1
“ C um for me, amore mio,” he groans, his breath hot against my ear. “Show me how much you love having me inside you.”
I close my eyes to the memories. The skin on my nape tingles and, for a moment, I imagine him behind me.
Stop.
I hate sexual flashbacks, particularly those involving him. They caught me off guard in the worst moments, like now, when I’m making dinner for me and my son.
I shouldn’t be thinking about vulgar things, let alone with a man who’s not my husband… right?
No.
I lost myself; his memories are everything I have left from when I was happy and whole… From when I was able to be free, and not a puppet, or so I thought.
I know happiness is a frail thing, temporary even, especially in a life like mine… but I was hoping I could feel it even longer.
But when I look into my baby’s blue eyes, I know I can handle anything. It doesn’t matter what happens, I’ll always have him by my side, and that’s all the motivation I need to go on.
“Who is my beautiful baby?” I ask in a silly voice.
He laughs. I raise him in my arms, and I cuddle him as I wait for the stew to boil.
In a couple of weeks, he’ll turn one, and I’m not ready to stop seeing this side of Finn. He hasn’t even said his first word!
Any inappropriate thoughts with my ex-fiancé are long gone and will not come back!
I’m married, I live in a beautiful house, I’m still in touch with my mum, and I have a healthy family, with a great financial situation thanks to my perfect husband…
I got everything everyone told me I should wish for.
Everything is perfect— no sad news, no family losses, a beautiful child, and there’s nothing else I need.
Yet, I have an emptiness in my chest. Finn filled a big part of it, but every day the hole gets bigger.
I was betrayed almost two years ago, and I don’t think I will be able to recover from that heartbreak.
The front door startles us.
My husband comes sprinting in, panting and dishevelled. Something unusual coming from him. Where I’m a mess, usually he’s perfect. Or that’s what he says.
I try to ignore him, until he reaches for the dining table and barricades the door. A vase falls and scares Finn, making him cry.
Stefan glares at us. A shiver runs down my spine, but I don’t recognize him. There are no signs of the confident, self-centred man I married.
Sweat runs through his face and is as red as if he’d run a marathon.
“You must hide,” he says, panting.
“What? Why?”
The door explodes with a thunderous sound. I try to cover Finn’s whole body, but he’s so big it’s impossible.
My husband sprints towards us, and he shoves me to the basement.
Before we go in, I grab his forearm. I stare at his green eyes, and my stomach twist realizing I don’t really care about him.
Anyway, I force myself to say, “Come with us.”
“No. I must do this.” He caresses my face. “Forgive me, Lana.” And then, he closes the door.
I clomp down the steps and inspect the place. It’s been a month since we’ve been here. The cot we installed is dusty, as is the bed. That’s all there is in this place.
Stefan told me he had people following him, always, since he’s the son of someone important. I still don’t know what he does for work, I just know is dangerous, so I begged for him to put a cot and a bed for Finn and I, in case something like this happened.
Finn can’t stop crying. If I don’t calm him down, they’ll find and kill us too. I can’t let that happen.
“Please, baby,” I whisper, clutching him to my body, as tears begin to stream down my face.
His screams deafen me. Panic inside me grows. They shouldn’t find us. He has so much to learn, he must reach his first birthday…
I look up to the ceiling, closing my eyes.
Please, if you exist, don’t let him die.
He calms as I hold him against my breast for milk. I let out a sigh that came out shakier than I intended. My body is still tense and my ears alert.
We will be fine. My baby will be fine.
I repeat it over and over in my head, like a mantra. I gently rock Finn in my arms, thinking of every second as if it were my last.
Once he’s asleep, I shake out the blanket and tuck him in until it covers his chest. I caress his face and black hair. Then, I approach the stairs. This distance is enough for me to hear something that gives me a clue about what is going on outside.
The gunshots and screams from outside make my hair stand on end. They’re dragging furniture and banging on it. It’s a relief that all that is in the distance.
Except for footsteps that approach the door slowly, as if they were looking for something.
“Ragnetta, dove sei?”
No. It can’t be.
Not now.
So many times, I dreamt he came to rescue me as if he was my bloody prince charming. Even with my broken heart, I yearned for him, and he left me all alone in this hell.
He is no prince, but he’s as charming as one. What he did on my wedding day was not enough to open my eyes, not the text messages my father showed me, nor the calls he had with my husband, because my heart still flutters with excitement just by knowing he’s here.
Dante Cassano.
A ruthless killer... and my ex-fiancé.
He came back for me, and not in the romantic way I dreamed of.
I trusted him with everything I had— my body, my love, my soul, and he betrayed me on what should have been the most important and happiest day of my life.
It wasn’t enough for him to break my heart?
“Dante is one of the most wanted human traffickers, püppchen. You honestly think I’d let you marry someone like that?”
