Chapter 18
Brittany – Two Days Later
I gently rub Bailey's back as she snoozes against my chest while I look around Asher's spacious home, nerves filling me.
Two days I’ve been away from the Untamed, from Dallas and honestly, I want to go back. And according to Meghan, who talked me down off a ledge this morning when everything became too quiet for my liking, is perfectly natural. She also encouraged me to stay, to give it more time.
My memories aren’t back, and I feel out of place, so how much more time do I need to give?
It’s nothing against Asher or his confessions from three days ago.
I just, he’s been called in at the hospital this morning, something he didn’t want to do but couldn’t say no to and since I’ve been on my own, my mind has been going all over the place.
It’s causing my head to throb whereas while he’s been here, I got to watch him with our daughter, showing her the love I wanted for her.
It was keeping my mind off everything that has been building deep inside me.
Fear.
Sorrow.
Confusion.
Lost.
I swallow hard, seeing pictures of Asher and his family on the wall, not so surprised that there’s none of me by what he has said.
I don’t feel at ease here, but I guess that may be because, according to Asher, I’ve never actually stepped foot on his property, inside the club, in his home.
Something about my mama not wanting me to have anything to do with the club after my biological father died which in my mind right now, doesn’t really make sense.
Apparently, I didn’t move into my own place until the middle of last year, and she wanted me to stay living at home. Honestly, the more I hear about my mama, the more unease I feel.
Asher said I loved my mama something fierce, but so far, she seems kind of controlling. I mean, who forces their child to stay living at home just because she’s scared?
Shouldn’t she be allowing her child to have the best life possible?
I don’t know what it feels like to lose the one you love, but I do know what it feels like to lose my whole identity. I wouldn’t push my fears of something like this happening to my daughter, I’d encourage her to live life to the fullest because life is short.
Besides, Mama married a brother so she’s kind of being hypercritical and not only that, forcing her husband to live his life separately.
I sigh as I take a seat on the dark gray couch, my eyes going around the homely living area.
I overheard Asher talking to someone I think was Shadow…
I guess my dad, last night at the doorway.
My mama is demanding to see me, demanding I go stay with her, that she doesn’t want her granddaughter around the club.
Thankfully, Asher made it clear that not only am I not staying with them but also that I’m not ready, just like I haven’t been prepared to speak to my dad.
Does that make me a bitch?
I feel like one.
I shake my head as Bailey murmurs in her sleep and I gently press my lips against her head, inhaling her smell as I take a deep breath.
I hate that Asher had to go to work. After his revelations, I haven’t said much to him, but I know we need to talk some more. I also know that without him here, I have the urge to leave.
I could ask Axel to come pick us up, I’m sure Asher would understand.
Just as the thought hits me, there’s a knock on the door before someone enters, and Stone comes into view, Asher’s VP, whom I met yesterday.
His piercing blue eyes lock with mine and soften by the fear that is likely shining in mine.
“I thought I’d come check on you, make sure you’re okay, but I’m guessing you’re not?” he says as he rounds the couch and takes a seat on the chair.
I gently shake my head knowing there is no point lying to the man.
“You want to go back to Dallas, don’t you?” he confirms, and I nod, causing him to sigh as he leans back. “He didn’t want to go into work, Brit,” he says, already seeing that Asher's absence has made my mind run wild.
“I know,” I whisper, “it’s just, this place, this town, it doesn’t feel like home…”
“Do you think maybe you need to go to your house?” he asks, “Would that be better?”
I twitch my nose and admit, “I don’t think I want to.”
“You're scared,” he confirms, and I nod again. “It’s okay to be scared of the unknown, Brit, to find out who you were,” he says softly, and I look down at my daughter sleeping.
“What if I don’t like the person I was before?” I voice my concerns, not looking at him.
“Well, from what my brother has said about you, I think you’ll like the person you were,” he says quietly, and I finally look at him.
