Chapter 26
STEPHANIE
“—and after he said, ‘Are your parents in good health,’ I immediately left because my entire body had turned to lava!” I take a shaky breath to try and calm down. “Then I drove two blocks to this random parking lot, pulled over, and called you immediately.”
I’m sitting in my car on a FaceTime call with Sam, finally telling her everything.
I tell her about the phone calls I overheard on her wedding day, and her jaw gapes open.
I tell her about the confrontation in the parking lot last night and the dinner afterwards, and she sucks in her lips to stop from laughing.
She looks expectant, even hopeful, when I tell her about the talk by the pool—especially when I admit that I’d wondered what it would be like to kiss Mallory.
When I tell her everything about the meeting with Chase (including how all of my internal organs almost short-circuited when Mallory brushed my knuckle with his thumb) and what happened in the parking lot ten minutes ago (Mallory inadvertently playing out one of my greatest Pride-and-Prejudice fantasies as if he were Colin Firth coming straight from the lake at Pemberley), she doesn’t even try to conceal it—she bursts out laughing.
When her laughter dies down, she simply sits there, saying nothing.
“You have nothing to say?”
“What do you want me to say?” Her smile is so big that I think her face is going to burst open.
“Something. Anything! I just dumped the last year and a half of baggage on you—and now I need you to tell me what to do!”
“Do? There’s nothing to do. Let the last eighteen months be a hilarious memory to laugh at and move on.”
“Move on to what? Sam, I’m drowning over here! I have no idea how to fix this situation.”
“What are you talking about? Wasn’t the point of your story that things with Cooper are fixed? He’s not the player you thought he was; he’s the amazing, charming man I’ve always told you he was. So now you don’t have to hate him. See? Fixed.”
I growl at her words. “No!” I shift in my seat. “I mean, maybe.” I balance my phone on the crossbar of my steering wheel and cover my face with my hands. “Well, yes—the initial problem is fixed—but the new problem is that I no longer have a natural Mallory repellent to keep me away from him.”
She tips her head to the side and narrows her eyes, but she doesn’t say anything.
“I need your help. Find me an anchor to grasp onto when he does things like brush my knuckle, look like chocolate, or . . . anything else that makes him appealing.”
“You’re trying to,” her eyes look into the distance, like she’s trying to piece together a puzzle that doesn’t make sense, “find new reasons to avoid him?”
“YES! Exactly! When I thought he was a cheater, it was easier, but now that he’s . . .” I stop myself before I can say anything else, but Sam lifts her eyebrows encouragingly. “You know.”
“No. I don’t know.”
I let out an exasperated noise. “Are you going to make me say it?”
“Yes, because I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Sam looks baffled.
“In the last twenty-four hours, I’ve thought back on every time I’ve seen Mallory since your wedding day. I’ve tried to look at him through the lens of him not being a cheater.” I clench my eyes closed.
“Steph, if you do that, all you’re going to see is a great guy who is funny, kind,” she starts ticking off his traits on her fingers, “down to earth, incredibly intelligent, successful, and—if I’m being honest—incredibly good looking with a voice that could melt rocks.
” Her tone is matter of fact, and her face says, I dare you to disagree with me.
My heart drops.
My shoulders drop.
Maybe my everything drops, and I feel very exposed.
“Yep.” My voice comes out soft, as a lead ball lands in my gut.
Sam’s face shifts as she finally understands. “Chase.”
I nod in agreement. “He was all of those things too—until he wasn’t. Until the money and fame changed him. Now I can’t trust it. I can’t trust the guy who seems to have it all, because if I take a chance on Mallory, what do I do if he changes too? My heart won’t be able to take it. Not again.”
“I thought you were doing better with that.”
“I really am doing fine—but not crying about it anymore and being willing to put your heart on the chopping block again are two different things. I want to be done risking the chopping block. I need to build new defenses.”
“You don’t know Cooper the way I do. He’s not like that. He won’t be a Chase.”
“It’s more than that. We want different things out of a relationship, and I’m not willing to bend.”
“Like what?”
“You heard him a couple weeks ago. He told me that I was ‘as happy as he’s ever seen any woman waking up in his bed.’ Obviously he didn’t mean it—but he made it pretty obvious that he’s had a lot of women in his bed, and he’ll have expectations if we were to date.
It would be Chase all over again. It’s the number one thing Chase and I fought about. ”
Sam is silent for a long time as she chews on her lip, deep in contemplation. “Steph, there are things that aren’t mine to share, but do you trust me?”
“Yes.” My voice is hesitant because I sense that I’m not going to like what she says.
“Then trust that you might not have understood his meaning when he said that. Steph, he’s one of the good ones. I promise.”
“What am I supposed to do with that information? Go ask him what he meant?”
“Sure, if you want to. That’s called grown-up communication. But whatever you do, please don’t hold that comment against him.”
