Chapter 31 – Mabel
Chapter Thirty-One
MABEL
Idon’t want to get out of bed. I want Jude to come back to my room and wrap his strong arms around my body and hold me until I forget who he is, who I am, and why it’s so inappropriate for me to crave him so intensely.
I can hear everyone upstairs and I know, I know, I won’t be able to get away with hiding in my room for much longer.
Mama has plans and one of her children having an existential crisis is not going to deter her in the slightest.
I roll out of my bed with a groan. It feels amazing but I’m definitely sore.
A good kind of sore that’s going to remind me throughout the day of my betrayal.
Fuck. I shake the guilt out of my head, there’s nothing I can do right now and I don’t want to stew on it.
I asked Jude to join me again tonight and despite everything, I’m looking forward to it.
I make quick work of pulling on a pair of linen shorts and a baggy t-shirt before exiting my room as I pull my hair up into a messy bun at the top of my head.
I climb up the stairs, barely catching my nephew as he rushes me and runs into shins.
“Auntie! Dud mornin’” Once I’m sure I’m stable, I grab Henry under his armpits and toss him in the air.
His squeal of excitement causes a tightening in my stomach.
“Perfect timing, Mabel girl. Come on, time to eat everyone.” Mama’s invitation distracts me enough to stop a mini spiral.
Focus on family.
I drop Henry onto his feet. “Race you.” I announce, faking him out like I’m about to sprint towards the table and Henry’s eyes widen before he scurries to the table, barely slowing down to stop himself from crashing into Elle and Patrick who are trying to sit down.
“Woah little man, where’s the fire?” Elle drops to her haunches, and wraps her arms around our nephew. Henry is one of the only other people, outside of Patrick, who can make Elle smile whenever he’s around. She’s definitely gotten better but she’ll always be our grumpy sister.
“No fire, Aunt Eee. Break’ast.” Henry’s so serious as he wiggles out of Elle’s arms and climbs up to a chair. His cute little head barely crests the table. I look around the room, looking for something to help boost him up in his chair.
“Come here buddy.” Anika’s soft voice pulls my gaze to her.
I watch her walk over to her son with a booster type seat that allows Henry to reach his plate.
Once Henry’s situated, I let my gaze follow around the rest of the table.
I can’t stop my eyes from finding Jude but I do stop myself from smiling at him just in time.
Paul throws his arm around my shoulders and starts walking me to the breakfast spread.
“Come on, big sister. According to Mama we’re going to need to carb-o-load for all her plans.
” I walk with my brother and do my best to keep myself from peaking over at Jude every second.
Having Paul next to me is a strong reminder of why I can’t let him in more than I already have.
At least until I can get more information on why Paul feels the way he feels.
“I can’t wait.” Lola says as she joins us at the island.
I don’t even pay attention to what I’m putting on my plate, I just need to get something on it so I can go sit down. Shuffling over, I internally curse. Sitting arrangements are going to be awkward as hell.
It’s astounding to me that Anika actually joined the family but just because she’s here doesn’t mean she’s going to want to sit anywhere near Paul.
I shouldn’t want to be near Jude, and Paul would probably set a fire if Jude tried to sit next to Anika.
Patrick and Elle are, very understandably, going to want to sit next to each other.
Mama and Lola have no bad blood with anyone in our small group but it’s no secret that Mama wants nothing more than to attempt to fix whatever is broken between Anika and Paul and because she’s the ultimate shit-stirer.
I can predict that she’s going to be trying something to get them together sooner or later.
Patrick and Elle sit at the end of the table, across from Henry who’s giggling uncontrollably at the silly face Patrick is making.
Anika’s sitting next to Henry, the rest of the side empty for now. I decide to sit next to Elle.
Close enough to Jude to settle my nerves but not too close to attract any kind of suspicion.
I take the long way so I can run a finger against his back before I take my seat.
Mama and Paul join the table, Mama next to Anika and Paul between her and Lola.
Paul sets a plate in front of Henry and he dives right into his breakfast.
“Go on, I’ll keep an eye on him.” Mama says softly to Anika.
She offers her a barely perceptible nod before pushing back from the table.
Elle, Patrick, and Jude make the moves to dish up as well.
“Judey, scoot over when you sit back down. You don’t need to be so far away from the family. ” Mama calls over her shoulder.
I don’t know if I want to kiss her or kick her shin under the table. Instead I just look at her, widening my gaze and letting out a little huff, putting on an act of annoyance.