect.” I’m remarkably calm as I discuss the thought that first came to me in the shower.
“I know you think she’s done you dirty, but Vivien would not lie if that baby was yours, Dillon. She wouldn’t do that.” Ash claims the seat on my right, setting a mug of steaming coffee down in front of me.
“You’re assuming any of us really knew her at all,” I deadpan before swallowing the last of my food and reaching for the coffee.
“Do you know when she last had her period when she was with you?” my sister asks.
“Early August.” I don’t need to think about it. Everything about Viv is imprinted in my brain as well as my heart.
“Then I don’t think it’s possible. They calculate pregnancy from the date of your last period.” Her hand lands softly on mine. “Her son was born in June meaning he was conceived in September, weeks after you last saw her. I’m sorry, Dillon.”
Pain slams into me, and I shove my coffee away, reaching for the whiskey.
“At least we know now why she ghosted you, love,” Jay says, taking the seat on my left. He drops two glasses onto the table, forcibly prying the whiskey from my hand. After pouring healthy measures into both glasses, he slides one to me.
“It makes sense, but what doesn’t is her calling me now.” Ash frowns.
Wait. My head snaps up. “What?”
“I didn’t know if I should tell you.” She knots her fingers on top of the table. “Viv’s been calling and texting me the past week, asking if we could talk. I haven’t picked up.”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s too late. The damage is done.” She curls her hands around her mug. “You’re my brother. My priority is you, and I’m fucking pissed at her for the things she’s done. There’s no going back even if part of me understands.”
“She called to tell you she was getting married,” I say, knocking back the whiskey and reaching for the bottle. “Probably to gloat.”
“Come on, Dil. She wouldn’t gloat.” Ash scrubs her hands down her face. “She probably wanted to warn me. She must know the band has made it. That we’re living in L.A.”
“She’s dead to me,” I calmly say, chugging more whiskey. “I don’t want to talk about her ever again. I don’t want anyone in this house to ever mention her name. Tell Ava the bare minimum in case there is a need to do damage control, but otherwise, no one is to know.” Swiping the bottle, I stand, my chair screeching across the floor. “I want to forget I ever knew the conniving bitch. I hope she’s miserable with him.” Anger comingles with pain as I vent all my fury. “I hope he keeps cheating. I hope she cries herself to sleep every night ruing the poor choices she made.”
I sway on my feet as the adrenaline crash finally hits. Gripping the back of the chair, I add, “I hope she regrets abandoning me.” Ash and Jay trade looks as I clutch the bottle to my chest like a lifeline. My jaw clenches. “And someday, when she least expects it, I hope karma comes for her.”