CHAPTER 39
“Okay, this is ridiculous,” his mother finally said, almost a week after Willa had gone down to California. It was Sunday, and now that both twins were home, his mother was making brunch. Hudson had tried to duck out, but she’d basically collared him as he’d headed for the door. “What is going on with you? You’re living on coffee and irritation lately, and I for one am sick of it.”
He gritted his teeth. She had a point. He knew he was being a dick. “Just have a lot on my mind.”
Which was true. Since Willa had told him to think over what to do next, he’d truly been thinking about it.
The first thing he’d thought: that she, just like Amanda, didn’t want to just be with some handyman on a Podunk island. Which had pissed him off and depressed him.
But the more he’d thought about it, the more he’d realized that in Amanda’s case, it really wasn’t about him—and the sooner he let that go, the better, for everybody involved. Even after their relatively short time together, he knew Willa. He wasn’t sure if it was because he’d taken the time to get to know her on a deeper level or because he was older and had more life experience, but he thought it through. She wouldn’t tell him she cared about him and then insist that he change, not after everything she’d been through.
She wasn’t forcing him to do anything here. She was telling him to think about it, rather than act on impulse as he’d done in the past, charging in to save the day. She wasn’t in need of a white knight, and it wasn’t her stubborn insistence on independence. It was because he was trying to just come up with a solution blindly, not really taking into account what she wanted or needed.
It also would mean that, yet again, he’d push his dreams of restoration, repairing clocks ... even just seeing the world, now that he thought of it ... even further into the distance until they went away entirely.
He’d been postponing relationships and falling in love to protect his kids—but really to protect himself. He’d been pushing his dream of restoration away because the island needed him, and his family did too.
But did they? Or was he just using it as a shield?
Would he resent them, when it finally struck him that he’d run out of time?
“Does it have to do with Willa?” Kimber tacked on, looking worried. “She hasn’t been around. Is her family all right?”
“They’re okay.” He’d spoken with Willa only briefly, but he’d called or texted her every night. He didn’t want to lose that connection. “We just need to think some things over.”
Jeremy shook his head. “That’s right up there with ‘We need to talk’ on the relationship disaster scale,” he said. “Sorry, Dad.”
“No, she was right on this one,” Hudson said immediately, defending her. “We’re not kids, and relationships aren’t easy, no matter how old you are. If we’re going to make this work, we need to be on the same page.”
His father took a sip of coffee before staring him down. “Where aren’t you on the same page?”
He studied his father, who weighed in when necessary but generally trusted Hudson to make up his own mind. “You’re getting involved in this?”
“If I’m thinking you’re going to be an idiot,” his father retorted, “then I pipe up.”
Hudson’s mother grinned as his kids laughed. He took his seat at the table, loading his plate with scrambled eggs and bacon.
“I told you that the cookbook thing fell through for her,” he said. “I guess it’s a hard industry to make a living in, so she’s got to regroup. She’s worried about making a living and figuring that whole thing out.”
They all ate and listened intently as he explained, with as little detail as possible, what her life had been like before: her husband, the restaurant, her freelancing. Her caretaking.
“So now she feels like she’s starting over at forty-six,” he finally said. Then he grimaced. “I ... kind of told her that maybe we could live together. I know, I should’ve asked you guys first, especially if she winds up selling Ms. Caroline’s house. But in the moment, it seemed like a good idea.”
His mother sighed. “You’ve got a big heart, Hud,” she said. “But sometimes, you’re just ... Ready! Fire! Aim!”
“Like you two weren’t when you got married?” he countered. “You were twenty , for God’s sake. The twins are older than you were!”
Her eyebrows jumped to her hairline. “You’re talking about getting married ?”
“What? No!” He grimaced. “We haven’t talked about it, but I’m pretty sure we are on the same page with that one. Neither of us is looking for that. But if I’m not in love with her yet, I can almost guarantee I will be. I don’t want her stressed out, and I really, really don’t want her moving to California or God knows where because she’s afraid of living under a bridge.”
Kimber whistled low, and even Jeremy looked startled.
