Chapter 34 #2
Her eyes lock on mine, confused, scared, and soft all at once. “No,” she whispers. “No, you’re not. But you’re not okay right now.”
The words hit me, and a flare of panic runs through my wired body. Not okay...not okay...not okay...The mantra loops in my head. I hate it. I hate being trapped like this. The meth, the bruises, the spiral...you’re losing control, Jude…
Heather takes yet another step closer.
I want to punch something. I blink, and somewhere inside the chaos, I realize: they’re right. I slowly let go of her hips, just enough to step back. My fists clench, still trembling. My chest heaves.
Emma exhales, almost a sigh of relief. “That’s it...stay with me.”
Heather’s gaze softens slightly. Micah exhales, shaking his head, like he can’t believe we made it this far without disaster.
“I would never hurt her,” I rasp. I tear myself away from her, and it feels like ripping something alive out of me. I don’t answer. I don’t explain. I just stalk out the door, desperately just needing to forget about this.
“Jude!” Emma runs after me, bare feet thumping on the hardwood.
“Stop, Emma!” Heather’s voice cuts through the tense air. “Emma, wait! Don’t follow him. He needs to calm down. Let him sleep it off. He’s on meth. He’s not in his right mind.”
Micah’s voice is quieter then. “Thanks, Heather.”
I hear her rattling off a list of things about blood pressure, heart rate, dehydration, and neurological shit. I block it out. I force myself into my Audi. Micah slides in beside me without saying a word.
The engine roars to life, and I sit there, quiet, shaking, bruises throbbing.
My fingers drum against the wheel, restless.
I love her, and I almost just took out my frustrations on her body.
I would never force her, no. But I wasn’t in my right mind at all.
It wouldn’t have been fair to make love to her when I’m feeling like this.
Even though she was receptive, she didn’t know.
She didn’t know my mental state, didn’t know the meth, the adrenaline, the beating, the everything. I could’ve crossed a line.
I bite my lip, flinching at the war inside myself.
Micah doesn’t talk. He just sits there beside me as a solid support, as he always has.
I inhale. My body hurts. I lean back, finally letting a long, shaky sigh escape. “I...I’m sorry,” I mutter, more to myself than to anyone else.
Still, he doesn’t speak. I know I’ve fucked up.
The Audi slides forward into the night. Emma’s house fades behind me.
I feel the weight of everything I almost did, and the relief that our friends stopped me.
Because she’s not something I can destroy.
She’s not something I can touch like that when I’m broken.
The door to my bedroom slams behind me, and I don’t even try to lock it. I just collapse onto the edge of the bed, my head in my hands, the weight of everything clawing me down.
Micah walks in after me without a word. I can hear his quiet breaths, and I let myself.
..break. I shudder violently, and tears sting my eyes.
I’ve been holding it all in—everything: the kills, the bruises, the drugs, the adrenaline, the way I almost lost myself with Emma.
All of it crashes down like a tidal wave.
“Jude…” Micah whispers, sitting beside me. His hand rests on my shoulder, hesitant at first, then firmer when I don’t pull away.
“I...I can’t…” My voice cracks. It sounds like someone else. Like a kid who’s been shoved into too many dark corners. “He’s taking control. He’s gonna take me from...from Seaside. From her." A sob escapes me. “I just got her back, man.”
Micah exhales sharply, and I feel him shiver too. He’s crying, too. His hand rubs my back, slow, soothing, and grounding. “We can figure something out,” he murmurs, though I can hear the tremor in his own voice. “We can’t just give up.”
I shake my head. “You don’t get it, Micah! He...he’s smart. He’s ruthless. He doesn’t care about anyone. He’ll make me...I’ll...I’ll be his. He’ll kill her if he knows how much I love her. He already knows about her and Heather. He’s evil.”
Micah pulls me into him, strong arms around my shoulders. I press my face into his chest, finally letting myself sob. Full, raw, heartbreaking. Every dark thing, every fear, every failure I’ve ever felt—all of it pouring out.
“We’ve been through too much,” I choke out. “All of it...all of it, and he’s gonna rip me away. And I...I can’t lose her. I can’t lose her.”
Micah holds me tighter. His tears drip onto my hair, his quiet sobs shaking the both of us.
“I’d rather die than live without her,” I whisper, broken.
“You won’t,” he whispers back. “You hear me? You won’t. We’ll fight him. Together. Somehow, we’ll get you out of this. But we need to work together and not just give in. You hear me?”
I shake my head again. I love him for what he’s offering. A lifeline in the middle of a wild, endless ocean, a chance to stay afloat when I have no clear way to survive. But even now, I’m swallowing water, drowning anyway.