Chapter 27
Chapter twenty-seven
JUDE GRAVES
I’m taken by surprise when she moves to straddle my hips.
My breath punches out of my chest. Her thighs clamp tight around me, and I forget how to think.
I don’t even get a chance to say her name before she sinks down on me in one perfect, devastating motion.
My eyes roll as she takes my entire length again.
I curse under my breath, lost in sheer fucking ecstasy.
“Emma…” It comes out like a desperate whimper. My hands find her hips automatically, thumbs digging into bone because I need something solid to hold onto.
She starts moving faster. It’s needy and frantic, and it makes me feel conflicted. Her body rises and falls over mine, firelight catching on her skin, and fuck, I feel feral under her.
“You’re not leaving,” she whispers, her voice trembling, and it sounds like both a threat and a plea.
And I can’t breathe.
She kisses me desperately, and when she gasps, “I love you,” it feels like she’s slapped me across the damn face.
She thinks she’s the one losing control, but it’s me.
It’s always been me.
I let out a low, broken sound and grab her ass, dragging her down harder onto me. I meet her pace with sharp, driving thrusts. I’m slipping, giving her everything I’ve been fighting to keep buried. Damn her. Damn my love for this woman.
I’ll die loving her.
“Say it,” she pants, voice cracking. “Jude, please. Say it.” Her eyes are glassy and locked on mine.
And I can’t tell her no. Not when she’s looking at me like that. Goddammit. I was supposed to end it with her. And now here I am, balls deep in her again. Fuck.
“I’m not leaving,” I rasp, hips slamming up into hers. “You’re everything to me, Em.”
I don’t mean it.
But I do.
I mean it with every sliver of my stupid, damaged soul.
The words do something to her. I feel her clench tighter around me, and the relief on her face hits harder than the pleasure. I shouldn’t be inside her, promising things I can’t keep. I don’t even know how much longer I’ll be alive.
I haul myself upright, hooking an arm around her waist and yanking her to my chest. She gasps as I kiss her. It’s messy and desperate and everything my soul needs. I can’t get close enough. I need her everywhere.
“You’re the only good thing in my life,” I growl against her lips, the truth tearing free before I can stop it. “I love you more than fucking anything.”
Her body locks up, shaking as she comes again. The sound she makes destroys me. I groan into her neck, losing what little control I have left. My release slams into me, so I pull out and mark her stomach even more as I hold on for dear life.
For a long time, we just breathe. Her forehead rests on my shoulder. She feels soft and boneless against me, and it makes everything so much worse.
What am I doing?
When she starts to drift, I cup her chin gently, tilting her face up so I can see her. Her eyes shine in the firelight—soft, trusting, so goddamn full of feeling it knocks me off balance. I don’t say anything else. I don’t have to. She already heard the part of me I should have kept locked away.
Eventually, her weight settles fully against me. She falls asleep tucked under my chin, just like she used to. Gently, I take my discarded t-shirt and wipe her stomach. Then I wrap an arm around her, hold her close, and let myself follow her under.
Beneath the stars. Just like old times.
I sit in Alexei’s car for a full minute before I can make myself move. The little baggie burns against my fingers as I glare at it. Ugh. What the fuck did I do last night? I was trying to end it with my sweet girl, but she drew me back in. And like a demon desperate for light, I agreed.
And when I awoke with her snuggled against my chest on the beach, my hands were shaking. She seemed to understand when I had to leave in a rush after reading my text from Nolan. I hate myself. But I’ll figure something out. Because...I can’t leave her. I just can’t.
And as much as I loathe this little bag of cocaine, I am going to need it since Alexei requested me specifically this morning.
Without Micah. And I’d be lying if I didn’t feel a little fucking nervous about it.
Nervous enough that my pulse is already annoyingly too fast. I make a quick line across my knuckle and snort it, the burn hitting like a punch to the nose.
My eyes water, and the world snaps into sharper focus.
“Fuck,” I whisper, leaning back into the seat, waiting for the rush to possibly settle into something I can control. But it doesn’t. Not really. Not anymore.
I climb out of the car anyway and head toward the elevator that leads up to the rooftop bar. It’s one of those high-end Portland places with open-air and glass everywhere. The kind of place people go when they want to spend at least $100 per plate.
The elevator doors slide open, and I spot Alexei, Nolan, and Adriana instantly at a corner table set with white linen and untouched breakfast plates. The morning sun makes everything too bright.