“I don’t want you anymore. Get over it. You’re disgusting.”
If he doesn’t want me, why did he come for me? Why is he looking for us?
A shiver runs down my spine.
“Dante is wondering when he can meet our kid” Stefan says. “He really like young boys… If you don’t behave, I’ll tell him he can take the boy for a day or two. Finn won’t remember a thing.”
No. I was being good.
But Stefan was scared… did Dante betrayed him too? Is he here for Finn?
I cover my mouth with both hands to keep from screaming. He can’t take my son.
Stefan must be dead by now. He was the one keeping us safe, untouched. Now Dante will do whatever he wants with us.
I look at my baby and think of all the things I won’t be able to do with him if he finds us. When he finds us.
This can’t be the last time I’ll be with him.
I want to get close to Finn, to protect him, but I’m paralysed.
A part of me thinks about running to him, kissing him, and saying how much I needed him.
Another part is burning in rage, because how dare he come to us after almost two years?
He just disappeared without giving me a damn explanation…
and the last part is shaking, praying so he won’t find us.
Ever. I don’t want him to touch my son. I don’t want Finn to live what I did. He’s supposed to be safe…
If Stefan is dead, we’re doomed.
Someone opens the door.
I’m shaking. My ears pulse. I hold my breath as if it would make time stop ticking.
He’s wearing a black three-piece suit, now splattered with blood that is not his. His sapphire-dark blue eyes inspect me from head to toe. He grins, sending a chill down my spine. I get a peek of the tattoos on his neck and chest, under his rumpled shirt. There’s something new in there.
I didn’t know how much I missed the scar that starts on his forehead and runs down his cheek, or the one on the bridge of his nose or the one that crosses his lips. Countless scars and bullet wounds mark his neck, face and body, but the ones on his face are my favourites.
Were my favourites.
I kissed him in each one of them. I loved his body as he loved mine. Now I wish one of those wounds would have taken his life.
The feelings I had for him the last time I saw him are eclipsed by the terror I have towards him. I fear what he will do to my son, to me. What are his—
“There you are,” his soft voice sends a shiver down my spine.
Oh, God. He really is here.
Before I can run to the cot, he grabs my arm and pulls me out of the room. It hurts, and that’s enough to make me realise he’s not here to treat me like a princess.
He will be my jailor or my executioner, but not my Prince Charming, nor my knight in shining armour.
I struggle against his grip. I can’t die and leave Finn with him. He will never be safe. He’ll go through the same I did. I need to—
“Watch the child,” he orders towards the men waiting outside the door.
“No!” I try to break free, tugging at my arm and screaming in desperation.
I need to kill him, or he’ll hurt my baby!
One of his hands covers my mouth and the other arm wraps around my chest. He holds me tight against him as he drags me into the living room. His embrace was all I wanted, but not like this. This is not it.
This is not the man I fell in love with.
“You’ll wake Finn.” He leans close to my ear to whisper: “We don’t want that, do we?”
I freeze.
I asked Stefan to never say his name to anyone. Did he lied to me when he swore he wouldn’t expose him if I behaved?
My husband is kneeling in the centre of the living room, surrounded by corpses and men pointing guns at him.
One of Dante’s men grabs him by the hair, pointing a shotgun at the back of his head.
“They’ve got nothing to do with this,” Stefan says through gritted teeth.
Teeth stained by his blood.
I think I’m going to throw up
This is our end. He came to end us all.
“Drop the act.” Dante snaps. “I’ll treat them better than you ever did.”
Stefan looks at me with a forced smile on his face. I shiver. Dante’s hand muffles my cries, but that doesn’t stop my struggle. I need to stop him. If Stefan is dead, no one will help me, Finn will—
The hand that was covering my mouth holds a shotgun and points it at my husband’s head. I open my mouth to plead as the blast from the gun deafens me. Stefan’s skull explodes, blood splattering everywhere.
I scream in horror
Dante holds my hands as I try to hit him and get closer to my husband’s dead body, but I can’t move an inch. Tears keep running down my face. My sobs won’t stop, nor my screaming.
I can’t believe my eyes. I can’t understand why he is doing this.
Why now, when my life was starting to make sense?
Why wouldn’t he kidnap me on our wedding day when all I wanted was to be by his side?
I would’ve followed him until the end; Finn didn’t exist yet. Only I would be suffering, not my baby.
Dante laughs. The psycho laughs, holding me closer to him, smelling my hair, touching my body, squeezing me, like a snake.
I peek around. I can’t see Finn.
Who has my son? Where is he?
“Don’t cry, ragnetta ,” he whispers against my ear. “Ora sei mia. 17 ”
Notes:
17. ?Ora sei mia: Now you're mine?.