GET OVER IT
I think about him every day.
His smile. His gaze. His voice... Everything.
Days after the wedding, I stole Stefan’s charger and managed to get my phone working. I called Dante, but no one answered.
My heart is broken—shattered—and so is my body.
That’s why I’m here, waiting for my routine gynaecologist appointment.
I know little about reproductive health, only that getting married might mean getting pregnant (at least, that’s what Mum said) and that people can catch STDs.
I don’t know how exactly, because I had it after my kidnapping, but I won’t take risks with Stefan. I don’t want his child either.
I wanted children with Dante. I picture them—our children—playing with us. A little girl cooking beside me. A little boy wrapped in his father’s arms.
Now, there’s nothing.
Thinking about it is pure torture, so I lock those thoughts away in the deepest corner of my mind. I can’t bear it.
I feel disgusting every single day. Every time Stefan fills me, I want to claw my skin off. I’ve been throwing up for weeks.
With Dante, everything felt natural. His skin on mine. His touch. Him filling every inch of me, without barriers.
We were one.
We were perfect.
We were a lie.
“Lana Noskov.”
My stomach twists.
I’m alone, of course. Stefan wouldn’t have come with me. My mum wouldn’t either—my father doesn’t leave her side now.
I have no one.
Dante would’ve come with me. He would’ve done anything for—
No. He would’ve done anything to get between my legs.
I try not to think about it, but it gets harder every day. I want to believe he’s missing me, planning to come for me, to save me… but he doesn’t reply to my messages. Stefan has been talking about him—and with him.
I eavesdropped the other day. It made me sick.
My hope is hanging by a thread, and I can’t keep holding on.
The doctor asks a few questions, scribbling notes as I answer. When she asks about my last period, she frowns. I insist it’s nothing, but she knows me better than I know myself.
“I’ll do an ultrasound,” she says. “I need to make sure it’s not something else.”
I shrug and lie flat on the gurney, staring at the ceiling as she spreads cold gel on my belly. All I can hope is that he didn’t infect me with something. Maybe if he did, it would end the torture he’s been putting me through these past months.
The nightmares stopped because I started living the worst one. I ended up with the same life my mum has.
That’s what I get for believing I deserved happiness.
I thought I could escape, that I would be free. It was all fake. An illusion. Dante took me out of the cage, but with a leash around my neck.
A frenetic beating fills the room. Blood drains from my face.
“What’s that?” I whisper.
“Your baby’s heartbeat, Lana.”
I look at the screen. There’s a little spot that shouldn’t be there.
“You’re almost four months.”
I got married almost four months ago.
This can’t be happening.
I thought it would take time to get pregnant. I thought Stefan had hurt me so much that he couldn’t put a baby in me.
The doctor hands me a photo. My eyes fill with tears as she explains something I can’t hear.
What am I supposed to do?
Why couldn’t Dante kill Stefan and take me with him? If I’d been kidnapped, I wouldn’t have cared. Nothing would matter if I still believed the lie. Not even if he were a bloody trafficker. I would’ve swallowed his manipulations. I would’ve believed anything.
“Lana,” she says, pulling me back. “What do you want to do? You don’t have much time to stop it.”
Stop it? Have an abortion? Should I?
My chest tightens. The picture in my hand feels like it’s burning. I hate his father, but if I do it, they’ll kill me…
“Don’t tell my father,” I whisper. “Please. I’ll think about it.”
She nods.
After handing me a few prescriptions and orders for some tests, the doctor dismisses me.
My thoughts are a blur. I don’t know what to do. I can’t even hear the people around me; I just keep walking.
The picture in my hand catches my eye, and fresh tears fall.
A baby. I’m going to be a mum.
How am I supposed to take care of it?
My mum warned me—if it’s a girl, they’ll take her away. If it’s a boy, he’ll live the same life as my brothers.
I don’t want it to live like that… but it’s going to be all I have.
I wanted to give a child everything I never had, but this isn’t the right place, nor the right man.
Why did he trick me?
I can’t do this alone. I have no one.
I sink onto a bench and pull out my old phone. Stefan bought a new one so I could speak with my mum. Everyone thought that was the least they could do for me.
I know I’m supposed to check in on my baby’s father, but instead, I call the same man who broke my heart.
I call him over and over, but he doesn’t pick up.
Desperation overwhelms me as I open the messages.
Me: I need you. Please, pick up.
Me: I don’t know what to do.
Me: I wanted your child, not Stefan’s. I didn’t want him. I wanted you.
Me: Why have you done this to us?
Me: Please, I need you. I need your help. You promised. You told me you’d never let me go. You told me you always kept your promises.
Me: I don’t want to hate you. Don’t betray me.
Me: I’m begging you. Please come for me. Please.
Me: Help me.
The pain in my chest is unbearable. I cover my face with my hands.
I don’t care if anyone sees me. I don’t care about anything anymore. I have nothing left to lose.
Me: Please. Please, you promised!
Dante: I don’t want you anymore. Get over it.
Dante: You’re disgusting.
The world crumbles beneath my feet. My head spins, and I’m about to throw up.
When I think it can’t hurt anymore, it does.
I want to scream. I want to die.
Why can’t anybody love me? Why does everyone just use me?
Me: Don’t you ever come looking for me. If you do, I’ll kill you like you just killed me.
I block his number and hurl the phone away. Then I grab my new phone and call my mum. I just want to hear her voice. I just want help.
“Hello?” She sounds like she’s been crying.
“I don’t want this!” I scream. “I can’t go on. I can’t, Mum. I want to die.”
“Mo chroí—”
“You told me to trust him! You said… you said he wouldn’t hurt me. He-he betrayed me, Mum.”
I want to tear my heart out. The pain is unbearable.
“Where are you?” her voice is shaking.
“I want to be with you. I want to live with him. Why doesn’t he want me? What am I supposed to do? How can you live like this?”
“Lana—”
“I don’t want him to hurt my baby. I don’t want to have a daughter. He’s going to touch her like he touched me.”
I don’t want her to live like this. I don’t want them to kill her. I can’t have her. I can’t have a baby.
“Pet, listen to me!”
I need him. I need Dante. I need the man I fell in love with. I need the only one who would’ve done anything for me.
He doesn’t exist.
The Dante I knew doesn’t exist and never has.
“I want it to stop.” My sobs choke me, stealing my breath. “Please, make it stop, Mum.”
“Tell me five things you—”
Liar. Liar. Liar. Liar. You were always a fucking liar. All you ever did was use me so you could get between my legs, just like everybody else.
I knew I didn’t have to trust you.
Fucking liar!
I can’t breathe. I can’t hear her anymore. Everything fades to black.
I don’t want to wake up again.
But if I do, I’ll get rid of this baby.