Alexei doesn’t smile. He just lifts his chin. “Good morning, little rockstar.” He motions to the chair across from him. “Take a seat.”
I do, doing my best to keep my expression blank. He seems oddly cheerful today. Damn it.
Adriana doesn’t meet my eyes. Nolan doesn’t either. Usually, he gives me a smirk or some kind of mocking expression. Today, he’s all tense. Just like our last meeting. The fact that the man who’s been controlling me for the past seven goddamn years is terrified of Alexei scares the shit out of me.
Alexei’s fork scrapes across the plate as he cuts into a piece of fruit, like this is just any breakfast and not another descent for me.
“One of the men who owns a club here in Portland owes me a lot of money,” he says, not bothering to soften his voice.
“Too much. A shipment he was supposed to sell.” He looks at me.
Hard. “I need you to go and remind him that his debt is not optional.”
I snort. “You want me to rough him up? Really?”
Alexei gives a small shrug. “You’re smart. You’ll know what the moment calls for.”
My stomach twists. Which means yes.
He leans back in his chair, flicking a lazy glance toward Adriana before returning his eyes to me. “And you’ll take your girlfriend with you.”
My jaw tightens. “Why?”
“A hot piece of ass like that gets you past thick-headed security without any trouble.”
Nolan freezes. Because whether he says it or not, he’s protective of her for some stupid reason.
Adriana says nothing. Doesn’t challenge him. Doesn’t even roll her eyes in typical her fashion. Her fingers curl around her coffee cup until her knuckles turn white.
My blood heats. “That’s really not necessary—”
“Jude.” Alexei’s voice is soft, deadly. “You’ll take her.”
His eyes flick over her again in a way that makes my skin crawl. Interest. Possessive. Evaluating. He doesn’t look at business partners like that.
Adriana finally meets my gaze, just for a second. And she looks...scared. Not of me. Not even of Alexei, exactly. More like she knows something she wishes she didn’t.
Nolan’s jaw ticks. Everything in me knots. This leash is going to strangle me to death all too soon.
I nod once. “Fine.”
Alexei smiles like he’s pleased. “Good boy.”
The words slide under my skin. Nolan says that to me, too. Do all powerful men refer to us as pets? Good boys and good girls?
As Adriana stands, smoothing her skirt with trembling fingers, I realize two things at once:
I’m being dragged deeper into hell.
And none of us are getting out clean. Perhaps not even alive.
Adriana falls into step beside me, her heels pounding against the pavement. She glances over, lowering her voice. “He scares me,” she admits.
I huff out a breath, not quite a laugh, as I send Emma a quick text to let her know I’m okay. She’s worrying about me too much. “Yeah. Join the club.”
Her eyes flick to my phone with curiosity.
“Micah,” I lie easily. My hood stays up as we move toward the club entrance, the fabric casting my face in shadow.
Paparazzi have been circling for weeks, but Adriana’s been throwing them off with anonymous tips—Seattle, Vancouver, a studio in L.A.
Anywhere but here for my “healing journey.” For now, that lie is holding.
Thank fuck. But I still have my black balaclava in my back pocket for the actual confrontation.
Inside, the club is dim with a neon haze, low ceilings, and shadows thick enough that I could probably walk through without the hood. Doesn’t matter. I keep it up anyway. It feels like armor.
Adriana slips her arm through mine as we weave through the crowded floor.
The contact stiffens every muscle in my body.
Her perfume is like a fucking trigger for me.
I grit my teeth and let her keep holding on.
We cross to the back staircase. Each step creaks under my boots as we climb, the music fading.
At the top, a narrow hallway stretches out, washed in a sickly blue light that flickers like it’s about to die. I pull on my balaclava and double check that my gun is still in the waistband of my jeans.
“Should...should I have a mask, too?” she asks.
I roll my eyes. “It certainly shows that you never get your hands dirty.”
“I’m serious, Jude.”
Before we get any further, I stop and turn on her. “You’re not the one inflicting damage or pain. You just get to stand there. Lucky you.”
Before I give her a chance to respond, I’m moving.
She catches up to me, close enough that I catch the tremor in her fingers where they rest on my arm again.
She’s scared. Good. She should be. We both should.
Nolan getting involved with a Russian crime lord is about the dumbest fucking thing he could have done.
I’m sure Adriana will feel that soon enough, too.
We get to a door at the end of the hall, and behind it, sits the poor bastard Alexei wants me to “remind” about his debt.