15. Connor
CONNOR
Idream of Angie’s breasts pressed against my back, of her hand wrapped around my cock. I know it happened. I want to live in that moment forever. The way she touched me, washed me, gently and carefully like she truly gave a shit about me.
I’ve never experienced that before.
My men respect me. My friends treat me well. But always I’m the boss. The responsibility sits on my shoulders alone, and no matter what, I’m always separate from them.
Power is mine alone.
But in the shower, Angie treated me like a man. Not like the king of a crime family, not like a cold-blooded killer, but like her husband.
It was intoxicating.
I didn’t know I needed that—until she gave it to me.
Light streams in through the window. It’s early, around six thirty, and I turn to watch my wife sleep.
Except she’s not there.
The bathroom door is open and the sound of someone retching makes me leap from the covers.
I’m wide awake and rushing to her side.
I find Angie perched in front of the toilet throwing up. “Baby? What’s going on?”
“Shit,” she gasps, eyes flicking to me, face slick with sweat. “I’m okay. I didn’t—“ She pukes again, groaning. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“What’s happening? What can I do?” I am a man who moves mountains, murders his foes, dominates anyone who gets in my way, and yet I’m brought to a state of pathetic panic at the sight of my wife vomiting.
“Morning sickness.” She slumps back and sits against the wall. “It’ll pass soon.”
The baby. Shit.
“I’ll get you some water.”
She mumbles something but I’m already on the move.
I throw on clothes and storm down the hall and into the main house.
I find one of my staff members dusting down in the main welcome atrium.
“You down there, I need water, and crackers, and some tea, and coffee as well, and yogurt. My wife isn’t feeling well and I need it right now. ”
The young female staffer looks around wide-eyed. “Uh, yes, sir, right away.” She rushes off.
I pace at the top of the steps impatiently. I should’ve gone myself, damn it. I’m about to charge to the kitchen when the staffer returns. I rush to meet her and take the tray myself. “I’ll handle it from here.”
I run back to the room, spilling some of the drinks in the process, and find Angie already dressed and brushing her teeth. She looks at me in the mirror, surprised at the state of me, and I check myself.
Messy hair, expression wild and borderline feral, clutching a massive tray covered in drinks and bowls.
“Holy shit, Connor, you look worse than me.”
I open my mouth to snarl at her?—
But burst out laughing instead.
She smiles back, spits some toothpaste in the sink, and rinses.
My wife’s funny. I like that about her.
“I brought you some things.” I place the tray gently down at the end of the bed. “I didn’t know what would help.”
“Honestly, I’m fine. It comes and goes and it’s worst in the morning. Guess they got the name right.” She plucks the tea and sips, smiling as she watches me. “You really didn’t have to do this.”
“Tell me the next time you aren’t feeling well. I’ll make sure we have what you need here for the moment you’re done.”
“Connor, honestly?—“
“I will meet my wife’s needs.” I say it through my teeth, thinking back to the night before, to my soldier’s head crumpling in a spray of bloody mist as he was blown to pieces. I failed him, and I will fail more in the future, but not with her.
I’ll do this right or I’ll kill myself trying.
“You’re ridiculous,” she says, smiling. “But this tea is good.”
“Then you’ll have some here every single morning. What else?”
“Crackers. Water. Diet Coke?—“
My brows arch. “Really?”
“I know, it’s weird, but I’ve been craving it. Especially straight from McDonald’s? You know how much better it is?”
“I wasn’t aware.”
“I guess this is a pregnancy thing, huh?”
“I have no idea.”
“Right, we’re in this for the first time together.” She sits on the couch near the fireplace, eyes fixed on the mantle. “You know what I wish I could do?”
“Tell me.”
“I wish I could Google what the hell is going on with me.”
My shoulders tense. “I got you a phone.”
“You got me a dumb phone that can barely text. Please, I want my own.”
I take the coffee from the tray and move toward her. My stomach flutters with worry. What if she does something stupid? What if she tries to get help?
But I know better than that. I’m being selfish and controlling. I can make sure her phone isn’t capable of doing anything I don’t know about, and besides, half the NYPD is on my payroll.
She took care of me last night.
Now I can do the same.
“Alright, angel. I’ll get you your phone.” I hold up a hand before she gets too excited. “But I will monitor everything you do on it.”
Her expression falls. “That’s psychotic.”
“I don’t care. It’s for your own good, at least until we trust each other.”
Her hands grip the mug tightly. “Fine. Whatever. Spy on me all you want. Gonna steal all my old nudes too?”
“You already sent me those, remember?”
She blushes, her eyes dropping to the floor. “I want one more thing.”
“Name it. I’m feeling generous. Whatever my pregnant wife wants, she can have. More clothes? Movies? Books?”
“My mother.”
I take a step back. “I told you?—“
“Today, Connor. I want you to bring her here today. No more delaying. You showed up last night covered in blood, which means this war thing is real. It’s really happening, and I don’t want my mom to become another victim. Bring her here.”
I turn my back on her. I hate it, but she’s right. I’ve been using the promise of her mother’s safety as a cudgel to keep her in line, but that can’t last forever.
“I have guards watching her right now. I’ll make them bring her in.”
“Thank you. But wait—you’ve been watching her?”
“I’m a monster, angel. I’m not a fool.” I turn to face her again. “Now here’s what I want.”
“I didn’t realize we were negotiating.”
“We’re not.” I step closer and fall to my knees beside her. I take her hand tightly and hold it close against my chest. She blinks rapidly in surprise. “You will take care of yourself. I’ll arrange for a doctor to make a house call. You will do everything the doctor says. Vitamins, bedrest?—“
“Pregnant women don’t need to stay in bed all day.”
“Some do. You will if that’s what’s needed. You will not make trouble. You will not harass Colm. You and your mother will stay in this part of the house until I say it’s safe.”
“So we’re still prisoners, then?”
“If that makes it easier for you, yes.”
She tries to pull away, but I don’t let her. “Some marriage we have.”
“You can hate me, angel. I’m prepared for that. But you will survive this war and you will have my child.”
Her gaze is cool. “Fine. Are you done?”
“For now.” I let her go. She shifts so her back’s to me. I stand and step away, frustrated with myself.
There was a moment. A brief one, but last night, in bed, I felt it. The animosity was gone. The hate faded. We were people, man and wife even, and it felt good. I felt normal with her. I want to hold on to that feeling, but it’s already slipping away in the cold light of reality.
She’s my wife, but not because she wants to be.
“Send my mother in to see me when she arrives. I’ll be here.” She looks back over her shoulder. “In my cage.”
I let her have the last word. Some battles aren’t worth fighting.