Chapter 6 Born to Die by. Lana Del Ray
Will
Sarah stared at me, awestruck. “You volunteered to go and stated you had time off of work?”
“Maybe,” I responded as I took a sip of my beer.
“William!” Sarah practically yelled. “You are in the middle of the semester. You do not have time off!”
We sat across from each other in the crowded room. We had been coming to this bar weekly since graduate school. The amount of stories the fading walls had heard from the two of us could fill multiple novels.
I sat in this same booth with Sarah as she cried over her first final and when she worried about supporting Fai as he began his journey to sobriety.
She held my hand and offered words of comfort when my sister got sick and whenever I had to deal with my father’s outbursts.
This bar had become a second home to me.
“I know, okay, I know,” I sighed. She was right. It was not the best time to take off of work. We were approaching midterms. “I already talked to my TA. He’s going to cover for me when I can’t go in. The course is well planned out and it’ll be fine.”
I could feel Sarah’s stare as I stared at my drink. “Why?”
I looked up to my friend. “What do you mean?”
“I have known you for what, twelve years, right?” I nodded as she continued. “Your main priority has always been work. Always. Hell, you were a shitty friend and almost missed my wedding because of work.”
“That was partially Fai’s fault. He purposely didn’t give me my invitation and I didn’t know what time it was at,” I interrupted.
“Still, work has always gone first. Why is this suddenly different?” Sarah stated.
I sighed, knowing she wouldn’t like the whole truth, which was Jackie.
She made me want to do it. Everytime I looked into her brown eyes and watched them light up when she talked about work, it made me want to do anything for her.
It made no sense, I barely knew her. Sarah wouldn’t want to hear that after banning me from her.
Thus, I chose to give her a modified version of the truth.
“Jackie’s case is good, and I’m genuinely interested in where it goes. I haven’t had something that interests me in the way this does in years. It makes me feel excited about what the outcome could be.”
Sarah eyed me skeptically as she sipped her way through her matching beer. If she could see I was lying, she didn’t voice it.
“Well, don’t fuck it up and don’t fuck her up, William.”
“I am not going to do either. I also don’t think she will allow me to.”
“I love Ophelia. She is a powerful young woman. I don’t think she even sees it. But…” Sarah sighed as she rested her hand on my forearm that was on the table. “She isn’t as strong as she makes people think. She hasn’t had an easy life.”
“I know, Sarah. She told me about how she met Fai and her alcoholism,” I responded.
“It’s not just that. Truthfully that is barely the tip of the iceberg of the fucked-up nature that is Ophelia’s past,” Sarah responded.
I knew that would be all she would tell me.
One of the best parts about Sarah was that she was a vault.
She had to be with her work as a therapist, and her consulting as a criminal psychologist.
“I won’t hurt her, Sarah,” I stated, knowing it was the truth. For some reason the idea of causing her pain made me hurt. “I promise. Now enough with the heavy. How’s work? How’s the husband who hates me?”
Sarah laughed at my usual title for Fai that I used with her.
“Faizal is good. He’s busy with work, busy with life.
Something has been going on lately but I’m sure it’s fine and he’ll tell me when he’s ready.
” She began to blush as she continued talking about her husband.
“He makes me so happy, William. I sometimes didn’t know it was possible to be this happy. ”
Listening to her talk about Fai always brought me joy for my friend’s happiness but there was a bit of jealousy knowing the love they share is a once-in-a-lifetime kind of thing.
“I’m so happy for you, Sarah. You two are definitely soul mates,” I responded, but quickly changed the subject because conversations about Fai made me think about Jackie and I couldn’t let Sarah know how much I was thinking about her. “What about work, anything cool?”
“Cool? Not really. You know most things I can’t talk about,” Sarah responded rather calmly, but quickly changed her tune. “Wait! I just got called to work on a case I can actually tell you about!”
“Really? What are the details?” Sarah often shared with me about her consulting jobs with the US government since I had the proper security clearance and could know about them.
“Remember the story of Griffin Whitley?” she began as she leaned towards me.
