18. Ford
Ford
Ford sat in his car, staring out the front windscreen, telling himself to start it and get the hell out of there. But his body wouldn’t move to press the button to start the vehicle.
He told himself it was because he was too shaken to drive. But a small part of him knew that he was afraid that if he drove away from Sie, she would disappear again.
He couldn't believe that the little blonde, the one he enjoyed holding in his arms, was his Sie.
His wife.
He knew he could have divorced her years ago. He’d even spoken to a lawyer, who told him what he needed to do to sever the marriage to Sie.
A few times, he debated doing it, but each time, he made excuses to himself.
A tour was coming up, and he didn’t have time.
He needed to write new songs, and he didn’t have time.
He wanted to relax, and he didn’t have time.
Basically, it all boiled down to the fact that he didn’t want to.
He hadn’t met another woman after Sie that he wanted to marry, so what was the point of divorcing?
Would he have known he'd found her if he hadn’t heard her sing? He once would have sworn he would recognise Sie anywhere, but today, if he was honest with himself, without her singing, he would have walked right past her.
He ran his hand through his hair and dropped his head to the steering wheel.
Ford's thoughts churning as his mind tried to get the image of Sie as an adult fixed into it, instead of the young rock chick she used to be.
A tap on the window made him jump, and his eyes rose to meet those of an older woman with silver hair.
Ford frowned and rolled down the window. “Hello?”
“I’m Gloria,” the woman said.
Ford’s frown deepened, then recognition flitted through his brain. This must be Taylor’s mum.
“Ford.” He said, his voice barely a grunt. He knew he was being rude and should get out to speak to her, but he was too tired.
Gloria squeezed his hand, then leaned down so their gazes locked. “How are you doing?”
Ford laughed bitterly, clearly his and Sie’s ‘moment’ hadn’t gone unnoticed. “Not fantastically.”
She reached out and took hold of his hand. “I can imagine. I had a chat with Mai.”
It took him a second, then he remembered she meant Sie. “Don’t talk about that woman,” Ford spat, yanking his hand away.
“I’m sorry, Ford. I’m only going to say one thing. You’ve lived sixteen years without each other. Do you want to live like that for the rest of your life?”
“I don’t mean to be rude to you at your son’s house, but it's none of your business.” Ford didn’t want to speak about it.
“I know. But remember you’re judging her on something she did when she was little more than a child,” Gloria said and stepped back from the car, walking away before he could say anything else in anger to her.
Ford watched her leave and tried to sink back into his melancholy, which was difficult when her words kept ringing in his head.
“Shit,” he yelled into the air.
The kid who was valet parking the cars jumped in surprise and looked his way. Ford closed his window, pulled up Donnie’s number and drove away from the house.
Donnie answered on the fifth ring. “Ford. Good to hear your voice. How’s Burra Creek going?”
Ford didn’t mince his words. “Why did you suggest Kookaburra Creek?”
Donnie hesitated for a moment, and Ford knew he was about to lie. “It seemed like a nice town when you toured there.”
“Hmmm.” Ford made a non-committal-sounding noise. “And why did you put me in touch with Taylor Anderson?”
“He lives in town. I know his manager. I thought you would enjoy meeting him.”
“Hmmm,” Ford said again, before he added. “So it had nothing to do with Sie living here.”
“Sie?” Donnie sounded innocent, but Ford knew him well enough to know when he was lying.
“Yes, you remember her. Short, long dark hair, violet eyes. She wrote most of the lyrics that have led to our success. That Sie.”
“I know who Sie is. You’re saying she lives in Kookaburra Creek? What are the chances?” Donnie’s voice gave him away completely.
“Yeah. What are the chances?” Ford said dryly. “Although I didn’t recognise her. If she hadn’t been singing, I would have walked straight past her.”
“She’s still singing?” Donnie sounded surprised.
“So you did know she was here,” Ford said. He needed Donnie to confirm that Sie was telling him the truth.
Donnie sighed. “Yes. I knew. I noticed her when she came to treat Ryan at the concert. There was something about her that seemed so familiar.”
Ford didn’t say anything, but internally he agreed. It now made sense why it felt so right when she fell into his arms.
“I went to the hospital where she works and spoke to her. When I saw her face properly, even with the hair, the glasses and the different eyes, I knew it was her. I gave her my card, but she wouldn’t admit who she was.”
“So you sent me here?” Ford said dryly.
Donnie hesitated before he finally replied, “You know I love you. You’re my best friend, and I’ve watched you for sixteen years, waiting for this woman to come back.
This is the girlfriend you never got over.
I saw a chance, and I took it. Maybe I was wrong, but now you’ll be able to get closure.
She’ll no longer be an enigma that you search everywhere for. She’s flesh and blood again.”
“She’s not the girlfriend I never got over.” Ford huffed a sigh. He needed to tell his friend the whole story.
“What?”
“She was my wife.” Ford heard Donnie’s intake of breath at his words and continued, “She’s still my wife.”
“What?” Donnie repeated.
“When we were twenty-one, one day after a concert, I proposed, and she said yes. We didn’t want to wait, but her parents were away, and Sie wanted them to be there. So we did it in secret and were going to have a big proposal and proper wedding down the track.”
Ford could picture so vividly her violet eyes shining up at him and the stark contrast of her black hair against the white dress.
“What happened to the big proposal?”
