Chapter 29
STEPHANIE
I have never hated kayaking more than I do right now.
And by that, I mean:
I have never loved kayaking more than I do right now.
Make sense? No, but such is my life.
Leaning back on Mallory’s chest has my insides ‘ahhh’-ing. But is it with a terrified, run-for-your-life ‘ahhh!’ or an I-just-slipped-into-a-relaxing-hot-tub ‘ahhh’? The jury is still out, and I can’t even begin to predict what the verdict might be.
We’re quiet as he takes long, even strokes, propelling us through the water.
I think over my conversation with Sam and try to figure out if this constitutes me letting my guard down and getting to know Mallory.
I’m pretty sure that falling into his lap and almost leaning in to steal a kiss counts, right?
A blush crawls up my neck at the memory, making me glad I’m not facing him. What was I even thinking?
“Can I ask you a question?” Mallory’s voice breaks through my internal dialogue.
“Maybe?”
“Last night was a good thing, right?” Oh. He’s not avoiding the hard topics. “I mean, we cleared up a lot of misconceptions between the two of us, but?—”
I cut him off. “I really am sorry!” I try to shift and face him, and the kayak starts to wobble.
He quickly grabs my shoulders and turns me back around.
“Stay put! Don’t make sudden movements, or we’re both going to end up in the lake.
” Then he situates me against his chest again and begins paddling.
“Don’t worry, I know you feel bad. You made that quite clear last night.
” I hear a smile in his voice. “That’s not what I want to talk about.
I want to know if there are any other issues you have with me that we need to address—because I’d really like us to be friends. ”
I’m taken aback by how straightforward his words are and don’t know how to respond for a moment. He sits silently while I gather my thoughts. Unfortunately, the more I gather, the more foolish this all seems. “You must be laughing at me.”
He stops paddling. “Why would you think that?”
“In case you forgot, it was barely over a week ago when I told you—in no uncertain terms—that I had no interest in being your friend. Yet here we are sharing a kayak, which is sorta friend-ish. Are you trying to get me to eat my words? Is that what this kayak thing is?”
He chuckles. I’m still leaning against his chest, so it reverberates on my back, and my eyes involuntarily close.
“I wasn’t trying to do anything. This”—he points between me, the kayak, and himself—“is all Kaylee. But if I thought getting you on a kayak with me would finally make you contemplate being friends, I would have dragged you out here myself over a year ago.”
“How is this Kaylee’s fault? Aren’t we sharing a kayak because you did something like throw her in the pool or dunk her in a lake at one point?” His chuckle ripples through me again. “Was I right? Did you throw her in a lake? Am I safe with you?” I curse the flirtatious tone of my voice.
“Spoiler alert: she made the whole thing up and then pushed off the dock and was gone before I could set the record straight. Not only do we not have a history around water, but if anyone in the family was going to try and push someone into a pool or a lake, it would be Kaylee, not me.”
“No!” I try to turn my body toward him again, but he—once again—corrects me.
“Under that super-sweet exterior, she can be her own kind of devious when she wants to be.”
“Why would she do that?”
“She’s my big sister and loves to play matchmaker. She probably thought that manipulating thirty minutes of shared kayak time would make us get married and have a dozen babies by Christmas.” He’s clearly entertained by this. “She wants to be an aunt, and that’s how her brain works.”
The mention of being manipulated triggers me, and my body instinctively tenses up.
He must sense it, because he puts a hand on my shoulder. “I know you just met her, but trust me, Kaylee is the sweetest person you will ever meet. There’s not a nefarious bone in her body. If you’re uncomfortable, we can turn around and go back to the dock.”
“No, it’s fine.” And it really is; this muscle-memory issue at any hint of manipulation is not new to me, and the sensation is already dissipating.
“As far as whether you’re safe with me, I might not have any malicious intentions on a kayak, but if we were playing card games, all bets would be off.
I’m nothing but ruthless then, because”—he leans closer to my ear and lowers his voice—“I cheat.” His voice glides across my neck so smoothly that my body can’t help but react.
“No you don’t.” My voice comes out weak, an effect of his breath on my skin.
He laughs. “I guess you’re going to have to join us on a family game night to find out for yourself.”
At the thought of hanging out with Mallory’s family and playing games, a heat begins in my middle, and something strangely vulnerable opens up in me. I’m glad he can’t see my face.
