Chapter 2
Diesel
W e’d gotten to the hospital a few hours ago. Two of our men had no chance, but Soren did and was currently in an emergency surgery. While Dion went in there to make sure the lawyer was treated properly, I stayed in the hall. It was still shocking that Dion cared so much, as it was the first time since I’d gotten to know the guy that I saw a shred of humanity in him. But who knew? Maybe he held some feelings for the lawyer.
I pushed back from the wall I was leaning against as Dion walked toward me. Still covered with Soren’s blood, he sighed, then turned to look at the door he’d just come through.
“He’s going to be in surgery for a couple more hours, but I can’t stay.” He tsked before mumbling something about the fuckers who’d made a move on his head today. “Gale’s going to be busy, so you’re staying here until I know he’s out of danger.”
My eyes widened before my brows pulled into a deep frown. “ What?”
“You heard me.”
“But—”
Dion shut me off with a harsh look, one I hardly ever saw on his face.
“I can’t stay here. You know they’ll come,” I said, referring to my family—the family I’d left behind four years ago.
“Well, it’s about time for a family reunion. Non ?” He tilted his head to the side while studying me carefully. A half smile then took over his lips before he rested his hand on my shoulder. “You saved my life today, Diesel; therefore, I’ve decided you’re free to leave.”
Shocked by his words, I narrowed my eyes at him, and he chuckled.
“Don’t be so suspicious. For once, I’m being sincere.”
“What’s with the sudden generosity?” I hissed, careful with my tone. “I’ve still got one more year left.”
“True, but I guess saving my life is worth a year, right?”
This was coming out of nowhere, and while there was nothing I wanted more than to be done with this life, it was hard to believe it would be that simple. Therefore, it wasn’t excitement coursing through me but sickening suspicion.
“I guess we’ll need to work some of the details out, but in a few weeks, consider your debt settled,” he said, looking actually genuine.
“What about Oro?” I asked, not even sure why.
“What about him?”
“He’ll be upset.”
Dion snorted.
“You think I care about some whore’s emotions?” He dropped his hand from around me and checked his phone. “I need to go, but be sure to wait here until he’s out of surgery.”
Dion left me to stand alone and began walking down the hall. The farther he went, the deeper my realization sank, and I ground my jaw before stepping forward.
“If you’re fooling me, I will kill you,” I shouted at him, my eyes focused on his back.
Dion didn’t bother to turn around, his shoulders moving as he snorted. “I wouldn’t expect any less from a hound. ”
Once he was gone and I was left alone, I turned and leaned my back against the wall. Rubbing the bridge of my nose, I exhaled slowly. To say what I felt was relief would be a lie, considering my whole body was on fire. Whether it was the adrenaline from the shooting earlier, the conversation I’d just had with Dion, or the fact I’d probably have to face my past soon, my head was an utter mess.
Checking myself over, I found I was still covered with blood. My heart raced a bit faster, and my skin ran cold as an unsettling feeling took over me. This wasn’t the first time I’d felt this way, like I was a second away from passing out, but not wanting to dive deeper into this shit , which I knew was only getting worse and more frequent, I quickly walked to the bathroom to wash off the blood. After trying to wash my shirt for a couple of minutes, I realized it was in vain and decided to stick with my tank top. I then moved to scrub my hands, but no matter how much soap I used, they still felt dirty. So fucking dirty . Biting my lip, I closed my eyes and tried to distract myself. Soft strands of golden hair, dreamy blue eyes that captured the universe inside, and the sweetest lips brushing against my ear as he whispered words of love. Shay-Lee’s memory was the only thing that kept me sane and almost always helped me to calm down.
Almost .
Knowing that no amount of holy water would ever help me feel clean again, I closed the tap and got out of the bathroom. With my wet shirt tossed over my shoulder, I walked back to the waiting room, but as I reached it, I saw I was no longer alone. Standing with their backs to me were Andrei and Chief.
Chief was talking to a doctor with Andrei right beside him. From behind, one could mistake them for brothers, and it only now occurred to me how alike they always were. Longing pierced me like a knife as I didn’t realize how much I’d missed them up until this moment, but those emotions were quickly replaced with shame when Andrei turned around and our eyes met.
The absolute shock on his face, which had matured, formed a lump in my throat, and feeling like an idiot for just standing there, I shot him a head nod. It was probably the wrong thing to do because Andrei’s expression turned into anger before he smacked Chief’s arm for attention. Turning around from the doctor, Chief latched his gaze onto me, and the same as Andrei, he seemed shocked. Although it was hard to say with how red and teary his eyes were.
Well, his husband is in fucking surgery after getting shot in the stomach.
