Chapter 19 – Mabel
Chapter Nineteen
MABEL
The sun came up about an hour before I arrived at the cabin.
Pulling up to my home away from home is like a balm on my almost constantly frayed nerves.
As I hop out of my truck, I take a deep breath of the clean mountain air.
I love our small town and living on the farm but being here, submerged in nature, has always felt right.
Once my lungs are full, I head over to the front door of the cabin. I want to get an idea of how everything is fairing before I start to haul all of our supplies inside. The key sticks and the door creaks as it swings open but that’s nothing new.
Nostalgia chokes me as I walk through the cabin. It doesn’t look like much on the outside but additions and remodels have made it a palace, if I do say so myself. The front door opens to a mudroom, a bench for shoes and coat hooks the only real decoration before opening up to the main level.
The main level is open concept, the kitchen, dining area and family room all connected in an open floor plan.
To the right is the main bedroom and en suite, my parents’ room and the only bedroom on the main floor.
A wall of windows on the opposite side of the main level opens to a patio with a grill and hot tub.
Stairs lead up and down to additional rooms. Going up takes you to the prized loft that has caused many a fight between the Warren siblings, a walkway leads to the blocked off bedroom and a half bath. Going down offers a small seating area and five more bedrooms and two full bathrooms.
Elle won the loft for the next two years when she agreed to share her office with Patrick when he started working at the Farm but I get the advantage of picking my room before all others, I settle on the farthest back in the basement. It’s separated from all the other rooms by one of the bathrooms.
With that decided, I start to strip the beds of the sheets and pillow cases.
We always clean and put away our blankets at the end of each trip but leave the bare bones.
Typically, I would just do a quick change but it’s been long enough I think everyone would appreciate freshly cleaned sheets.
Once the washer is started, I head back outside to start unloading my truck.
My muscles ache from going non-stop all day to get the house ready.
Mama should be down sometime tomorrow with all the food and I did not want her to have to lift any additional fingers to prepare for the long weekend.
I have one last box to unpack, the label stating ‘activites’, but the combination of all the work I’ve done today and the terrible sleep I got last night, I’m practically dead on my feet.
Lumbering down the stairs to the basement, I force myself to take a quick shower to clean off the grim of the day.
Exhaustion comes quickly once my head hits the pillow and I, thankfully, slip into a dreamless sleep.
I oversleep and it’s almost eleven o’clock by the time I crawl out of bed. I don’t bother to change out of my pajamas as I start my day, the beds are made and ready for the family, the cabin cleaned off all the dust and the hot tub has been de-leafed and ready to offer a relaxing soak.
I rest on my knees in front of the box I ditched last night, determined to get through my last task of unloading all these special activities Mama prepared for us.
Mostly, it’s a bunch of things to keep Henry entertained along with just a few board games and outdoor games that I get put away easily.
Toys for Henry require some reorganizing.
I’m trying to push the cabinet doors closed on the coloring books and pencils I shoved inside.
Finally getting it closed, the other door of the cabinet springs open and a basket tumbles out, spilling the rings of a toddler stacking toy.
It’s a little young for Henry now but I’m sure it was appropriate the last time he was brought up here.
I can feel my blood pounding in my ears as I take in the exaggerated colored rings, scooping them up and placing them back into the basket and putting it on top of the cabinet.
It still hits hard sometimes, the loss.
A little accident that caused more excitement than I’ve ever thought I’d experience. It’s been years but it still feels like it happened yesterday. My stomach clenches and I don’t have the strength to hold in the pathetic whimper that escapes me.
Unbidden, my hand presses against my lower belly.
Don’t cry.
Don’t. Cry.
Do not cry.
Do. Not. Cry.
I do my best to steel my spine and push away my grief but it’s not enough.
My broken heart feels like the small repairs I’ve made over the years were for nothing as I feel it rip open all over again.
I’d done my best to feel my feelings when they came but right here, right now in what I’ve always considered my safe space. …
The tell-tale sign of a key sliding into a lock scares me and that jolt of surprise knocks down all my defenses.
A sob rips from my body. Mama is here and her comfort is exactly what I need.I shove myself out of the couch and skitter across the cabin, needing to feel the comfort of my mother’s arms wrapped around me as I breakdown.
The wall of hard muscle that I run into is too big, too hard, to be Mama but I’m too far gone in my grief to care.
“Woah, Mabel. What’s wrong?”
Warmth encircles me and that’s the final straw. I want to be surprised by the sound that escapes me but I’m too sad to care. My hands grip the back of Jude’s shirt, I bury my face into his shoulder and let the tears fall.
“I’m going to pick you up, okay?” Jude’s words rumble through his chest. All I can offer is a weak nod, doing my best to burrow even deeper into his skin.