Chapter 28 #2
The wind whips my hair. The moon glows over the ocean. The waves shine as the highway curves along the cliffside. I take another hit, letting the smoke settle in my lungs. My chest loosens so easily I almost forget it was ever tight.
I’m smoking weed with my ex boyfriend.
On the coastal highway with the windows down, under a full moon. Singing. Laughing. Alive. Life feels so damn good right now. And it makes me truly realize that we would definitely be married if he hadn’t left. There is no way there is anyone better for either of us than the other.
And then Heather shrieks in excitement when the best part of the song comes on.
Micah is practically bouncing in his seat.
Jude shakes his head, but he’s chuckling, and when the verse hits, he actually sings.
I burst out laughing because the moon flashes over his jaw, sharp and beautiful, and he looks like some kind of cinematic fever dream.
Then the line hits. The one we all know and love.
Jude glances over at me, a wicked little curl lifting the corner of his mouth, and belts out the part about “giving me half his dick because that’s all I could take.”
“Oh my god,” I wheeze, coughing on air as I laugh.
Heather launches herself forward between the seats, screaming with us. All four of us shout the next outrageous line in perfect, chaotic unison—the one about “saying grace and blessing a face.”
We’re all laughing so hard the car shakes. My high kicks in fully, and I feel like I’m floating. Jude’s thumb rubs slow circles on my thigh again, and for a moment the whole world feels suspended. Caught in the glow of headlights and moonlight and rolling ocean darkness. I look at him.
He’s beautiful. I’m high, and feel a little wild. I’m in love. And I’m really, really happy to be alive tonight.
We burst through the front door, and Heather immediately bolts toward the kitchen like it’s a finish line. Micah is right behind her, laughing, arms flailing as he nearly trips.
I scoff, shaking my head. “You two are absurd...and oddly perfect for each other.”
Jude slips up beside me, hooks an arm around my waist, and pulls me into him. His hand slides down the curve of my back.
“This is a really nice house,” I say, eyes wide. “Wow.”
“Millionaire benefits, baby,” Micah chuckles, unwrapping the cake with Heather.
Jude chuckles. “I’ll put your bag in the room,” he murmurs against my ear. Then, he glances at Micah. “And dude, you actually need to sleep in the guest room tonight.”
I blink. “Do you guys share a bed or something?”
Micah laughs before Jude can answer. “Oh yeah. All the time.”
My brows fly up.
Jude shoots him a look. “Not like that,” he says, grinning. “We’ve just had to stick together through...a lot.”
A lot.
The understatement of the year. It makes sense because they experience so much trauma together. I nod slowly, trying to imagine what “a lot” looks like for them. What nights they’ve held each other steady through withdrawals or panic or whatever Nolan and Adriana have put them through.
When he returns, he follows me into the kitchen. There they are, already digging into the chocolate cake like rabid freaking wolves.
“No plates?” I ask, raising an eyebrow.
“No time,” Heather says around a mouthful, crumbs clinging to her cheeks.
I roll my eyes and grin. “A menace as always.”
We grab forks and hover around the kitchen island, laughing and scarfing down the enormous chocolate cake. The frosting is sticky on my fingers, and the rich, sweet flavor fills my mouth as I take another bite. I forgot how much better this stuff tastes when you’re high.
Micah laughs out of his nose, pointing at all of us with our cheeks stuffed with chocolate and the sheer ridiculousness of it. I nearly choke from laughing because we look like little chipmunks.
Jude’s hand lands on my lower back, steadying me, and he mutters, “Don’t choke, Em.” I grin at him with frosting smeared over my lip, and he leans down to kiss the corner of my mouth, still laughing. I nearly jolt when I feel his tongue swirl to lick the chocolate off.
Heather waves a fork wildly. “If anyone chokes, don’t panic. There’s a nurse in the house. A stoned nurse, but a nurse nonetheless.”
Micah pours two glasses of milk and hands one to Jude and me. We clink them together and take long sips. We continue bantering, joking, and teasing.
Once the cake is finally demolished, everyone collapses onto the couch in a sugar-drunk heap. Heather curls into Micah’s side, looping her arm through his with a satisfied smile, tugging him close like he’s her personal teddy bear.
“I honestly kind of hate myself,” she murmurs. “Em, we have got to go to the gym again tomorrow. I don’t care. It is a must.”
I wave her off. “Girl, I’m not thinking of the gym right now. It’s actually the furthest thing from my mind.”
She giggles. “Fiiiine.”