“Is this some kind of a joke?” Andrei hissed when Chief grabbed his arm.
“Andrei—”
“You’re shitting me, right?” Andrei shrugged Chief off before he began walking toward me, his anger only growing by the second until he was in my face. Then, for probably the third time since we knew each other, he punched me. It hurt like a motherfucker, but I deserved it.
As I rubbed my jaw, I heard Chief reassuring the doctor it was all right and that Andrei and I were family . The fact he still used that damn word stung because I knew my ungrateful ass didn’t deserve it. I took a deep breath and then straightened up to meet Andrei’s hurt expression.
“Hey,” I said and watched his brows pull together.
“Hey?” he hissed, the veins on his neck bulging. “Four fucking years, and you say hey ?”
He was absolutely furious and had every right to be, but one glance over Andrei’s shoulder to see Chief utterly lost reminded me of why we were here in the first place.
Clearing my throat, I spoke. “I know you’re pissed, but can we talk about it later?” I scratched my neck, finding it hard to hold his gaze. “Now’s not the time with Soren still being in surgery.”
“Fuck you.” Andrei shoved at my chest. “You don’t get to tell us now’s not the fucking time, asshole . Why are you even here?”
Words seemed to escape me, and I had no idea what to say when Chief cleared his throat. “He’s right, Andrei. Now’s not the time. ”
Splitting his attention between us, Andrei seemed half-hearted about letting go of his anger before he turned away from me and walked back to Chief.
Well, fuck .
I knew reuniting would suck, but I never imagined it would suck this bad. But then again, they both had every right to hate me. The last time I saw them, I was a total asshole, to say the least, and said some nasty shit about wanting to leave them all behind and start over. I also spat crap, saying we were never a family to begin with. It was a complete lie that I hoped would push them away from me. Okay , so maybe there were times I felt like they weren’t my family, especially with the fight I had with Chief over Shay-Lee, but it all seemed so pointless now. That man, Chief, fought for my innocence for months. He earned my respect for that. What was more, the last four years of my life proved to me how much I fucking missed them. But I’d fucked it all up, and now, they looked at me like the scum I was.
I’d been here for hours, sitting on a bench in the hall while waiting to hear news about Soren. Chief and Andrei were still in the waiting room, but understanding I had no right to be there with them, I stepped outside and had sat there ever since. I felt like crap for suddenly showing up at the worst of times, probably giving them more anxiety on top of everything. Chief might lose his partner today, and there I was, coming back with a pathetic “ hey ” after four years of dead silence.
The door leading to the waiting room opened, and I raised my head to see Andrei stepping out. He didn’t acknowledge me and walked straight to the vending machine at the end of the hall. Averting my eyes from him, I focused on the floor, feeling incredibly shitty. It was so quiet here that I heard him sliding coins into the machine, the sound dancing on my nerves. Thus far, this day had been a total shitshow. And while meeting Andrei and Chief without a second’s warning sucked balls, I was thankful it was just them in here because I had no fucking idea what I’d do if the others were here. Others like—
“Here.”
I glanced up, shocked to see Andrei standing before me while offering me a can of soda.
“Come on.” He nudged it, and the drops sliding down the cold can made my mouth water.
Sitting here for hours like a damn soldier, I didn’t even bother to think about drinking or eating. Now, my mouth was dry like a fucking desert, and I couldn’t wait to drown my thirst with a sip of soda.
“Thanks.”
I took the cold can from him. Without saying a word, Andrei sat beside me on the bench while I flicked the tab open. Enjoying the satisfying hissing sound the can made, I licked my lips and then took a long gulp. It tasted so good, and I wiped my mouth with my hand before placing the half-empty can on the floor beside me.
Andrei still hadn’t opened his drink and instead played with the can. I watched him as he did, low-key wondering what he was thinking about while also studying how he’d changed over the past few years. He was still a handsome bro, the type of dude you’d want to bring home to your parents. He’d also gained a bit of weight, although it looked like pure muscle, and it suited him, making him look stronger.
“Soren’s finally out of surgery. Chief’s with him,” Andrei said, breaking the silence that had followed him ever since he sat beside me. As if knowing the question standing on the tip of my tongue, he went on. “He’s going to be fine.”
Good.
I gnawed at the inside of my cheek, relief washing over me. “That’s good.”
“It is,” Andrei said, voice cold.
With him angry and me having no clue what to say, we sank back into silence. It was so uncomfortable, like a funeral for the friendship we used to have. Andrei’s cold reaction only confirmed what I already knew—I hurt him.
What about Shay-Lee? Was he also this hurt? Probably more.
“I’m sorry for punching you,” he suddenly said, catching me off guard.
