Chapter 12
CHAPTER 12
Kurt
“Are you going to come in?”
They were standing in front of the door to her room, and Kurt suspected the answer she wanted. Dana had never used sex as a tool, and he wasn’t accusing her of it now, but given her reactions in Mr. Hawkins office, and the look on her face as they’d come here, he was betting she’d rather not be alone at the moment.
Derek Hawkins was right: they needed time to think, and right now, Kurt wasn’t in a frame of mind where he was sure he wouldn’t say something that would cause more damage than good. Tonight… Dana had pushed one button too many, and he wasn’t so much angry with her as he was done.
He’d never quite felt this way before, and it… it frightened him a little.
Because of what you stand to lose.
That was true, but he hadn’t been bullshitting Dana; if they couldn’t figure this out, work out something together, then Kurt couldn’t go on in their relationship. He cared for her too much to keep doing this over and over again.
“I don’t think so, Dana. I think we both need some time to think things through. Alone.”
She nodded silently, but the set of her mouth and the stiffness of her body language said she didn’t agree. Dana did something that was rare for her: she didn’t argue. Instead, she simply brought out her keycard, opened the door, then stepped through and closed it behind her.
For a moment, Kurt stared at the dark wood, wondering if raising his hand and knocking was the right or the wrong thing to do. He stood for a second longer before deciding the latter rather than the former was the best course of action, at least for the moment.
As he strode back down the hallway, he was about to head to his own room when something made him continue past, and instead he took the same steps he’d gone down earlier in the day. Into the lower level of the building.
“Well, hello there again!” The same bartender he’d met previously was still behind the bar, and she smiled as he stepped up to the counter. “Another Bent Nail?”
“No, but thank you. An Old Fashioned, please.”
“Of course,” she replied. “Whisky or bourbon?”
“Bourbon,” Kurt answered, and she turned away to begin making his drink. Kurt looked toward the dungeon. It was open, so that meant it was past nine already. It hardly seemed like it could be that late, but then tonight had been one for the books.
Again.
He drew a deep breath and let it out slowly. Yeah, again. But this time something had given way inside him, and he’d drawn a line in the sand with Dana he should’ve done a long time ago. He hated that it had come to this, but one of the incredible things about the woman was her dichotomy. So intelligent, so fierce in her convictions as he’d told Derek Hawkins, and yet with a completely opposite side to her in the club and bedroom. Every facet of her personality could be exciting, thrilling—electrifying at times—but some of the risks she took… those were too much. He’d dealt with it for as long as he could and, in the back of his mind, had always hoped she’d see the effect it had on him, how frustrating it was. When Gary had made it clear he wasn’t the only person who saw things from the same perspective, he’d believed he could get the situation under control. But as submissive as Dana could be, the other side of her Janus was a power that couldn’t be tamed the way he’d originally hoped. And so now…
“Here you go, sir.” The bartender was back, sliding the drink across to him.
“Thank you,” Kurt said politely.
“Sooo…”
He raised an eyebrow as he took a sip.
“Where’s your friend?”
Kurt almost choked. “You remembered.”
“Listening and remembering is ninety percent of what a bartender does.” She grinned brightly. “Making drinks is a distant second.”
“Well, you’re clearly very good at all three.”
“Aww, aren’t you sweet.” She leaned her arms against the bar top. “I’m Jenna.”
“Kurt Ellery.” He extended his hand.
“Nice to meet you, Mr. Ellery,” she responded with a shake.
“Please, call me Kurt.”
“Oh, I like Mr. Ellery. Or sir.” Her eyes twinkled mischievously.
“As you wish,” he replied with a grin of his own.
“So, you kinda dodged my question, sir.”
“Ah.” He took another sip of his drink. “She’s… working.”
Jenna pursed her lips. “I thought we agreed you were gonna have to take charge and drag her here.”
“Yeah, easier said than done,” Kurt replied pensively, staring into his glass.
“Well, you’re a Dom. You know how this works. Unless you’re breaking some sort of consent agreement…”
Kurt tilted his head. “How’d you know I’m a Dom?”
“Like you said, I’m very good at my job.” Jenna shot him a playful look. “Plus, it helps I’m majoring in Psych at the university.”
“Ah…”
“So”—she arched her eyebrow—“why didn’t you?”
Kurt swirled the dark liquid in his glass. “I thought she might need some time alone to think about some things.”
Jenna narrowed her eyes. “I see. Do you want to talk about what those things might be?”
Did he want to? His first thought was no. But… could it hurt? Would it hurt? Or was it better to do what he’d been doing for so long and simply keep it all bottled up?
Well, it’s clearly done you a lot of good so far…
Before he could answer, movement to his right brought both his and Jenna’s attention to an approaching figure.
