Chapter 21
“Coffee, you and me. In an hour.” The words are voiced in his confident, arrogant tone. The one that books no room for argument. The tone that assumes she’s literally got nothing better to do with her life.
It’s hard to not feel a sinking weight of guilt in her belly when she hears his voice. She doesn’t want to reconcile the truth that she slept with Dieter with the fact that she still can’t forget Nick. It’s almost as if he’s become a part of her, entangled in all her darker parts.
You shouldn’t feel guilty , she reasons. Nick’s not available, even though he claims to be. Until he calls off his engagement, he’s off limits…and Dieter isn’t.
Kara determines to play hard to get, because she still doesn’t know what their strange ‘truce’ truly entails. The push and pull between them continues; their inadvisably sexual phone call, followed by his jealousy burning quietly on Dieter’s yacht.
Nick wants to get close to her again. She wants to convince him to do the right thing and put an end to an engagement that he doesn’t want.
Coffee doesn’t break her own rules for herself, does it? Besides, she misses having a good bickering with Nick. That’s harmless…right? “What if I’m busy? I could have a hair appointment.”
Nick barks out a laugh on the other end of the line. “ You don’t do hair appointments, sweetpea. Nice try.”
He’s right, damn him. He knows her low-maintenance ass better than she thought. “I could be doing just about anything, Nicholas. Why do I need to do it with you?” Convince me, motherfucker.
“Difficult as ever, Kara.” Nick’s voice is a mocking drawl. “Try this on for size. We need to have a professional chat, you and I. You hired a PI to snoop around Paxton and the Dark Mirage again, didn’t you?”
Kara stifles an undignified noise.
“I won’t confirm nor will I deny,” Kara replies coolly, examining her nails. She has certainly missed these engagements with Nick; sniping over cases, the thrill of the bickering.
A chuckle. “You don’t need to deny anything. I know the stench of one of Benson’s PIs lurking around Paxton’s life. You hired one to dig deeper, didn’t you? You’re using the same one you always hired working for Benson. Amateur .”
“ Pfft .” Kara’s caught. “I need answers and I happen to have cash to pay for them these days. Courtesy of your favorite fuckboy with a cocaine habit.”
He groans. “Unbelievable. Stubborn as an ox. Kara, what do I need to say to make you let this case go? This case, mind you , has nearly nothing to do with you.”
“Buy me a really fancy coffee.”
The artwork on the foam of her cappuccino is truly beautiful. A swirled leaf, all autumn in color. The scent of the coffee is simply heavenly . Nick has a reputation to keep after all; he likes taking her to bougie places for absolutely no good reason at all.
Well . He used to take her to such places so they could eventually find a way to dubiously screw elsewhere. Their old favorite game was to pretend to not know each other. It always gave way for some steamy, dark engagements of power plays.
Nick is well-dressed in one of his finely tailored suits. He must have been in court this morning for one of his clients. Kara lifts an eyebrow as she sits across from him in the swanky booth they’ve snagged. Candles add to the vibe of secrets and whispers in this café.
“You look sharp,” Kara says idly as she gets settled with her splendid coffee. “Were you the hero for some scumbag this morning? Someone going free who shouldn’t be?”
Mouth quirking with a slight grin, Nick doesn’t answer directly. “Is that your awkward method of saying I look good?”
“ Hm. Perhaps.” She looks around at the atmosphere, impressed. “You always pick the best places to meet.”
“It’s a gift of mine.”
Leaning in the velvet, dark purple seat, Kara replies, “You didn’t ask me to meet you for idle chit chat. And we both know we aren’t meeting for other reasons. What is it you want to scold me about, dad .”
Nick smirks at that, getting into business. “Chit chat is for the idle. Has your PI given you anything of note yet?”
“Not yet.” Kara sips her delicious cup, happily munching on a fresh croissant. “Why?”
He works his jaw slightly, as if figuring out the best way to say something. “Because you need to call them off and stop. You aren’t prosecuting Paxton. There’s no reason for you to be looking into him and the circumstances around him. This is professional advice , Kara.”
Oh, professional advice my tight ass . “Look. Why is this an issue? We’re technically on the same side now, aren’t we?” Kara says. She wants her client out of this mess, but she also wants to make sure that Paxton Brooker isn’t being framed for a crime he didn’t actually commit, given the odd evidence now with the witness.
Nick gives her a strange, thin little smile. His gaze searches her face, as if taking in his fill of her. “This is so beyond you and you don’t even have a clue. What you’re doing? It’s going to cause a bigger storm than you know.”
She hates it when he makes her feel young and stupid in his presence. It reminds her that they aren’t the same age; he has nearly a decade of experience on her. Scowling at him, she says, “Make your point without insulting me, thanks.”