Turning to look at him, I shook my head. “Don’t. I deserved it.”
“Nah.” He tsked and leaned his back against the wall behind us. “It wasn’t cool… I was just shocked.” He twisted his lips before glancing at me, eyes narrowed. “What were you doing with Soren?”
“He was with my boss,” I said, hoping it would be good enough to satisfy him.
“Your boss?” He gave me a questioning brow.
Clearly, my lame answer was far from enough.
“Yeah.”
“Is he one of those criminals Soren’s working with?”
My chest tightened because I was one of those criminals. Unwillingly and without looking into Andrei’s eyes, I nodded.
“Un-fucking-believable.” He huffed, sounding so fucking disappointed. Leaning forward, he rubbed his face with his palm before letting out a deep sigh. He then looked up, his gaze pinned on the wall facing us. “All those years you were gone… I hoped you’d chosen a better life for yourself.”
His words were harsh but true nonetheless. His disappointment in me was like a knife to the gut, and only because it was nothing if not justified. I already hated myself for what I was doing, and hearing him say that… sucked. It was the confirmation I feared since I had no doubt that Shay-Lee would think the same way. By choosing to break the law and get even with Christian, I screwed up. Big-time .
“Aren’t you going to say anything?” he asked after I kept quiet, his impatience vivid through his low voice.
“What’s there to say? I fucked up and ended up just like those losers we grew up with.”
“But why?” Andrei finally turned to look at me.
I understood his need to know the answer to this question. I saw the curiosity burning in his eyes and remembered all those times he tried reaching out to me. My sudden disappearance probably kept him awake some nights. And even though I wanted to save Andrei from the misery of not knowing what made me leave four long years ago, I couldn’t. I couldn’t tell him about the deal I made with Dion. I couldn’t tell him about the crap I had done for that despicable man, and mostly, I couldn’t tell him how I murdered a man with my bare hands in such a savage way that it still haunted me to this day.
So, instead of telling Andrei the truth I knew would frighten him, as it frightened me, I went for the simple version. “Because I’m an idiot, that’s why.” I rubbed my jaw before turning to face him. “But I’m done with it. I swear, I’m so over this crap.”
Andrei held my gaze, and I feared he might think I was bullshitting him, but then, he nodded with a barely there smile on his lips. “You mean it?”
My throat dried up, and I swallowed hard. So much had happened in the past couple of hours, and while I was still trying to process it all, I couldn’t help but be thrilled about finally being free from Dion—or at least almost free.
“I do.” I nodded, thinking about all the things I’d finally be able to do. And on top of that list, without a doubt, would be seeing him. Shay-Lee , the guy who hadn’t left my mind for one second ever since we parted ways. The missing piece of my shattered heart.
Andrei’s hand landed on my shoulder, the touch snapping me out of my thoughts. “I fucking hate you for leaving,” he said a moment before he pulled me into a hug. “But I missed you, man.”
Closing my eyes, I wrapped my arms around him. It was the first time in years I’d felt this type of warmth, the physical warmth of a brother, and I missed it so fucking bad. It was hard to let go, but I did anyway, and we both took a moment to get over this emotional crap. Obviously, we had a long way ahead of us to get back to being the friends we once were, although I doubted we’d ever be the same. Too much shit had happened, and we weren’t the same kids we once were.
At least, I wasn’t.
“Where’s the others?” I asked Andrei, who was busy texting someone.
Still typing, he answered me. “Since Mel’s on a trip in Miami”—Mel was Chief’s mom—“Jessie and Levi stayed home to watch the kids. I just texted Levi, letting him know Soren was out of danger.”
Kids?
“I guess Soren’s family will come here soon. Do you want to stay and meet them? They’re rather nice. A bit pretentious, but nice. His younger brother is a professional racing driver. Actually, maybe you have heard of him, Sean Dane?”
Andrei was blowing my mind with information, and even though that comment about Soren’s brother sounded cool, my brain got stuck on a completely different fact he dropped like a bomb.
“Kids? What kids?” I asked, cutting into his ongoing speech about Soren’s older brother, who was some famous surgeon.
Andrei seemed confused until realization hit him, and he smiled like a jackass.
“You don’t know?” He opened his phone and searched for something in it before handing me the device.
The screen showed a photo of Chief with two gorgeous little kids, building a sand castle on the beach. Chief sat with a cute dark-haired baby boy in his arms while next to him was a girl, slightly older than her brother, with hazelnut hair and the brightest pair of green eyes I’d ever seen. “That’s June. She just turned two last month,” he said proudly while pointing at the girl. “And this is Cyrus. He’s eight months old.” Now, he was talking about the little boy. Unlike his sister, Cyrus had black hair, blue eyes, and chubby cheeks that made you want to squeeze them. I loved kids just as much as I loved animals, if not more, and my heart fucking melted at this picture. It was the definition of purity and joy, and suddenly, I felt like such a sucker .
