LOGAN
Chapter Fifteen
The crinkle of her nose brought a smile to my face. If I had to guess, she was thinking about how sand used to get in awkward places when we made out on the beach. She always complained about it after the fact. The benefit of experience meant she’d thought about it beforehand.
“I tell you what.” I pulled her chin between my forefinger and thumb. “We’ll walk along the shore until we get to that large rock jutting out. We can stop there and make out before I take you on the real date.”
She looked at me with narrowed eyes before she smiled and slapped my bicep. “You’re fucking with me.”
“Just a little.” Laughing, I let go of her chin and turned the ignition. “We’re going to the diner first. We’ll get burgers and share a plate of fries and a chocolate milk shake. Then we’ll go for a drive and make out. We’ll keep the beach for next time.”
Her mouth fell open in shock. “You’re recreating our first date. That’s what we ate. And we made out in the back of Ollie’s car.”
“Yeah, that will be the one thing I want to change.” Back then my mom couldn’t afford a car. Now I could. But that wasn’t the only reason. “I don’t want to piss off your brother any more than I already have.”
Truth was, Ollie was at least cordial to me but he still wasn’t talking to Bex.
I got that he was pissed and I even understood it wasn’t my place to share our secret with her family.
Not only that, but Bex never told me exactly what her reason was for giving Dom up.
The kid was loved, there was no mistaking that.
I wasn’t sure if the stepdad was as attentive as Dorian Bayers, but Dom knew what it was like to be loved by two parents.
Not only that, but he had the kind of life I would never have been able to provide for him fifteen years ago. For that I was grateful.
The only thing Bex was certain of at the time was that she had no business being a mother. Watching her with all three kids, I disagreed. Those kids were the center of her world. How could she not see that?
Still, Dom had felt the kind of pain no one should have to go through at such a young age.
“He’ll come around.” Bex’s confidence in her brother was endearing and not unwarranted. “He was outside the building last night taking a guard shift. He may be pissed as hell. But he won’t let anything happen to any of us.”
That was true. Her family loved fiercely which was why I never understood why she’d kept our secret all these years.
By the time we arrived at the diner, we had moved on to lighter topics.
I told her about the idiot who came into the ER with a nail through his palm.
A nail gun accident. She told me about the douchebags who came in for tactical training.
They tried to tell her how to do her job.
They failed to see the Ranger who knew what she was talking about.
All they saw was a woman. A fucking sexy one at that.
I pulled into the same parking spot as I did all those years ago.
It wasn’t that I planned it that way but it was the middle of the week and the place was not busy.
I’d chosen that spot back then because there was no light and we were less likely to get caught making out.
Nearly two decades later and there was still no light covering that spot.
But I’d eventually decided I wanted a little more privacy in case things went further than I expected.
Not that I had expected much. At sixteen all we had done was kiss a few times before we went on our first official date.
And it had taken us a while after that before we had sex for the first time.
That was a night I never wanted to repeat.
At least I took care of her beforehand. I had gone slow because I didn’t want to hurt her.
Still, I had orgasmed far sooner than was reasonable.
As time went on, I got better at controlling myself.
By the time we had broken up, I knew exactly what Bex liked and I even learned a few tricks on how to last longer.
Even so, I was glad I was no longer that horny teenager.
Of course, my need for her was deeper than it had ever been.
If I wasn’t careful, our next time together could be even quicker than when I was a sixteen year old virgin.
But that was not something that would happen with this date.
Not that I intended to wait months. Back then, neither of us were ready to take that step.
Even when we did, I now had the perspective to see I was way too young.
Or maybe that was just because I had a kid who was a year away from the same age I was when I lost my virginity.
I definitely didn’t think Dom was ready for that kind of thing. Not that I knew the kid all that well. Although, objectively, it was possible Dom had already had sex.
I got out of my truck, walked around to Bex’s side and opened the door for her. I helped her out even though she was tall enough to get out on her own.
I kissed her forehead before taking her hand. “Let's head inside.”
She scanned the parking lot bringing another small smile to my lips. She was a soldier through and through. Her training had never left her, always looking for potential threats and keeping those around her safe. I knew that was why she wanted to sleep on the couch.
The arguments she made were perfectly logical. But no woman of mine would ever sleep on the couch. If things went the way I planned, she would never leave my bed. Even after the threat was eliminated.
What I did plan was that Bowzer seated us at the same booth as we had that first time.
The place hadn’t changed much. The turquoise and yellow was a little more dull and there were some chips in the black and white tile.
Bowzer wanted to hand the diner over to his girls.
He and his wife had fostered five girls just before I moved back from New York eighteen months before.
Four of those girls were still with him and he was in the process of adopting them.
Since then, he’d vowed to keep everything the same until they wanted to make changes.
He walked over to us. “Bex, Logan. Hi, what can I get you.”
“Harry.” Bex was one of the few who called Harry Bauman by his first name. The rest of us called him, Bowzer. She looked surprised to see him. It had been a while since he actually served a table. “I didn’t think you came out front anymore.”
He offered her a gentle smile. “Since Logan wanted to recreate your first date, I decided to play along. Besides, all of my help is at LazerGames or something.”
