CHAPTER 41
November
“Happy Thanksgiving, Dad!” the twins chorused at Willa’s phone, and a wave of happy shouting followed. Willa couldn’t help but smile at the enthusiasm, even as she felt deafened by it.
She glanced at the screen to see Hudson smiling back, even though his eyes looked tired. He waved.
The Clark kitchen was crowded with people and food. The turkey had been in the oven for a while, ready to feed their family plus a few strays like Willa, the motorcycle crew who regularly spent their holidays here, and islanders who didn’t have family around. There was a chaotic cacophony of sound, cheerful ribbing, jokes.
“Did you have turkey?” his mother called, shushing people around them.
“They don’t do Thanksgiving here,” he reminded her. “And they don’t really have turkey here either. At least, not that I could cook. They do roast birds for, like, catering and stuff.”
“What? That sucks,” the big biker Bruno said. “When are you coming back, again?”
“Next September.” It sounded like he was trying to be cheerful, but she could hear the strain.
There were a few more questions. Then Willa said, “I’m going to take the phone outside now” and gave people a few minutes to wave and call out goodbye before she moved to the porch. It was cold, but at least it had stopped raining, and there wasn’t any snow. She pulled her sweater closer around her. “Are you all right? How are classes going?”
She was gratified to see him smile, finally. “Awesome,” he said. “In a my-brain-is-about-to-explode kinda way, but it’s been cool. I’m still working on tribology, the theories anyway. I’m learning so much.”
“I love hearing you so excited,” she said. They talked every week, when possible. Sometimes it was only five or ten minutes, true. And they texted each other every day. She sent him pictures of what she was working on, or the family, or the farm. He sent her pictures of his classmates, or the clocks when he could.
Still, she knew it wasn’t quite enough, for either of them. Considering he was someone she’d only been with a few months, she missed him more than she expected ... honestly, more than she realized she could.
She’d started getting a little insomnia again too. It was something she’d reluctantly admitted, since she’d promised him that she’d be transparent. They’d both promised that they’d communicate rather than try to spare each other or make decisions based on what they thought would be best for the other person.
Being a healthy, functioning adult sucked sometimes. She smirked at herself. Better late than never, though.
“I just miss you. All of you,” he said, “but especially you .”
“I know,” she answered. “I miss you too. But it’s only nine months, right?”
“Nine months left.” He rubbed his hand over his face, and she saw the weariness. “Nine fucking months. Sometimes I think I’m going to go out of my mind.”
She hugged herself. “I know,” she repeated. “Believe me, I know.”
“You sleeping, sweetheart?”
She loved it when he used the pet name. “I’m sleeping a little better,” she reassured him, then felt herself blush. “I, um, stole one of your shirts.”
That seemed to cheer him up. “Oh?”
“And I’m using it as a pillowcase,” she said. “For the pillow I hug, not the one I sleep on.”
“Huh.”
“I’m gonna need to wash it soon, though,” she said. “So I’m probably going to steal some more, until you get home. I realize how bonkers that sounds.”
He laughed, and her heart warmed, even as her chest squeezed. “I’d volunteer to mail you one, but then I’d run out,” he said with a laugh. They were quiet for a moment. “Hey, Willa?”
“Yeah?”
“You know I love you, right?”
Now it felt like her heart stopped . It wasn’t something they’d said out loud, ever. She wasn’t quite sure why. Maybe because it felt so quick? They’d only been together since July. But when they’d made their agreements—to talk to each other every week, to be open, to try for a long-distance relationship, to not see other people (something that had been so evident they’d almost laughed at it)—they’d never said that they loved each other. It was hard enough to let a continent split them up as it was. If they’d said that they loved each other after only a couple of months, she wasn’t sure that he’d have gone.
She wasn’t sure that she would have let him.
“I love you too,” she said, in a low but steady voice. “Have for a while.”
“Same.”
They were silent, letting that sink in.
“God, I’d do just about anything to hold you right now,” he said, his voice rough with emotion.
“Same,” she teased, even though she felt emotions bubbling through her like lava. As she’d hoped, he chuckled, even if it was halfhearted. “But hey, when you come back, I am going to absolutely wreck you.”
“Oh, Christ, don’t tease,” he groaned, and she grinned. They’d sexted plenty of times, too ... a new experience for her. She’d been self-conscious the first few times, but now she was getting pretty good at it, or at least she thought so. She was torn, because it was hot, but it often just made her miss him more. “I better go to bed. Give everybody hugs, okay? I’ll talk to you this weekend.”
“Okay,” she said. “Love you,” she added. Because now she could, and it seemed to want to burst out of her.
His smile was somehow both warm and sexy. “I love you, too, Willa,” he said. Then he hung up.
She held the phone for a long time after, wondering how the hell she was going to manage nine more months of this.