“Since we’re here, Chief asked Jess and Levi to watch them. Jess makes the best sitter in the whole world, so hopefully, he’ll be able to distract them from worry.”
“Do they know what happened?” I asked, handing Andrei his phone back.
He took it from me while shaking his head. “Of course not. They’re too young to understand why their daddy is in the hospital, but you know, kids notice when things are off.”
Well, I guess he was right. Although, I had clear memories from when I was little of my dad beating the shit out of my mom. I was never too young to understand how cruel this world was. But then again, angels like Cyrus and June made me believe this world still had a bit of hope left in it.
Glancing at Andrei, I only now noticed what he was wearing. “What’s up with these fancy clothes?” I asked, referring to the dress shirt and tailored pants.
Andrei’s lips quirked up before he checked himself out. “I came straight from school. I always try to look presentable for classes.”
I raised a questioning brow at him. “School?”
“Yeah. First year of law school.”
Shit . I really did miss a hell of a lot. And while I was never one to care for other people’s lives, I was suddenly hit with the strong urge to learn about all the things I’d missed. Where was Andrei living now? Was he still dating that wet hamster? What were Jess and Levi doing?
“By the way, the new ink is epic,” Andrei said, cutting into my line of thought.
“Yeah?” I moved my hand over my neck. I’d gotten it inked two years ago.
“Absolutely. Looks painful, though.”
“Nah, it was nothing.” Bullshit . Getting it done hurt like a motherfucker.
Just then, Chief joined us in the hall, and we quickly jumped to our feet .
“How’s he doing?” Andrei asked for the two of us.
Chief let out a slight sigh before he rubbed the back of his neck. “He’s asleep right now, but thankfully, he will be okay.” His tired eyes moved to me.
I had no idea what was going on inside his head, and my chest tightened with nerves until he spoke.
“A police officer informed me of what happened, so I guess I need to thank you for getting him here in time.”
Shocked, I broke our gaze and looked down at the floor. “It was nothing.” It truly was nothing because one second, we were standing outside a restaurant, the next, Soren was down on the pavement with a bullet in his stomach. I truly did nothing other than help him until the paramedics arrived.
“It’s not,” Chief argued, placing his hand on my shoulder.
His touch burdened me with gratitude I didn’t deserve, and I guess Chief felt my discomfort because he quickly moved his hand away before asking me if I had a place to stay. Once again, and for no reason, he showed me kindness I didn’t deserve.
“I do, actually.”
“Where?” Andrei asked just as my phone rang.
Pulling it out, I saw it was Dion calling me, and I knew it was my time to go. I didn’t pick up the call and instead looked up at the two of them. “I have to go, but is it okay if I come by again tomorrow?”
“Of course,” Chief said without hesitating, and the kindness in his eyes made me look down at the floor.
Why? Probably because this was too much, and I already knew that life was never that easy. This moment might feel good and right, but in seconds, everything could be taken away from me—just like it already had so many times before.
Not having anything else to say, I nodded, shoved my hands in my pockets, and began walking when Andrei called after me. As I turned to look at them, I had a painful flashback of that time they came to pick me up from jail. I’d forever remember the hurt that was carried through Andrei’s voice and the acceptance in Chief’s eyes. Acceptance that their life was better off without me.
“What’s up?” I asked.
“You better not disappear on us again,” Andrei said, his smile growing.
“You bet.”
After I informed Dion about Soren’s state, I walked back to my car. While walking, I checked the dozens of messages Oro had sent me during the day. That kid didn’t know when to stop. Busy reading his last message, in which he asked if I’d stop at the club to see him perform, I pulled out my car’s keys to open it. I began typing back my answer—a clear no—while climbing behind the wheel when a low meow caught me off guard. Looking over my shoulder at the back seat, I saw the cardboard box I’d placed there. Sending my head back, I let out a deep sigh.
Thank fuck I left the window open for air.
Quickly reaching for it, I pulled the kitten out of the box, which now stunk, thanks to his piss (yeah, he was a baby boy), and brought him to face me. “Sorry for leaving you all alone.” I kissed his little nose, and in reaction, he brought his paws to my face.
“Bet you’re hungry.” While I did leave him with enough water, I had no food with me, so now I’d have to stop someplace to pick up cat food. The kitten meowed, and the cute sound made me smile before I placed him on my lap. At first, I had no intention of taking him with me, but after he kept following me, I didn’t have the heart to leave him alone. What could I say? I fucking loved my kittens.