Chapter Ten #4
Oddly enough, I'm used to coming in second to men and while I shouldn't have allowed it, it became something I tolerated as if it was normal.
Malcolm took some healing, but a pinch of me still put men before me and that's where I went wrong.
When relationships end, many women seek new ones with the optimistic belief that we will eventually find worthiness, leaving past pain behind.
Despite the fear of a fresh start, we hold onto the hope that true love will arrive, requiring only their willingness to let go and accept it.
We often enter new relationships after breakups, hoping to discover our own value and move past previous hurts.
Although initiating anew can be daunting, we remain committed to the notion that genuine love is attainable with surrender.
"I don't know, Nyne." He finally spoke, chopping the eerie silence. "Shit! I don't know how to control this when you're all I think about."
"Nigga, fuck you! I just caught you flirting with another bitch a few days ago. You like the idea of being a multi-woman man and I'm not surprised if you came up with making women cum just for your sick ass fantasy and got a group of other niggas into the same weird shit as you."
He gave me a blank face, then released a low chuckle. "Either way, you're here."
That got a scold out of me. He was cutting me deeper and deeper.
Without thinking, I raised my hand and slapped the shit out of him.
Apparently, it hurt me more than it hurt him because he didn't move, but my hand was stinging.
I was starting to regret my decision. I prepared for him to slap me back, but he didn't. All he did was stare at me with a grim expression.
Deciding not to probe further, I walked past him, with my hand still stinging, without an ounce of regret, but the hurt remained heavy on my heart.
I sauntered somewhere into the house and dropped to the floor and cried, rocking myself back and forth.
Wherever my gym essentials landed, I didn't care because I was crushed and it wasn't getting any easier.
I thought doing yoga was going to clear my mind, but it didn't when the problem was only a few feet away.
The cake walk both of us were in was putting a hold on my heart and I couldn't handle it.
The worst thing for me to do was fall for a man that had no intentions of loving me back.
It was a double-edged sword for the both of us.
We're both grown and we should be able to live fearlessly without falling.
I know who I want, but if only I can get my heart to pull away and agree with what my mind is telling me, this'll be a whole lot easier.
Releasing a deep sob, I felt arms snake around me and hold me tight as I rocked myself back and forth, releasing a puddle full of tears, enough for both of us to drown in. Then I felt a kiss to my earlobe, and again once more on the side of my face.
"I never meant to hurt you, Nyne." His deep voice damn near swooned me into a coma. "We shouldn't have let it get this far, baby. In another lifetime, I'll choose you…It'll always be you. You're worthy of so much more than what I can give you. That's my only regret." He admitted.
His words fell on deaf ears, but regardless of that, it wouldn't change a thing.
Men have ways of playing and pulling their card of manipulation on women who'll fall for it.
That's how they maneuver through life. It's a pretty fucked up mentality to have.
The more he kept talking, the more I cried.
There was nothing he could say to make me feel better.
"Nyne, baby, tell me something. Talk to me. Cuss me out and shit. I don't like being the reason you cry like this." He mumbled in my ear, his beard tickling the sides of my face and shoulder.
Again, once more, I ignored him until he picked me up and carried me bridal style up the stairs.
His arm was soaked with tears that when I opened my eyes, everything was blurry.
I hadn't realized we were in my room until I blinked my tears away to see the familiar painting on the walls and the 70-inch flat screen television mounted on the wall.
I was prepared for him to lay me down on the bed, but I wasn't prepared for him to stay.
He'd already pushed the covers back and just as my eyes opened and my blurry vision regained focus, he was bowing down between my legs, pulling my leggings down with little to no effort.
My mouth gaped open in shock when he gripped my panties too, sliding them down with equal ease.
"Syx—" I started, but the word died in my throat when he spread my thighs wide. His large hands gripped the soft flesh and his thumbs pressed into the crease where my legs met my hips.
"Nah," he said, his voice rough and commanding. "You don't get to talk right now. You been running your mouth and shit and going upside a nigga's head. Now you gon' shut the fuck up and let me apologize the only way I know how."
My breath hitched and my heart hammered against my ribs.