He leans back and crosses one ankle over his knee. “Dieter is on no one’s side. Not even yours.”
Inhaling with a slight growl, Kara looks upward, as if seeking serenity. “The only thing I hear in this conversation is you telling me to stop digging, to look away from your ‘possibly’ guilty client. I don’t think this has anything to do with me. You just want your client to get off free, even though we both know he’s likely done some shady things. You’re the one who likes to defend the guilty, Nick. Not me.”
“You think I’m the monster here, but I’m not ,” Nick says coldly, eyes like winter storms. “Dieter isn’t-”
“Would you stop bringing my client into this conversation?” She doesn’t need the constant reminder of Dieter and how her relationship has taken a terribly unwise turn. A turn that she’s not sure she can control.
She never, never wants Nick to know with certainty that she’s actually slept with Dieter. For whatever reason, she simply doesn’t want him to know. The shame she feels is greater than her need to make digs at him, to make him jealous.
He barks out a bitter laugh. “Your client? You think you know what he is, but you don’t ,” he rasps, blue eyes alight with something unpleasant. “You think you recognize monsters? You think all bad men are like me? Think again .”
“You’re not a bad man, you’re just not a good one.” She tries to hide her discomfort from his words. “And I know what Dieter is like.” Spoiled. Selfish. Hedonistic.
This makes him snort, bitter and ugly. “You don’t know him.” Nick is shaking his head, eyes sparking with that cold fire. He sounds as confident as he ever in a courtroom. It almost scares her. “Not like I do.”
She’s tired of the insinuations. “So, tell me! Explain to me what I don’t know!” Kara rants, gesturing with her hands. “You and Gale are always cagey about him, but there’s nothing I’ve seen that makes me think run away, Kara .”
He shakes his head with an unhappy grin that cuts like razors, pressing a hand to his eyes. “That’s why so many monsters are successful; you don’t know that you need to run. There’s nothing I can tell you that you’ll understand. Believe me.” He sighs. “Please. Just stop the PI. There are things out there that you don’t want to dive into. Some rabbit holes are not ones you can escape.”
Kara frowns. She can’t figure out his game. Is he saying this because he’s worried about her, or is this just because he’s trying to direct her gaze away from Paxton Brooker once again? He’s tricked her on a case before . How can she trust his motives?
That’s simple, Kara. You can’t trust his motives.
“What if the information my PI finds exonerates Paxton Brooker?” Kara asks pointedly. “What then?”
The look he gives her is shadowed. “It depends on what that information costs. And I’m not talking about money .”
Kara swallows thickly. She wishes he could just say things clearly instead of all the damn riddles, smoke and mirrors.
When they stand in front of the lovely stonework of the café, Nick pauses. The scent of him fills her nose as a breeze passes over them, filling her with excitement. It reminds her of darker nights, of thrilling encounters. “Do you miss me at all?”
The words are vulnerable and they strike Kara in the center of her chest. The answer is obvious to her, but she realizes he has no idea what she’s feeling. How she’s been feeling since they parted. Of course, she misses what they had, no matter how twisted. She misses the dates he would take her on. His calm steadiness, the real him beyond the sexual.
It pains her that he can’t understand why they can’t be .
She reaches out, taking his hand and pressing it to her cheek in fondness. “Telling you ‘ yes ’ won’t make either of us feel any better.”
“I can’t stand seeing you with him,” he tells her bluntly, allowing her to see a flicker of that aggressive envy in his gaze. “I hate watching him walk around with you, like you belong to him.”
“I know. I wish things were different. I wish…” She looks away. She can’t say she wishes that she never knew he was engaged, not out loud.
His expression goes shuttered and tight with emotional pain. “You know I can’t do what you want me to do, Kara.”
He’s speaking about the engagement to Claire.
Kissing his palm before dropping his hand, Kara says sadly, “You could. You’re just too afraid to do what must be done. You don’t see it for what it is; your mother controlling your life and your happiness. But I know; I’ve been there before. It’s why I cut my father out of my life.”
Nick steps back and shakes his head, eyes dark. “There’s nothing about your experience that’s like mine. I’m not destroying plans my mother put in place for the best of my family just-”
“Just what ?” Kara interjects harshly. “Just for some poor backwoods girl?”
He winces at her tone. Stepping closer to her, Nick cups her cheek, thumb brushing her lip sensually. His eyes consume the way her lip submits under his thumb, wetting his skin. “Don’t make it like that. It’s not like that-”
“But it is, Nick.” Kara shakes her head sadly, stepping away. “It is. And I wish it wasn’t.”
When she leaves, her heart is heavy.