His mom looked at his dad. “Poor Willa,” she murmured. “So ... where does that leave you two? Did she break up with you because she feels she needs to figure this out on her own? She seems to have that kind of mindset. You know, where everything’s transactional.”
Hudson stared at her for a second, toast forgotten in his hand. That was it exactly. She’d been intent on making sure she didn’t owe him, or anyone else, anything. Like somehow, that would make her bad, or wrong, or something.
“Not that she’s a bad person,” his mom quickly added. “It’s just how some people are wired. I bet her family’s the same way.”
He nodded slowly. “She wants us to be together, just like I do,” he said. “But she said I need to think it over first.”
“She’s got a good head on her shoulders, then,” his father said approvingly. “Still ... I’m guessing you’re all in, huh?”
“Absolutely,” he said, then sighed. “Except there’s one thing specifically that she wants me to think about.”
“Is it having more kids?”
He choked on a piece of bacon. “No.” Even if it wasn’t dangerous at her age, no matter what kind of medical advances they had, he didn’t want more kids. She didn’t want any kids, period. “We’re not interested in that.”
His mother grimaced, and he watched in real time as her dream of him having a happy marriage and half-siblings for the twins evaporated. She let out a slow, deep breath. “I’m sorry for pushing you,” she finally said. “I just ... you were so young, and so unhappily married, with the twins. You’re still young, and I would’ve loved to see you get a second chance there. But that’s my dream, not yours.”
He nodded. Then he burst out: “Willa wants me to go to Switzerland.”
The table fell silent in shock.
“With her?” his father finally spluttered, like he’d said that Willa wanted him to go to Antarctica. “Why? Does she have a job opportunity there or something?”
“No. She wants me to go there on my own,” he said, which shocked them even more. “There’s a clock internship at Jaquet Fonjallaz-Debayle, the famous clockmakers. You can sign up and do a one-year or three-year course and be certified as either a master repairman or a master restorer. There aren’t many in the world, and those clocks are works of art. They cost thousands of dollars each.”
“You’ve always been obsessed with clocks,” his mother said with wonder. “But I didn’t know this class was something you were even thinking about.”
“Why didn’t you go for it before?” his father followed up.
He looked over at the twins, who were looking at each other sorrowfully.
“Because of us,” Kimber finally said, Jeremy nodding in agreement. “Because you always put everything on hold for us.”
“No,” he quickly said. “I wanted to be with you two, and I wouldn’t have left if you were younger. But you’re amazing, and you’re both adults, and the handyman business has been going great for years. I could’ve left years before now, but I made excuses.”
“So Willa’s calling you on your bullshit?” his father said, cutting to the chase.
Hudson barked out a laugh. “Guess she is.” He grinned a little. “Mostly, she doesn’t want me to use her as an excuse. She also doesn’t want me to resent her if she is one.”
“Do you resent us?” Jeremy asked.
“No,” he quickly said. He was glad this was all coming out in the open, and as usual, talking things through with his family was his source of strength. It made things clearer, and it helped to know that they always had his back. “You two kids are the absolute best things in my life, and I couldn’t love you more if I tried. Willa loved her husband, too, though, and she still found herself making some choices that ... well, she doesn’t regret them, or she says she doesn’t. But she still wonders what would’ve happened, and if there wasn’t another way. She doesn’t want that for me.”
“She’s a good woman,” his mother said.
“I think so.”
“So what are you going to do?”
He sighed, pushing food around his plate as he thought. “Still not quite sure,” he said. “But ... I think I’m leaning toward Switzerland. The one-year course.”
“That’s a big deal,” Kimber said.
“I know. I’m going to miss you guys so much if I go,” he said, and in the pit of his stomach, there was a nervous knot. “And a long-distance relationship with Willa, when we’re still so new ... that makes me a little shaky too.”
His mother patted him on the shoulder. “If I believed in soulmates,” she said, “I’d lay odds that you two were, honestly. I’ve never seen you like this with anyone.”
The twins agreed, and even his father nodded.
“So ...,” Hudson said, swallowing against the lump in his throat that had nothing to do with the brunch he’d just tried to eat. “Guess I’m going to Bern.”
And then he’d see what happened from there.