Chapter 39
Thirty-Nine
Gray
“So,” Smitty says, sinking down next to me.
“So what?” I ask as I tug on my socks.
It’s T-minus thirty minutes until game time and the locker room is full of professional hockey players in various states of dress.
Some are completely geared up, ready for the game, including their helmets.
Others, like me, want a complete undergarment change after warmups before I pull my equipment back on.
And a few weirdos, like Aiden, are downing their pregame meal of a gas station hot dog (or maybe that’s just Aiden).
Smitty is in between, dressed skates to waist.
“How’s my favorite girl?” he asks.
I scowl at him.
But then I think of the tears Faye shed over the photo of her parents. I think of the laughter we shared over her first book.
I think about her soft words—
The good thing for me is that they’re one and the same.
And I find myself sharing, “We found her memory box in the ashes today.” Soot on her hands. Pain in her eyes. And joy in her remembrance. “Fuck, but she looks just like her mom.”
Smitty falls quiet—a rare feat. Then he slams his fist against his thigh. “I hate that she lost all she’s lost.”
“That makes two of us,” I mutter.
“She okay to come tonight?”
“She wanted to.”
“You okay?”
I think of Courtney’s reaction and my stomach twists.
But I ignore it.
“I have to be,” I mutter. “If I want to keep building something that isn’t what I had.”
He’s quiet for a long moment.
Then he nods. “Yeah, I think you do.”
Forward. Just keep moving forward like my beautiful, strong Faye.
“She going to be okay on her own when we fly out day after tomorrow?”
That sends another bolt of nerves through me.
Because—
“Fuck, I hope so.”
Smitty goes quiet again, and I know his protective instincts have been triggered as deeply as mine.
Lost her parents. Her grandmother. Her house.
Too fucking alone in this world.
And now a good chunk of the family we’re building, the one who’s taken her under our wings, will be out of town for two weeks.
I love my job but, for the first time, I hate what it asks of me.
Faye is going to be alone and dealing with all the shit with her house and likely searching through the remains looking for more mementos and—
I won’t be there.
And Courtney…fuck, I’m coming to terms with the fact that I can’t control her, but Faye’s got enough shit to deal with—she doesn’t need to take on mine either.
She should be baking banana bread and writing love stories, not fending off my ex.
She shouldn’t have to deal with any of this.
My temple starts to throb and swear to fuck, I can almost smell smoke, smell Courtney’s perfume, smell—
“Fuck you too!” one of the younger guys shouts across the room as he tapes his stick, not a care in the world.
Fuck, but a lot has changed since those days.
Hell, I don’t know if I was ever that carefree.
Not with responsibility sitting so heavy on my shoulders.
Smitty claps me on the shoulder so hard it’s a fucking miracle that my ass isn’t shoved right through the bench. “She’ll be okay.”
I shake my head. “I know she will be.”
I’ll make sure of that.
And…she can take care of herself with that steely spine of hers.
“Luna’s activated Bri and Kailey. She won’t be alone.”
Some of the tension knotting my insides loosens. Faye hadn’t mentioned anything—then again, we spent the afternoon digging through ashes. “Yeah?”
“They have shopping plans and movie plans and Girls’ Night In plans.” He bumps my shoulder with his. “She’ll be covered. And she won’t be alone—not ever again.”
Christ. He’s an annoying fuck.
But he’s also the best.
“Thanks, Smitty.”
He shrugs one big shoulder. “It’s what we do.”
See? The best.
But even being the best doesn’t mean he’s off the hook when it comes to getting shit.
“I guess I’ll have to cancel it,” I say as I pull on my jock.
“Cancel what?”
“The wombat petting zoo experience I booked you.”
He freezes as he’s reaching for his shoulder pads, turns to glare me. “Dude—”
I grin at him.
He shoves me so hard I nearly topple from the bench.
But he’s laughing too. “I swear, one of these days, I’m going to figure out what terrifies you and I’m going to torture you with it.”
I already know what terrifies me.
I thought it was getting close to someone else, thought it was falling into the same old habits with a new woman.
The reality is that now what terrifies me…is losing Faye.
I’m not going to let that happen.
Shoving that down, I strap on my shin guards and tug up my socks, “what do you make of Leo and Harper?”
“I think”—he drops his voice to a whisper, shocking the shit out of me—“that they went home together.”
My brows fly up. “They did?”
“Yup. Aiden said Leo hung out after the baby shower after the rest of us left, helping”—he makes finger quotes—“her clean up and load her truck…and then she sent her staff back to the kitchen while she got into Leo’s car.”
My brows go higher. “Holy shit.”
“Smooth, right?” Smitty’s eyes slide to the other side of the room where Leo’s tying his skates. “Truthfully, I didn’t think the man had it in him.”
“No, me neither.” Leo isn’t exactly a monk, but I’ve known him for a few seasons now and he’s not the type to pick up a woman he’s just met.
“Though maybe he actually doesn’t.” Smitty pulls on his jersey. “Because Kailey told me that Harper was supposed to come to Game Night but bailed and that one…” A jerk of his chin. “Has been in a foul mood ever since the shower.”
That’s true.
He missed a shot in practice yesterday and nearly broke his stick on the goal post.
Then there’s the permanent scowl that’s been etched into his face since the party.
Not to mention the look in his eyes—one I’ve seen in the mirror too many times since I rescued Faye from the fire.
Longing, worry, guilt.
I’ve been so distracted by everything happening in my life I haven’t been paying close enough attention to my teammates.
I’m the captain, and though we don’t have any real assholes on the roster, there are always behaviors I need to help manage, ruffled feathers than need to be smoothed, concerns that need to be brought to the coaching staff.
I’ve been in a holding pattern, Auto-Mode engaged.
Right.
I need to be better about that.
And—I study Leo a little closer—I need to watch out for him too.
Because if the expression on his face is any indication, something has seriously pissed him off.
And that something was definitely a woman.