16. Ford （22）
Sixteen years ago
Ford clutched Sie to his chest as she sobbed until she could barely breathe.
“No,” she moaned. “No. It can’t be true.”
Tears trickled down Ford’s face as he rocked her back and forth, wishing he could tell her it wasn’t true, that the police had made a mistake. That she hadn’t just lost both of her parents in a car accident as they were driving home from the concert.
“I’m so sorry,” Ford said the same thing over and over again. He knew it wouldn’t help, but there was nothing else he could say.
“No,” she wailed again and began hyperventilating.
Ford’s eyes met Donnie—who stood by the door—and he wished this was something their manager could make better.
It was hours before Sie cried herself to sleep in his arms. He stared down at the woman he loved more than he thought it was possible to love someone, and it tore his heart in two to see her so broken.
He carefully laid her down in the bed and tucked her under the blanket. He kissed her forehead and crept out of the room to find Donnie.
Their manager was sitting in the living room of the house he'd rented for the band while they were in town. They were supposed to do another two shows here, then continue their tour of arenas around the country.
“I’ve cancelled the next month of concerts,” Donnie said immediately.
Ford nodded gratefully. Donnie was a good manager. He looked out for their best interests as individuals before he looked for opportunities to make the band the greatest in the world—a feat they were lining up to achieve with a sold-out tour of America booked for the next year.
“Thanks. I don’t know what to do.” Ford slumped down into the chair and ran his hand through his hair, grimacing slightly at his own sour smell as he still wore his stage outfit.
They were having a few drinks at the local bar to wind down after the high of their concert when the police came calling. And now Sie’s life was shattered.
He couldn’t believe it.
He didn’t want to believe it.
“How is she?” Donnie nodded his head toward the stairs.
“She cried herself to sleep.” Leaning back, Ford stared up at the ceiling, blinking back the tears that gathered in his own eyes. “It doesn’t seem real.”
“No, it doesn’t,” Donnie agreed. “That’s her whole family, gone.”
Ford didn’t say anything. After they got married, they decided to keep it from everyone. He had been planning on a big proposal at the end of this tour, then having an official wedding with all their family and friends.
He even asked Sie’s dad for permission to propose. He figured she would laugh at him when she found that out, as she wasn’t the kind of woman who needed her father’s permission.
How could he tell her now? Her dad had been so happy to hear the news.
Ford had imagined the party they’d have when they got engaged. Now, that wasn’t going to happen.
“Shit,” Ford swore loudly.
“Beer?” Donnie offered.
Ford shook his head. He couldn’t get lost in alcohol. Sie needed him at the moment.
Ford wasn’t sure how they made it through the next few months. Sie was either crying hysterically or like a zombie.
He tried to do everything he could to support her. He sorted the funeral out with Donnie. Liaised with the police about the accident. He made her life as easy as possible. His heart hurt that they'd lost her parents, who he also loved, but it broke for his wife, who was a shell of a person.
They continued with the tour, Sie mechanically making it through each show. She didn’t interact with anyone but him while they played, and he tried twice as hard to make up for her lack of presence.
“Sie.” Ford walked into the hotel room he'd left her in that morning.
He’d tried to persuade her to come with him, and that time in the fresh air would do her good, but she refused.
He frowned when she didn't reply, and he checked the bedroom of their suite.
“Sie?”
She wasn’t there either. The bathroom door was wide open. She wasn’t in the room.
A piece of paper on the hotel’s desk caught his eye. It was a note addressed to him. His hands trembled as he unfolded it, and he read the words written in Sie’s handwriting.
‘Ford,
I’m sorry. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t live this life.
Touring with the band is breaking me. I know you’ll say I should have told you, but I couldn’t, as if I did, you would have left with me.
You were born to be a rock star, and I won’t be the one to take that away from you.
Please don’t look for me. I hope one day you can forgive me for leaving you.
I will love you forever.
Sie.’
Ford crumpled the note and sank to his knees. He didn’t notice the tears that were pouring down his face as all he felt was his heart ripping in two.
Leaping to his feet, he tore the room apart. Most of her things were still there. Her guitar, her notebooks, her mobile phone. Only a few of her clothes and her handbag were gone.
“Fuck,” Ford screamed at nothing and collapsed to the floor.
Donnie found him two hours later, sitting on the carpet, staring at the wall.
“Ford. What’s wrong?” Concern flooded his voice.
“She’s gone.” Ford held the note out to his manager.
Donnie crossed the room and took it. Silently reading it, before he muttered, “Shit. We should report her missing to the police.”
“She’s not missing. She’s left me. Those are two very different things,” Ford spat.
“Did something happen between you?” Donnie asked gently.
Ford yelled, “Nothing fucking happened. This morning, she woke up in my arms, where she was meant to be, and this afternoon, she’s gone.”
He knew it wasn’t Donnie’s fault, but right now, his friend and manager was the only one he had to shout at.
“What can I do?”
“Nothing. There’s nothing you can do.” Ford’s head sank into his hands, and he did something that he had never done in front of a grown man before. He sobbed.
Donnie sat on the floor next to him and put an arm around his shoulder. Ford leaned into his side, letting his friend comfort him for a few minutes.
Finally, Ford wiped his eyes on his t-shirt and said, “I need a beer.”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
“I said, I need a fucking beer. Okay,” Ford snarled, his upset turning to anger.
When Ford drank, it numbed the pain he felt from Sie’s absence, but as soon as he sobered up, the pain came back, so he drank some more.
Midnight Thunder was committed to an extensive tour in the US starting four months after Sie left him, so they needed to get a new guitarist to replace her.
They rang Ryan, who auditioned for them six years ago. Luckily for them, he was happy to drop his current wedding band and tour with Australia’s most successful band.
When Ryan joined them, the whole energy of the tour changed. It went from a band working hard to ensure their success, to sex, drugs, rock and roll and excess.
Every show elevated their status, and by the end of their American tour, they needed to increase the size of the venues they performed at to keep up with demand. As a result, they added fifty more dates to their schedule.
Ford lost himself in the drugs, but every groupie who came near him he rebuffed, not yet convinced that Sie wasn’t going to come back. Every girl he saw with long, dark hair made his heart skip a beat, but it was never her.
They wrote another album, using the lyrics that Sie left behind in her notebooks, and swept the boards at the Grammy Awards.
Each year, their fame grew, but he never stopped looking for Sie. He finally broke, and even though he knew she didn’t want to be found, he hired a private investigator to look for her.
The report shattered his heart a little more. The day she left him in the hotel was the last day that Maisie Harrington had ever been seen.
She didn’t open a bank account.
She hadn’t taken out a credit card.
There was no record of her anywhere.
She'd vanished off the face of the earth.
That was the day he accepted she was gone, most likely dead, and tried to move on with his life.