The First Kiss #2
“Remember when I thought you weren’t going to strangle me?” I stood in front of him.
“I’m not going to strangle you, Florence.” His lips quivered in amusement.
“It’s not like you’d admit it even if you were going to?” I muttered.
“Just trust me,” he said, pulling me gently by my hand. I followed him back to the driver’s seat.
“Miles?” I gasped. My chest tightened, and I felt a cold wave wash over me. “No!” I quickly shook my head, refusing to move. “Is that what I think you have in mind? Because my answer is no. I can’t…”
His thumb stroked a comforting circle over my knuckles as he tightened his grip. “Florence?” he whispered, looking at me. “Hey, we are just going to sit in the car for a bit, okay? And see how you feel?”
“Please, Miles,” I pleaded nervously.
“I promise,” he whispered, reaching for my other hand, “we don’t have to drive if you don’t want to. Okay?”
“Um,” I swallowed hard. My head shook ‘No’ but I breathed, “Okay.”
The seat clicked as Miles adjusted it for me. “You good?” he asked, his voice soft.
“Yeah,” I exhaled.
“Do you want me to put on some music?”
“Um.” Taking a deep breath, I only shook my head.
Miles nodded then shifted in his seat.
My hands were clenched into fists, dampened, afraid to touch anything in the car. My mind focused on each breath I took, trying to calm my nerves.
In and out.
Inhale and exhale.
Silence stretched between us when, suddenly, “Tell me about Felix?” Miles suggested.
“Seriously?” I shot my gaze at him.
“Yeah. Was it a good kiss?”
I laughed.
“Um…” I hummed, my mind slowly drifting away, taking me to my fifteen-year-old self and Felix, my first big crush.
Such a charmer, not so much of a kisser.
That day we skipped biology class to, well, do some biology.
“Boy, it was pretty awkward.” I wrinkled my nose with a snort.
“Way too much tongue. I mean, I had to wipe my face with a sleeve. God.” I laughed again.
“It was actually gross. But you know, it was such a big deal for me at the time.”
“Sounds like an epic kiss you will never forget,” Miles mumbled.
“Oh, that was the worst!”
“Well, then, you clearly hadn’t kissed Greta Hornback.”
“Greta Hornback?” A sudden chuckle erupted from me. “Do tell!” Without thinking, my fingers excitedly drummed against the steering wheel.
“Let me just warn you that we both used to wear braces back then, and before you ask, yes, they did entangle.”
“Nooooo!” My jaw dropped with another chuckle.
“It was all so…so painful. Greta started crying, trying to pull away, and it hurt like hell.”
“Oh my God!” I put my hand to my mouth, stifling my laughs. “How did you unhook them?”
Miles leaned back into his seat, shaking his head as if reliving that horrifying day all over again.
“Her dad,” he mumbled.
“What?” I shot him a confused look.
“Her dad…He was my orthodontist too.”
“Wait! What?” Completely taken aback, my eyes widened further. A burst of laughter erupted from me so suddenly that I had to clutch my stomach, unable to stop as I tried to imagine how that must have felt.
“That,” Miles sighed, “was a complete nightmare.”
“Okay! Okay!” I said, tears welling up in my eyes. “I agree, yours is definitely much worse!”
And then there was silence, and I took a deep breath, realising that I no longer felt scared sitting in the driver’s seat.
I realised that whatever he just did, it worked, he took my mind off it.
He said he was there, with me, and I believed him.
And, by all means, I wasn’t planning on telling him about her, but the words just slipped out on their own.
I told him her name was Cassey and that she was my best friend. He asked me what she was like, and I told him that she was smart, and fun, and, besides having the worst taste in music, I still loved her very much.
“The radio was playing loudly, and we both sang Spice Girls’ ‘Wannabe’ at the top of our lungs.
Both dressed up, glitter head to toe,” I snorted, rolling my eyes.
“All I cared about was a party we were driving to where, excitedly, I was going to lose my virginity to Billie Ryder. Yeah, I know.” A faint smile painted on my lips as I caught his side-eyed glance at me.
“Sounded promising. But as you might have guessed already, it didn’t happen.
And then…” I exhaled deeply, reliving the memory of my worst nightmare.
“Then, suddenly, at the turn, another car veered from the opposite side of the road. Before I could do anything, we got hit so hard that when I next opened my eyes we were upside down…”
…A sharp pain shot through my head as I regained consciousness.
“Ouch.” I slowly opened my eyes, but everything around me was blurry.
The world seemed to be tilting and spinning until the dashboard finally reddened into focus.
A warm trickle ran down my neck. Blood. I shifted my gaze.
Glass. There was glass—a lot of shattered glass.
It glittered everywhere, catching the blinding glare of the headlights.
The deafening sounds blared from the speaker—something about unrequited love.
I sucked in a deep, throaty breath, trying to move.
“Shit,” I winced as I pushed the deflated airbag away, my neck screaming in pain. I turned to the seat next to mine.
“Are you okay?”
Silence.
“Can you hear me?” I managed with a plea. But the answer never came. Only an empty and lifeless stare; those beautiful, cold, silver eyes pierced right through me.
Panic clawed at my throat.
Then I heard a small breath, barely there.
“Yes,” I mumbled, my voice hoarse. “Please. Just breathe,” I whispered, tears stinging my eyes. My fingers trembled, reaching for the other hand. “Please don’t leave me.”
“There…um—” My chest heaved at the memory; I could almost taste the metallic flavour on my lips. “There was a lot of glass and blood, and when I looked at Cassey…it was…she was fading away. God, I always thought that if I knew how to help her, maybe there was something…something I could have done…”
“So, medicine?” he asked. “Because of her?”
“Yeah,” I whispered. “But the thing is—” I looked at him, grey eyes locked on mine with an unwavering gaze.
“—she had severe internal injuries…her major organs were damaged. It just wasn’t fair.
Even if paramedics arrived sooner, it wouldn’t have been enough.
And—” A long, trembling exhale left my lungs.
“—I often replay that in my head…what if I—I don’t know, I should have been more careful… I should have—”
“Hey, Florence,” he said in a soft voice, “I’m so sorry. But none of this is your fault, you know that, right?”
“Well—” I pressed my lips together in a thin smile. “—I was driving, and I…I was fine, spared except for a small scar along my jawline.” A finger traced the raised skin, a tiny reminder on the outside, but a gaping hole was carved inside. A piece of her, forever a part of me.
“Florence.” He leaned in closer. “Hey,” he said, his eyes finding mine, “you’re not responsible for what happened. You are not the one to blame, okay?”
A thick silence filled the air between us as I was trying to find the words to tell him he was wrong, but maybe the only person who was wrong was me.
So many times I thought about if the situation were reversed and Cassey survived, would I blame her?
Never. But I’d miss her dearly. Every now and then I felt torn between the guilt of being the one who survived and the realisation that my life was going on autopilot.
Sometimes in between I questioned whether I was doing enough good, but lately…
I just felt…tired. And so, with a breath tightening in my chest, I finally gave him a faint nod.
“Good,” he whispered, his gaze lingering on mine for a beat longer. “And remember, there are so many others you’ve helped.”