Chapter 43
Chapter Forty-Three
Anya
Dante stays to eat breakfast with us, and it goes over much less awkwardly than you might think.
He mostly talks to me, asking questions and getting to know me in a way that feels genuine, rather than like some sort of interrogation.
I’m certain that Dante Moretti can be a very frightening man when he wants to be, but he hasn’t shown me even a glimpse of that side of him.
He’s been lovely, almost fatherly, even.
When we’re done eating, he joins my father in his office. None of us are sure how their conversation goes, but we don’t hear yelling through the walls, and both of them come out unscathed. I don’t know how likely they are to become friends some day, but I haven’t given up hope yet.
“Dad’s going to stay the night at our family place,” Matteo informs me, pressing a kiss to my temple. “I’m going to go over there with him and Nico to show him around, but I’ll be back in an hour. Two, tops.”
“Okay,” I reply with a hesitant smile, accepting the cold drink that he passes my way.
He catches the uncertain look on my face and frowns. “Something wrong, baby?”
“I think I’m going to try and call my brothers while you’re gone,” I say quietly, twisting my fingers in my lap. “I’m just nervous. I want to make it a video call, but I’m afraid that seeing them again will bring back bad memories.”
“Do you want to wait to call them until I get back?” Matteo asks immediately, rubbing my shoulders to comfort me. “I could be there for you in case you need to hang up but feel like you can’t or you shouldn’t.”
“No.” My head shakes slowly. “I think I have to do this alone. I have to trust that I know how to handle difficult situations, and that I know how much discomfort I can take. Dad will be here, and if I end up reacting poorly, I’ll go to him.”
“You’re going to do amazing, meraviglia.
” He kisses me on top of my head this time, breathing in the scent of my hair as he does.
“I believe in you. I know you want to talk to them and to see them, even though it’s scary.
Remember what you’ve talked about in therapy, you have nothing to be ashamed about.
Your brothers saw you in a vulnerable state because they were racing to save you.
I promise you, as a brother, they don’t think about that when they think about you. ”
“Yeah,” I agree, swallowing thickly.
I’ve been over this with myself a thousand times.
They found me naked, battered, and bloody, but they weren’t trying to see private pieces of me, they were trying to keep me alive.
It’s a mental block that my brain can’t seem to break down, but one that I’m tired of letting control me and my actions.
I want to talk to my brothers again. I want to get to know them as they are today.
I want to see them interact with the twins, and I want them to introduce me to Jade.
She’s my sister-in-law, and one of Matteo’s favorite people.
We’re tied together in more ways than ever before, and I think I’m finally feeling strong enough to face my fears where they’re concerned.
“You sure you don’t want me to stay?” Matteo asks again.
“Yeah, I’m sure,” I confirm, looking up at him. “Just talking to you about it has already made me feel a little bit better.”
He grins, pleased with himself. “I’m glad to help.”
“I’ll miss you,” I admit, unashamed. “It’ll only be a little while, and I’ll miss you. I think I’m going to ask Dad to let you officially move in soon. We should give him a week or so, though, don’t you think? If we ask for too much, his hair might start going gray.”
Matteo chuckles but agrees. “Yeah, we should let him warm up a bit more first. But I think he could be sold on a couple more sleepovers in the meantime.”
Visions of last night dance behind my eyes and my face goes warm. “I hope so.”
Groaning like he wishes he could steal me away upstairs but he knows he can’t, Matteo sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “All right, I need to go before Nico gets antsy and he comes in here to drag me out.”
“Don’t dread it too much,” I insist. “Enjoy the time with your dad. I know you miss being with him, even though you like being here.”
“Yeah,” Matteo agrees. “He’s a good dad.”
“I can tell.”
His responding smile is the last thing I see before he jogs out of the room, heading toward the inside entrance to the garage. I take a few substantial gulps of my water before I pull out my phone and start walking upstairs.
Hands fumbling with the device, I find the contact number I need and open a text message just as I get to my bedroom.
Shutting the door behind me, I drop into my desk chair and take a few preemptively calming breaths, using the diaphragmatic breathing method.
Slowly intaking air through my nose and pushing it out of my mouth with pursed lips.
Anya
Are you and Ivan free?
Although my older brother isn’t known for being constantly on his phone, he responds quite quickly.
