Chapter 37 #2
I push through and take the stairs, two, three flights up, until I’m outside her door. As I lift my hand to knock, it swings open.
She’s barefoot in sweats and an oversized T-shirt, her hair pulled back in a loose ponytail. Her eyes widen the second she sees me.
“How did you find me?”
I breathe out, trying to keep my voice calm. “Your dad.”
Her eyebrows shoot up. “My dad told you where I live?”
“Yeah.” I lift my hands in mock surrender, a slight grin tugging at my mouth. “And no, I’m not dead yet.”
She blinks at me, then shakes her head.
“I needed your address to come to you.” I shrug, shoving my hands in my pockets to keep myself from reaching for her.
She runs a hand through her hair, looking completely baffled. A thousand questions flicker across her face.
I’ve missed her. Even confused, standing in the doorway in sweats, she still looks like the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.
“Can I come in?”
She steps back, pulling the door wider. “Sure.”
I enter, and she closes the door behind me. She doesn’t say anything, just turns and walks toward the sofa. I follow, with my heart pounding like a drum.
The apartment is small but cozy. Photos on the walls of her and her mom. A throw blanket is draped over the sofa. It’s quiet, so her mom must not be home.
“Oh, where are my manners?” she says, standing abruptly like her body’s catching up to her brain. “Do you want a drink or something?”
I laugh under my breath. “You know, your dad asked me the exact same thing.”
That gets a small smile from her.
“No, I’m good. Thanks,” I add. I’m too nervous to drink anything right now.
I move to the sofa and take a seat, turning slightly so I’m angled toward her. She sinks into the other end, folding one leg under the other.
“I needed to see you.”
“Well, if I’d known you were coming, I might’ve dressed a little nicer,” she says with a nervous laugh. “Sorry, I was cleaning. Slept in. It’s my day off.”
I take in the sight of her.
No makeup, cheeks a little flushed, a few strands of hair slipping loose.
“You look beautiful,” I say before I can stop myself.
Her nose scrunches as the tip turns pink. “Thank you.”
I sit straighter, pulse kicking up. “I miss you.”
She blinks. Her lips part, then press together again.
“I miss you too, but—”
I lift my hand. “Please. Just let me say this.”
Her eyes stay on me, searching.
“I’ve been so… unhappy without you. I thought getting the chief role would be this huge milestone, but it’s not what I expected. It’s busy, sure, but it’s not…” I shake my head. “It’s not fun.”
Her eyebrows lift, but she stays silent.
“Having you at work… even when you were giving me hell… was the best part of my day. You made it fun. You made it alive. I felt young again. I felt happy again. And I told your dad… I’d give it all up for you.”
She jerks upright. “Wait. You’re not saying—Did he make you quit? Did he fire you?”
“No,” I say quickly, shaking my head. “He didn’t. He actually asked me if I still wanted the job. And I told him yes… but, I want you more.”
Her eyes widen, jaw slack.
“I love you,” I say simply. “I can’t keep going without telling you. I’d move here for you if that’s what you needed. I’d walk away from the hospital, the title, everything.”
“Whoa,” she says, blinking hard. “Just… slow down a second.”
I exhale, chest tight, and nod. “I know it’s a lot. It’s pouring out of me, and I can’t stop. But I didn’t want to hold anything back. I just needed to tell you everything so you could decide. So I wouldn’t wonder what if. Even if you say no… at least I’ll know I gave it everything I had.”
She doesn’t say anything. She just stares at me, dumbfounded, but I see a slight tremble in her bottom lip. So I keep going, softer now.
“You got me through my long hours. You made them bearable. You made everything fun. But waking up without you… not having you around to cuddle or just sit with or hang out with and have a coffee… I can’t imagine that kind of future with anyone else.”
I feel my voice thicken, but I push through it.
“These memories of us at work, at home, they’ve been reminding me every single day. And I had to come and tell you. I had to let you choose what this means for you.”
Her eyes are glassy now. She presses her lips together and then whispers, “Honestly, I’ve been the same. I’ve got the dream job, but it doesn’t mean much without you.”
Hope flares. It’s almost painful to learn she’s not happy either.
I wait, not sure where she’s heading, but I can feel the shift in her voice. She’s letting me in.
“I thought… when I left… that it’d be a clean break. That I’d get here, step into the dream, and not miss you. Not miss Pulse Point. Not even miss my dad.” She gives a soft, self-deprecating laugh. “I thought it’d be easy to forget.”
Her eyes lift to mine, and there’s a tiredness there. “But I’ve been struggling. I fill up my weekends with anything, errands, people, chores, just anything to avoid feeling. I don’t let myself stop long enough to notice how bad I feel.”
I lean forward, elbows resting on my knees. My heart is in my throat because this is the moment that everything changes. She’s admitting she’s not happy. That she misses this… us. And suddenly the drive, fear, rejection, all of it was worth it.
“My mom and I… we had a talk.” She continues. “She told me she thinks Pulse Point’s where I’m supposed to be. And I laughed, because…” Her voice breaks slightly. “I’ve already packed a bag. I was just trying to work up the courage to drive.”
“Courage?” I echo softly.
“Yeah. I didn’t think you wanted me. Not after how things were those last few days. You were barely around. You didn’t say goodbye.”
Guilt crashes into my chest. I reach for her hand immediately.
“I’m so sorry you felt like that,” I say, interlacing my fingers with hers.
And touching her again fills that gaping empty hole where she left.
She doesn’t pull away, in fact, she squeezes my hand in hers.
“I wasn’t trying to push you away. I was just barely holding it together.
Watching you leave… I felt this tightness in my chest, this need to stop you.
But I didn’t understand what it was at the time.
” I swallow. “I think I do now. I just didn’t want to face it then. ”
She’s watching me, her expression softening with every word.
Before she can speak, I add gently, “That said, your dad would have you back at Pulse Point in a second. But this… me showing up it isn’t about dragging you back. I just want to be where you are.”
She stares at me, and I hope it’s a good thing and that I haven’t just terrified her with the intensity of what I’m offering.
“I’m just sick of going through the motions,” I say. “Sick of the day-to-day without any of the joy. I want to do the day-to-day with you. I want to argue with you. Kiss you. Wake up next to you. Take care of you. Watch you grow as a doctor. You’re so damn intelligent, and funny, and beautiful—”
A tear slips down her cheek, but she’s smiling. And fuck, I’ve missed that smile.
I lift my hand and brush the tear away with my thumb. Then I cradle her jaw, lean in, and kiss her. With just one kiss, all the last few weeks of misery falls away.
Her breath hitches. But her hands thread into my hair, tugging me closer. She kisses me back like she’s been waiting for this as long as I have.
When we finally break our kiss, both of us breathless, I rest my forehead against hers.
“I love you too,” she whispers. “Take me home.”