Chapter 18
MAY, TWO MONTHS LATER
“One more, please.” I held my glass out to the bartender, and he frowned at me before he looked at his watch. He tapped the face of his watch and walked away.
Anger filled me as he picked up the phone on the wall, which I knew was the internal phone.
“I know your punk ass ain’t calling my cousin on me, Al!” I shouted over the music. A few patrons looked my way, but they went back to minding their business.
Al ignored me as I slammed my hand down repeatedly on the bar. I had just completed another twelve-hour shift, and I should have had my black ass at home, but I didn’t want to go home to Sevyn in the mood that I was in.
The worst thing that I could have done was come here to Frost, the bar my cousin owned and named after himself. I was hoping to come here and shoot the shit with him, but when I arrived, he wasn’t here. Someone said that he would be in later and that he was out handling business.
That could have meant anything, since he owned several businesses and still roughed niggas up on the street for GP alone.
I knew he did that to keep his rep intact, but he no longer engaged in illegal businesses.
He had shut all that down years ago and gone legit with real estate, his bars, nightclubs, and strip clubs.
I was proud of my big cousin, which was why I sought him out tonight.
He was the only one who could understand me and talk some sense into me.
“Al! You gon’ refill my drink or what?” I shouted above the din of the club.
“You want water or club soda?” Al called back.
“How ’bout I bust a club over the side of your head?” I slurred.
A hand gripped my shoulder hard, and I turned around ready to break my fist against someone’s nose.
“You big ugly black bastard. Where you been?” I slurred again.
“Watching you make a damn fool of yourself in my club from the cameras,” Frost replied, shaking his head in disgust at me.
“Why you didn’t come down? I’ve been waiting for you.”
“I had some shit I had to handle. I can’t drop everything to babysit y’all whining ass niggas every time I turn around.
The fuck wrong with you? Up in here sobbing in your drinks.
Heard you had four drinks and a couple of shots already.
You gon’ pay for that shit in the morning. Weak stomach ass nigga.”
“Frost, you know I can hold my liquor.”
“Apparently not. You up in here talking big shit to Al, knowing that he’s hard of hearing. He probably ain’t heard most of what you said. But he reads lips good as hell. Most of the time he had his back turned to you so he could ignore your stupid ass.”
“Why your bartender counting my drinks and tattling on me like a bitch boy?”
“Because he knows you’re fam, and you’re good peeps.
He don’t wanna see you get in no shit, especially knowing you rep the badge.
You’ve got too many people who know you and respect you.
Tonight, you ain’t acting like yourself, my nigga.
I know that you’ve been trying to make detective.
Don’t fuck that shit up, Deuce. You’re one of the few good ones on this side of the family. ”
I shook my head and rubbed my hands over it. “It’s been a rough day, Frost.”
Frost sat on the barstool beside mine and turned to face me. He held up two fingers to Al and turned back to me. “I’m listening.”
“Today was Lena’s birthday.”
“Damn, Deuce. I’m sorry.”
Frost was the only one I had told about Lena and the baby. He knew how hard I was taking things.
“Yeah, it ain’t been an easy day at all.”
“You should’ve been doing something to take your mind off her.”
“I couldn’t. I was scheduled to work my shift today, and being at work only reminds me of her. Then I was supposed to go home, but I couldn’t. I had too many emotions running through me. It’s like ice and fire, my nigga. I can’t take this shit home to that girl.”
“How is Sevyn by the way?”
“She’s been good.”
“I’m guessing she wouldn’t be if she saw you all fucked up like this. Your eyes are bloodshot, you reek of alcohol, and you’re slurring your words.”
“I know. This shit is just so unfair, you know?”
“What’s that?”
“The fact that I’m still here living my life and happy with Sevyn. Lena and my child are no longer here. They didn’t get the opportunity to be happy, Frost. Their lives were cut short. My little shortie never even saw the light of day.”
“And you gotta stop blaming yourself for that shit. I mean, I get that you feel bad and you wish she was here, but you didn’t put that gun in that nigga’s hand, and you didn’t send him to her.