Dmitri
We’re both home, not busy. Do you need something?
I do, but I don’t know how to ask for it without sounding silly. I need my big brothers.
Anya
I was just wondering if you were free for a video call? It’s okay if you’re not. I know this is really out of the blue.
Again, his response comes in fast.
Dmitri
Do you want to see the twins?
I try not to frown at his assumption, knowing it’s a completely logical thing to guess. I’ve spent more time on the phone with his babies than I have with either of my brothers. But it still sort of stings to read.
Anya
I’d love to. I haven’t seen them since Matteo came. But I was actually wanting to see you and Ivan. It’s been so long.
It’s been so long because I made it so, but I feel the ache of time passing either way.
Dmitri
Okay. I’ll get Ivan and we can bring the kids in for the call after a few minutes if you want.
Anya
Sounds good :)
I hope my smiley face comes across as natural and convincing rather than forced and weird. Who am I kidding? Dmitri isn’t the kind of man who thinks twice about emojis. There’s no way he’s going to read into a freaking orange smiley.
Dmitri
You can call whenever you’re ready.
So it’s up to me, is it?
Breathing slowly a few more times, I relax my shoulders and prop my phone up on my desk.
When my finger touches the screen, and a mirror of me pops up, I’m reminded of the first time that I FaceTimed with Matteo.
I was so nervous that my stomach hurt, but it all ended up being okay. Just like this will.
When two faces flash over my screen, minimizing my face and taking over the call, I almost bite my tongue.
It’s jarring to see them so closely after so long.
Even at the wedding where we shared the same space and the same air, they remained distant.
I saw them from a far and missed the tiny details that make up their features.
Dmitri looks older, though he’s only twenty-four now.
His face is clean-shaven but with a five o’clock shadow that makes him look distinctly like a dad.
Like our dad. His dark hair and dark eyes don’t match the genes that were passed to me, but Ivan is like a mix of the two of us.
His hair is lighter brown, and his eyes are a dusty blue like my own.
He’s smaller like me too, but still manly and imposing. He reminds me a bit of Nico, now that I think of it. Their personalities are completely different from what I remember, and Nico has much darker hair, but there’s something familiar about them.
“Hi,” I finally say after staring at the two of them for far too long. “Sorry, I just…you guys look different.”
“Hi,” Ivan echoes, like he isn’t sure what else to add.
“You look different too,” Dmitri supplies, his voice as rich and deep as I remember. “It’s good to see you, Anya.”
“It’s good to see you too.”
My hands feel sweaty and I don’t know what to do with them or where to set them, but I don’t feel any pins and needles. My stomach isn’t churning with acidic anxiety, and my legs don’t seem to have gone weak like gummy worms. I could stand up without stumbling, and that’s definitely a good sign.
“H-how are you both?”
“We’re good,” Dmitri says, giving me a small smile. “Right, Ivan?”
“Yeah, we’re good,” my brother agrees, shifting in his seat. They appear to be sitting at a table, shoulder to shoulder so that they both fit into frame. “How are you?”
“I’m good,” I echo their sentiment. “B-better. Um, a lot better recently. I don’t know if Dad told you—Matteo said he didn’t—but I went into an inpatient care program for sixty days. It really helped me, and I’ve been keeping my progress up since coming home.”
Dmitri blinks and from the surprised look in Ivan’s eyes, I know what he’s going to say. “Dad didn’t tell us, no.”
“He’s been really good about giving me privacy,” I comment, hoping to cure any betrayal they might feel for being left out of the loop. “He’s been really good to me, in general. I regret not leaning on him sooner.”
My older brothers look a bit thrown off by my words, and I know it’s because some part of Dmitri is still angry with our father.
Dmitri is so strong, and so smart…I think he thinks that if he was in Dad’s position, he could have prevented what happened to me.
I heard him years ago, yelling that Dad should have been strong enough to kill our mother when she first became a traitor.
But how could you see your wife, the woman you married and had children with, becoming something so evil?
She stole money from him—from the Bratva—so he exiled her.
He divorced her and sent her away. But nobody expects a bank robber to commit much more heinous atrocities, just because they were capable of stealing.
I don’t know how Ivan feels about our dad, but he’s Dmitri’s man through and through. If Dmitri feels some type of way, Ivan supports it, whether he agrees with it or not.