“It’s PaintBall actually.” She returned his smile. “But you have one of the Ripper boys behind the bar.”
Bowzer had obtained a license to sell alcohol a while back.
That was during my time in New York. He looked at the young man behind the bar.
“Kid’s an asshole but he’s a good barman.
Anyway, if you’re recreating your first date, does that mean you two are together now?
My girls have been rooting for you two since they found out you dated in high school. ”
“Let's not get ahead of ourselves.” Bex frowned and tilted her head to Bowzer. “How do they know we dated in high school?”
“Marina De Ferrier is not exactly a thriving metropolis.” He pulled out a pen and notepad. “News travels faster than a fighter jet in this town. What can I get you?”
I lifted my hand to draw his attention. “Two cheese burgers, one large fries and a chocolate shake with two straws.”
“Wow.” Bowzer smiled. “That’s still the standard date order. It's good to know nothing has changed. Almost like a tradition.”
That said, he walked off.
Bex raised a brow. “That man loves his traditions. It's something he’s passed down to his girls. Pancake Club is one of those things.”
“I still don’t understand what that is.” I knew it had something to do with birthdays. “Do you think Dom had traditions he’s going to miss? I don’t want him to think he can’t honor those things.”
She nodded and smiled. “We can speak to him about it.” Her smile softened. “We are on the same page, aren’t we?”
I didn’t have to ask her what she was thinking. I had watched her over the last few weeks and she had not once hidden what her intentions were. I was on board as well, but then when it came to Dom, I was always on board.
“Yes.” I took her hand, rubbing circles on her wrist. “I will fight for him. He will have a say, of course. But we both know how difficult it is to keep siblings together in the system. An older teenage boy doesn’t stand a chance at all.”
Tears brimmed in her eyes. “But it's not just about him. Yes, I want to keep him. I don’t regret giving him to the Bayers. They needed him as much as he needed them. But now it's him and Vicky and Landon. And I don’t want to let any of them down. Liza took care of Dom when we needed her. I feel like she is asking us to take care of all of them now. I will not give any of them up, Lo. Not without one hell of a fight. They were meant to be our family. Especially with…”
A tear rolled down her cheek.
I caught it with my thumb. “Especially with what, Becky? You can tell me anything.”
Bex squared her shoulders and took a deep breath.
In that moment, all sorts of scenarios played through my head.
But the biggest fear bubbled to the surface.
What if she meant, especially if we weren’t going to be together.
The last time I had seen that look on her face she had devastated me. I didn’t want to go back to that place.
“Lo, Ican’thavechildren.” She blurted it like she had to make sure all the words got out before changed her mind.
I was almost certain I listened correctly but I wanted to be sure. “Becky, I need you to repeat that slowly please.”
“I can’t have more children, Logan.” She inspected her cuticles as she continued. “Last year when Goose shot me, one of his bullets caused more damage than I let on. I just didn’t want anyone to know. And now I can’t be a mother.”
It was her right not to talk about it with anyone. I just want us not to make the same mistakes by keeping secrets. “Do you want to talk about this now?
“No. You asked, so I answered. But I think I need to.”
“Okay, but Bex, you are a mother. You made sure your son grew up with two loving parents. We both know I was not capable of making that decision. And I watch you with Vicky and your patience with Landon’s communication problem.
You are exactly what Liza would want for her kids.
And then with Dom. You have handled all that attitude and resentment so well.
And still made sure he formed ties around here, despite how he’s treated you in the last two weeks. ”
“I know that, but still.”
“Bex. Whether or not we can have kids will not change how I feel about you. You’re the one I want. And if we can convince a judge and social services, we’ll have the family we want. But I want that with you and no one else. It’s been a while since I said it. But I still love you.”
She opened her mouth to speak but I stopped her.
“You don’t need to say it yet.” I smiled and took her hand. “I want you to say it when it's perfect for you.”
She let out a small sigh. “Thank you.”
It seemed Bex had taken more of everyone's resentment than what I had.
Her family was still giving her the cold shoulder.
Dom would rather come talk to me than her.
And not once had she let him know how much it affected her.
I knew it did. She was human, and she had one of the biggest hearts.
And it was heartbreaking knowing how many people she had hurt while she made the only choice she thought she had.
“He’s hurting, Lo.” She held even tighter onto my hand. “He’d probably just gotten used to a world without his dad in it. And then he loses his mother and his stepfather. Though, I don’t think there was much love lost between him and Bill.”
That was obvious. I got the distinct impression Dom knew what Bill’s problem was with him, but he didn’t want to talk about it. Maybe he thought we would have similar issues. Or maybe he just didn’t trust us enough to talk about it.
We finished our burgers, doing what all parents did when they found time for a date. Talking about our kids. It was the best kind of date in my opinion.
I was paying the bill when Bex’s phone rang. Nick’s name flashed across the screen and I immediately tensed. Out of the corner of my eye I spotted Bowzer handing over keys to the kid behind the counter and taking off his apron.
“They did what?” Bex’s loud shriek drew my attention back to her. “We’ll be right there.”
Bowzer came storming past us “Let’s go. I need a lift with you to the farm, please.”
“What happened?” My eyes darted between Bowzer and Bex.
She sighed and shook her head. “The kids trashed the PaintBall course.”