Chapter 11
Eleven
Allison
Dani and I are sitting on the couch at Dime's watching a TV show about an ice dancer and the bad boy she's fallen in love with when I glance over at her.
Whiskers is on my lap, and I'm comfortable in a way I haven't been since I came home from the hospital.
Which gives me the guts to say what I am about to, to her.
"Do you care that Devil is a cop?" I question, running my fingers through Whiskers hair.
Her eyes cut over to mine quickly and she isn't able to hide the surprise that washes across her face. "The moment I found out? Yeah, I did. It was a huge betrayal and honestly I thought I would leave him immediately."
"But?" I prompt her, wondering what's going on in her head.
"But then I realized I love him, and he's my entire life."
I feel this with everything I have. "What are we going to do if this all comes crashing down?" I whisper. "Both of us know that these two men we love are way more outlaw than they are cops."
"Then we'll deal with it," she says softly, clearing her throat. "And we'll make sure they know we love them."
Needing to change the subject slightly, I blurt out. "Dime told me he wants me to stay here with him forever."
"Al! What are you going to do?"
I pause the show, needing to give this conversation my full attention. Whiskers protests with a small meow, but settles back down when I keep stroking her.
"I want to stay," I admit. "God, Dani, I really want to stay. Being here with him feels more like home than anywhere I've ever lived. But I'm scared."
"Of what?"
"Of what happens when everyone finds out the truth. When the club finds out that Dime's been lying to them this whole time." I set my hand on top of Whiskers, stilling my movements. "What if they turn on him? What if they turn on me because I knew? What if they turn on you?"
Dani shifts on the couch, turning to face me fully. "Do you think Devil hasn't thought about that? Do you think Dime hasn't? They've been living with this every single day, knowing that at some point the truth is going to come out."
"That doesn't make it easier."
"No, it doesn't." She reaches over and takes my hand.
"But here's what I know. I know that Devil is a good man who's trying to do the right thing.
I know that he loves me enough to risk everything, including his cover, to keep me safe.
And I know that when this all comes out, whatever happens, I'm going to stand by him. "
Tears prick at my eyes. "Even if the club hates you for it?"
"Even then." Her voice is firm. "Because at the end of the day, I have to be able to live with myself. And I can't live with myself if I abandon the man I love just because things get hard. Even if it means turning my back on family, and please know you're the only one I've admitted this to."
I swallow roughly. "What if Dime gets hurt? What if someone from the club finds out and they—"
"Stop." Dani squeezes my hand. "You can't live your life in what-ifs, Al. Trust me, I've tried. All it does is make you crazy and keep you from being happy in the now."
"But how do you just turn that off? How do you stop worrying about what's coming?"
She's quiet for a moment, and when she speaks again, her voice is softer.
"You don't. You worry, you stress, you lose sleep over it.
But you also choose to be present in the moments you have.
Because those moments? They're what we're lying for.
They're happening right now. And if you spend all your time worrying about the future, you're going to miss the beautiful things happening in front of you. "
I think about Dime holding me in the shower, telling me he's in love with me. I think about him bringing Whiskers into his lap and making her purr, how he makes me purr. I think about all the small moments over the last few days where he's made me feel safe and loved and like I matter.
"You're right," I whisper. "You're absolutely right."
"I know." She grins at me. "It's annoying, isn't it?"
I laugh, and it feels good. "So fucking annoying."
"So what are you going to do? About Dime asking you to stay?"
I take a deep breath, and as I let it out, I feel something settle in my chest. A decision being made, a line being crossed. "I'm going to stay. For as long as he'll have me."
"Good." Dani's smile is wide, a mischievous glitter in her eyes. "Because I was going to be pissed if you said anything else. You two are perfect together."
"We barely know each other in the grand scheme of things."
"You know the important stuff. You know how he makes you feel. You know that you trust him with your life. Everything else is just details."
Before I can respond, I hear the rumble of motorcycles outside. Both of us go still, listening as the engines cut off.
"They're back," Dani says, releasing my hand.
"That was fast."
"Whatever they were doing, they must have gotten it done."
The front door opens, and I hear Dime's voice, low and familiar, followed by Devil's deeper rumble. They're talking about something, but I can't make out the words. Then they're walking into the living room, and Dime's eyes find mine immediately.
"Hey, baby," he says, coming over to the couch. "Everything good here?"
"Everything's perfect," I tell him, and I mean it.
He leans down and kisses me, soft and sweet, and I feel Whiskers shift in my lap as she makes room for him to sit down. Devil settles on the other side of Dani, pulling her against his side.
"What are we watching?" Devil asks, gesturing at the TV.
"Some show about an ice dancer and a bad boy," Dani explains. "It's terrible."
"Terrible in the best way," I add, throwing a pillow at her. "Very dramatic, lots of angst. He's the bad boy, she's the good girl, and she can't get enough of how bad he actually is."
