30. Angie
ANGIE
I’m anxious the second Connor leaves the house.
After the attack on his mansion, it kills me when he’s not around. I’m constantly worried I might never see him again, that a bunch of armed men might storm through the door at any moment and destroy everything I’ve grown to love.
Because I do love it here. Even this house, with its empty rooms and echoing halls. No staff, no help, not anymore. Lisa survived the assault, but Connor made it clear he’s not bringing anyone around aside from guards until this is all finished.
It’s his family I adore. Danielle’s chatty and selfish, but even she’s warming to me.
Then there’s Rowan, and how much she’s hurting right now, and Cathal with his crooked, broken nose.
They’re such good people and I don’t know how I’ve gotten through the day this long without having real family to come home to.
Mom’s slumped on a dingy chair in front of an old TV. She looks miserable: pale, drawn, sweaty, and nervous. I sit with her, but she only complains about everything and constantly changes the channel.
“We had a good thing, you know,” Mom says, jabbing the remote in the air. “A real good thing, and what did he go and do? He went and screwed it all up.”
“You know that’s not what happened.”
“Like hell I do! That place was magical, Angelina. I loved that house so much. And look at me now.”
“You realize we were practically prisoners?”
“But I had staff. I had cleaners. And I had my chewies. Where are my smokes now?”
My head swings toward her, pulse thumping in my ears. “Your smokes?”
“My gummies! Whatever! I swear it’s like my brain’s on fire. It’s so loud inside my head, darling, and I need something to tone me down, you know that. Where are my smokes? Please, lovey? Can you ask Connor?”
“Mom—“
“Please, baby? Pretty please? I know we’re in hiding, but please?—“
“Enough!” I stand. My knees wobble and I’m shaking. “Stop asking. Every time I come in here, it’s the same. You beg and you beg because you don’t know how to be sober. But Connor made it clear. We aren’t getting anything anytime soon.”
“Then fuck him.” She spits and kicks her legs. “Fuck him! Fuck you too!”
I watch my adult mother have a meltdown. It’s a full-on screaming tantrum, and that’s what finally breaks me. I wait her out, feeling the last shreds of my feelings for her fray and crumble, until there’s nothing left.
“I’ve given you everything,” I say, forcing the words out, fighting back tears. “I took care of you for years, Mom, when you couldn’t handle taking care of yourself. I sacrificed to make sure you had what you needed.”
“Oh, stop it, you fucking baby. Listen to yourself. You’re such a martyr.”
“I’m done now.” I turn my back on her, trembling. “You never cared before. You’re not going to care now. You’re not my responsibility anymore.”
“I’m your mother! I raised you!”
“No, you didn’t.” I walk purposefully to the door. “When this is over, I want you to go back home.”
“What are you talking about?”
“We’re done. You’re on your own now, Mom.”
“Wait a second.” There’s panic in her voice now like she realizes what’s happening. “I’m sorry, baby. You know I’m just tired and cranky. I don’t mean it.”
“Good luck, Mom.”
“What? Good luck? Fuck you! Fuck you, selfish brat! Fuck you, fuck you, fuck?—“
I close the door behind me. Something hard thuds against it. Probably the remote. I cover my face with my hands and I should be crying but there’s nothing left in me. I stay like that, gathering myself, and it’s strange, the lightness that passes over me.
Mom’s not mine anymore.
It’s liberating. There’s guilt in me too, but I feel lighter and better than I have in a very long time.
I’ll protect her through this war. But when we come out the other side?—
She’s on her own.
I have no idea what’ll happen and that has to be fine.
“Are you okay?”
I look up to find Rowan. She’s in a big, oversized hoodie, standing a few feet away, uncertain.
Her hands are tucked into the pouch and her eyes are on the floor.
“I’m okay,” I say and spread my arms. She comes to me without saying anything else, lets me fold her into a massive hug, and that’s what finally does it.
