Chapter Thirty-Three
Thirty-Three
Miguel doesn’t get in the shower to cry.
He doesn’t slap and mutter at his computer, either, and he doesn’t call Miriam or Dane.
Instead, he sits on the sofa, staring at the papers on the coffee table and radiating pain.
And no amount of my nosing him or sitting on his feet makes him speak.
It’s like Amelia’s memorial all over again, except worse.
Because this time it doesn’t have to be this way.
He’s still silent the following morning. In fact, he doesn’t even tell me we’re going to the bookstore when he loads me into the car.
“Off to the stockroom,” he grumbles to Riley when we arrive. “Keep an eye on Harold.”
She gives him a curious look but doesn’t try to engage him in conversation. Natalie’s at the register, so Riley and I busy ourselves sorting and shelving. I feel terribly blue, but I’d rather be blue here, so at least there’s that.
We’ve just approached the new and improved Romance section when she starts talking to herself. “It’s working, but I doubt it’ll be enough. We probably need months of solid romance sales to turn things around. I wish he’d listened to me sooner.”
Oh, so she’s speaking to me. Go on, I tell her.
“I asked Brenna, and she said we’re already up eleven percent.”
Riley spoke with Brenna? On purpose? But even that doesn’t really lift my spirits.
She continues. “That’s pretty good for a single week, but it’s always busy at the beginning of August, so maybe it’s nothing. I don’t think so, though.”
A few kids have just wandered in and they rush over to the graphic novel section. Once Riley makes sure they’ve found what they’re looking for, she returns to me. “Oh, buddy,” she says, squatting to scratch my back. “It’ll be awful if I have to do it.”
What’s going to be awful? I lift my ears and wait for her to go on.
She gives me a quizzical look. “I swear you understand what I’m saying sometimes.”
Not just sometimes, Riley! Now, tell me what you’re talking about!
“It’s just—well, what if another opportunity never comes?”
This is a very good question. Now I understand that sometimes there is no later, that the opportunity in front of you is the only one you’re guaranteed. I rest my head on Riley’s foot to let her know I’m still listening.
“I know it’s a big bookstore chain, and that comes with a whole corporate culture that maybe isn’t the best fit for me, but I feel like I might be able to make it work,” she says softly.
“I wouldn’t be on the floor anymore, but it is a manager role…
oh, Harold. I wish this could be easy.” She stands and glances around.
“Miguel told me I should look elsewhere, but I don’t want to leave.
I love this place, and I guess now that I might not have the option in the future, I feel like I need to make things right with Brenna.
An apology’s a start, but it really wasn’t fair for me to break things off with her so abruptly without telling her how much I was suffering.
So, I think that’s what I want to do next. And doesn’t what I want mean anything?”
Riley? Leaving? Absolutely not. I rise and press my torso against her, hoping to remind her that she’s as much a part of Lakeside as any of us. What would the store even be without her?
It wouldn’t. Forget JMB and the stupid event that should’ve been for Fiona all along. If Riley’s not here to help our customers buy way more books than they ever intended to and be thrilled about doing that, we’re truly doomed.
“It just sucks, Harold,” she says. I don’t look away when she gazes at me; her eyes remind me of my mother’s, though it’s more of a feeling than an actual memory.
“At least I don’t have to decide immediately.
They said I can take my time. Hopefully Miguel will figure things out before then.
I believe he can. I just hope he figures out how to believe that, too. ”
She stops talking because Miguel’s just come trudging out of the stockroom.
“You good, Riley?” he asks. “You’ve got a look on your face.”
“I’m fine,” she says so flatly that it’s like she hopes he hears she’s lying.
His eyes follow her gaze to the Romance section, and I know—I just know—he’s thinking about Fiona. “Take the job,” he says flatly.
A nervous laugh escapes Riley’s mouth. “Pardon me?”
“I’m aware that Borders offered you the manager position,” he says, and her head whips back. “You should take it. I’m sure Brenna told you that they’re good people over there. Or at least she would if you asked her, which you should.”
“How on earth did you hear about that? I haven’t told anyone. Even Dane.”
He shrugs in an attempt to be casual, but I can tell it’s taking him effort to even have this conversation. “It’s not a big industry. Lamar and I went to school together, and he called to make sure I wouldn’t be upset if they hired you.”
Riley balks. “I didn’t put you on my reference sheet for a reason.”
“A good reason, no doubt. But you don’t need to worry—I told him you’d be perfect for the gig.”
“Why?” she asks, horrified. “You want me to leave? Do you even care whether I want to go?”
“Of course I do,” says Miguel, slipping his hands into his pockets.
“I’m telling you to go precisely because I care about you.
Like we talked about last week, you could run this place in your sleep.
And I’m never going to be able to compensate you for that, say nothing of your nonexistent job security. ”
Riley’s rapid blinking tells me she’s on the verge of crying. “You’re saying I asked for too much?”
“No, Riley. If anything, you’ve never asked for enough. I owe you so much. We all do, but especially me—we wouldn’t have survived without you while Amelia was sick, and then…after. But I’m afraid you’ll regret it if you don’t take the job.”
“If I regret something, it’s not pushing you on romance earlier.” Her voice warbles. “Sales are up, Miguel. If you can find a way to get us through the next month or two, we could survive.”
“Romance is not going to save us.”
“It already is.”
His expression shifts from empathy to irritation.
“Maybe it’s helping, but I don’t know how to get us through the next couple months, and I’ve already tried every single thing I can think of.
I’ve emptied my savings account and badgered banks from here to Marquette.
I went on a ridiculous cat-and-mouse hunt in Chicago.
I tried to make amends with Amelia’s parents when I would have preferred to have someone stick a hot poker directly into my spleen.
I’m not sure what more you want from me. ”
“I want you to keep trying!” she cries. “It’s not over yet, so stop acting like it is!”
He rubs his forehead for a moment, then says, “I understand how you feel. I really do. But this is in your best interest. You’ll make more money and have a better life if you go work at Borders.”
A single tear escapes the corner of her eye. I whimper and rub myself against her leg, but for once, she doesn’t reach down for me. “That’s it?” she asks him quietly. “After all I’ve put into this place?”
“Riley, I’m incredibly grateful for everything you’ve done. But you have a bright future ahead of you—you’ll probably run your own store someday or do something even better, like get out of here and go see the world.”
“And if I don’t want to?” she says, wiping her cheek with the back of her hand. “I’ve seen a lot of the world, Miguel. What I want to see now are the people and places I already love. You should understand that more than anyone.”
He closes his eyes. He’s swaying a little, and for a second, I wonder if he’s feeling faint, like I am. “I’m truly sorry to disappoint you, but I’m out of steam and almost positive that Lakeside will close this year. I don’t want that to negatively impact you more than it has to.”
Riley’s always been as ferocious as a golden retriever.
But now—well, if I were Miguel, I’d be a bit worried, because her glare says she might just bite.
“Then stop and let someone else try,” she says sharply.
“Respectfully, this isn’t just about you, or even your and Amelia’s dream.
You have four employees, and I speak for all of us when I say we don’t want to work somewhere else.
Plus, this place means something to our town—to our community.
How many groups meet here? How many kids learn to read right on our rug, beneath our rainbow?
Remember what Amelia always said? Stories save lives.
How many lives have been saved because someone bought a book from this bookstore?
So yeah, Miguel. I’ve been holding back because you’re hurting, and I don’t want to add to that.
But you’re going to have to stop acting like a lone wolf and let other people in. ”
Miguel takes an unsteady breath. “I tried that, Riley. And all I got was false hope and the discovery that there’s no limit on the number of times a heart can be broken.”