Micah grabs the remote, flicks open YouTube, and Sassy the Sasquatch fills the screen.
My jaw drops. “Oh, no way you guys know about Sassy.” I lean forward to look at Jude and Micah in disbelief.
“Who smokes weed and doesn’t?” Micah asks with a shrug.
Heather snorts at one of the scenes, and soon the four of us are laughing so hard that barely any sound comes out.
My stomach hurts. My face hurts. I can’t get enough air between laughs.
Jude leans into me, his arm draped behind my shoulders.
His thumb finds my hand and rubs slow, absent minded strokes that send sparks across my skin.
He watches me more than the screen, smirking every time I lose it again.
I rest my head on his shoulder, breathing in the faint trace of amber cologne. He nudges my knee; I flick his hair back from his forehead. His laugh is quiet, something I feel as much as hear.
Eventually the room settles, the only sound the goofy voice of Sassy on the TV.
Ocean air slips in through the cracked patio door.
The high fades into a sleepy haze, tugging me back to memories of smoking in his old car before hiking trails—just us, nowhere to be, talking about the future.
We always said we’d keep doing that, even after he made it.
Now that he has, I want it more than ever. And I’m scared it won’t be that simple.
And Adriana…
No. Not now.
I breathe her out of my mind and tuck myself deeper into Jude’s hoodie, his heartbeat steady beneath my cheek. Across the room, Heather and Micah are quiet too, drifting into each other. She pulls the fuzzy gray blanket over them while his fingers trace lazy lines through her hair.
They’d have beautiful babies, I think. Blonde-haired angels.
Jude’s hand tightens around mine, just enough to pull me back. His hazel eyes stare down into mine, glowing gold in the low light. That familiar heat stirs in my chest—the same pull I’ve never been able to fight. The one that started the night he sang to me on his dock at Vanessa’s party.
He leans in, lips brushing my temple, then my mouth. His kiss is unhurried, and I melt into him, fingers threading through his hair, pulling him closer.
The laughter, the cake, the night drive...everything narrows into this moment. This quiet gravity pulling me deeper into him. Sassy the Sasquatch fades to background noise. Heather and Micah become little more than shadows.
It’s just Jude and me. The living room. Moonlight cutting across his sharp jaw. The soft scrape of his stubble against my lips.
He kisses me again, slower, deeper. His fingers slide to my jaw, tipping my face up, and something inside him shifts. He’s always been so gentle with me, but lately, I’ve been feeling a kind of aggression that’s different from anything I’ve ever felt from him.
“Come here,” he murmurs, voice firm enough to send a shiver through me.
I crawl into his lap without thinking twice. With him, it’s as simple as gravity. His hands grip my waist, fingers digging in just above the waistband of my jeans. The couch dips beneath us. I can hear Heather’s quiet breathing from the other sofa, Micah’s arm draped over her.
Their presence should make me cautious, but it doesn’t. If anything, Jude holds me tighter, breath rough against my neck. His thumb presses under my chin, guiding my gaze back to his. His eyes are hungry, hesitant, and hopeful all at once.
“I really want to be better for you,” he breathes, forehead resting against mine.
I brush my fingers through his hair, letting a few strands fall into his eyes. “I know,” I whisper.
“No,” he murmurs, pulling me closer until our chests meet, until I feel his heart hammering. “You don’t. I want you so bad it hurts. And everything else—Adriana, Nolan, the shit I’m stuck in—it’s like…” He swallows hard. “Baby, it’s like they’re eating me alive.”
My chest aches.
He buries his face in my neck for a second, like he needs the comfort.
“I just need…” He exhales, sliding his hands up my spine.
“I need one minute where I’m not owned by someone.
Where I’m not scared I’ll lose you again.
Because I am. Everything I told you the other night on the beach is still true.
I don’t know how much more longer we’ll be in Seaside.
Nolan could decide tomorrow to continue the tour. ”
He pauses, something unsaid flickering behind his eyes. Then he lets it go.
“I don’t know how this ends,” he says quietly. “I wish I did. But I don’t.”
His words are a sucker punch to the heart. I cup his face, my thumbs stroking the rough stubble along his jaw, forcing his eyes to stay locked on mine. “You’ll never lose me. I’ll do long long distance with you, I don’t care. I’ll do whatever it takes until we can get you out.”
A flicker of vulnerability crosses his face as he looks up at me. “If we make it out of this,” he swallows, voice dropping to a whisper, “I want to marry you.”
I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from sobbing. “What else?”