I nodded my head in response. I did know that story. A young man murdered six people total, in sets of two. He was found not guilty by reason of insanity. The details were never released to the public.
Sarah continued on, “I am flying out in a little while to meet with him. They want me to try and get as much information about the murders as I can. Apparently he’s been really hush hush about it all.”
“That’s incredible, Sarah!” I responded, feeling truly proud of her work. “Be careful around him. Didn’t he only kill women who were around twenty-five to thirty?” I asked, suddenly feeling concerned for my friend.
Sarah sighed. “Don’t be worried about me, William. I’ll be very protected. Plus I will be given the rights to publish an article based on the conversation. They even stated I could pick the journal, which means Fibonacci Files will have the exclusive. It’s going to be great for the company.”
“You’re truly the most selfless individual I have met,” I laughed as I finished my beer. “You’re given this incredible opportunity and immediately think about how it will positively impact your friends.”
Sarah looked at me with what I think was pity. “That’s love. You want the best for the people you love. You’ll give up your own happiness for them any day of the week.”
“Oh, well I don’t have a lot of experience with that,” I responded dismissively.
“How is your dad?” Sarah asked.
“No. I can’t talk about him,” I snapped as I began peeling the label off of my empty bottle.
I didn’t talk about my father.
“Fine, luckily for you I won’t push because she just got here,” Sarah responded as she began waving her hand towards someone who just entered.
“Sarah, who is this she?” I asked, feeling a bit bombarded but the sudden unknown guest.
“Don’t be mad. I invited her thinking you two could continue talking about the case,” she said in a whisper. “In my defense, I didn’t know you lied about your job to Ophelia before I had asked her.”
“You’re up to something.”
“She always is,” Jackie said as she approached our table. “Hi Will! Fancy seeing you here.”
Jackie was radiant tonight with her blonde hair falling in the most beautiful waves. She also brought a light with her that I don’t think she even noticed. She had this effect whenever she entered the room, it was like a light that followed her. Just then I felt a kick under the table.
I must have been staring for too long.
“God, that hurt,” I grimaced as I rubbed my shin and glaring at Sarah, the culprit of my pain. “Hi Jackie. I didn’t know you were coming tonight.”
Jackie laughed. “Yeah, I figured that one out pretty fast. I also didn’t know you would be here if that helps. I actually umm…” Jackie turned to look at her friend. “I invited Fai.”
Sarah’s face paled. “Well, fuck.” She turned to face me. “Want to hide under the table?” she asked with a sheepish smile.
“It will be fine, Sarah. We can get along.” I was lying, we couldn't.
“Nope. Jackie, sit.” Sarah stood and pointed at her abandoned seat. “I will find Fai and get him to come home with me. It won’t be too hard to convince him, if you know what I mean.” She finished with a smirk.
“Ewww!” Jackie grimaced as she sat in front of me. “That’s like hearing about my parents having sex.”
Sarah laughed as she gathered her things and got ready to hopefully intercept Fai before he saw me.
“First off, I am still too young to be your mom. Second off, stay here and talk to William about this San Francisco trip you failed to tell me about, and third have a goodnight.” Sarah leaned down to give me a kiss on the cheek and whispered, “You have fun with her, but remember, you’re banned.
” With that, my friend sauntered out the front door.
“You didn’t tell her about the trip?” It had been nearly a week since we discussed the logistics of the trip in her office. I had to leave shortly after but had wanted to see her since.
“Nope, but it seems like you didn’t either,” Jackie retorted as she peeled off her worn jeans jacket that was damp from the never ending rain.
“You’re correct in that assumption.”
As I looked at her, all of my usual sayings seemed to slip away. My usual charming personality was replaced with a stuttering teenage boy.
“Can I get you anything to drink? A beer or something? Oh fuck! Wait no. You don’t drink.” I palmed my own face. I was already fucking this up. “Water, can I get you water?”
Luckily, it seemed as though she was amused by my ramblings. “Sure that would be great, a coke as well.”
I took my time getting her drinks and a coke for me as well, trying to get myself in check. Something about her unbalanced my usual controlled self. I couldn’t understand why I felt this way.
