Chapter 56 One of the Many Reasons
One of the Many Reasons
Connor
Winter break comes and goes. The long car rides I share with Maisie are by far the best part.
I miss her when we’re at our respective families’ houses.
Thankfully, we text throughout each day and FaceTime almost every night.
She virtually shows me around her house and tells me how much she misses Lauren being there.
I introduce her to my brothers—briefly, because they are menaces—and send her pictures of some of my favorite coffee shops in town.
She hypes me up that one day I’ll have the best coffee shop in town, wherever that might be.
Her belief in me is one of the many reasons I love her.
I. Love. Her. I want to shout it at the top of my fucking lungs, but instead, we’re walking into her dorm room—hand in hand, mind you—but without her knowing how I truly feel.
I’m going to tell her. Today. Donny’s voice rings in my head, assuring me that two things can be true simultaneously. I can tell her, and she doesn’t have to say anything back. I’ll make sure she knows that.
As we shuffle the rest of the way into her room, I log that Angie isn’t here yet. That’s good.
I drop the suitcase I’m carrying for her and shift to pull Maisie in for a hug.
She relaxes into me like being in my arms is the most natural thing in the world.
My chest swells, and my throat clogs with emotion that is hard to explain.
Every day, I earn more of her trust—trust that Karsen ripped from her.
I’m honored to be a part of her healing journey from that bastard.
I don’t want to spook her with what I’m going to say, but I need to say it for my own sanity, and that’s okay, too.
I take a deep breath. Then another one because this is scary as fuck. But Maisie beats me to talking first.
“I texted Ang. Looks like she’s not going to come back until tomorrow. Want to stay here with me tonight?” Her eyes sparkle.
My shoulders slacken, and I can’t help but smile at her. She’s so goddamn beautiful. “Yeah, that sounds nice,” I answer.
She quirks a smile, then snuggles her head into my chest. I pull her even closer.
She gives the best hugs. My cock jumps a bit at her proximity, so I disconnect us and back up a step, not trying to start anything tonight.
If I’m going to say what I need to say, I need her to know it’s not connected to what we do or don’t do physically.
She laughs when I step away because I’m sure she could feel the evidence of how much I want her. “Should we take care of that?” she asks, eyeing the now-obvious bulge in my sweatpants.
I laugh and drop my head, rubbing the back of my neck with a tinge of embarrassment before pulling her close again.
“I always want you. If we ‘took care of that’ every time, we would never stop. Tonight, though—let’s just cuddle, watch a movie.
Spend quality time together. I really missed you these past few weeks.
” I kiss her temple, then rest my cheek on the top of her head as we continue to embrace.
“Mmmm, that sounds so cozy and nice,” she says, still nuzzling into me like a cat. “Check the fridge for any leftover snacks, and I’ll queue up the next movie.”
I’m making my way to her mini fridge when my phone buzzes in my pocket. I pull it out, and it feels like all the heat flees my body, leaving me ice cold. Dad. Again.
Frustration clamps a hand around my throat for a moment, and I want to chuck my phone at the wall. I don’t want to talk to him right now. Or ever, for that matter. With shaking hands, I put my phone back in my pocket and take some steadying breaths.
I find ice cream in the mini fridge’s freezer section and smile. When I turn back to face Maize, she’s eyeing me warily. She can tell something’s wrong.
“Was that your dad?” she asks.
My lips flop as I blow out the breath I didn’t realize I was holding. “Yeah.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” She eyes me with concern but not pity.
I know I could trust her with anything, including how I feel about all of this, but I don’t want to let my dad ruin this night we have together.
“All I’ll say is he’s been calling, and I keep not answering. I have nothing to say to him, and honestly, I don’t want to hear what he has to say to me, either.”
She takes a careful step closer and reaches out to take my hand. “That’s understandable. He’s caused a lot of pain, not only to you but to people you love too.”
“Yeah, it’s complicated, and it’s going to keep being complicated, so for tonight, I’d rather we just hang out? Forget he called or even that he exists for a little while?”
She plucks the ice cream carton from my hand. “I can do that. Did you find any snacks for yourself in there?” She motions with her eyebrows toward the fridge.
“What, you’re not willing to share?” I laugh, fully knowing the answer.
“You can have one bite.” She holds it out to me, as if by offering me a taste of ice cream, she’s cutting off her own arm or something.
A smile curls my lips. I’m so beyond thankful she is here in this moment. That I don’t have to face the plethora of feelings that race to my brain whenever my dad calls me while I’m alone. That she cares about me, about what I think and feel. I know I can trust her with how I feel about her, too.
“You can keep it, Betty.”
She shakes her butt happily as she spoons some into her luscious mouth. A mouth I fall asleep dreaming about. And her eyes, her hair. Fuck, even her ears. I love all of her, and I need her to know it.
When we’re settled onto her bed, laptop open, I wrap my arm around her, pulling her in close. “I need to tell you something, but I promise it doesn’t mean you owe me anything. Words, thoughts, anything. Okay?”
I feel her tense beside me, but she gives a tentative, “Okay…”
“I love you.” I tilt her chin so she can see me as I say it.
“I’m in love with you, and I have been for a while now.
You’re my best friend, and I refuse to lose that because I love you.
” She looks like she’s about to say something, so I cover her lips with the tips of my fingers.
“You don’t need to say it back.” I shake my head.
“You don’t need to say anything at all. I just had to say it.
Needed you to know it. Know that I’m not going anywhere, no matter what.
” I draw her closer to me. “That you’re the first person I think of when I wake up and the last when I fall asleep.
That no one has ever understood me the way you do, and I’ve never laughed so much.
I love our Marvel movies together and how we can talk about our pasts and our hopes and dreams for the future.
I love how defensive you get over your ice cream.
I love that you’re a planner and think to bring a swimsuit home on break, that you love the people in your life fiercely, and that you’re stepping into who you are.
It’s beautiful. You’re beautiful. And…I love you, Maisie.
So. Damn. Much.” I rub my thumb along her cheek, tracking her eyes as they bounce around my face, searching for answers, though I don’t know what her questions are.
She’s quiet, and I feel a pressure in my chest like I’ve gone too far. Then she sighs. “You’re my best friend too, Connor. I do love you as my friend, and that’s all I can give you right now.” Her eyes slant to the bed beneath us.
It’s a punch to the gut, but one I was prepared for. She is still working through all her hurt and trust issues. She doesn’t even want to commit to a relationship, let alone process feelings of love. I’ve thought it through, and I wasn’t expecting her to say it back.
“That’s more than enough!” I rush to say.
“I meant it, Maize. You don’t owe me anything.
I just had to be true to myself and tell you.
It was too painful not to.” I brush her hair back from her face and look into those gorgeous green eyes.
I can’t tell what she’s thinking, but I can tell she’s not going to say anything more, so I tuck her back under my arm and press play on the movie.
She falls asleep halfway through. I stay up for hours after.