Mai
When she danced over to the microphone to sing with Ford, she cringed.
She barely remembered doing it, and her dancing looked like someone’s mum drunkenly jigging in the pub.
When she was younger, she’d never been any good at moving around the stage, so she usually stayed in one spot, but now, at thirty-eight, she looked even more awkward.
“Can they take it down?” She gazed at Ford, who was leaning so close to her that they were breathing the same air.
“It’s too late.” He pointed to the number of views the video had already received.
Ten point five million.
“Oh, shit.” Mai took a couple of deep breaths to compose herself, as her initial reaction was to run.
But when she really thought about it, she was dressed as Sie. She had Sie’s makeup on, contact lenses in and long dark hair. The video showed Sie, not Mai. It was hardly any different to them posting the photo of her.
Finally, she said, “It’s not ideal, but it’s Sie with Midnight Thunder after they announced I’m still alive and kicking.” She shrugged and handed it back.
“You don’t mind?” Ford asked tentatively.
“I agreed to a photoshoot. I can’t get upset about a video. Have you heard it? Did we sound good?” It was too loud in the pub to hear the audio properly.
“I don’t know.”
“Hang on.” Mai grabbed her handbag off the floor and rummaged around until she pulled out a pair of AirPods and her phone.
She put one headphone in her ear, gave the other to Ford, and opened Instagram. She quickly navigated to Midnight Thunder’s page.
“You follow us on Instagram?” Ford’s voice rumbled.
Mai froze. She hadn’t even thought about the fact that he would see she followed the band.
She was relieved she hadn’t gone to Ford’s personal Instagram, or he would have seen that she followed him, too.
It had felt like a risk at the time to follow him, but she was one of millions, and she had figured he would never notice a tiny account from Australia.
“Yeah,” she muttered, keeping her eyes on her screen as she opened the video of them playing.
“What are you doing?” Hel leaned across to look at Mai’s phone.
Mai paused the video. “Watching an Instagram reel. We played earlier. It got released by accident. I thought we sounded good, but wanted to know if I was delusional.” She grinned at her friend.
“You played with Midnight Thunder?” Hel’s voice rose, and Mai shushed her.
They were in a crowded pub. She could live without Ford getting mobbed if people noticed him. She wasn’t worried about her pub quiz team, as they hung out with Taylor regularly, so seemed immune to fame.
“Yeah. It’s on Instagram,” Mai supplied.
“Instagram!” Hel’s voice was a little quieter, but not much.
“Yep. Give me five to listen, okay?” Mai requested, then started the video again when her friend nodded.
Electricity rippled over her skin when Ford leaned into her to watch the reel. After a moment, he slung his arm along the back of her chair, his hand grazing her shoulder.
Mai wanted to lean into him, to grab his hand and entwine their fingers. Instead, she forced herself to sit stiffly and try to ignore his proximity.
Closing her eyes to block out the pub around her, she listened to them play. As the music washed over her, the hairs on her arms stood on end.
Over the years, she'd listened to a lot of Midnight Thunder.
They always sounded good. Even with his many problems, Ryan was an excellent guitar player.
But with her, even recorded on a mobile phone in a shed, they sounded great.
Her playing fit in with the band perfectly.
The way they meshed together was like they were psychic.
A shiver rushed through her when her voice soared with Ford’s.
This was special.
Her gaze swung to him, and he was looking right back at her. They didn’t watch the rest of the video. They just listened as they stared into each other’s eyes.
Mai was transported back to a time when life was simpler, and all they needed was each other and music.
In the years they’d spent together, they’d never grown bored with each other.
She used to be happy sitting and staring at Ford as he sang.
As he helped her write music to the lyrics she created.
As he played guitar, and as he practised his stage swagger.
Which once had looked awkward, but now looked like he was born to be a frontman.
Regret crashed over her, crushing her as she was face to face with what she threw away. What she ran away from.
When the music stopped, she couldn’t help herself; she leaned towards him, towards his lips that were so close to her that she could feel his breath on her face.
And he leaned away.
A flush rose up Mai’s cheeks. Shit. She had been so caught up in the music. She would have kissed him. Right here in the pub in front of her friends.
And he had leaned away from her. She was mortified.
What the hell had she been thinking?
Her embarrassment filled her, and her ears rang. She didn’t get to kiss him anymore. A small voice reminded her that he had already kissed her. She shoved that voice down. He'd been in shock to find her alive. She had let him think his first love was dead. Of course he was going to be mixed up.
He must have had time to think though, and clearly didn’t want to repeat it.
Clearing her throat, she moved away from him and took the AirPod out of her ear.
Avoiding looking at him, she said, “We sounded good.”