“Evening, Jenna,” the man said, casting a curious glance at Kurt as he came up to the bar. He was large, handsome, with a colorful mural of tattoos sleeving each of his arms to where they disappeared under the tee shirt stretched tight over his frame. The way he looked from Jenna to Kurt then back to Jenna made Kurt wonder whether he was her boyfriend or brother.
“Drake!” A broad smile wreathed her face, and she reached across to squeeze his arm. “Drake, this is Mr. Ellery. Mr. Ellery, this is Drake.”
“Pleased to meet you.” Kurt extended his hand.
“Likewise,” Drake replied .
“Drake is a bouncer at the Dungeon, but tonight’s his night off.”
Drake grimaced. “Ugh. I hate that word—bouncer. I’m a Dungeon Monitor and work security.”
“ Ooh … sorry!” She held her fingers up, making air quotes. “He’s a Dungeon Monitor and works security .”
“And you, Jenna, are a brat,” he fired back.
“Guilty as charged!”
Jenna laughed, Drake chuckled, and from their interaction Kurt was confident that the man might be her friend, or even her brother, but was not her lover.
“So, where’s Luna?”
Drake turned to look back the way he’d come. “She’s talking to Erika about work stuff. She’ll be along in a few.”
“Cool.”
Drake turned to Kurt, his gaze assessing. “So, what brings you to Rawhide, Mr. Ellery?”
“Business, mostly.”
“Oh,” Drake quirked an eyebrow. “Not pleasure?”
“Not this time, I’m afraid,” Kurt replied evenly.
“Are you working with the folks at the university, or something else?”
Kurt glanced toward where the mine was less than a twenty-minute walk away. “We came to look at something Mr. Hawkins might have an interest in.”
“Ah. Well, I can only assume if you’re here working with Derek what Rawhide has to offer didn’t come as a shock or surprise.”
“No,” Kurt replied with a shake of his head.
“Did you come here alone?”
Another shake of his head. “No.”
Jenna had been listening quietly, but now she jumped back in. “I told him to bring his friend to the Dungeon, but he told me she’s buried in her work.”
Drake gave an understanding shrug. “Happens to all of us.”
Kurt took a pull at his drink. “Well,” he said with a glance toward Jenna, “given what’s happened, I probably should’ve taken your advice and dragged her here. She could use a good reset.”
“ Seeeee !” Jenna cried with an “I-told-you-so” gesture.
Drake gave Kurt a long, measured gaze. “Something wrong?”
“Wrong?” Kurt replied, unsure of what Drake was asking about.
“The way you said that…”
“Oh.” Kurt gave a slight shrug. “Let’s just say we’re at a bit of a crossroads.”
“Okay,” Drake acknowledged, “that happens in every relationship. Are you trying to work it out?”
“I…” Kurt rubbed his chin. “I think so. I hope so. I know I am. But, you know, it takes two…”
“And yet here you are alone,” Drake mused.
“We needed some time to think. As Mr. Hawkins pointed out.”
“Oh.” He glanced at Jenna before looking back to Kurt. “Can I ask a question?”
“Sure.”
“What do you think would help strengthen your relationship with your friend right now?”
“She needs discipline,” Kurt shot back immediately.
Drake raised his eyebrow. “Didn’t take you long to come up with that answer, did it?”
“I guess not.” Kurt focused on his glass. “Let’s just say it’s… it’s been some time coming.”
There was a flash of movement as someone else came bounding up to the bar, and they all swiveled their heads toward the young woman who approached.
“Drake!” the girl cried, wrapping her arms around him.
“Hey, baby.” Drake pulled her into a hug.
“That’s Luna, Drake’s girlfriend,” Jenna stage whispered as the two held on to each other.
If the very impressive eyeroll Luna gave didn’t counter that statement, her declaration of, “Bite me, I’m no one’s girlfriend,” certainly did.
“I stand corrected,” Jenna said diplomatically.
“So… who’s your friend?” Luna glanced between Jenna and Drake.
“This is Mr. Ellery. He’s here doing some work with Mr. Hawkins.”
Luna’s eyes flashed for a second, then a tight smile drew across her face. “Oh, Mr. Ellery.” She thrust out her hand. “Hi, I’m Luna.”
Erika. Drake had mentioned earlier that Luna was doing “work stuff” with Erika.
She knows who you are.
“Please, call me Kurt,” he replied as he shook her hand.
“It’s nice to meet you,” she responded politely before quickly pulling her hand back.
Yeah, she definitely knows who you are.
“Kurt and I were just talking about relationships and what helps strengthen them,” Drake said, indicating Kurt.
“Oh, that’s easy,” Luna replied. “Communication.”
“Communication,” Kurt repeated her answer thoughtfully.
“Yep.” She nodded. “Oldest answer in the lifestyle book. Communication is the foundation to everything. I mean, there’s consent, and respect, and a lot of other things, too, sure. Communication, though; that’s what everything else is built on.”
