Chapter Twenty-two #3
“No, you see, it is the way of things. It is very easy for a man to find his pleasure with a woman, so she must worry entirely, absolutely entirely, about her own, and leave it to him to see to himself. I shall worry about that, all right? You must close your eyes and concentrate on enjoying yourself and on finding your climax.”
“Is that the way of it?” she said. “Truly?”
“I think so,” he said.
“I have not heard this,” she said, smiling down at him.
“Well, I have,” he said. “I have been taught it, in fact.”
She felt a dark cloud cover her pleasure. “Oh? By the same woman who taught you to put your mouth on a woman, then?”
“As it happens, yes,” he said, and he pushed up on his arms to look down on her.
“I am sorry I said anything about that to you, though. I never meant to harm you with it. Would it help to know that I liked her a great deal more than she liked me? That I pined over her whilst she bedded likely five or seven other men, that I suppose I’m grateful for her instruction, but that there is no comparison between you and her?
That I could never have chosen a woman like that? ”
It did, but it didn’t. “It is only that I have never had anything else.”
“I know,” he said, reaching down to brush her hair away from her face.
“I’m sorry for that, too. It’s not at all fair, really.
She was very bitter about that herself, you see.
That was why she must make up for all that time she’d been faithful to her late husband by having ever so many young, strapping lads pleasuring her.
If you wish it, Lizzy, after I die, you may have your own little harem of men.
I am certain you could have a number of men worshiping you. ”
Elizabeth let out a cry of protest. “That’s not at all what I wish!”
“Have I ruined it?” he said. “I am sorry. I can promise never to speak of her again.”
“No, no,” she said. “No, I don’t wish you to feel you cannot say things to me.”
“Well, I do not wish to hurt you. I wish to make you happy and pleased, and anything you dislike, I leave it without a second thought.”
She reached up and touched his face. “I believe you, but that is not what I wish from you, Fitz. This is what I mean. You are too eager and too willing to do so much for me, and I think you will come to resent me in time. I cannot possibly be worth it.”
“Lizzy,” he said, his mouth curving into a smile, “I think not. What I think is that there have been too few people willing to do the bare minimum for you, and now that I am here, and that I care for you, that I would put you first, you feel it as if it cannot be safe for someone to do that. But this is what it is to be in love. It’s not about worth, you see.
That would be about what I got out of it.
Love isn’t about keeping score, it’s about… well, love.”
And this made her throat tight and tears spring to her eyes. “You are too good to me, though, Fitz, you truly are.”
“Not even close to being too good,” he countered. “No, I wish I had been better. No, I…” He kissed her.
She clung to him, moving her lips against his, gasping. “Now,” she breathed. “Now, inside me again, now.”
He groaned, breaking their kiss. “No, no, you will have a climax before that, my love. I will not be so selfish again. The question is whether you can bear my mouth there or if you will associate it badly forever, I suppose.”
She bit down on her lower lip. “Well, I think I might be able to bear it.”
He laughed.
“I mean, if you do that for me, though, does it mean I should do it for you?”
He raised his eyebrows. He cleared his throat. “I believe I have told you the rules. You think of your pleasure, and I think of your pleasure, and my pleasure is guaranteed, so there is no need to worry over it. I would only wish you to do that if it gave you pleasure, you see.”
She smiled. Hmm. She wanted to put her hand on him again, she found, but he was kissing his way down her body to put his mouth on her again, and she could think of nothing but how lovely it was.
He gasped into her, tongue against the most sensitive parts of her, telling her how much he liked the taste of her here, and there was something that made her believe it, and she rolled her hips against his mouth until he finally latched onto her, sucking her into his mouth the way he had done before, and she went still and could do nothing except make ever-louder little noises.
She felt as if her pleasure was like storm winds in an autumn forest, whipping through her, a gale force that threatened to tear each leaf from each branch, and as they finally released, all at once, it was a whirlwind of falling leaves, as her pinnacle twitched its way through her.
And only then was he inside her again, and her body was so very sensitive and pleased, and he felt large and lovely in her, as if he was everywhere, and she wrapped her arms tightly around him as they moved together, as they joined, as they became one again.
Afterwards, they slept.
When she woke with his mouth on her there, sometime later, she felt as if she were encased in a bright bubble of sheer goodness, one that went on and on and floated upwards, towards light and warmth and everything sweet and wondrous.