I was still angry, but my body was already responding to him.
When the heat of his breath wafted against my inner thighs, I gasped.
Syx had no intentions of letting up, so when his fingers dug into my skin, I knew he was about to punish me and make things worse for the both of us.
"I hate you," I whispered, but it came out weak and unconvincing.
"I know," he said, and then his mouth covered my pussy. With his tongue, he skillfully spread my swollen pussy and sucked on my slit, slowly, making my knees buckle.
The first touch of his tongue made me gasp.
The long lick from my pussy hole to my clit had my back arching off the bed.
He didn't want to ease into it this time, I guess.
He went straight for what he wanted, his tongue flat and wide, lapping me up like he was dehydrated and my pussy provided electrolytes.
"Fuck," I breathed, my hands flew to his head and dug into his scalp, messing up his waves.
He groaned against my pussy, sending vibration waves of shock through my core.
Then he began devouring me, his mouth hot, wet, and relentless.
His tongue circling my clit before sucking it between his lips was the sexiest, obscene sound and the kind of nastiness that should've embarrassed me but only made my pussy wetter.
"Syx! Oh God!" My hips bucked against his face, but he held me down, tightening his grip, keeping me exactly where he wanted me.
He pulled back just enough to speak, with his lips glistening and creamy juices in the corner of his mouth, heightening my arousal. "You taste so fucking good, baby. I could eat this sweet ass pussy all day."
Then he was back at it, his tongue dived inside my pussy hole, opening my legs wider, with his nose pressed against my clit. I could feel the scrape of his beard against my asshole, adding another layer of sensation that had me trembling.
"Please—" I didn't even know what I was begging for.
He answered by replacing his tongue with sliding two slick fingers inside of me and curling them up to hit that spot that made my vision blur again. My pussy clenched around him. Wet and desperate, he groaned again, the sound muffled against my clit.
"So fucking wet," he muttered, pumping his fingers in and out, the wet squelch of it filling the room. "You hear that, Nyne? You hear how wet this pussy is for me?"
I couldn't answer and I could barely breathe.
My thighs were shaking and my toes were curling so hard that they were starting to crackle and pop.
He added a third finger, stretching me and filling me up.
I was crying louder and raking my nails against his scalp.
But he didn't slow down. Instead, he went harder, pumping his fingers in and out, then placed his tongue back on my pussy and worked my clit in tight, relentless circles.
"Syx, I can't—I'm gonna cum—"
"Not yet, bae," he said, pulling his mouth away, but his fingers still moved in and out of me. "You don't get to cum yet."
"Fuck you," I gasped, but he just smirked as his free hand slid down to my asshole where he pressed his thumb inside until my asshole gripped his thumb. The juices flowed from my pussy, swarmed past my ass, making it slick.
My whole body tensed. "Wait—"
"Relax," he uttered, his voice low and soothing even as his thumb pressed harder, circling the tight ring of muscle. "You trust me?"
He knew the answer to that, so I didn't respond.
Of course my body trusted him. Syx was working me out, slipping his thumb in and out of me, while fingering my pussy and sucking on my clit.
That nigga had mastered the art of multitasking and the thought of him doing this to another woman had jealousy seething through me.
"Good girl," he murmured, and then his mouth was back on my clit, fingers still fucking my pussy, and his thumb pressing deep into my ass. I felt split and exposed at his mercy and I fucking loved it.
"Ooooh fuck, Syx, please—"
He pulled his fingers out of my pussy and before I could protest, he spread my ass cheeks, removed his thumb, and dragged his tongue around my moist center, circling it around my asshole, teasing it.
"Syx," I yelped, my whole body jerked, but he held me still and kept pressing his tongue against my tight ass, licking and spitting on it, panting in between as I writhed beneath him.
"Relax, baby," he spoke again, fucking my ass with the same intensity he'd fucked my pussy with.
I couldn't process this shit, but the feel of his heated tongue felt good and even in the midst of this shit feeling wrong, somehow his nasty ass had me feeling right.
"You like that?" he asked, pulling back just enough to speak. "You like when I eat this pretty ass, don't 'chu?"
"Yes, oooh, fuck, yes!"