Chapter 47
47
MAGNOLIA
I love love.
Ever since I was a little girl I loved getting to witness love in any form. Whether it was watching two people holding hands as they walked down the sidewalk or watching two characters fall in love in a movie, I’ve always loved love. It’s always been something I’ve wanted and desired and craved because it was something I’d rarely gotten from my parents.
As a girl, I knew what love was because of people like Ms. Ruthie and Margaret. They showed me the type of love that comes from people who want to see you grow and be happy. The type of love that fills you up and makes you feel seen and wanted. Other people in my life, like Daniel and my parents, showed me the type of love that hung on a contingency. The kind of love that you only got if you did things their way or played by their rules. For a long time, I was okay with that type of love. I hardly knew anything different.
But that was before Kolbi came into my life.
And his kind of love was a type I never wanted to lose.
His kind of love was the type that made you feel safe. It was the kind of love that makes you feel warm and lets you know that, even when you aren’t perfect, you’re still enough. You’re still good and you’re still wanted. Unlike my parents, I never have to wonder with Kolbi. Every day he wakes up, gives me a kiss, and tells me he loves me. And not only does he tell me he loves me, he shows me he loves me by the way he takes care of me. That’s how I know he means it.
Sitting in my chair, watching his friends—my new friends—get married, I knew I’d love him forever. He made me a better person. The type of person I think I always knew I wanted to be but didn’t feel like I was able to become. For years I had hidden this version of me away for fear that if I let her out, no one would love her. But Kolbi did from the very start. He saw that version of me when she would peek out and showed her love until she felt safe enough to fully come out. And he continued to love me as I became who I’d always wanted to be.
Strong.
Independent.
My own complete person away from all the accolades and fancy dresses.
I caught his eyes on me as the bride and groom exchanged their vows and I blew him a kiss. When he smiled back at me, I was filled with the sense of warmth that I always felt when he was close. I knew I was becoming the woman I’d always wanted to be but I also knew that I couldn’t wait to become her with him by my side.
Hopefully, forever.