We cry together. I’m not even sure what we’re crying over. Poor dead Colm, maybe, but it’s cathartic. I finish before she does and I stroke her hair until she calms down.
“I’m sorry your mom’s so awful,” Rowan says softly.
“It’s alright.”
“My mom’s been trying to talk to me. I can count the number of serious conversations we’ve had together on a closed fist. I think she’s afraid.”
“She’s definitely worried.”
“I should tell her I’m going to be alright. I just…” Rowan pauses, trembling against me. “I keep seeing him, you know? Colm was trying to save us.”
“Listen to me.” I draw back and hold her shoulders tightly. “You did all you could. You saved me and my mom. You know that, right? If you hadn’t gotten us, I’m not sure we would’ve made it to the safe room.”
“Some saving. I got Colm killed, Dad’s nose got broken, and Deck’s a traitor.”
“You did save us though. What happened to Colm was terrible, but it’s not on you.”
“I feel like I let everyone down.”
“Oh, honey. You didn’t.” I hug her hard. “We’re even now.”
That makes her laugh and I laugh along with her.
It’s better than crying.
We sit together in one of the empty rooms. Rowan doesn’t open up exactly, but she seems to unwind. She comes out of her hoodie, hands appearing, hood drawn back. We’re in the middle of laughing about something else when Connor shows up in the doorway, eyebrows knit like we both grew two heads.
“That’s a sound I’ll never get sick of,” he says genuinely, and the honest love in his eyes for his sister makes my heart break. This man pretends like he’s got nothing inside of him but hate and death, but there’s a softness under all those layers of blood.
“There you are.” Rowan stands and stretches. “Dad was looking for you.”
“Found him,” Cathal says from the hall.
“You mind if I borrow my wife?” Connor nods at me. “We have some talking to do.”
“What, you’re cutting me out of the family business already?” Rowan laughs at the look on Connor’s face. “Kidding. Seriously. I’d rather go back to being ignorant.” She sweeps from the room, pausing only to knock her brother on the arm. He grunts and pretends like it hurts.
“Love seeing you two getting along,” Cathal says once Connor sits at my side. His knee touches mine and he puts a hand possessively on my leg. I lean my head on his shoulder so he knows everything’s okay. “Remember when you were younger? You and that girl were at each other’s throats.”
“She was a pain in my ass,” Connor grumbles and scowls. “Still is most days.”
“Ah, come on.” Cathal looks at me, crossing his arms over his broad chest. “Even back then, Connor was protective of Rowan. But she was still his little baby sister, right? Whenever he was out causing trouble, she’d want to go, and they’d yell at each other and cause bloody havoc.”
“I can’t imagine them fighting,” I admit.
“All siblings do. You have more of those—“ Cathal gestures at my belly. “You’ll find out.”
I flush thinking about starting a family. “Let’s focus on the first one and we’ll go from there.”
“Speaking of focus.” Connor raises his chin to his father. “Go ahead and tell me what happened again.”
Cathal lowers himself into a chair with a grunt and settles back, idly rubbing at his broken, crooked nose. “Deck called is what happened. Imagine my fucking surprise when that snake had the gall to talk to me.”
“What did he want?” I ask, startled at how anxious I feel. Even hearing his name sends a pang of fear through me.
I’ve never been hated by someone like that before. The way Deck talked to me, the way he looked at me, it was like I wasn’t human anymore. It felt horrible, to be demeaned that way.
“He wants to talk to me. I told him to go ahead and speak his piece, but he insisted on doing it in person.”
Connor lets out a low rumble from his chest. “It’s a trap.”
“Maybe, but I’m not sure. Deck sounded desperate. How many of your men went over to the other side with him, anyway?”
“No more than ten.”
“He doesn’t have the firepower to take me on directly.”
“I bet he was banking on Fergus not being dead.” I cross my legs, tapping a finger to my teeth. “That was him taking the money, wasn’t it?”
