Chapter 23
Chapter Twenty-Three
Matteo
The weekend doesn’t last long enough at all. Anya tours five houses with me, and we spend a total of six hours together, but it’s gone by so fast that it’s kind of devastating. And even though we found the perfect home for my family to use in the future, nothing about this trip feels complete.
We should have angled for more time together. I should have pleaded to share dinner again, or something—anything—to be with her longer. At least my ride back to the airfield ends up being in better company than the ride that picked me up.
But even that goes by too quickly.
Anya and I stand on the tarmac, facing one another as the low rumble of the plane’s engine sounds behind us. Her aunt is in the car, waiting for us to say our goodbyes, but no words are leaving our mouths. My bag is at my feet rather than in my hands, as if that’s going to keep me here longer.
“I don’t…why don’t I want you to leave?” Anya asks, voice shaken and almost distraught. Her eyes are suddenly sparkling with extra moisture, and my throat goes tight as I notice. “I was so scared to see you again and now I’m scared you’ll never come back.”
“Hey, hey,” I soothe, wanting to reach for her and pull her closer. “Of course I’m coming back. You can’t get rid of me now, Anya. Why wouldn’t I want to see you again, hmm? Tell me all the reasons you’re making up in that head of yours and I’ll tell you why they’re bullshit, yeah?”
“What if…” she starts, nearly trembling.
“Go on,” I encourage softly. “Tell me everything.”
“What if this was too hard for you?”
“It wasn’t,” I swear. “Nothing was hard about coming here. I don’t mind flights, and I expected your dad and uncles to be worse to me, to be honest.”
“You weren’t bored? Or disappointed? We didn’t do anything fun—”
“Every single moment I spent with you was fun. I wasn’t bored for a minute. Nothing about this weekend has been a disappointment.”
Only that it’s ending.
“I…It took me a while to warm up to you. You weren’t offended that I was shy? That I didn’t talk enough?”
“I don’t think you understand I was just as shy,” I confess, face feeling hot. “I just have more experience working through my awkwardness.”
Her lips wobble. “What if they don’t let me see you again?”
“They couldn’t stop me,” I say before I can think twice. “Unless your health is being threatened by my place in your life, I’ll be here. I promise, meraviglia. I swear it.”
She pounces at me, jumping up to get her arms around my neck instead of my back. I freeze, unsure how to react as her body clashes into mine.
“Hug me back,” she croaks, squeezing me tighter.
No sooner than the words leave her lips do I surround her.
My big arms cover most of her back as I wrap them around her, my head dropping down to bury in the crook of her neck.
My hands twitch around her sides as I try not to use them to pull her closer but keep her lifted off the ground so she doesn’t need to use all of her strength around my neck.
“Fuck, Anya,” I murmur, inhaling deep. “I’m going to miss you like crazy. I already miss you and you’re in my arms. How is that possible?”
“I wish you could stay.”
I resist the urge to tell her that I can, because I can’t. At least not right now. I have to get back home until I can plan to be away for longer. And something tells me, I’m going to start planning as soon as I get on the plane.
“I’ll call you as soon as I land, okay?”
“Okay,” she breathes out, slowly releasing her hold on me. “Matteo, you care about me, don’t you? B-because I care about you. Very much, maybe too much. You’ll tell me if it’s too much, won’t you?”
I can’t believe what I’m hearing, but I have to believe it’s true. I have to believe the world wouldn’t be so cruel as to make this a dream rather than reality.
“It’ll never be too much,” I say seriously, taking a risk in brushing the wild honey hair from her eyes. “I care about you too.”
She swallows. “As a friend?”
“As…everything, Anya.”
She’s not ready for everything, and maybe she never will be, but I cannot look this girl in the eyes and lie to her.
“Don’t say anything,” I tell her before she can open her lips.
“Don’t leave here and regret words you don’t know if you want to say.
I’ll be here, hours away or by your side, I’ll be here.
We’re good, Anya. Do you understand? Nothing has to change, and there’s nothing to fear. Not from me…never from me.”
“Never from you,” she agrees in a whisper.
“I have to go now,” I tell her regretfully. “I don’t want to, but I have to.”
“But you’ll be back?” She takes my hand in hers. It’s so fucking soft and a little chilled from the morning breeze. “You can stay in the house you bought next time. No hotel for Lev to harass you at.”
I chuckle and nod, squeezing her hand. “I’ll be back. Armani will want company when he comes to furnish the place. You could come help pick out linens or something. I’ll make it happen soon, as long as you still want me back.”
“I will,” she says firmly.
“Looking forward to it, meraviglia.”
We don’t say goodbye, neither of us can use the word as we part ways.
Sitting on the flight home, I’m cursing myself for not staying behind. I can’t lie to myself about my feelings for Anya anymore. Even though I can’t be sure that she’ll ever fully return them.
She’s understandably shown no romantic desires or interest, but she cares for me. I doubt it’s love. Not the kind of love that would make her want to share kisses or a bed. But caring that overwhelms her and makes her want for my company.
And that will be enough for me. It has to be.