“You had been begging her to let you go. She chose to meet up with him without you around. Obviously, she wasn’t expecting that bullshit, but I’m sure that she knew the risk. You can only carry so much of the responsibility, Deuce. He has to carry the weight of what he did.”
“I want to believe that, Frost, but it’s not so easy.”
“And as long as you allow that to be your excuse, you will never move ahead into all that’s good for you. You can’t have a future with Sevyn without letting go of your past with Lena. It’s not fair to her, and it’s not fair to you.”
I dragged my hand over my face and sighed. I just wanted to disappear and make all the shit stop. I needed the world to quit spinning for a few minutes because I was overwhelmed.
“Aye, what’s good?” Frost spoke to someone behind me as he got off his stool and dapped them up.
I felt a hand on my shoulder, and someone spun me around. Ready to go off again, I paused when I saw it was Asad.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Asad asked.
“What are you doing here?”
“Frost called and told me to get over here and get you home where you belonged, with your woman, before you screwed up a good thing. What’re you doing, Deuce?”
I shook my head, not wanting to explain everything to my brother.
He was a good man, and he was a great brother, but sometimes he didn’t understand everything.
I didn’t need the headache of his judgment or reprimands.
It was enough that I confided in Frost. He had given me all the advice that I needed.
I didn’t need to confide in anyone else.
“I just had a rough day today. You remember my old partner?”
“Yeah, Lena,” he stated softly. “Something happen with the case?”
“No. They’re going to be doing jury selection soon. But today was her birthday. It seemed like no matter how hard I tried to outrun her memories, she was everywhere I turned. I actually went out on a call today where the woman’s name was Lena. My head is just messed up, Asad.”
“I hear you. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but you need to call it a night before you end up in trouble. No one wants to see you on the other side of those bars with the people you throw behind them.”
“Yeah, ’specially not me.”
“I’ll give you a ride home. Frost has already arranged to take your car home to you tomorrow. You gotta work in the morning?”
I shook my head no.
“A’ight, let’s roll.”
“I can drive, Asad. I’m clear.”
“No the fuck you can’t. Nigga, your words have been slurred since I came down here.
You’ve been trying to fight anyone who looked at you the wrong way, and you’ve been drinking way too much.
You not ’bout to have your brothers in blue rolling up in here trying to shut me down on some bullshit because you had a DUI.
Besides, I refuse to be the one to explain to your parents why we have to bail you out—or standing at your grave. ”
“For real. You’re tripping, Deuce. That’s never been you. You’ve always had a bug up your ass about folks who drink and drive,” Asad professed.
I pressed the heel of my hands against my forehead. “A’ight, damn. Just get me out of here. My head ringing like a muthafucka.”
“Yeah, he’s definitely drunk. This nigga hardly ever uses that word,” Frost stated.
“Who you telling?” Asad replied.
“Thanks for coming through, Asad. I could’ve taken him, but I’ve got a meeting in a few minutes,” Frost stated, dapping Asad up.
“No problem, cuz. Thanks for calling.”
“You take it easy, big homie,” Frost ordered, dapping me up and giving me a side hug too.
I stumbled just a little bit, and he and my brother caught me. “Whoa. Careful, Mr.-I-Can-Drive-I’m-Clear,” Frost stated.
“Yeah, you’re definitely not driving,” Asad declared.
Once we made it to the parking lot and into Asad’s car, I knew that I couldn’t go home. I realized just how messed up I was when I tripped over the curb, and my brother had to catch me. I felt stupid as shit. I had never drunk this much before, not even when Lena first died.
Once I was in the car, I rested my head against the headrest. “Asad, you gotta do me a favor, man.”
“What’s up, Deuce?” he asked in a slightly irritated voice.
“I don’t want to go to her like this. Please, Asad. Drive me around for a while to sober up.”
“You got it. I know that I wouldn’t want Varasia to see me like that if the shoe were on the other foot.”