“It’s my assumption,” Connor agrees grimly. “That attack was his play. My guess is he wanted to end me by taking you captive, then he’d take control of the Maguire operation, probably as a vassal to the Gallaghers.”
“Fucker really wanted it, huh?” Cathal taps his nose again. “I’ll tell you, son, I’m in the mood to get even for this.”
“That’s not your call, Dad.”
“But Deck came to me, not to you.”
“He thinks you’re soft.”
Cathal makes a dismissive sound. “Deck’s my brother’s son but he’s still a piece of shit. You give me a gun and I’ll put him down.”
“He had the chance to do that to you,” I say, and both men’s eyes fix on me. “But he didn’t. Can you really kill him, Cathal?”
Connor’s dad scratches his chin. “I’d consider it.”
“You might, but I won’t. I’ll find Deck on my own. I’ll do all the killing for everyone.” Connor stands and starts to pace. “But if he’s calling, that means he’s weak. It’s only a matter of time before we have him.”
“Let me make contact. Deck trusts me. He knows I’m not deep in the family. Like your smart and beautiful wife said, I’m not much of a killer.”
“I knew you were a softie, Cathal.” I smile at him sweetly.
He laughs and scrubs a hand through his hair. “I’m not sure if that’s a compliment or not.”
Connor makes a sharp noise in his throat. “Enough. Nobody’s talking to anyone.”
“Son—“
“No, Dad. It’s not happening.” Connor’s fist bangs against the door frame. He’s shaking with anger. “I almost lost you all. If not for Sinead sending me back, I don’t know what would have happened. Fergus would have won. Deck would have taken Angie.”
“But he didn’t,” I say, reaching for him.
Connor slips from my grasp and stalks to the window. “I find Deck. I handle him. That’s the end of it.”
The room falls into silence. Connor’s back to carrying the weight. It’s always how he is now, isn’t it? He’s the boss and in the end, responsibility falls to him, but he’s not alone. At least, he doesn’t have to be.
Cathal speaks first. “I’m not asking permission here, son.
No, listen to me. I’ve followed you since you took over.
Hell, I heard the whispers. Cathal Maguire’s too weak, but that son of his, now that’s a real leader.
I stood by you. I did as you asked and never questioned anything you chose, even when it got hard.
But now I’m saying, I’m your father, and I’m going to draw Deck out. I’m going to help finish this.”
“That’s not on you.”
“And it doesn’t have to be on you.” Cathal goes to his son. “I love you, boy. I don’t say it enough. Nobody in this fucked-up family of ours does. But I failed everyone during that fight. I couldn’t keep them safe, and now I want to make amends, and I’ll be damned if you try to stop me.”
“Hold on,” I say, getting to my feet. “You don’t mean that? Cathal, I’d be dead if not for you.”
He waves me off, eyes locked on his son. “You know how I feel, boy. Don’t make this hard for me.”
The struggle on Connor’s face is painful to watch.
He doesn’t want to let his father get hurt, but what other choice does he have?
After a brief showdown, Cathal steps forward and gives his son a single, rough hug, clapping him once on the back before releasing him.
Connor hardly moves, like he doesn’t know how to react.
“Alright. Good talk.” Cathal walks to the door.
“I didn’t say you could go.” Connor’s voice is low and strained.
“And I wasn’t asking. I’ll call Deck. We’ll finish this.”
Cathal leaves the room. In his wake, Connor turns to the window, shoulders slumped, head hung.
I go to him. I touch his arm, lean against him.
He shifts, accommodating me, then drops to his knees in front of me.
I stand still, startled at the sudden intensity of him, as he pulls me against his face, his ear to my belly, his hands gripping my ass tightly.
I run my hands through his hair as his eyes close tightly.
“You won’t hear much right now,” I say, smiling to myself.
“Just your belly rumbling.”
“Connor!”
“I’ll get you something to eat. Let me stay here for a minute.”
“As long as you need. I’m not going anywhere.” I cradle his head gently. “And your dad’s going to be okay.”
He doesn’t answer that.