He smiles softly and murmurs, “Last year, my girl was hurt because of me, because of what my patch held. She was in a coma and Doc mentioned that you went and saw her with him even though you didn’t know Rose. ”
Rose…
My eyes blur, and my head suddenly feels heavy before I flinch, a throbbing pain shooting through my eyes, and a memory hits me.
“Still nothing?” Doc whispers as we walk into a hospital room, a woman lying in bed looking asleep, but by the sorrow in my boyfriend's voice, she isn’t asleep….
“No,” a woman sitting next to the bed replies before she looks at me and says, “Hi, I’m Donna…”
I smile slightly and whisper, “Hi,” and then go to tell her my name, but Doc squeezes my hand in warning making me wince and instead I ask, “Can I get either of you a drink?” as I look between them.
“No, thank you,” Donna says just as Doc replies, “I’m good, Tinkerbell. Besides, I don’t want you far…”
He raises a brow at me, and I try to hold in my flinch at his anger and whisper, “Okay...”
I blink, then blink again as Stone leans forward and asks, “Flashback?” and I nod slightly but flinch at the throbbing pain shooting through my head.
He looked so angry with me, but why?
I swallow hard as I look at Stone, and I whisper, “I need to see Asher.”
He smiles before standing and states, “I’ll take you, get that little darling ready.”
I nod but again flinch, instantly regretting it, before I slowly stand to get Bailey ready to go out, trying to breathe through the pain in my head.
I think it’s time Asher and I spoke.
Half an hour later, I’m pushing Bailey into the ER. Stone drives away, promising to pick me up when I’m ready, mentioning that Asher will call him, and I take a deep breath.
“I can do this,” I mumble, my heart rate picking up.
What if you don’t like the person you were? The voice in my head whispers, but I blink it away and head to the receptionist, hoping they can page Asher for me.
I need answers, even if I don’t like what they are.
A woman with blonde hair up in a messy bun sits behind the desk on the phone, and I stand back a little, waiting for her to finish.
“I know, I’ll get him again.” She says with a giggle as she bites the end of her pencil, “I mean, a man that good in the sack, you don’t let them walk away, you make them put a ring on your finger, and Dr. Conners, he’s mine.”
Dr. Conners… Wait, isn’t that…
My stomach twinges with jealousy and hate, a feeling I am definitely not fond of, and I go to turn around as my tears burn.
This was a mistake.
Before I can move the stroller, Bailey decides to make a noise, gaining the receptionist's attention, and she rolls her eyes and mutters, “Hang on a second, got another worried mother.”
Wait what?
She grabs something, then looks at me as she holds it out and states, “Fill this out, then bring it back!”
I flinch at her harsh tone, confused why she’s not being polite, you know, considering she works in a hospital and all that and I stutter, “I uh, I’m not, I mean…”
My ramblings are cut off as the voice I hear in my dreams, a voice full of concern questions, “Tinkerbell?” and I look up to see Asher walking my way in slacks and a white shirt with a doctor’s coat on.
He’d look almost normal if the tattoos weren’t peeking out underneath his shirt.
I don’t like it.
“Where’s your cut?” I ask as he stops beside me.
“In my office, I don’t wear it when on shift,” he answers before kissing my head, as if it's the most normal thing to do, making my stomach flip. He then looks at Bailey and asks, “Is everything okay?”
“Dr. Conners…” The receptionist husks, her voice full of lust but he ignores her as we lock eyes.
He’s slept with her, and it isn’t just her words that I'm basing that notion on. His whole body has locked up tighter than a deadbolt.
Damn.
I clear my throat, suddenly regretting coming here, and answer, “Yeah, I-I uh, well I needed to see you. Am I interrupting?”
His eyes soften as he wraps an arm around my waist, and he murmurs, “No, Tinkerbell, you’re not interrupting anything. I was about to call you when I saw you, and besides, even if I was busy, you can always come and see me.”
My eyes race between his and trying to ignore the woman’s glares, feeling the heat on the side of my face, I confirm, “But that wasn’t always the case, though, was it?”