Dime chuckles, reaching over to scratch behind Whiskers' ears. "Sounds riveting, and kind of like you and me."
I snort-laugh, rolling my eyes. "Oh, it is. They just had a fight because he saw her talking to her ex-partner, and now she's threatening to quit the competition."
"Let me guess, they're going to make up by the end of the episode?" Devil asks.
"Probably through a dramatic ice skating routine where they realize they can't live without each other," Dani says with a grin.
I unpause the show, and we all settle in to watch. It's ridiculous and over-the-top, and I love every second of it. Not because the show is good, but because I'm sitting here with the people I care about most, feeling normal for the first time in what feels like forever.
Dime's arm comes around my shoulders, and I lean into him, careful not to disturb Whiskers who's now purring contentedly between us. On the other side of the couch, I can see Dani and Devil in a similar position, her head on his shoulder, his hand playing with her hair.
"This is nice," I murmur.
"What is?" Dime asks.
"This. All of us together, just watching bad TV and being normal."
"We are pretty normal," Devil says, and Dani snorts.
"Babe, we are many things, but normal is not one of them," I laugh, thinking about what the last few days have held for the two of us.
He twirls a piece of my hair around his finger. "Speak for yourself. I'm extremely normal."
"You ride a motorcycle for a living and have a leather cut with patches on it. You are the opposite of normal."
"The patches are cool though," I point out.
"Thank you, babel. At least someone appreciates my fashion choices."
We all laugh, and the sound fills the room. On the TV, the ice dancer is crying because the bad boy just told her he's leaving the competition. It's absurd and melodramatic, and I can't stop smiling, because this is the shit I love. It doesn't have to be going on in my life, for me to eat it up.
"Oh my god, he's not actually leaving," Dani says, throwing a piece of popcorn at the screen. "This is such a fake-out."
"Of course it is. They've got three more episodes left in the season," I agree.
"You think they end up together?" Dime asks.
"One hundred percent. This is that kind of show."
"Good. I like a happy ending." He gives me a wink.
I glance up at him, and there's something in his eyes that makes my heart skip. He's not just talking about the show, and we both know it.
"Me too," I say softly.
The episode continues, and just like we predicted, the bad boy comes back. There's a big romantic gesture involving a choreographed skating routine and a declaration of love in front of everyone. It's cheesy and perfect, and when they kiss on the ice, I feel tears in my eyes.
"You crying?" Dime asks, amusement in his voice.
"No," I lie, wiping at my eyes. "I just have something in my eye."
"Both eyes?"
"Shut up."
He laughs and pulls me closer, pressing a kiss to the top of my head. Whiskers stretches and repositions herself so she's draped across both our laps, clearly deciding that we're both acceptable furniture.
"She really likes you," I tell Dime.
"The feeling's mutual. She's a good cat."
"High praise from a guy who told me when we met that he wasn't a cat person."
"I've evolved."
On the other side of the couch, Devil and Dani are arguing about whether the ice dancer should have forgiven the bad boy so quickly.
"He lied to her for like, half the season," Dani argues. "She should have made him work for it more."
"He choreographed an entire skating routine for her. That's work," Devil argues back. "It's not like that shit is easy, is it?"
"That's the bare minimum. He should have groveled." She tugs on his hair.
"He did grovel. Did you miss the whole speech he gave?"
"That wasn't groveling, that was a declaration of love. There's a difference."
I catch Dime's eye, and we both smile. This. This is what I want. Not just him, but this. The normalcy, the laughter, the arguing about stupid TV shows with people who are our best friends.
"Hey," Dime says quietly, so only I can hear. "You okay?"
"Yeah," I tell him, and I realize I mean it. For the first time since everything happened with Logan, I actually feel okay. "I'm really okay."
"Good." He kisses my temple. "That's all I want. For you to be okay."
"I love you," I whisper, the words tumbling out before I can stop them.
He goes still for a moment, and I hold my breath, wondering if I've said too much too soon. But then he's turning my face toward his, his eyes searching mine.
"Say that again."
"I love you," I repeat, stronger this time. "I know it's fast, and I know we're in the middle of all this crazy stuff, but I do. I love you."
"I love you too," he says, and the relief in his voice mirrors my own. "God, Allison, I love you so much. Every time you say it, I want to take it and put it in my pocket so I can carry it around all day, every day."
He kisses me, and I hear Dani make a sound that might be aww but could also be her choking on popcorn. I don't care. All I care about is this man, this moment, this feeling of finally being exactly where I'm supposed to be.
The TV show continues playing in the background. But I'm not paying attention to it anymore. I'm too busy soaking in this moment, this feeling, this life I'm building with Dime.
Whatever comes next, whatever challenges we face when the truth comes out, we'll face them together. And that's all that matters.
But none of us realize how hard those challenges might be.