Ford grunted in reply.
Mai put her phone down and shuffled her chair away from him. “Well, there’s nothing we can do. I’m hungry. I’m going to order myself a burger. Do you want one?” She stood up without waiting for his reply.
It wasn’t his fault she was an idiot. She needed to get away from him for a moment and calm down.
“Sie.”
Mai didn’t stop when Ford called for her and made her way over to the bar., her ears still ringing with her embarrassment.
Tears welled in her eyes, so she diverted to the toilets. She needed to pull herself together.
Pushing through the doors to the ladies’, she was relieved it was empty. She leaned on the sink and stared at her red-rimmed eyes in the mirror. Pulling her glasses off, she splashed some water on her face.
She heard the toilet door open, and she dropped her gaze to the tap, trying not to make eye contact with whoever had just walked in.
“Are you okay?” Hel asked.
Mai looked up and could only make out the blurred outline of her friend, so she put her glasses on, snapping everything back into focus.
“Yeah.” Mai plastered on a bright smile but couldn’t stop herself from sniffing.
“So you didn’t just lean in to kiss Ford, then run away when it didn’t happen?” Hel asked.
“Shit,” Mai muttered. Of course her friend had noticed; they were sitting at the same table.
Hel closed the gap between them and slung an arm around Mai’s shoulders, saying softly, “You still love him?”
Mai stared at their reflection in the mirror and debated for a moment about lying. Locking down her feelings like she had done for the last sixteen years.
Then realised she didn’t want to. After so many years of being alone, she wanted to start letting people back in. Even if she couldn’t have Ford, she didn’t want to be an island anymore. She wanted to confide in the woman standing in front of her.
“I never stopped.”
“Shit.” This time, it was Hel who swore.
“He kissed me the other day,” Mai murmured. Staring at their reflections, watching the other woman’s reaction.
“Oh.” Hel kept her face blank.
“Yeah. Then he shoved me away and yelled at me. He has no idea what to think about me at the moment. I vanished out of his life sixteen years ago. I can’t expect him to forgive me in a week.”
“Do you think he’ll forgive you eventually?”
Mai shook her head. “No. I desperately want him to, but I don’t see that happening after what I did to him.”
Hel met her gaze in the mirror and squeezed her shoulder. “Give him time.”
“Like sixteen years?” Mai said glumly.
“I personally wouldn’t wait sixteen years.
” Hel chuckled, then shrugged. “But I did let the love of my life slip through my fingers with no argument. If he hadn’t come back, I would be sitting alone, mourning what could have been.
Don’t do what I did. If you want him, and you think there’s even a chance, fight for him.
Don’t live the rest of your life with regrets. ”
“What if he says no?” Mai whispered.
“Then at least you know. You can start to recover. Isn’t it worse to live with regrets than rejection?”
Mai sighed, a deep, shuddering breath. “I can’t live with any more regrets than I do already. But, I…” she hesitated. “I don’t think I’m ready to tell him yet.”
“You don’t have to tell him today. Just think about what you want. Not what you think he wants,” Hel said, staring at Mai in the mirror.
“Okay.” Mai nodded in agreement, sniffing again and blinking to stop the tears welling.
Hel released her and stepped back. “If you need to talk, I’m here to listen.”
“Thanks.” Mai leaned forward over the sink, took her glasses off and splashed more water over her face.
“I’ll see you in a few minutes.” Hel gave her a reassuring smile, then walked out of the bathroom.
While the door was open, the noise of the pub washed over Mai, and when it closed, the silence let her thoughts become too loud.
She wanted his forgiveness, she wanted to get to know him again, and she wanted him forever.
Dabbing more water on her face to clear her eyes, she stepped away from the sink and grabbed a paper towel to dry her face, then put her glasses on.
She could do this. She'd let her emotions carry her away for a moment, and she wouldn’t make that mistake again.
When she pushed the bathroom door open, she jumped in surprise. Ford stood leaning against the wall opposite.
“Hi,” Mai said hesitantly.
“Hey.” He stared at her, and she couldn’t meet his eyes, instead focusing on the wall over his shoulder.
Hel’s words rang in her head: what did she want?
Everything, was her answer.
She wanted to do her current job. She wanted to play music. But most of all, she wanted Ford.
“I’m grabbing a burger. Do you want one?” This time, she didn’t run away from him.
“Sie, are you alright? About earlier I—”
Mai cut him off, not yet ready to hear his rejection of her, even though she knew it was inevitable.
“Ford, it’s okay. I understand.” She let her eyes meet his, and for a moment, got lost in them. Then she tore her gaze away. “Come on. Let’s go and get some food.”