Chapter 52
STEPHANIE
Tonight is the charity concert.
Cooper and I flew in two days ago and have been helping Frank with last-minute details.
We’re now back at the hotel getting ready. I haven’t thought about Chase for a couple of weeks, but knowing I’ll see him later tonight makes my nerves start to prickle a little. I don’t want him to make any other overtures or ask anything else of me.
I step out of the shower, wrap my hair in a towel, and hear a knock at my hotel door. I throw on a robe and answer.
“Miss James, these have arrived for you.” A bellhop in a dark suit wheels in a cart with a vase full of at least four dozen red roses as well as three boxes on it.
I may or may not have giggled. One box is about the size of my hand, one is the size of a garment box, and the last is—almost certainly—a shoe box.
Cooper Mallory, what have you done?
I tip the man, thank him, and shut my door.
I find a note tucked into the roses.
Stephanie,
I bought a pair of shoes for a woman once, and it backfired on me. But since then, I’ve been hoping she’d finally agree to start a new era. One where a man, who thinks she’s the most wonderful woman in the world, can buy her things—including shoes.
Cooper
I smile at the note, and a giddy thrill moves through my veins as I wonder what’s inside the boxes.
I open the smallest box first, and my heart nearly jumps out of my chest. I carefully reach in and touch the elegant diamond teardrop earrings and diamond bracelet. They aren’t small by any standards, but they aren’t ostentatious either. In a word: stunning.
The words “he’s in so much trouble” keep going through my mind—but I’m also grinning from ear to ear.
With more enthusiasm than I thought possible, I pry the lid from what I’m sure is a garment box.
Inside is a dress, but it’s wrapped in white tissue paper and tied with a silver velvet ribbon, so I can’t see it.
I reverently untie the ribbon and hold my breath as I peel back the tissue paper.
When I finally see it, I literally gasp out loud.
This is too much! But even as I think it, I eagerly tear the lid from the shoe box and smile.
Cooper Mallory, you’ve done well. Very, very well.
Ninety minutes later, my hair and makeup are done. My hair is up for elegance, but I kept my makeup minimal—except for a shocking red lip. I slide into the black satin Carolina Herrera dress, the material caressing my skin as it lands on my curves.
I walk to the full-length mirror to take it in.
The satin of the dress isn’t a flat black, but it seems to absorb the light, giving it a soft glow.
I’m standing still, but the fabric seems to have a life of its own: when I turn around, it moves with me, not against me; it skims instead of squeezes; and instead of trying to change my shape, it agrees with it.
For everything my mother has ever bought me, this outshines them all.
The barely-there shoulder straps dip into a soft-v neckline, which isn’t overly revealing but still makes me look very feminine.
Across the hips is a subtle, black shimmering band. It catches the light from every angle, but it’s not loud or attention-stealing. It makes the dress look even more alive, which matches how I’m feeling. Below that, the skirt barely brushes the floor—the perfect length for the heels beneath.
The back dips daringly low, and I do a half turn to get a glimpse.
The shimmering band continues around to the back, and each side crosses upward, over my bare skin, and to the opposite side, attaching again midway up my back.
Below that, the skirt falls straight, grazing my hips before releasing into the slightest flare, where a short train follows behind me.
I turn to face the mirror again and lift my dress to inspect—for what is probably the hundredth time—his best gift: black Louboutins with a barely-there toe strap and razor-thin stilettos.
I pivot my foot to get a better view of the black silk tie that wraps around the front of my ankle and ties in the back with a large bow.
I raise my foot to see underneath it all—the classic flash of red.
The diamond teardrop earrings and bracelet are a spectacular addition to everything.
A knock at the door brings my perusal of Cooper’s gifts to an end.
I open the door to the man himself in a formal black tuxedo.
No man has ever worn a tuxedo so well. It’s as if it was tailored to his lean body and long legs—which it probably was.
My mouth almost goes dry as I drink him in.
His beard is trimmed to perfection, and his hair is what it always is: a seamless balance between impeccably styled and mussed.
Then I notice that he’s had a similar reaction to me.
His eyes are raking over me with intense scrutiny. He abruptly holds out his hand for me to take. “We need to go.” His voice is raw and gruff. “Now.”
