4. James
JAMES
I unlock the door, stumbling slightly as I cross the threshold.
Maybe I had a little too much to drink tonight. Yeah, I can see it now—that last whisky really hit me in the cab on the way home. I don’t want to admit it, but my tolerance isn’t what it used to be, and even a few drinks like that can be enough to get my head spinning.
Or maybe it’s the matter of the conversation we had tonight. I close the door, throwing my jacket over the couch and tossing the keys onto the table. Undoing my tie, I head straight to the bathroom, but even as I undress, there’s only one thing on my mind.
Her.
Millie.
The girl from that night—that night that has filled all my fantasies ever since I shared that experience with her.
The night that has never been bested, not in all my impressive sexual history.
I’ve tried not to linger on it too long, because I knew it would never be able to happen again.
Shit, we were lucky to get away with it the first time without Matt figuring out something was up, and I wasn’t willing to risk my friendship with him over something like that.
Switching on the shower, I tip my head back, rubbing my hand over my face.
All this talk of surrogacy, of finding a woman we can agree on, and Millie seems like the most obvious answer.
That night the four of us hooked up, it’s the only time me and the guys have ever shared a woman like that.
Not that we have any shame about it, but rather there has never been another woman in our lives who has made us feel the way she did.
I comb my fingers through my hair and step under the warm water, pulling the door closed behind me and letting the steam fog up the small enclosed space surrounding me. I let the water rush over my face, and when I close my eyes, I find myself stirring as the thought of her fills my mind.
If she was going to be our surrogate, then that means she would need to get pregnant.
And I can think of a few fun ways I could make that happen.
A pretty far cry from our usual protocol at the clinic, but still, damn tempting.
I slip my hand down to my erection, wrapping my fingers around my length, and let my mind drift to just what I would do to her if I had her here in front of me now.
I would pin her to the shower door—let that water soak her skin, run my hands over her ass and her back and her thighs.
Catch her looking back at me, eyes wide, as though there’s only one thing she wants, one thing she would settle for, and I’m the only one who could give it to her.
And of course, it wouldn’t take much convincing on my part to deliver exactly what she’s asking for.
I would bring my cock to her slit and press myself inside of her in one deep motion…
As I begin to stroke myself, I can almost hear the sounds she would make as I fuck her in the shower.
Those soft moans, those little whimpers as I slowly push myself deep inside of her, letting her feel every inch of me, every part of me that she wants.
Wrapping my arm around her waist and pulling her back onto me, maybe sliding a hand up into her hair to tug it back and force her to catch her breath before she continues.
My erection is practically aching in my hand now as I continue to get myself off to the thought of her.
The thought of having her all to myself.
Not that I didn’t love sharing her, but there’s something about the notion of having that gorgeous body to spoil exactly as I see fit…
It’s too delicious to turn down. I shared her the first time, and I don’t intend to do it again.
I can almost feel her pussy spasming around me, the way it did when I was moving inside of her all those years ago—the way she pushed back against me, the way her body tensed for a moment before her pleasure smoothed out the rough edges.
And how she sank back against me, reaching for me like she wanted me even closer…
And it’s that thought which takes me over the edge, the thought of her hands in my hair as she guides me to give her exactly what she wants.
I let out a grunt, my cock twitching in my hand, finishing right here in the shower.
I lean back beneath the water’s flow, tipping my head back, drawing in a long breath to try and steady myself.
“Fuck,” I mutter, once I manage to open my eyes again. See, this is what happens when I get tipsy. I end up letting my mind wander to places I know full well it never should.
I finish up my shower and throw on a pair of sweatpants as I go through the rest of my nighttime routine, planting a huge glass of water by the side of the bed to try and lessen the blow that this hangover is going to deliver as soon as it gets the chance tomorrow morning.
As I move through my apartment, I can’t help but notice how quiet this place is.
By design, of course. That’s how I wanted it.
If I had decided I wanted to be with someone, I would have found her already.
But that’s not how I want to live my life.
Never has been, at least since I lost Caroline.
The quiet is a welcome change from the rush of work, and I know I’m better off keeping my head down than I am trying to find something more serious with the women who pass through this place.
The guys are constantly ripping chunks out of me for the way I go through girls, but that doesn’t bother me. If the two of them want to spend their time focused on work with nothing else going on in their lives, that’s their business, but that’s not where I’m at right now, not by a long shot.
I want to enjoy myself. Enjoy the money that has been coming in, enjoy my singledom, enjoy my life here in the city.
Back when I was growing up in the ass-end of nowhere, I would have given anything to taste some of the excitement that comes with New York, and I’m not going to go forgetting that anytime soon.
I stare up at the ceiling after I climb into bed, wondering if I would be better off with someone here at my side. Someone I could reach across the bed to and sleepily fill in on everything that happened that day.
The thought brings a small smile to my face. Yeah, I can imagine just how well a woman would take being told that I’m considering having a child with my two best friends, and the woman who we all slept with six years ago.
A child—now, that’s a different thing. That’s the kind of thing I would settle down for, something that makes the idea of calming my schedule down worth it.
Especially given that I will have the other two to help me keep things ticking.
It’s not like I’m going to have to sacrifice too much, and the thought of having a kid to raise as my own makes up for anything that I might have lost out on.
It reminds me, in a weird way, of being with Caroline.
When we were together, we talked about the future a lot, even though, looking back, we were little more than kids ourselves.
I don’t even know if things would have worked out with her in the long term, but back then, it seemed like we had the whole world at our fingertips, and I would have done anything to dive into it with a little more certainty.
I loved the idea of building a life with her, a family, a whole existence that was crafted especially for the two of us.
But it’s been a long time since I’ve allowed my mind to stray in that direction, and for good reason.
No, it’s better for me to keep my head in the game, focused on what really matters here, than it is to get drawn into the what-ifs and maybes of how my life might have turned out if it hadn’t been for what happened to her.
The existence I’ve made for myself now is more than enough to make up for it. It’s more than I could ever have imagined laying claim to, at least in terms of wealth and influence. And yet…
And yet, sometimes, when I find myself lying alone here in bed, I can’t help but wonder if there’s a major part of life that I’m missing out on.
And just how I might go about filling that gap.