“I’m going to need more to go off than that.” I sound like a sulking child.
“Let’s switch topics for a moment and talk about the real cheater: how was it to see Chase again?”
“I thought it was going to be a complete disaster, but in the end, it wasn’t that bad. He gave me a lot of space and didn’t try to force a conversation. So I’m counting it as a win.” It’s nice to change the subject.
“I’m glad it wasn’t the train wreck you were expecting.”
We both silently nod our heads, but I can see that something’s percolating inside Sam’s mind. “What are you not saying right now?”
I see the hesitation on her face as she lets out a long exhale before speaking. “I’ve been worried about you for a while, but I haven’t known what to say or how to bring it up—but maybe now is as good a time as any?”
She waits for my signal before plunging into what sounds like an unpleasant conversation. With my slight nod of consent, she begins.
“I’ve been afraid that you’re letting Chase’s bad choices shape your life.
There’s a part of you that’s been different since things ended with him.
It’s like part of you is hiding—which is killing me!
You shouldn’t hide a single part of you, not from anyone.
You are the most vibrant, alive person I’ve ever known, and the world deserves to see all of you, because every little particle of you is amazing. ”
I don’t think I’ve been hiding, but something about her words puts an itch in my brain. “But, what if?—”
“Stephanie, you can’t live a life based on what ifs.
You saw what that did to me for years: What if they make fun of me?
What if they abandon me? What if a million other scenarios?
I put myself inside a box and was suffocating.
You’re the one who pushed me to break out of it!
I don’t think I ever would have without you—and now it’s time I help you. ”
I make a groan of exasperation. “And you somehow think Mallory is the key?”
“Maybe it’s Cooper, and maybe it’s not—but don’t give up.” She leans closer to her phone. “You’re worthy of love just the way you are, and you deserve better than what Chase and your parents did to you.”
The mention of my parents puts a new damper on my mood.
“Sorry to bring up your parents, but sometimes I think you’re still measuring yourself by their value system.
Your looks and your bank account have nothing to do with the fact that you deserve to be happy, and you deserve to be loved.
But sometimes, you have to be brave and step outside of what’s comfortable.
Everything about meeting Deacon was because I decided to do what you told me and be brave. I did it, even though I was terrified.”
Neither of us won the parent lottery, and we have each had to do a lot of soul-searching as adults to heal some scars that were left behind.
It’s one of the reasons we immediately bonded so much: common life experience.
We’ve spent a lot of time helping each other learn that we had value outside of the parameters our parents set for us.
“It would be terrifying to put myself out there again, and I wouldn’t even know how to begin.”
“Begin with baby steps. You’re going to be spending time with Cooper this week, so simply let your guard down and get to know him. You don’t have to marry him or even date him—just open your heart up to the possibility of any guy.”
“Why does that sound so hard?” My head falls back against the headrest as I hear other voices in the room with Sam. Cheryl’s face comes onto the phone screen, and she sits down by Sam to join the conversation.
“Hello, my sweets!” It’s customary for Cheryl to greet people like she’s their grandma, even though she’s a few months younger than I am. It’s part of her unique charm.
“Have you come to gang up against me too?”
“I’m returning little Lou from a shopping trip, but ganging up on you sounds interesting.” She looks at me with a twinkle in her eyes, then turns to Sam. “What are we ganging up on her about?”
Sam spends the next few minutes bringing Cheryl up to speed on everything.
“—so I’ve been telling Steph: it’s all about baby steps and letting herself get to know Cooper. That’s all.”
Cheryl’s been listening as if this were a counseling session—which is a common reaction from her.
“Solid advice. Follow it! I need to get back to the bar now. Marco’s shorthanded tonight, and I promised him I’d help.
Love you both!” She blows me a kiss, gives Sam a hug, and exits the phone screen.
A second later, I hear the front door close.
“If you want to figure out the dynamics between two people”—I point my finger at the phone screen—“turn your skills to Cheryl and Marco! I can’t decide if they are made for each other or are going to end up killing each other.”
Sam laughs at my assessment, but only because it’s so spot on. “Steph, promise me you’ll try to get to know him.”
I take a long moment. “Okay.” With a noise of resignation, I continue, “I promise that if an opportunity comes up to get to know him better, I will take advantage of it.”
“PERFECT! Repeat after me: I’m a strong independent woman, and I can do anything.”
“That’s Lou’s affirmation.” I smile at the memory. “I heard Mallory doing it with her.”
“Cooper? I didn’t know where Lou got it. I only know she says it all the time. See,” her voice is coated with the I-told-you-so tone, “look what he’s teaching Lou. He’s one of the good ones!”
I let out a weary sound after a really long twenty-four hours. “Don’t expect too much from me. I won’t make any promises about how well I’ll do . . . but I’ll try.”
She lets out a shriek of joy. “YES! You’ve made me very happy. ”