He pulled out of the lot, handed me a water bottle, rolled the windows down, and hit the streets.
Asad finally brought me home two hours after leaving the bar. We drove around and talked for a while about our childhood. At some point, I had fallen asleep, and by the time I woke up, he was pulling into my driveway.
He asked if I needed help making it into the house, but I promised him that I was good.
I could make it without stumbling, because I had sobered up.
He told me that since I hadn’t been slurring my speech anymore, he would trust me.
But if he got one word that I had done anything to upset Sevyn, he would kick my ass.
I loved how my brother, cousin, and best friend all looked out for her.
I fumbled with the key briefly, but I made it into the house and into my bathroom without incident or stumbling.
Asad had made me drink several water bottles while we rode around.
I honestly couldn’t recall how many, but they had done a number on my bladder.
I had to piss like a racehorse by the time I arrived home—and the alcohol hadn’t helped.
After I finished pissing, I stripped and hopped in the shower. I let the water beat down on me as I thought about everything that Frost had said to me. I held my head underneath the steaming water to hide the tears that fell from my eyes. He was right. I had to let Lena rest in peace.
A part of me suspected that it would be much easier once the trial was finished, and Paul had been sentenced. I wasn’t sure how long that would take, and Sevyn didn’t deserve to wait that long.
I smelled her natural scent before I heard or saw her. I wondered if I had conjured her in my mind, because I felt guilty about how I had behaved over Lena all evening. A noise sounded just outside of the shower, and I stiffened briefly.
After a minute or so, she pulled the glass door opened. She stood on the outside as naked as a jaybird.
“Hey,” I greeted.
“Hey,” she replied softly before she stepped inside.
“What’re you doing here?” I asked in a thick voice coated with emotion.
“Frost called. He said you needed me, and I want to be here for you. Please let me be here for you the way that you’ve been for me, Deuce,” she pleaded, wrapping her arms around my midsection. Sevyn pressed a kiss to the middle of my back, and warmth and acceptance flooded my body.
I pressed both my hands against the tile wall in front of me and dropped my head. I felt her tiny fingers trace the outline of every tattoo on my back and arms before she turned me around and did the same thing to my neck and chest.
When she finished, she grabbed my washcloth and a bar of soap and soaped it up real good. Her hair had curled from the steam of the water, but when she switched places with me to wash me, the water poured over her and plastered her hair to her head.
It felt good to be taken care of and for someone else to care about me for a change.
I could tell by Sevyn’s demeanor that she was accustomed to taking care of others.
That was what made her so special, while at the same time making it hard for her to be alone.
She needed people to nurture and care for. It was in her DNA.
When she finished washing my body, she washed hers, and then she led me out of the shower.
Sevyn grabbed an oversized bath sheet and wrapped it around her body before she grabbed another one, dried me off with it, and then led me out of the bathroom and to my bed.
She pulled the covers back and patted the bed. “Climb inside, Deuce.”
I dropped my towel to the floor and did as she instructed. She dropped her own and climbed up with me. She straddled me, placed her hands on my chest, and slowly sank onto me.
“Just lay back and let me put you to sleep, baby.”
She rode my dick slow and hard, forcing every thought of Lena out of my head. She brushed her lips against mine.
“I don’t know who she is, but can you forget her, just for tonight? Let go of the memories, Deuce.”
I searched her eyes and wondered how much of my truth she knew. I owed her everything, and it wasn’t fair to continue hiding everything from her.
“Yeah,” I muttered. “There’s only you tonight.”
“Good. I love you.”
“I love you, too, Sevyn.”
She rode and rode me until I nutted so hard inside of her that it made my nuts ache.
The last thought that I had before I fell asleep was how selfless she was.
She never even came, nor did she worry about her pleasure, only mine.
I felt her leave after a while, and I worried that I had offended her.
But at some point, she returned, washed my dick, and climbed on the bed and in my arms. Sevyn rested her head on my chest, rubbed my belly, and whispered, “I love you, sweet man.”