He starts us moving again, and our kayak silently cuts through the water.
I relax against his chest as the sun continues to dip lower on the skyline.
There are thousands of people lining the sides of the lake—and hundreds of kayaks.
I can hear the chatter of voices and the distant murmur of the city, but this moment seems very private.
It’s charged with the same kind of energy I felt the first time I saw Mallory.
“Are you close to your siblings?”
“I’m an only child, so the answer is no.”
“I can’t imagine what that would be like.
” Again the heat of his breath brushes across my neck.
“All three of us are close enough in age that I can never remember a time without them. If you ever want a sister, you can borrow one of mine. I’m sure they’d be more than happy.
After Kaylee’s little stunt tonight, you can keep her! ”
“So, if I borrowed Kaylee, would she do the same thing to me? Make up stories to try and strand me with unsuspecting men?” I don’t shift my body this time, but I turn my head to look back at him.
Bad idea. He’s smiling, and both of his dimples are teasing me.
Our faces are inches apart again, and I have that same desire to reach up and touch his beard.
His eyes signal for me to turn back around and face forward, so I do. “She’s actually never concocted a situation like this before, but I can tell she likes you, so she seems to have made an exception. I’m sure she’s patting herself on the back over this.”
“I like her too. And that’s actually kind of sweet.”
“Sweet? I’d say she’s lucky! If we would have fallen in, I would have made sure she did too.”
“No. Sweet that you have a family that cares enough to meddle.”
“It actually is sweet—but I’m sure your parents do the same.” He couldn’t be further from the truth, but I say nothing.
After several moments, the boat shifts slightly, and in my peripheral vision, I see him trying to peer around my head and see my face. “You okay? You got very quiet.”
“It’s nothing.” I try to fake a tone of nonchalance.
“Stephanie, you’re terrible at hiding your emotions.
What is it? If it’s something I said, then I’m sorry.
” He stops paddling and reaches over to put his hand on my forearm.
“Have your parents passed away? If so, I’m sorry I brought them up.
After my dad passed, I didn’t want to talk about it for a long time. ”
“No, it’s not that. Really. My parents haven’t passed away or anything.
” I take a fortifying moment, deciding to share a little bit of my life with him, and a part of my brain makes a phone call to Sam’s brain to say, Look at me!
I’m taking baby steps! “My family is nothing like yours. I honestly don’t think they care if I’m happy.
” That’s all I say, but I feel brave saying it.
Mallory doesn’t say anything. He simply rests his chin on the top of my head, and I relax back into him a little more. We sit like this for several moments.
We hear a cheer coming from the bridge and look up to see that the bats have started coming out, filling the evening air in a swarm. We sit silently and watch for the twenty to thirty minutes it takes for the spectacle to die down.
The kayak shifts a little, and then Mallory reaches around me with his phone in hand.
“I think we need to document this moment, don’t you?
” He stretches his long arm forward, wraps the other around my waist to pull me even closer, and moves his face down to be level with mine.
“One, two, three.” He clicks the button and then pulls the picture up for us both to look at.
“Wow, would you look at that? We’re acting like friends! Who would have thought?”
I shift slightly in his arms, turning to face him.
His face is attractive, but it’s his eyes I can’t look away from.
They are so kind, warm, and friendly. “Yeah, who would have ever thought?” We smile at each other, and I can see how easy it would be to fall into those eyes and never come up for air.
I fight—with everything inside of me—to not look down at his lips again.
A voice breaks the spell.
“Hey, where have you two been? I turned around, and you were nowhere to be seen.” Kaylee is coming up alongside us.
“We had quite the adventure getting both of us into this little thing. Thanks for all your help.” Mallory’s voice carries a smirk.
“But I think it all worked out for the best,” I have no idea what’s coming over me, “because as it turns out, we talked about it, and we’re going to get married and have a dozen babies by December.
” Mallory reacts with something between a cough and a choke.
Kaylee’s jaw goes slack, and she’s rendered speechless.
Literally speechless. “Come on, Mallory. Let’s get back to the dock.
” I reach behind me, pat him on the cheek, and give Kaylee a huge smile.
Once we are out of Kaylee’s earshot, Mallory leans in. “Well done. Did you see her face?” We share a quiet moment of satisfaction as Mallory keeps paddling. “Has she even started moving yet?”