He licks his bottom lip, his eyes taking me in before he asks, “Did you have another flashback?” I nod once, and he sighs, “Come on, Tinkerbell, we’ll go to my office.”
I nod again, and without removing his arm from around my waist, he pulls me closer before grabbing the stroller and guiding me towards a set of double brown doors.
“Dr. Conners?!” the receptionist snaps, and even though Asher ignores her, my body stays tight with tension.
He guides us into a large, bright office, which is completely different from his home office. few minutes later before putting the brake on the stroller next to his desk, and he leans on it while I look around his shelves.
Books line them, certificates, but what has me sucking in a breath is the photos of him and me grinning, four of them to be exact, on one shelf.I look happy, in love…
“This was the one room no brother entered,” he admits, as he allows me to look at my past, which I cannot remember and don’t know if I want to. He asks, “What was the flashback, Tinkerbell?”
“Your friend's wife Rose was in a coma, I came to see you for reasons I don’t even know, but you were angry,” I admit as I turn towards him.
His dark chocolate eyes show nothing but guilt, and I tilt my head, needing an explanation.
Why did I come and see him?
Why was he mad at me?
What did I do?
He sighs as he crosses his arms over his chest and confesses, “We had a big argument after we left Rose’s room,” I frown but he continues, “We had an agreement that we’d keep our relationship on the downlow because of your dad, your mama, your brother, the club, because of the pressure I had showing an example with my club but you’d shown up without calling me.
I knew I couldn’t just walk away from you, so I took you to see Rose while I did my checks on her just in case you bumped into anyone who may recognize you. Then, when we left, we argued.”
Confusion hits me, and I question, “I came here, without speaking to you, just popping up, knowing your feelings on the club finding out? Knowing your patch could have been questioned?”
I’m not stupid, I learned a lot from the Untamed.
Going against a brother after granting said brother's wishes, even one not of the council or in the Rebels case, an officer patch, is classified as treason.
Even if he is the president, his club could have voted to remove him by breaking a promise made to a brother.
I chew my bottom lip as tears blur my vision and I choke, “I’m not liking the sound of how I was from before I lost my memories. Why would I do that knowing the club was your life?”
“Ah, Tinkerbell,” he murmurs with a sigh as he pushes off his desk and steps to me in one big stride, cupping my cheeks.
My tears fall, and he gently wipes them away, and I cry, “Did I do it on purpose? To make you finally out our relationship? Despite knowing your stance on everything?”
“No,” he denies firmly and squeezes my cheeks a little harder. He states, “We were together for a year, baby, a whole fucking year, and on our first anniversary, you had found out about my engagement. If anyone here is to blame for this whole fucking mess, it's me, not you, never you.”
“But I –” he cuts me off and snaps, “No!” shocking me and he sighs as he presses his forehead against mine and whispers, “You needed me. You’d lost a dog that was brought in after being mauled at one of those illegal dog fighting clubs,” he smiles gently at me, “You didn’t think about what you were doing because all you wanted was a hug from me.
To be in my arms while you fell apart because I was – I am – your person, your heart. ”
My tears fall and he whispers, “Please Tinkerbell, don’t think bad about the person you were before you lost your memories, because that person, I fell madly, deeply in love with her. Before you think it, I love who you are now as well, I love all of you, the good, the bad, the whole of you.”
He presses his lips against my forehead, not letting go of my cheeks, and I grip his doctor coat, my tears falling hard and fast.
He says that, but how can he love me when he doesn’t know me. The new me with no memories, unless I’m exactly like the girl who didn’t respect his wishes to keep us on the downlow, knowing he could have lost his presidential patch.
He could have lost his family...
I don’t want to be known as someone who would risk that for him.
Honestly, I’m beginning to itch to get back to Dallas, to my new normal.
Being kept in the dark about my past, and the thought of regaining my memories is terrifying because I know I won’t like the girl I used to be – selfish and self-righteous.