“Are we late?” I glance at my wrist to check my watch, but there’s only a diamond bracelet. It makes me smile.
“No, but you’re absolutely stunning, and I’m fighting the impulse to skip the concert all together.
” He runs his hand through his deliciously styled hair.
It’s still perfect. “I don’t know how much I’m even going to be able to look at you tonight without combusting.
I can’t decide if I chose very, very well or very, very poorly.
” We reach the elevator, and he pushes the down button.
“I knew you’d look amazing, but . . . wow.
” The elevator door opens, and he places his hand on my lower back to gently usher me in.
The back of my dress is low enough that his fingers brush bare skin, and fire streaks all over my body from the contact.
Once inside the elevator, he pulls away, and I see him flex his hand.
He actually flexes his hand!
Oh. My. Mr. Darcy.
I see you now, Matthew Macfadyen, and I have become a fan!
The evening goes off without a hitch. Icefall is a hit, and Frank brings in a record number of donations for Alzheimer’s research.
In other good news, I was able to avoid talking to Chase at all.
Alyssa and McKay handled all the pre-show meetings, and according to them, Chase didn’t even ask where I was. Chalk one point up for Chase.
I’m alone in the greenroom waiting for Cooper while he goes over a few final items with Esther before we leave.
“Love.”
Chase’s Australian accent makes me stiffen, and I turn to find him standing in the doorway, his clear-blue eyes fixed on me. I don’t know where anyone else is, and my nerves instantly spike in a dozen different directions.
“Chase, what are you doing back here?”
“Love, Stephanie, please.” He’s pleading, the same way he was in the parking lot weeks ago. “Can I have a quick word? I promise I won’t take up too much of your time.”
“I think we already said everything we needed to.” I search for a way out of the conversation, but there is only one exit to this room, and Chase is standing in it.
“Stephanie, you really need to hear something. I’ve been absolutely done in about it, and you deserve to hear it. Please.”
The fact that he thinks I need to hear it—not that he needs to say it—is what catches my attention.
“Love, I don’t know how much you remember about the morning after the Grammys .
. . when I broke your heart.” I’m once again taken aback.
First that he would think I could forget any detail about that morning, but mostly that he took responsibility for breaking my heart.
“I know I made a huge mistake,” he lets out a humorless laugh, “well, I made a lot of mistakes, but there’s one in particular that’s haunted me the most. I was too much of a coward to reach out and fix it.
But now I have a chance. Please let me make that right. ” He meets my eyes.
“Fine, but Cooper will be back here any second.” I don’t know what Chase is going to say, but it makes me feel safer if he knows that Cooper could walk in at any moment.
“Do you want to wait till he gets here? I don’t want you to think . . . I mean, it’s okay that . . .” He runs a hand over his face. “What I’m trying to say is that I understand you’re with someone else now, and I’m not here to try and change that.”
He seems very genuine, like the Chase I fell in love with. But it’s hard for me to trust it, and I don’t want this interaction to last longer than needed. “It’s fine. We don’t need to wait.” I shift my feet slightly, uncomfortable with the situation.
“That morning, you asked—” he shifts nervously on his feet. “I’ve wished for this for so long. Now that it’s here, it’s harder than I thought it would be to say.”
I stay still and wait for him to go on.
After a few moments, he seems to collect his thoughts. “You asked me why I kept pressuring you to be in my bed when I was sleeping with other women.” He looks down at his feet, brows pinched, as if he’s worried his words might cause me pain. “I don’t know if you remember what I said?—”
“Because you’re beautiful.” My voice is flat as I repeat his words. “I remember.”
His body goes still at how quickly I was able to recall his words, and then he shudders, as if shaking off the memory.
“You never told me everything about your mom, but the second I said those words, I knew how much you’d be gutted by them, and,” he fidgets with the leather bracelet around his wrist, “I should have never let you leave with those words hanging between us. But I was a gutless wonder and didn’t stop you.
” He searches my face with a broken expression.
“You are beautiful, Love. You know that. But the pressure was never about you; it was about me.” He drags a hand over his face again.
“Somewhere along the way, I let fame and money change me—something I swore I wouldn’t do.
I hated myself for it.” He almost spits the words out as he sits haphazardly on the gray couch against the wall.