“Here you go,” I said as I placed her drinks down and sat back in my seat.
“Thanks, Will.” Jackie looked up at me. “So… this is more awkward than I was expecting.”
I laughed at the woman in front of me. “You’re not wrong,” I responded hesitantly. “Is it hard coming to bars like this?”
“No, not anymore. It was at first but I worked hard to make it easier. I was only twenty-three when I stopped drinking which made it hard to date and make friends because I learned most socialization takes place in said bars,” she responded as she took a sip of her water.
“Do you do that a lot? Date, I mean?” I asked, not even sure why.
I, for some reason, just needed to know.
Luckily Jackie just laughed at me. “No, not really. I used to, but have been busy with work and truthfully I don’t really know how to.”
“What do you mean?”
Jackie hesitated before she answered with her own question. “How much have Fai and Sarah told you about me?”
“Almost nothing.” It was true. Sarah was a vault and Fai never talked about Jackie around me. He believed it was his own way of protecting her. At least, that’s what Sarah told me when I asked. “I essentially know your name and that you know them.”
“I guess that makes sense. They also don’t know too much.” Jackie looked at me as she continued, the usual light in her eyes fading. “Let’s just say I grew up in a pretty strict household with wild religious beliefs. So I don’t know how to do most normal adult things.”
“Seriously?” I was awestruck at the little bit of knowledge about Jackie.
“Yeah. It wasn’t the best growing up how I did, or where I did. I was luckier than most, however, because… well, I ran from home. My brother got me and my older sister out when I was fourteen.”
Jackie was truly an enigma. You would never guess she had such a hard life based on who she was today. She was strong, stronger than most, stronger than me. “You have a brother and sister?”
She looked at me with obvious ghosts in her eyes. “Umm, yeah… two older brothers actually and my older sister.”
“Which brother got you out?” I asked.
Jackie coughed and proceeded to take a sip, delaying her response. “My second oldest brother. My oldest still lives in our hometown near my parents. Now that’s all you are getting from me. Your turn.”
“My turn?” I asked, ignoring the change in topic.
“Your turn to share something private. I did, so it's your turn. You’re also about to spend weeks with me. We should get to know each other. It’ll help make it less awkward,” Jackie reasoned.
“Ummm.. well, okay.” She was right. What she shared was extremely private and personal. I never talked about personal things with strangers, but like I said, Jackie could make me do anything she wanted. “My father, William Sr., he isn’t a good man.”
Jackie looked at me, waiting for me to continue. I stared at my coke, suddenly wishing I had a beer instead. “He is a cruel man and was… well, he was very abusive to me and my sister, Rebecca.”
“Do you still talk to him?” As I looked up to her I saw only understanding, not the pity I was expecting.
Why did I hate the fact that she understood?
“No. Not on purpose, at least.” No other explanation was needed, or at least given. I never talked about my father. He was a part of the past I left behind.
The two of us sat there, in companionable silence for a time, both understanding one another on a new unexpected level. Maybe that is why I felt so connected to Jackie so quickly. She was a kindred spirit.
“Thanks, Will,” Jackie stated as she broke the silence.
Confused, I looked at her. “Why?”
“For not making it weird. Most people don’t know how to treat me after they find out about how I ran away. It means a lot.”
Chuckling, I responded, “You’re welcome. I owed it to you after your alcohol revelation and my subsequent response. I really kicked my own ass there.”
I hadn’t meant to not respond when she told me.
It wasn’t even that I was surprised or taken aback.
I was impressed by her. Everytime she told me about herself I felt impressed.
I always felt like I had accomplished more than most in my thirty four years, but Jackie surpassed me on every level that matters.
She snorted. “True, very true. Are you ready for San Francisco?”
“Yeah, I am excited to talk to Joey about what he went through and even see where he went missing from,” I responded as I shifted to thinking about the upcoming trip.
“I think we are going to answer a lot of unanswered questions. Whether it is about the Cult or simply why the drawing was at the scene, I don’t care. I am just excited for the answers.”
That was the truth. I knew San Francisco would offer us answers, but I wasn’t expecting the many more questions it would lead to.