I carefully rotate my head to look behind us. Kaylee is still floating in the same place we left her. “Nope.” I’m very satisfied with myself.
“You know,” Mallory sounds happy, “I think I’m going to like being your friend.”
Once we get to the dock, Mallory helps me out, and my bare feet hit the cold wood.
My bare feet! “Oh no!” I frantically search the end of the dock.
“I accidentally left my shoes on the dock, and now they’re gone!
” My eyes comb over every square inch as I run from one side to the other.
They weren’t my newest, or my nicest, but they were the first pair of Louboutins I bought myself—and at the time, it was incredibly meaningful to me.
I run to a little brick building, which acts as the rental office for the kayaks, and pound on the door. A teenager cracks it open and a sliver of light shines through, along with the sound from some sports game on the TV. “You can leave the kayaks tied to the post.”
He moves to close the door, but I am frantic. “Wait! Has anyone turned in a pair of shoes sometime in the last hour? High heels, red bottoms, tan tops?”
“Nope.” He moves to shut the door again, but a large hand moves forward, pushing it fully open.
“Why don’t you check the lost and found for the lady?” Mallory’s baritone voice has a very commanding tone, and it sends a shiver up my arms and into the ends of my fingers.
The teenager leaves the door open as he searches through a cardboard box with “lost and found” scribbled on the side in black Sharpie marker. In only a few seconds, he’s looked through everything. “Sorry, no shoes.” I let my head fall onto the doorjamb.
Mallory wraps an arm around my shoulders and gently guides me toward Kaylee, who is approaching with confusion on her face. “What’s going on?”
“I left my shoes on the dock, and now they’re gone! I know I shouldn’t be so upset over a stupid pair of shoes, but strangely”—how could I possibly explain this to them?—“they had sentimental meaning.”
Kaylee wraps me in a long hug. “I’m sorry.”
Mallory returns from a quick visit to the rental booth. “I left him my number and told him to call if they turn up.” Then he turns his back to me and pats himself on the shoulder. “Come on, Steph. Hop on.”
“Excuse me?”
“You have no shoes. I’m not going to have you walk back to your car barefoot.” He taps his shoulder again. “Hop on.”
“You’re not going to give me a piggyback ride! My car is a quarter mile from here.”
“Even more reason for me to carry you.” He turns and faces me. “Look, you can either let me give you a piggyback ride, or I’ll pick you up and throw you over my shoulder. Your choice.”
Is it wrong that something about the latter sparks a thrill inside of me?
One look at Kaylee tells me that she’s on Mallory’s side.
Not knowing what else to do, I give Kaylee a goodbye hug and hop on Mallory’s back, wrapping my arms around his neck. His hands reach around my legs and under my knees, holding me up.
Mallory speaks up. “I gave Kaylee’s car a jump, and my car is still where we left it—really close to my mom’s house. Can you drop me there so I can get it home?” After a nod of my head, we are off.
Neither of us talk much; I only occasionally offer directions to guide us toward my car, but it’s still very comfortable.
It’s strange, the position we’re in. Not metaphorically—but physically. With my arms around his neck and him holding me up, this is almost like a backward hug. I’m kinda hugging Mallory, he’s kinda hugging me back, and I’m kinda okay with it.
Talk about baby steps! I genuinely enjoyed myself with Mallory tonight. I find I’m very comfortable with him. Thinking about it makes me want to lay my head down on his shoulder.
There’s that pull again.
The pull I’ve felt since the first moment I saw him—the one I’ve struggled to keep at bay since . . .
Out of nowhere, my brain flies into overdrive, placing groups of memories next to each other, but in combinations I’ve never thought of before.
The memories I have of Mallory are ones I’ve been over many times: I’ve scrutinized them.
Curated them. Made sure they painted the picture I wanted them to.
But this time my brain includes memories from a different vantage point—memories from a time when I didn’t even know Mallory—from exactly six weeks before we’d met.
My body shudders with an unexpected epiphany.
“You cold?” Mallory mistakes my shudder for a shiver and tightens his hold on my knees in an attempt to pull me a little closer and keep me warm.
If by cold, he means, Did you use me as your punching bag for a year and a half while the person you were actually mad at was someone else entirely? Then, yes.
Yes, I’m very cold.