“In my own stupidity, I chose to listen to the destructive voices in my head and started drinking more to take the edge off. Then there was a drongo and drunken weekend on tour when I made some very bad choices and woke up with another woman in my bed.” Pain crosses his face.
“I was so ashamed. I can’t even begin to explain the torture I put myself through because of it.
And there are so many ways I could have handled it—and should have handled it—but unfortunately, I took the bludger route.
” He stands up and takes half a step toward me.
“If I would have told you, after it happened the first time, would you have forgiven me?”
“We’ll never know, Chase. You didn’t give me the chance.”
Cooper appears in the doorway and freezes when he sees Chase. I give a slight shake of my head, trying to convey my thoughts: don’t come in—but don’t go far. He must understand my meaning, because he silently slips from view.
Chase continues. “I fed my guilt and self-loathing with more of everything. And through it all, you kept loving me, but I didn’t want you to love me—I wanted you to hate me as much as I hated myself.
” His words choke on a cry as a tear falls down his face—something I’ve never seen from Chase.
“So I pushed and pushed you. And in that last minute, I threw those words out because I knew—somewhere deep down—that if I said them, I could finally get you to loathe me.” He shakes his head like it will dislodge the memory from his brain.
“I immediately knew I’d gone too far, but I was too much of a coward to take it back.
” He fortifies himself with a breath. “I’m not proud of any of this.
I accept the consequences of my choices.
But I had to take this chance to at least try and make you understand—I simply meant to be cruel to myself, and you were caught in the crosshairs. ”
I let his words and the emotions settle in the room before responding. “I appreciate you telling me that.”
“Does it help?” He stands and walks toward me, stopping when he's directly in front of me. “Was it the right choice to tell you?” He reaches out and places his hand on my arm.
“I don’t know yet. But you’ve said your piece.”
He nods his head. “That’s more than fair.” He leans in, pauses, then proceeds to give me a small kiss on the cheek. “There will always be a part of me that loves you.” He pulls away and turns to walk out as Cooper, once again, appears in the doorway.
Cooper steps aside to let Chase pass, and the two men exchange nods.
When Chase is gone, Cooper reaches me in two long strides and wraps me in his arms. “How are you?”
I collect my thoughts. “I think there’s a pathetic part of me that might be a little better.”
“That’s not pathetic.” He kisses the top of my head. “That’s called human nature.”
Eventually Cooper leads me to the gray couch in the corner, and we quietly sit in the empty room. He pulls me into him, my back resting on his chest, and wraps his arms around me. I close my eyes and soak it in. Soak him in.
The benefit concert tonight is what started this journey that Cooper and I have been on.
It’s over now, and I know things will change.
Sam and baby Emma are doing well, so I don’t know how much longer I’ll stay on the island before heading back to Boston, and Cooper’s heading back to Chicago tomorrow.
Then we’ll see how long-distance goes—I’ll miss being on the island in our own little bubble.
I think over the last seven weeks and how much has changed. How much I’ve changed. Cooper has been a safe space, helping me to unpack some of my long-term hurts.
“Cooper Mallory, the last seven weeks have been a wild ride, that’s for sure.” I stand.
“Yep.” Cooper stands up next to me.
“I met your family.”
“And they adore you.”
“We became friends.”
“I even took a picture of it.”
“I lost my shoes.”
“You called it the ‘end of an era.’”
“But some guy got me some new ones.”
“He must be nice.” Cooper winks at me.
“The same guy got me a second pair of shoes.” I lift my dress to reveal the stunning black shoes that seem to be made for me.
“They do amazing things to your legs. I either have to get you more or stop buying them altogether—I haven’t decided yet.”
I wrap my arms around his firm body and hold him as tightly as I can while reaching up to brush my lips against his. “Thank you for waiting for me.” I hope my words convey my meaning: thank you for putting up with me for eighteen months until I figured out that you’re the best man I know.
He gently strokes my cheek with the pad of his thumb, and I lean into it. “I love you.” His words come out like a whisper. “I love you, and I’m in love with you. I hope that doesn’t scare you, but I don’t want to leave for Chicago without you knowing.”
“I’m glad, because I love you too. And if that’s not worth starting a new era for, I don’t know what is.”
And so we did.
THE END