Ford ran his hands through his hair. “I was going to do it at the end of the tour, I even asked her dad’s permission, then—” He broke off, unable to say the words.
“Then her parents died,” Donnie finished quietly.
“Yes. Then she was gone. I never told you, but I even hired a private investigator after I couldn’t stand anymore not knowing, but ‘poof’, she was gone in a puff of smoke.” Ford stared blankly at the road ahead.
“I did too,” Donnie admitted.
“What?” Ford was so distracted with thoughts of Sie that he didn’t quite catch Donnie’s meaning.
“I hired private investigators to look for her. I didn’t ever tell you because I didn’t want to get your hopes up, and they never found anything. To be honest, I thought she was dead.” Donnie had never been one to mince his words, but he never once said to Ford that she might be dead.
“You never said that,” Ford whispered.
“I knew if I said that, I would lose you as well. You would have disappeared so far into addiction, I’d never have found you again.”
Ford had spiralled badly, and rehab saved his life. Donnie, who made him go, saved his life.
“I appreciate everything you did for me. It’s tough, though.
My life was such a mess after she left. It’s hard to see her so put together.
She’s successful in her career. She’s got a group of friends.
She looks…” he hesitated for a long moment, sighing again.
“fantastic. She suits being blonde, and even the glasses look good.”
“Did you speak to her?” Donnie asked gently.
Ford huffed loudly. “Yes.”
“Oh, mate. What did you do?” Donnie accused.
“What makes you think I did anything?” Ford said defensively.
“I’ve known you for over twenty years. I know the tone of voice you use when you’ve done something you kind of wish you hadn’t.”
“I told her at least she did something good by stopping me from ever getting married.” Ford winced at the memory and the look of heartbreak on her face when he threw that at her.
“Shit.”
“Yeah. Then I stormed off, telling her I couldn’t talk to her.”
“Did you want to talk to her?”
Ford bit his lip. “No. Yes. I don’t know.
” He stopped talking, but Donnie didn’t fill the silence, leaving him with his own thoughts until he continued.
“Yes, more than anything. But at the same time. I’m so angry with her.
I would have supported her. I would have been happy with whatever she wanted to do. ”
“Would you have left the band?” Donnie asked.
“No,” Ford said immediately.
“Are you sure?” Donnie fired back.
Ford opened his mouth to deny it again, then closed it.
This time really thinking about the question.
If Sie told him back then that she was leaving the band, would he have gone too?
If he was being honest with himself, he loved the band and the music, but he’d loved her more.
He would have walked away with her without hesitation.
“Shit,” Ford swore.
“You would have given it all up for her,” Donnie stated matter-of-factly. “I don’t know if that’s why she ran. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. Maybe you need to talk to her, without shouting this time or throwing accusations around.”
“I’m so angry with her,” Ford whispered.
“I am too. That’s natural. She vanished sixteen years ago. All I’m saying is think about the future now you’ve found her. What future do you want? One where you regret how you handled this? Or one where you know whatever happens, you gave things your best shot.”
“Shit,” Ford swore again.
He wanted to rage and yell at her. He wanted her to know how much hurt he suffered over the years. Make her suffer a fraction of what he had.
Then, at the same time, his heart tore when he thought about hurting her. The girl he’d known would take all of his anger and accept everything he threw at her, keep her heartbreak on the inside.
He was one of the few people she'd ever trusted, and even then, he didn’t think she told him as much as she did her parents.
Donnie let the silence hang in the air before he asked, “What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know.” Ford pulled up to his rental house and put the handbrake on, switching the engine off.
Donnie’s next words were cut off as the car’s hands-free switched off. He picked the phone up and wedged it between his shoulder and ear as he climbed out of the car.
“Sorry, I didn’t catch what you said.”
“I said, are you sure you don’t know what to do?” Donnie pushed him a little more.
Ford opened the front door, stepping inside, he glanced absently around the room of his rental house, until his eyes caught on her electric guitar. The one he’d kept for all these years and used in so many of their concerts.
When the boys asked, he always claimed the songs sounded better on this guitar, but the reality was it was a piece of her, the only one he had left, and he didn’t want to let it go.
“I need to talk to her. No shouting,” Ford admitted, then added, “I told her about her money. Can you contact her and arrange to get the accounts to her?”
Donnie wisely didn’t comment on Ford wanting to speak to her again, instead saying, “I’ll call her now. She’s going to be a very wealthy woman by tomorrow.”
“Yeah. She didn’t seem to care. She tried to refuse.”
“I’m sure she did. I’ll do it now, buzz me whenever you need.”
“I’ll phone you later,” Ford said before he ended the call.
Ford placed his phone down on the table in front of him and reached to his neck, pulling the necklace he always wore out of his shirt. Undoing the clasp, he slipped the simple silver ring off the chain and onto the third finger of his left hand.
Staring down at the ring that he’d kept close to his heart ever since she vanished, he felt the heartbreak of her leaving all over again and examined his feelings at finding her.
Could he do it? Could he allow himself to be vulnerable to her?
She’d ripped him apart once before. Maybe he needed to leave things alone and walk away now.
A small part of his brain argued back, whispering that this could be their new beginning.
He stared at the ring before finally taking it off his left hand and slipping it onto the ring finger of his right hand.
Snatching up his phone again, he pulled up Taylor’s phone number, sending a message.
‘Can you ask Clara for Mai’s number?’
It was so strange to call her Mai.