He didn’t know what Erika might’ve told her, but she didn’t seem unwilling to talk to him, at least for the moment, so he took that as a good sign.
“You seem very confident in that answer.”
“Because I am,” she said boldly, “and I’m right.”
Kurt chuckled. “Okay, fair enough.” He swirled the last of his drink in his glass. “So, assuming you’re communicating with your partner, what do you do if said partner is still doing something harmful to themselves?”
Luna tilted her head. “Self-harm, or just in terms of the relationship overall?”
“A little of both.”
“Well, the self-harm part should be taken care of immediately with a professional. That’s not something I’d personally be comfortable trying to resolve on my own. Beyond that, if the relationship is going to continue in any sort of healthy, meaningful way, you and your partner need to communicate your needs with each other and be willing to meet halfway. Compromise.”
“And if you think they need some discipline as part of achieving that compromise?”
“ Wellll , are we talking about discipline in terms of behavior modification, or… in terms of a sexual kink?”
Kurt furrowed his brow. “I wasn’t thinking of it as a kink, to be honest. Is that a thing?”
“For some people, yes,” Luna replied with a nod. “However, just because it can be a kink, it doesn’t mean it has to be rooted in sex.”
“Aren’t kinks by their very nature sexually based?”
“As a matter of fact…” Luna moved to take a stool next to Drake. “While discipline can have a sexual co mponent to it, like a lot of kinks that doesn’t mean it has to. Sometimes, the draw of a kink isn’t so much how it impacts someone as a part of their sex life, but how it does outside of it. Meaning, you may be drawn to something that most vanilla people would consider outside the norm because it elicits a strong emotional response in you—and, yes, that response could be arousal, sure. However, what they might look at from an outsiders POV and call kinky doesn’t necessarily mean it would have to end in or involve sex for you.”
“That’s not a perspective I’m familiar with. I’ve always thought of kink as being… kinky.”
“Meaning it ends with the sexy-sexy times.”
“Honestly, yes.”
“And that’s not uncommon. Even within the community, when people talk about kink, it’s very often in terms of the sexual component associated with it. For a great number of people, kink and sex are intertwined. Probably the one community who understands non-sexually based kink best are Aces.”
“Asexual people?”
“Yep. Because of how they identify and how they typically view sex in general, they often see kinks from an entirely different perspective than those who view kink from only the traditional sexual viewpoint.”
“That… actually makes sense.”
“Yep, but Ace or otherwise,” Luna continued, “the fact is not everything kinky needs to end up in the bedroom.”
Kurt downed the last of his Old Fashioned. “So… could one be in a relationship with someone and provide them discipline and also be sexually kinky with them in other ways too?”
“Uh… duh!” Luna said with a grin, pointing a finger at herself. “Service sub here, and, believe me, I don’t sleep with everyone I serve.”
“Can attest,” Drake said with a smile.
“Listen”—Luna’s face was animated as she leaned toward Kurt—“strong relationships are built on more than just shared kink. Kink can be a component, for sure—an absolutely rich, incredible, and fun component—but any relationship built solely on kink is likely doomed to failure in the long run.”
Doomed to failure. A phrase that sounded all too close to the threat Kurt had laid on Dana’s doorstep less than an hour ago.
“This is about Ms. Aziz, isn’t it?” Luna’s voice brought his head up. “What she did today.”
A long second dragged by before he nodded. “Yes.”
She bobbed her head. “Well, I hope you can work things out. She seems like a nice person. Mr. Hawkins seems to think so, anyways.”
Kurt widened his eyes. “He said that to you?”
“He said it to Erika, and trust me, considering what your friend did, if he didn’t believe that at some level, she wouldn’t still be here. He would’ve sent her packing the minute she came out of”—she gestured in the general direction of the mine—“there.”
A nice person. A good person. And that was the thing; despite how much Dana frustrated him, deep down she really was a good person. An incredibly intelligent person who could simultaneously be both amazing and infuriating.
And that had once been enough. But now… now it made what she’d done today untenable. To know what it was like being with her in her best moments, then consider what could happen in her worst was more than he could continue to deal with .
“You’ve given me some things to think about,” he said to Luna. “All of you,” he added, glancing to include Drake and Jenna. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” each of them replied in turn.
Having bidden them goodnight, Kurt went back to his room. He’d been right not to head there earlier, though he hadn’t known why at the time. Now… now he had much to think about, things to consider and possibly reconsider. Nothing about what he, Jenna, Drake, and Luna had discussed made him question his ultimatum to Dana; if anything, it only reinforced it. But the finality of how it might end certainly was enough to give him pause. He and Dana needed to do as Luna had suggested and come to a compromise. Otherwise…
Each of them had a difficult decision to make.